Original subtitles

That's so funny.

Hmm.

Hello. You are not going to believe this.

Guess what I'm doing right now.

I don't know. You're watching The Matrix and jerking off to the thought of a man

in a dress co -directing you? No, numbskull.

Remember that hot girl from work I was telling you about from the science lab?

The one that wasn't my type?

Well, she's lying in my bed right now as we speak, and she's horny, and she's

about to ski off to fall on the wide world of Howard.

The formula worked?

Precisely. I took her back to the lab and, uh, let her drive the Mars rover.

You did what?

You heard me.

I took her to the bodega to get a six -pack, and I told her what she wanted to

hear. I said, here's the keys to the rover, and here's the keys to the club

the steering wheel. You let her drive around in a NASA Mars rover?

Yeah, and everything went great until she ran that bus full of nuns right off

the road.

Anyway, we're here now, and we're about to do the dirty deed, so I thought I

would just call you two losers and let you know that I'm about to boldly go

where no geek has ever gone before.

Howard, honey.

I'm all wet, and I'm bored of playing with your toy dinosaur.

I gotta go.

So, my little chicks is all ready for the kosher salami, huh?

Ready for Howard's summer sausage?

Howard!

What's going on down here?

Uh, nothing, Ma. Just have a friend over.

No, Ma, just trying to do some work down here.

Ma,

for God's sake, I'm 27 years old.

And it's not even a school night.

Anyway, where were we?

I think we were right here.

Why don't you stand up?

Let me in. Let me in.

Hmm.

Oh, puppy.

Puppy.

Heidi,

I never knew you.

What's to say there, Astro Boy?

Oh.

Hello.

So, what are you going as for Comic -Con?

I don't know. I haven't really thought about it.

You didn't think of it yet?

Really?

It's that sarcasm again.

No, I just haven't decided yet.

But we're going over there this afternoon, after you get off work. Don't

think that's kind of important?

Yeah, but if I don't figure it out, I'll just go with myself, okay?

Why would you want to go? That's a college dropout.

What did you say?

Oh boy.

That is not what you said.

And for your information, Lynn nerd, the only reason I'm going to this geek fest

is because I wanted to spend time with you and get to know you a little better.

So maybe you'd take your head out of your comic books and put it between my

legs. But instead, you can shove it up your ass.

And one more thing, I'm not going to Comic -Con with you now or ever.

That seemed to go well.

See, I can do Stargarden too.

And then the girl dressed up like a zombie and then she wanted to eat my

So I told her my brains are in my pants.

Slutty Leia.

Hey, guys.

Hi. Howard,

what are you dressed as?

Ninja Hefner.

Banging bunnies and kicking silently.

Want to touch my nunchuck?

What are you supposed to be, Father Time?

Thou shall not pass.

Oh, Moses.

So how was the show?

It was great until Sheldon got into a fight with an 11 -year -old over the

origins of Yoda.

Isn't that the second time this week?

They were behaving like children.

Because they were children.

The show would have been a lot better if you would have came.

Why are you wearing that?

I did it for you.

Look, I'm really sorry about what I said earlier, Penny.

Sometimes I just don't think before I speak, you know?

It's okay.

I'm really sorry that I overreacted.

Well, what do you say you come with us tomorrow back to the show? It's the

second day, and I'm sure Brad will still be there.

Well, I say sure.

But first, why don't you come to my room and tell me why you're dressed like

Sonny Bono.

Oh, no, it's Super Mario.

Darken.

Thank you.

Thank you.

um um

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

um um

You are my

only hope.

You are my only hope.

So hard in the throat.

Uh -huh.

um um

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my

God. Oh, my God.

Fuck.

Yeah,

yeah, look at myself like that.

Oh, yeah.

You don't want to...

Oh god.

We'll be right back.

That was good.

You put me so deep.

um um

Yeah. Oh,

yeah.

Yeah.

Oh my god, yeah Oh

my god, yeah

I fucking love it when you spray it.

Grab it.

Grab it. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Fuck, yeah.

Yeah. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Fuck, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, keep grabbing that eye. Don't fucking stop grabbing my eye.

Yeah.

Tia. Tia.

um um um

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Oh,

God,

yeah, you're fucking so good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh God, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah,

right there, right there.

Oh, God, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

I want you to come along.

I want you to come along.

Give me a kiss.

Now would you fucking come all over my fucking dirty face?

Thank you.

I love the magic of modern technology.

Poor she's old.