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South Park - Season 12 Episode 3
"Major Boobage"
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00:00:34,163 --> 00:00:36,523
M'kay, kids,
we have something very serious
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00:00:36,643 --> 00:00:38,310
we need to discuss today, m'kay?
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00:00:38,430 --> 00:00:42,829
It appears that some kids are
getting high by choking themselves.
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00:00:43,591 --> 00:00:46,843
Some kids call it "The
Choking Game," m'kay but,
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00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,391
but choking yourself is bad. M'kay?
7
00:00:49,511 --> 00:00:52,088
Don't do that. M'kay?
8
00:00:52,945 --> 00:00:55,895
You can get high from choking yourself?
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00:00:56,394 --> 00:01:00,079
Schoolchildren are often experimenting
with dangerous ways to get high,
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00:01:00,199 --> 00:01:01,833
m'kay, like sniffing glue,
11
00:01:01,953 --> 00:01:04,859
guzzling cough medicine,
huffing paint, m'kay?
12
00:01:04,979 --> 00:01:06,936
But they're all bad. M'kay?
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00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:09,950
My cousin's in Florida,
and said kids in their school
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00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,275
get high off of cat pee.
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00:01:12,675 --> 00:01:13,675
Cat pee?
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00:01:13,795 --> 00:01:16,384
That's not true. You can't
get high off of cat urine, can you?
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00:01:16,504 --> 00:01:18,766
Well, it's not actually cat urine,
18
00:01:18,886 --> 00:01:22,108
but male cats,
when they're marking their territory,
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00:01:22,228 --> 00:01:26,468
spread concentrated urine
to fend off other male cats and...
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00:01:26,588 --> 00:01:29,573
and that could get
you really high. M'kay?
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00:01:29,693 --> 00:01:32,565
Really really high. Okay?
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00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:38,592
Probably shouldn't have
told you that just now. M'kay?
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00:01:38,877 --> 00:01:40,887
That was probably bad.
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00:01:43,253 --> 00:01:46,768
All right, this should keep my
cat in place while he spreads the urine.
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00:01:47,176 --> 00:01:50,876
Yes, poor Mr. Kitty,
are you just so upset right now?
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00:01:51,910 --> 00:01:54,609
- You guys are wasting your time.
- Yeah, this is not gonna work.
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00:01:56,111 --> 00:01:57,614
Okay, ready Kenny?
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00:01:57,734 --> 00:01:59,302
- (All set.)
- Alright.
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00:01:59,422 --> 00:02:01,116
Bring out... the other male cat.
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- Do you feel anything?
- Well, Kenny? Are you buzzed?
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(Hay cool! Check it out!)
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I see that you're enticed by
my daughter's awesome rocking tits.
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00:03:56,532 --> 00:03:57,532
(Yeah !)
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00:03:57,652 --> 00:04:00,808
Then bathe with my daughter
in the fountain of Varnov.
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Appease the gods by lathering
her boobs with soapy suds.
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00:04:04,832 --> 00:04:06,241
(Okay.)
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00:04:16,112 --> 00:04:17,752
Kenny! Kenny, wake up!
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00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,004
Wake up, Kenny! You all right?
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00:04:20,352 --> 00:04:22,267
- Kenny!
- (What?)
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00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,543
(What's the matter?)
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00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:25,326
Dude, that cat urine
really fucked you up.
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00:04:25,446 --> 00:04:28,062
- You were seriously tripping balls.
- (Hey fuck you, Cartman!)
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00:04:28,182 --> 00:04:31,741
Agh Kenny! Knock it off!
What's wrong with you? Ah, Kenny!
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00:04:31,861 --> 00:04:34,185
Dude! Dude, Kenny, calm down!
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00:04:35,237 --> 00:04:37,337
(How can I calm down?)
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00:04:38,121 --> 00:04:40,871
(You should've seen those titties.)
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00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:43,486
- What titties?
- (The titties!)
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00:04:43,968 --> 00:04:46,281
(They were incredible!)
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00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:48,730
Kenny, all you did after
the cat peed in your face
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00:04:48,850 --> 00:04:50,580
was start running around
in circles cheering.
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00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:51,932
Yeah, then you ran
through town screaming
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and started tearing off
all your clothes.
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(I must... touch them.)
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00:04:59,421 --> 00:05:02,505
Dude, I don't think we should be
messing around with that crap anymore.
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00:05:04,258 --> 00:05:06,149
Next on FOX News!
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00:05:06,269 --> 00:05:10,263
It's the newest drug craze,
and it's killing your kids!
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00:05:10,923 --> 00:05:11,973
Killing our kids?
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00:05:12,233 --> 00:05:15,810
All over America, kids are
getting high... on cat urine!
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00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:19,202
Huffing cat urine apparently
causes a euphoric state
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00:05:19,322 --> 00:05:22,275
and is also referred to as... cheesing.
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00:05:22,802 --> 00:05:23,969
Why "cheesing?"
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Because it's "fon to due."
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00:05:26,247 --> 00:05:30,539
This sixth grade girl said she's been
snorting cat piss for several months.
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00:05:30,659 --> 00:05:33,985
We sometimes sneak out during
recess and a friend named ___
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00:05:34,105 --> 00:05:37,707
goes and gets her cats,
and we'll just cheese all day long.
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00:05:38,611 --> 00:05:41,025
Oh my God! Sheila! Come look at this!
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00:05:41,145 --> 00:05:43,379
So how can you tell
if your child is cheesing?
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00:05:43,902 --> 00:05:46,635
1. Your child seems distant,
preoccupied.
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00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:49,618
2. Your child's face
smells like cat urine.
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00:05:49,738 --> 00:05:51,819
3. When you see tigers at the zoo,
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00:05:51,939 --> 00:05:54,015
your child starts
grinding his or her teeth.
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00:05:54,339 --> 00:05:56,819
You might also notice
by certain phrases your child
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00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:58,965
says to school friends, such as
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00:05:59,085 --> 00:06:01,178
"Hey, let's go cheese." or
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00:06:01,298 --> 00:06:03,615
"Do you feel like cheesing, guys?" or
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00:06:03,735 --> 00:06:06,653
"Dude, I'm cheesing my
F-ing brains out right now."
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00:06:07,681 --> 00:06:09,223
Kids are doing this?
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Kids do it because it's legal.
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What can you do before it's too late?
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00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:20,500
We have to protect our
children from this, Sheila.
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00:06:21,626 --> 00:06:25,045
Twenty percent of American
students aged six to twelve
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00:06:25,165 --> 00:06:27,799
say they have tried
cheesing at least once.
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Kids also refer to it as "the
cheese game," or "vitamin cheese," or
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00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,867
"Mary Jane piss in your face fun time."
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Cheesing is spreading fast.
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00:06:38,374 --> 00:06:41,197
Alright, we're all sufficiently scared,
Gerald, but what could we do?
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00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:42,816
I have written up a bill,
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that would make having a cat
illegal in the city of South Park.
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00:06:48,337 --> 00:06:50,630
Gerald's right. We all have to face it.
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Cats are deadly animals!
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00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:56,786
If you stick your nose up their crotch
and snort their piss, they can kill you!
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00:06:57,046 --> 00:07:00,527
With my super lawyer powers,
we can rid our town of cats,
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00:07:00,647 --> 00:07:03,626
so that our kids never get high again!
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00:07:04,456 --> 00:07:07,906
- Let's hear it for Gerald!
- Hooray for Gerald!
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00:07:18,107 --> 00:07:20,038
No! No!
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00:07:20,158 --> 00:07:23,438
Oh wah wah!
Get over it, druggie. Jeez...
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00:07:24,825 --> 00:07:27,066
Goodbye, Scrambles. We'll miss you.
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00:07:31,624 --> 00:07:33,435
Got two here.
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00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:35,018
(Hey! What the hell are you doing?)
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00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:37,857
- Sorry, these are illegal.
- (What? Hey! )
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00:07:37,977 --> 00:07:39,777
(Give them back!)
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00:07:39,897 --> 00:07:41,847
(Give them back!)
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00:07:43,316 --> 00:07:45,113
Look, I told you, I had a cat.
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00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:47,545
But I had it put to sleep
'cause it pissed me off.
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00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:55,560
Mr. Kitty,
you have to live in the attic for now.
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00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,680
Here. Write a diary.
107
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:06,085
- Guys, have you seen Kenny?
- Nah, I think Kenny's out sick today.
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00:08:06,205 --> 00:08:08,660
Yeah, and he was out sick yesterday too.
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00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,230
Guys...
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00:08:11,716 --> 00:08:15,516
I think Kenny isn't here
because he's at home cheesing.
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00:08:16,490 --> 00:08:19,761
Waww come one. Kenny knows
how dangerous cheesing is.
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00:08:19,881 --> 00:08:22,189
Yeah, and where is he gonna find
cats anyway? They've been outlawed.
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00:08:22,309 --> 00:08:24,809
Yeah, who has cats these days?
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00:08:25,703 --> 00:08:28,447
Pot's illegal too,
but people still manage to find it.
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00:08:28,567 --> 00:08:32,143
Ever since that first time
Kenny cheesed, he hasn't been the same.
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00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:35,187
You've all noticed the change in him.
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00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:38,054
I'll bet Kenny's at home
cheesing right now.
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00:09:35,663 --> 00:09:36,963
Kenny?
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00:09:37,218 --> 00:09:39,018
Kenny, you home?
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00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:47,900
(Look at me! Look at me!)
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00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,563
- Kenny !
- (Look at me!)
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00:09:53,608 --> 00:09:55,590
Whoa boy, he's cheesed out of his mind!
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00:10:03,638 --> 00:10:04,891
Kenny!
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00:10:08,186 --> 00:10:11,136
There you go. Wuh try some coffee, Ken.
125
00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:15,943
Kenny, we need to have a serious talk.
126
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:18,779
(No we don't, guys.)
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00:10:19,039 --> 00:10:22,795
Yes, we do. We're your friends, dude.
We're not gonna let you ruin your life.
128
00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:26,412
(I'm not ruining my life, okay,
you Goddamned fucking psychos.)
129
00:10:26,736 --> 00:10:29,749
Look at yourself!
You've got to lay off the cheese!
130
00:10:34,505 --> 00:10:37,089
Yeah, that's it little buddy.
Just let it out.
131
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,459
Kenny, I know we're
super-cool and everything,
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00:10:39,579 --> 00:10:42,559
but if we ever catch you cheesing
again, we're gonna tell on you.
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00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,627
(Eh okay, okay, I just wanna sleep now.)
134
00:10:45,747 --> 00:10:48,351
Yeah, he needs some sleepy night-night,
doesn't he, buddy?
135
00:10:50,627 --> 00:10:52,855
We've gotta keep this away from him.
136
00:11:01,191 --> 00:11:03,141
Mittle Kitty, shhh!
137
00:11:04,912 --> 00:11:06,412
Damnit!
138
00:11:08,099 --> 00:11:10,998
Shhh, Mittle Kitty you have to be quiet,
or else they're gonna find you.
139
00:11:13,626 --> 00:11:14,926
What?
140
00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:21,634
It's the neighbor cat.
He hasn't been caught yet.
141
00:11:22,344 --> 00:11:23,625
No- no, Mr. Kitty.
142
00:11:23,745 --> 00:11:27,255
I know you like Rufus,
but he has to fend for himself.
143
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:31,727
I can't hide anymore cats, Mr. Kitty.
I'm in trouble enough as it is.
144
00:11:31,987 --> 00:11:34,188
All right, all right, fine.
145
00:11:37,702 --> 00:11:39,902
All right. Come on, Rufus. Quietly.
146
00:11:43,884 --> 00:11:46,993
Oh jeez, no, no, I can't hide you all.
147
00:11:49,296 --> 00:11:53,046
I'm sorry, you'll just
have to find somewhere else to-
148
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:59,715
Well, I suppose I'll get in just as
much trouble for four cats as for two.
149
00:11:59,835 --> 00:12:00,881
Come on.
150
00:12:16,934 --> 00:12:18,566
Oh my God...
151
00:12:20,059 --> 00:12:23,709
Kyle! Kyle,
can we talk to you for a minute, please?
152
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:25,709
Yeah?
153
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,700
Kyle, have you been getting high?
154
00:12:28,895 --> 00:12:29,895
No.
155
00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:34,665
Then why did your mother
find this in your dresser drawer?
156
00:12:36,696 --> 00:12:39,795
All right, look, th-that isn't mine.
I'm just holding it for a friend.
157
00:12:40,055 --> 00:12:41,636
Don't lie to us, Kyle?
158
00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:45,051
How long have you been on the cheese?
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00:12:45,311 --> 00:12:47,762
I'm not cheesing.
I've never cheesed once in my life.
160
00:12:48,022 --> 00:12:49,533
Get up to your room right now
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00:12:49,653 --> 00:12:52,084
until your mother and I
figure out how to deal with this!
162
00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:53,944
Dad, will you just
listen to me for a second?
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00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,860
- Now, Kyle!
- God!
164
00:12:57,364 --> 00:13:00,915
Gerald, what are we gonna do?
Our son is a cat pee addict.
165
00:13:01,035 --> 00:13:03,172
First thing is we've
gotta dispose of this!
166
00:13:03,292 --> 00:13:05,294
- What are you gonna do?
- I'd better just...
167
00:13:05,414 --> 00:13:09,283
take it down to the basement for now,
make sure Kyle can't find it.
168
00:13:14,605 --> 00:13:17,458
No. No, what am I thinking?
I shouldn't do this.
169
00:13:19,096 --> 00:13:23,746
I've been clean for ten...
years. I haven't even been near a cat.
170
00:13:24,026 --> 00:13:26,483
But then that report said
our kids were doing it too, and...
171
00:13:26,603 --> 00:13:29,820
and I knew Kyle would have
the same sicknesses I used to have...
172
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:34,016
Now a cat is in our home,
and it's too tempting.
173
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,023
I...
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00:13:38,143 --> 00:13:42,067
I'll just do it one more time.
One. Last. Time.
175
00:13:42,436 --> 00:13:45,783
Then I'll call the police;
have them pick up the cat.
176
00:13:45,903 --> 00:13:48,133
And then I'll never do it again.
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00:13:48,253 --> 00:13:51,951
After this one... last... time...
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00:14:59,554 --> 00:15:03,604
I couldn't stay away.
Curse your rocking tits!
179
00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:09,236
- Who is it?
- Please! Open the door.
180
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,947
They say you are hiding cats.
181
00:15:13,550 --> 00:15:16,117
Hiding cats? Why, that would be illegal.
182
00:15:16,237 --> 00:15:17,637
You don't understand.
183
00:15:17,757 --> 00:15:20,623
My little Nishka She
has nowhere else to go.
184
00:15:21,074 --> 00:15:23,884
Oh oh no no,
I cannot possibly take in another.
185
00:15:24,004 --> 00:15:25,441
But they will find her.
186
00:15:25,561 --> 00:15:28,065
I've already taken in the
Andersons' cats, and the Willinskys'.
187
00:15:28,185 --> 00:15:30,424
There's simply nothing else I can-
188
00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:34,837
Then again...
189
00:15:34,957 --> 00:15:38,458
Perhaps I could find space
for just this one more...
190
00:15:38,578 --> 00:15:42,428
You show such kindness
in such darkest of times.
191
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,786
What the hell?
192
00:15:57,669 --> 00:15:59,819
Kenny, get out of here!
193
00:16:01,487 --> 00:16:03,674
Aw, fa- Kenny!
194
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:06,168
Bad. Kitties.
195
00:16:10,501 --> 00:16:13,251
Dad! Somebody's at the front door!
196
00:16:14,917 --> 00:16:17,217
Well am I grounded or not?
197
00:16:18,621 --> 00:16:20,099
Fine! I'll get it!
198
00:16:22,653 --> 00:16:24,246
Dude, we've got a big problem.
199
00:16:24,366 --> 00:16:26,358
Cartman says Kenny is really messed up.
200
00:16:26,478 --> 00:16:28,899
He's cheesing his
fucking balls off, dude.
201
00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:30,411
What?
202
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:33,663
He apparently got to all the
cats Cartman's been hiding in his attic.
203
00:16:33,783 --> 00:16:35,750
What are you doing with
cats in your attic, fatass?
204
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,538
They're innocent victims in this, Kyle!
205
00:16:37,658 --> 00:16:39,126
They have to hide or
they'll be put to death!
206
00:16:39,246 --> 00:16:40,911
Something you just can't understand!
207
00:16:42,883 --> 00:16:45,075
Come on, we've gotta find
Kenny before he hurts himself.
208
00:16:45,195 --> 00:16:47,418
I can't. My dad grounded me.
209
00:16:48,428 --> 00:16:50,978
Wait a minute: where is my dad?
210
00:16:58,637 --> 00:17:00,471
Hey everybody.
211
00:17:00,591 --> 00:17:02,725
Good to see you again.
212
00:17:13,104 --> 00:17:14,498
Hold!
213
00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:18,918
You cannot yet caress
my daughter's awesome boobage!
214
00:17:19,711 --> 00:17:20,807
How come?
215
00:17:20,927 --> 00:17:24,116
There is... another suitor.
216
00:17:26,724 --> 00:17:29,322
What? Get out of here, kid!
217
00:17:29,442 --> 00:17:31,306
(Hey! Fuck you!)
218
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,268
You're too young for this stuff!
219
00:17:33,388 --> 00:17:37,259
This must be decided at
the Breastriary in Nippopolis!
220
00:17:48,482 --> 00:17:51,427
Now fight for the Loc-Nar trophy!
221
00:18:33,959 --> 00:18:36,859
Dad? Dad! What the hell are you doing?
222
00:18:37,151 --> 00:18:39,446
They've been going at
it for a good thirty minutes.
223
00:18:39,974 --> 00:18:41,972
She's mine, you little asshole!
224
00:18:42,092 --> 00:18:44,342
(Whoopdie fucking hoo!)
225
00:18:44,607 --> 00:18:46,007
Gerald?
226
00:18:47,843 --> 00:18:49,573
The key proponent of the cat ban
227
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:52,575
has been charged with
cheesing in a public park.
228
00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:55,796
Gerald Broflovski is prepared
to give a public statement.
229
00:18:56,592 --> 00:18:59,086
I would like to address
a personal matter:
230
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:00,906
I have let myself down.
231
00:19:01,026 --> 00:19:03,876
And I would first like
to apologize to my lovely wife.
232
00:19:03,996 --> 00:19:05,150
Don't touch me.
233
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,182
And to the people of South Park.
234
00:19:07,302 --> 00:19:11,336
I was wrong, and I can't
let cats take the fall anymore.
235
00:19:11,456 --> 00:19:15,691
It's our fault. The people
who use cats for their sweet urine.
236
00:19:16,436 --> 00:19:19,742
We have to learn that
cheesing just isn't worth it.
237
00:19:19,862 --> 00:19:22,236
Sure, you get to fight
in the Breastriary,
238
00:19:22,356 --> 00:19:24,198
and swim in the fountains of Varnov
239
00:19:24,318 --> 00:19:26,840
with the itty titty
fairies of Mammary Mountain.
240
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,413
- What the hell is he talking about?
- I have no idea.
241
00:19:29,673 --> 00:19:32,593
And then you fight the
boob goblin in the gazongas cave,
242
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,725
and then the girl may thank you for it.
243
00:19:34,845 --> 00:19:37,129
But she. Isn't. Real.
244
00:19:37,389 --> 00:19:41,091
And you never really get a
good look at her naked boobs anyway.
245
00:19:41,351 --> 00:19:45,262
Problem is, the more you into
that world, the more you need to go.
246
00:19:45,646 --> 00:19:49,810
Until you start blowing off
all the real people who care about you.
247
00:19:49,930 --> 00:19:51,852
(Yeah. I guess so.)
248
00:19:52,665 --> 00:19:54,360
Cats aren't the problem.
249
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,035
We made cats illegal and...
250
00:19:56,155 --> 00:19:58,659
and I cheesed for the
first time in ten years.
251
00:19:58,779 --> 00:20:01,574
And kids are always gonna
find a new way to get high.
252
00:20:01,694 --> 00:20:03,930
Like sniffing glue or licking toads,
253
00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:06,182
or fermenting feces or huffing paint.
254
00:20:06,302 --> 00:20:09,036
- You can also look at-
- Okay, that's probably good, Gerald.
255
00:20:09,296 --> 00:20:11,354
The point is I was wrong.
256
00:20:11,474 --> 00:20:14,200
It's time to legalize cats!
257
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,390
Heh yeah!
258
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:18,760
Hooray for Gerald!
Let's hear it for Gerald!
259
00:20:25,073 --> 00:20:27,321
Scrambles! So good to have you back!
260
00:20:27,441 --> 00:20:29,891
You ain't sore at us, are ya?
261
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,484
- I'm sure glad that's over with.
- Me too.
262
00:20:36,604 --> 00:20:38,575
But you know,
we've all learned something, you guys.
263
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:42,110
We can never persecute living beings
and force them into hiding. It's wrong.
264
00:20:43,358 --> 00:20:46,979
And you don't see any parallel between
that and anything else in history?
265
00:20:47,099 --> 00:20:50,452
Mmm... nope. I have no idea
what you're talking about, Kyle.
266
00:20:50,712 --> 00:20:52,293
You guys! Check it out.
267
00:20:52,413 --> 00:20:53,413
It's Kenny.
268
00:20:56,198 --> 00:20:58,883
Isn't that great?
He's just getting high on life.
269
00:20:59,003 --> 00:21:00,003
Yeah.
270
00:21:04,387 --> 00:21:07,187
He's getting... really high on life.
271
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,980
Dude, he's getting super-wasted on life.
272
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:14,450
Kenny!
273
00:21:16,482 --> 00:21:18,282
What the hell kind of flowers are those?
274
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,152
Kenny? Kenny?
275
00:21:41,096 --> 00:21:45,120
SouthParkNews.net / SouthPark-TV.com
Transcript: SPScriptorium.com
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