Original subtitles

Hey, man.

I just don't think it's right Mr. Marcus cut off the guy's dick like that. I

mean, just for giving his wife a clit rub?

Well...

The next time a motherfucker puts his nose in your wife's pussy, give me a

Look, it looks like Johnny and I caught you oiling up those beautiful titties.

Oh, yeah.

And I will blow loads upon thee with great quantities and furious bursts.

You will know my name is the pimp when I lay my come.

upon thee.

So what are we going to tell Mr.

Marcus about this?

no one fucking talks about fuck club.

And the second fucking rule, no one fucking talks about fuck club.

And the third rule fuck club is, one fuck at a time.

I'm gonna fuck your world up.

Please fuck my ass, Cod.

Diamond, I already told you I'm not gonna fuck your ass today.

Yeah, fuck me, Cod.

What the fuck is this, Cod?

My cock needs a break for a few hours.

I'm gonna go take a nap.

And when I get back, I promise I'll take the chains off.

Don't leave me here like this!

Baby, you need help.

I can't fuck your ass every minute of every day.

But I need it.

wedding crash. You must be discreet.

Man, she got the shit out of me.

Keep your cool.

Come prepared.

Gynecologist? That's right.

Avoid clinky virgins.

Hi, Jordan.

Respect the bride.

Jordan and Scott haven't quite figured this out.

A wedding is for infinity.

One wedding.

And that's a damn long time.

For the rest of my fucking life.

I can't just take one fucking cunt for the rest of my life. Talk to Brad on our

wedding day.

I hope you're going to be at the fucking wedding ceremony.

Baby,

are you here? I'll be right there.

Sweetheart, why don't you get those pants off and get that hard dick out?

Yeah, no problem.

Holy fuck.

Self -human.

You were great, and if you would consider living with that bitch Diamond,

great.

Jeff,

throw me a shrimp.

I'm here to get with Mom.

Pick up. We're ready for you.

magically locked away in her bedroom and couldn't join us.

I've been around every house in the neighborhood trying to find out who this

belongs to. He's running after her. He likes her? I think, I guess so. He likes

her. The girl that I was with dropped this.

Hey man, I just don't think it's right Mr. Marcus cut off the guy's dick like

that. I mean, just for giving his wife a clit rub?

Well, the next time a motherfucker puts his nose in your wife's pussy,

give me a call and tell me how you react.

Ready?

Well, granted.

I guess Mr. Marcus had the right to fuck the guy up a little bit, but cutting

the guy's dick off? I mean, don't you think he overreacted just a little?

Overreacted? Hell no.

Because, man, if I ever catch a motherfucker with his face and my wife's

I'll cold blast that motherfucker and throw his ass out the window.

Look, I'm just saying this because Mr. Marcus asked me to take his wife, Nikki,

out tomorrow night. Mm -hmm.

You know, show her good time, keep her entertained.

Show a good time my ass.

Stay away from her.

Stay away from her.

Or you was a dead man.

Shit. We early again.

You want to keep talking about this shit?

Nope. You.

Time to go to work. After you.

Look what we have here.

You like it?

Mm -hmm.

Looks like Johnny and I caught you oiling up those beautiful tits.

What kind of oil is that anyway?

It's a ZZ Premium oil.

ZZ Premium?

Damn, girl, that's the good shit.

Never had any tits oiled in ZZ Premium before.

How does it feel?

It's pretty good.

Mind if I have a squeeze?

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

Damn, Johnny!

Them's some magical motherfucking titties there.

You ever have any tit oil before?

You want a squeeze?

They're real tasty.

Ain't horny.

So where is it?

Right over there. I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing!

It's over there on the counter.

Johnny, we good?

Oh, yeah.

We good.

Look, I can explain. I know things got a little bit fucked up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I break your concentration?

Please continue all of those beautiful titties.

Why you try to explain to me why you try to fuck me like a pimp?

Do I look like a pimp to you?

No. No?

Bitch, I'm the motherfucking bad -ass pimp.

Do I look like a pimp to you?

You look like a fucking pimp.

Good. Because I have a little feet prepared.

People who try to disrespect me by not calling me a motherfucking pimp.

It goes like this.

ZZ69. The path of the righteous love.

The path of the righteous love is beset on all whole by the iniquity

of the anus, the vagina, and the mouth.

Horty is he who in the name of big tips and big asses

all across the poor valley.

For he is truly his vicious keeper, finder of hot foals.

And I will blow those upon thee with great quantities and furious birds

on those who attempt to leave my brethren with blue balls.

And then you will know my name is the pimp when I lay my come.

upon thee.

And you will know my name is the pimp when I lay my come upon thee.

Hands behind your back.

You want to spit all of that big cock, don't you?

Make a nice fucking -

You mean like big fat asses?

I can't believe it.

It's like that.

Yeah. Oh, my God. It feels good, doesn't it? It feels fucking good.

And I've got my fucking pussy pills. Wouldn't you like to fuck my pussy?

Yeah, you would.

Yeah, you would like to fuck my little pussy, wouldn't you?

You would blow the pussy up. You would rip it open as a big fucking cock.

Oh. Yeah.

That's fucking clumpy.

It's as if every part of my body turns into the tip of a clip.

Really? Really.

Every single one of my piercings all kind of... I did myself with the needle.

I have one on my lip, one on my left nostril,

one on my eyebrow, five in my ear, and...

When I make play.

Oh, I also wear stud in my tongue.

Stud in your tongue?

Tell me.

Why would you wear stud in your tongue?

Well, it's a fun thing.

The girls like it, and it helps the ladies.

Johnny boy.

Step into my office.

So what do you got for me, man?

This shit here?

Some primo shit.

Remember. I just got back from Montreal.

We got some crazy shit up there.

Listen. We're not in Montreal.

This is L .A. This is a seller's market.

Here's what we got.

These two right here.

Excellent. Very, very good shit.

Very, very, very good.

But this one right over here.

This is Groucho.

And Groucho is from Hollywood.

And he's a motherfucking madman.

All right.

Give me an ounce of the Madman.

You mind if I, uh, shoot up here?

Sure thing. Mi casa su casa.

Comprende, boo?

Hi, Johnny.

The door is open.

Come inside and make yourself at home. Mickey.

Hello?

Johnny.

Johnny.

I'm on the intercom.

Where is it?

It's on the wall next to the Indian ship.

Warmer.

Warmer.

Hang up.

Hello? Push the button when you want to speak.

Hello? Go ahead and make yourself at home. I'll be down in two takes of a

butt.

Let's go.

What the fuck is this place?

This is Bunny Rabbit Fats.

And now this man might enjoy it.

Come on, Nikki.

Let's go get a poutine.

You know, you just might be able to get this poutine at this place, Big Daddy.

Don't be such a dick.

All right.

So what do you think?

I think it's like a jukebox on crack.

There you go, buddy.

What do you just want?

You guys have poutine?

What?

Poutine. It's a Montreal dish.

Never heard of it, man. What's in it?

It's french fries, gravy with cheese.

You know what they call hot dogs in Montreal?

Nah. Peanuts.

Oh, yeah?

What do you guys want?

Um, french fries, gravy on the side, and, uh, vanilla

soda.

And you, Peggy Sue?

I'll have one.

Steamy with ketchup and a $5 plate.

What are you looking at?

How much you pay for those?

$15 ,000.

$15 ,000?

What could you possibly do with a pair of $15 ,000 tits?

I mean, I'm not putting you down or anything, but damn.

Can you just go back from Montreal?

Yeah. I went there with Marcus last year. I had a gig.

Yeah, I heard you did anal.

Once. It was my 15 minutes.

It was me and Scott Nails.

I wanted to be in a cheerleading squad, Browser's Hut Slut.

In order to make the squad, I had to be initiated by the coach.

That meant taking it out the app.

Anyway, after the scene, I was supposed to say this joke, but the director cut

it, so I never got a chance.

Well, what was the joke?

It was really silly.

Tell me.

No, I was, no, I'm kind of embarrassed about it.

You're telling me you were going to tell a joke in front of millions of jerk

-offs out there, and you can't even tell one guy?

I promise I won't laugh.

That's what I'm afraid of.

See me?

And then grab me.

Dad, feel what a pair of $50 ,000 tits feel like.

Go ahead.

I don't have cooties. You can put your hands down my shirt.

Hey now.

Damn, those are some good tits.

I don't know if they're worth $15 ,000, but those are some pretty nice tits.

Don't you hate that?

What? Dead silence.

I mean, why do we have to jabber about crap just to feel comfortable?

Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for, the sexy bunny

slut dance quiz is about to begin. Who will our first sexy couple be?

Right here!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

I do believe Mark is...

My husband, your boss, told you to kick me out and let me do whatever I wanted.

Now, I want to dance.

I want to win. I want that trophy.

So you better dance good.

And then maybe I'll tell you that joke.

Okay.

So, is that what you call an uncomfortable salad?

I don't know what you call this.

Music and drink.

I'm going to take a piss.

Third door on the left.

She invited you in for a drink.

No big deal.

She is the boss's wife.

And you definitely don't want to fuck with the boss.

So you're going to go out there, drink your drink, not too bad, but you're

to drink it.

You're going to say goodnight, get in the car, go home, rub one out, and

all you're going to do.

Look, Nicky, I gotta go.

Oh, shit.

Fuck, Nicky.

Come on, get up. Get up.

Shit.

Oh, motherfucker.

Come on, Nicky.

Get up.

Fuck.

Don't fucking die on me, Nicky. Don't fucking die on me.

Shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm fucking dead, man.

Shit. Come on, Larry.

Pick up the fucking phone, Larry.

Pick up the fucking phone.

Pick up the fucking phone Larry

Larry

I thought I told you not to let those assholes call here

so late Shut

the fuck up

This asshole is going to get a piece of my mind.

Hello?

Larry!

Listen, I'm in big fucking trouble, man.

I got this chick, she's ODing on me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the fuck? What chick?

Who's ODing?

Don't fucking worry about it, man. I'm in big fucking trouble.

I'm coming to your house.

You're bringing an ODing chick to my house? No, you're not. What the fuck are

you doing?

No choice, man.

Wait a second.

Are you calling me from a cell phone?

Hello? I can't hear you. I don't know who this is.

Is this a prank call?

Prank call! Prank call!

Sorry.

Shit. Don't fucking die, Nicky.

What the fuck?

Come on, man. Help me get her in the house. Come on. Just fucking OD it on

man. What the fuck are you doing? This isn't fucking happening.

Why are you bringing a fucking girl that's ODing into my house? Do you have

fucking idea who this is? He wants what's left of your goddamn fucking

know, Mr. Marcus, this is his fucking wife. If she dies on me, I'm a fucking

dead man.

Not to mention what he's going to do to you when he finds out you didn't fucking

help me. Now, come on, man. Help me get her in the house. Pick her up, dude. Get

her fucking arms. You're real fucking brilliant, aren't you?

Fuck. Come on, man. Get her in here. Fucking get her in here. Who the fuck is

she? Get her fucking down here.

Shit. Where the fuck is she?

Shut the fuck up.

Get an adrenaline shot. It's in the fridge.

Hey, fuck you.

I'm not getting you shit.

Besides, you need a shot last week.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Come on, man. What the fuck are we going to do? Wait, wait, wait.

I know what we can do.

We can use a dildo.

A dildo, man? This isn't the fucking time for that shit. Come on.

Where the fuck are we going to find a dildo? There's no fucking dildo in this

house. I should have. in this fucking house with your strung out, drugged out

dick walking around here. Oh, nice, nice, nice timing. Nice timing, fucking

metal midget. Listen, listen. I read in a book that you can take a dildo, shove

it up her ass, and it'll work just like fucking adrenaline.

Great idea, you dick motherfucker.

I don't have a dildo. Do you have a fucking dildo? Why would I have a dildo?

See, honey?

Become fucking prepared.

All right, man, here we go.

Shit, man, I hope this works.

Do it. Wait, wait, wait, whoa. You can't put a dildo in a dry ass.

One second.

No.

It goes nothing.

Do it.

Fucking do it.

Ready? One... Two...

Three!

Who the fuck?

Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck?

Just say anything.

If you're alright.

Anything?

That was fucking gnarly, man.

That was fucking close.

What a fucking night.

What the fuck?

The fuck?

Fucking bleeding.

What the fuck?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

Okay, okay.

Oh, my God.

Fucking blood.

Jesus.

That's just fucking great.

Anyone for a bong load?

Listen, I'm going to bed.

You two fucking wackos can clean up, let yourself out.

It's an evening for me.

This could be the best night of my fucking life.

Signing off.

You know, Nikki, you put me through a lot of stress tonight.

I think I deserve a little something for that.

Stress?

I put you through stress.

You're not the one with the fucking dildo up your ass.

That's fucking stress.

Fuck off, you fucking pervert.

I'm not going to fuck off.

I'm going to fuck you like I should have done 15 years ago.

And when I'm done, you can tell me that fucking joke.

So what are we gonna tell Mr.

Marcus about this?

Well, I can keep a secret if you can.

Alright. Hey, you gonna tell me that joke?

Okay.

So, Superman is flying, and he sees Wonder Woman panning by her pool, naked.

So he thinks, hey, I'm faster than a speeding train.

I can just swoop down there, fuck her in the ass really quickly, and she won't

know what hit her.

So he swoops down there and bam, fucks her in the ass and flies away.

And Wonder Woman goes, Jesus, what just happened?

And the Invisible Man says, I don't know, but my ass really hurts.

Is it busy?

Yeah, is it busy? Come on. I feel like I could be dead right now. Really?

Oh, no. Is she here?

No. No.

Come on. We know what to do, right?

Fuck, there better be more people coming. I don't know.

I don't know.

I hear there's a private party here tonight.

Are you sure you have what it takes to be at a party like this?

Fuck yeah, I do.

I don't know who the fuck told you that you should be at a party like this, but

you need to get the fuck out of here before I beat your fucking ass.

This is fucking bullshit.

Get the fuck out of here!

Fucking pathetic.

What the fuck is it, loser of the night out?

What's up, American Party?

Come on, let me in. I'm good.

Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out. You're

fucking getting in here. Get the fuck out.

What do you want right now? I am not in a good mood. I'm here for the party

sweetheart.

Aww. Well what's the fact?

Someone who actually deserves to be here.

Sweet. Can I go in? Yeah.

Well, what do we have here?

Well, he must have a big cock.

I mean, he got by Madison.

Who the fuck are you?

Get over here.

All right, so, uh, let's fucking talk about this party.

Fine.

Wow, man.

That was right, and he really does have a big butt.

Oh, I love Madison.

Thank you.

We gotta get people before she gets here. Hey!

I'm right fucking here!

That's Angelina.

Why didn't you know she appeared? I didn't know.

She came in the back.

Get over here, girl.

You know the rules.

Yes, ma 'am.

First rule of fuck club is, no one talks about fuck club.

And the second rule of fuck club is, no one talks about fuck club.

And the third rule of fuck club is, one fuck at a time.

And the fourth rule of fuck club is, if this is your first time in fuck club,

you have to fuck.

That's right, motherfucker. Get that cock out. That means you, fucker.

Yeah, bitch.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Mm -hmm. Oh, yeah, you's that big dick.

I'm gonna fuck your world up.

Shut the fuck up.

It's my fault today.

At least we get a watch.

Yeah.

I can't believe that.

That's life.

So fucking hot.

Thank you.

There you go.

Oh, yeah. Oh,

yeah.

Buried that face.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Do it like that, baby.

Put your fucking

tongue

in it.

Fucking good, baby.

Do it.

Good night.

Thank you.

That's fucking rough right there.

My fucking fingers are just wasted when you come inside my pussy.

Deep inside it.

Get on this.

I don't give a damn.