Original subtitles

How's it going, Mr. Peterson?

Going down like a $2 whore when you hand her a 50.

Nice and easy.

Nope. Sucking me dry. Hi, Drinky Woody.

There you go.

Look at that. Legs from her neck down.

Wow.

Back in Indiana, we had a gal like that.

You mean hot.

No, I mean born with her legs connected to her head.

But she was something special, though. When we'd have sex, her eyes would roll

back. Literally.

Until she died of penis -shaped brain damage.

You knew her, too?

A female erectus is a fine creature.

Yeah, she's actually making me a little erectus.

I think I'll go over there and show what a real man looks like.

Aw, Cliff, if you do that, she'll think real men look like burned victims with

mustaches.

Hey, laugh it up, Carla.

But when I get done, that beautiful lady will have my face down on her lap.

Only she mistakes you for a napkin.

Hello there.

Oh, no, thanks. I already have a mailman at home.

The one that's willing to be your love slave?

No. The one that doesn't smell like beer and look like Magnum P .I.'s little

brother.

Holy cow.

Look at her.

Hey, wait for your time, Sammy. I think I've already proved that she doesn't

like men.

Actually, I think you proved her that she doesn't like ugly men.

Excuse me.

My name's Sam.

Can I get you a drink or something?

Oh, I recommend.

Me?

Who'd have twerked with me?

Sounds like a delicious cocktail.

It is, once you get past the tail part.

You're amazing and sexy, aren't you?

And you're just looking at the hair.

You haven't seen the rest of the package.

Well, I think I'd like to see it.

Thinking woman, I like that.

Why don't I take you back to my office so you can get a little more...

Comfortable? Horizontal, actually.

Hurry up.

What did you do all day?

Office, sex layer, tomato, tomato.

Are you a professional baseball player?

Well, I'm retired, but I score more often now anyway.

Ever strike out?

Well, I think I did once.

Oh, no, that was somebody else. Nope, never struck out.

Fabulous. Go on.

And I think I'd like it if you showed me how fabulous you really are.

Go on.

Sam.

I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

Whoa, whoa, not the hair.

That's reserved for my hairdresser and my feathering hair gel.

I like

that

Fuck. Oh,

shit.

Oh, yeah. Oh,

fuck you. God damn it.

Oh.

Oh, it's so hot. Oh my God, I love sticking it.

Oh yeah, come here.

Come here, baby.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, come here.

Don't you lie down right there.

You want me to lay down?

Oh, fuck yeah.

Yeah. Eat my pussy.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

I can laugh at you too.

Uh -huh.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

You stuck my

pussy. You can stick your finger in there.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're a good boy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, my God. It's so

fucking soft for you.

Yeah.

Yeah, I want you to fuck me.

Yeah, I want you to fuck me good.

Lucy, look how fucking beautiful you are, huh?

Look at that.

Fuck me. Right there, come on. Come on.

Fuckin' tank.

Fucking turns me on. Oh my God.

Yeah, fucking foot. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Look how fucking awesome you are. Oh, look how fucking big that fucking cock

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, beautiful fucking body of yours. God damn.

Fuck me with that big fucking dick of yours, huh?

Yeah, it's not bad.

Fuck your ass up. Oh, yeah.

Fuck, yeah.

Right there. Oh, yeah.

Right there. Good one.

Fuck me, yeah. Fuck me like that. Yeah. Fucking love it.

Goddamn, I just want to fuck this woman.

Goddamn. Oh, yeah. Fuck, what's that feel like?

Fuck, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

Fucking beautiful you are. Oh, my God.

That's it, baby.

Yeah, right there.

Oh, so fucking beautiful. Oh, yeah.

What do you like?

So fucking hot.

Oh my God.

Oh

my

God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh yeah.

Fucking face. Yeah, I want you to come baby. Come on. Come baby. Come.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

I want you to fucking come for me.

Yeah. All over that fucking beautiful face.

Yeah, beautiful dick all over my fucking face.

Yeah.

Therefore, the Aborigines were the first to defect in sex.

I didn't know.

Sam, what is wrong?

Oh, I don't know, Frazier. I just feel a little depressed.

Well, you just had sexual relations with that young lady. Is that right?

Oh, yeah. She climbed up the coconut tree and had a nice warm pina colada.

enjoyed it?

Which time?

You performed adequately?

Adequately for John Holmes. I'm a sex superstar.

Hallelujah!

Sam, I think that maybe you're still thinking of Diane.

Oh, come on, Doc. You're nuts.

I mean, the only time I think of her is when I really want to take my mind out

of having a good time.

I mean, look at her over there.

And that's why a fine Riesling goes perfectly well with a Coquille Saint

-Jacques.

A French dish that always surrenders to a German wine.

She's stuck up.

She's arrogant.

It's boring.

I mean, I'm sure she smells great.

Looks great.

Got those beautiful breasts.

Nice. Nice.

Nice.

Oh, yes.

Clearly.

You have no interest whatsoever in Diane.

Call me Dr.

Stupid. Hiya, Dr. Stupid.

You don't really want to get back to me with that blonde drip, do you?

Take me.

I'll devalue your body like a cake at an overeater's anonymous party.

Oh, Carla, you know, maybe the doc is right. I mean, in order to be happy, I'm

going to have to get Diane in the back.

Two white wine spritzers?

Coming up.

Speaking of coming, you know, why don't you go out tonight?

How about we do breakfast in bed?

Oh, Sam, won't that interrupt your daily viewing of Scooby -Doo?

Come on. I mean, why don't we go out and have a drive in my car with that?

You must be joking.

First of all, the fact that you've learned to replace your grunty noises

words, I have to say that your lust for juvenile and materialistic things

sickens me.

You put the value of that car above everything else.

So that's a no?

That's a never.

So that's not a no!

Oh, you know, maybe she's right, Frasier.

Maybe I do love that car too much.

Maybe if I got rid of it, she would sleep with me.

Well, if you're truly interested in selling your beloved automobile,

I would be interested in purchasing your sports car.

Wow.

Is it?

That's a really good conclusion.

Does anyone else feel hot in here?

You know what, Frazier?

I'm going to let you buy my bed.

Well... I'm going to take a spin in my new car

and perhaps stop by my home and...

See what words will flow from my beloved Lilith's mouth when she sees the new

sportier model, Frasier.

Hopefully that comes up quicker than a puke.

How could you do that, Sam?

Oh, come on, Carla.

You know, I feel fine.

I feel refreshed.

How could you do that to me?

Frazier, what happened?

Well, I decided to put the top down on the new sports car that I purchased from

Sam.

Are you all right?

Actually, it's quite invigorating.

Wind in my hair, the song on my face, the bugs in my eyes.

I know you call her. This is so unlike you.

Well, I thought that maybe the Frasier pot roast that you're so very used to

needed to be spiced up and turned into fajitas.

I love it when you speak Spanish to me.

My, oh, on delay, my little chiquita banana.

My, the new Frasier has me intrigued.

Hotter than I've ever been before.

Clearly, you bring out my animalistic urges.

My juices are flowing.

My dam's about to burst.

Frazier, take it.

I guess it's time to play the doctor again.

Thank you.

it's Lamar

What the fuck is this?

Oh, you want to fucking cum on your fucking cock now, huh? I already fucking

came in your fucking mouth. You want to cum on your fucking dick now? Yeah? Oh,

you keep fucking that pussy. You keep fucking that pussy right there. Oh, you

take that fucking... You take that fucking...

I'm about to run your fucking dick. Oh, yeah. And I bet you did.

Oh, yes, you fucking cop.

It's been all over.

Oh, yes.

Grub your ass, baby.

Fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

shit.

That fucking dick, huh? Oh, yeah. Just burn that fucking dick up and down that

fucking shirt.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you're going to fucking call me. Oh, God. Oh, you're going to call my

fucking ass.

Oh,

my God. Oh, you're so bad. You're so bad. You're so bad.

You're so bad.

Yeah. Oh,

fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'll spread my fucking ass for you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yes. Oh, baby, where's the dick?

Oh, yes, you fucking ledger. Hold it open. Put your hands on it.

You want to taste it? You want to taste it? Oh,

I want to fucking taste my pussy.

I want to taste my fucking pussy. Oh, you shove it all the way in there. I

to taste it.

Oh, I want to taste it.

Oh,

that's a kid in your mouth.

That fucking pussy. Take it. Take it. Take it.

Oh, shit.

Sit on my dick.

Okay.

You fucked my pussy.

You fucked my pussy good.

And keep fucking that pussy good.

Open up my fucking juicy ass pussy and let you fuck me some more, huh?

Keep fucking that hole. Open that fucking hole.

Fucking hard -fucking -dick. Oh, God, yeah.

You stare at that fucking big beautiful ass and you fucking fuck me from behind,

huh? You fuck that good fucking pussy.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, that's it.

That's it.

Oh, I feel that fucking dick. Oh, dang it. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. Make you want to fucking come?

Oh, that's right.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're going to come all over my fucking big ass?

Is that what you're going to do for me, huh?

Oh, yeah. You're going to come all over my fucking big fucking ass? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I want you to fucking give it to me.

Give it to me.

Oh, yeah.

Give it to me.

Give it to me. Give it to me.

Oh, yeah.

There you go.

There I go what? No more car.

Sam, it's just not the infatuation with the car.

Well, then what else is it?

Well, first off, that cologne you're wearing is

ghastly. I mean, what is it made of?

Ox urine and guava?

You mean...

Oh, the scoring?

Oh, come on!

Okay, fine.

It's gone.

So when you're actually sucking on a clitoris, you're actually sucking on a

penis.

Yeah.

That's what I'm thinking about.

Cliff. Sammy.

You know that cologne you always ask me about?

Yeah, it smells like a combination of guava and acu and it's fine scent.

I'm going to give it to you.

Can't do it, Danny.

It's an aroma that makes you the man that you are. A man irresistible to

everywhere.

Always approaching you with imitations of raunchy unbridled sex.

Through nights of long, passionate thrusting.

It's powerful.

Gillette's done it.

Ah, well, hello there, beautiful lady.

Hi. You smell nice.

Ah, well, thank you.

Did you know that Boston has the most professional cologne salesperson per

capita in any city in Massachusetts?

Fascinating.

Would you like to join me?

Oh.

Okay, I'll go.

I'll get to him.

Yeah, Clippy knows when it's time to go. You don't have to kick him in the face.

Kick him in the teeth.

He knows when he has to be.

What?

I asked if you wanted to sit down.

I take that as a yes. I do argue.

You're funny.

And I love a man in uniforms.

You do?

Oh, of course you do.

Women find it hard to resist a hardworking member of the Postal Service

of America.

I always find a hardworking member on a postal worker hard to resist.

Through rain, wheat, or snow, they always deliver.

If you know what I mean.

Aye, aye, aye, I hope I do.

Now, can you send me a special delivery, Mr. Postman?

And actually, out of a little -known fact, there's a special delivery

and it's really a myth, rather than propaganda.

Shut up and hate me!

So, uh, what's your name?

Hey, I guess your name's not important.

Oh, it's good.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this happens to me all the time.

Yeah, good.

Give me blowjobs. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. Oh,

yes.

You want to suck my mouth?

Huh.

Oh yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I mean, I could be a return of fame if I were you there.

Oh, God. Yeah, pretty lady.

You want to try your canine style?

Yeah.

Thank you.