Original subtitles

Good evening. I think this is working. Oh, yes, it's working.

Hello, my name is Donnie Simmons.

I'm 50 years old.

I'm just applying for this show because I think I would make a good contestant

on it.

I really like the sound of it and I really want to do it.

I'm here.

Donnie!

Oh, a bit puffed out.

Lovely to meet you.

You're Patricia, aren't you? Yes, yeah. Lovely to meet you.

Not too bad to be out long, but... Yeah, it's a bit muddy here.

Yeah, it is. I think I've got the wrong bag. Yeah, it's probably not suited to

this terrain, but that's okay.

Are you excited?

Yeah, looking forward to it. Well, we're very happy to have you here on camp.

Very happy.

I've just noticed this, and I think perhaps it might be better if we just

have... back on show for the ladies. Because it might be good to show a

different side of yourself and, you know, the new you and all of that kind

thing. OK, yeah, I see that.

I'll look after it for you, don't worry. You can have it back after the show.

OK, fine. And the camp's over there? Yep, just down here.

Make yourself at home. Oh, thank you.

Hello, at Lonely Hearts Film.

Here's my audition questions.

So... What's your name, and how old are you?

My name's Fred Palmer, but you can call me Freddy.

I'm 25, and I'm from Southend.

What makes you special?

Well, I'm different to most guys.

I'm funny, good -looking, and intelligent. The old package.

All right.

Hello. Hey there, sweetheart, you all right? Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

So it's Fred, yeah?

Freddie.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Handshake, very formal.

How you doing Patricia, you alright? I'm good, yeah, how are you?

Yeah, yeah, I'm made up. Are you excited?

I'm alright, yeah.

Don't know if you need to be on this show.

No, I don't know if I need to be either, do you want to go?

Oh, you're too much.

So the other guy, your competition, I say competition.

Right. He's a bit of a loser, so I wouldn't really worry too much.

Excellent. And there's a few nice ladies in the mix. Oh really? That you'll

really like, yeah. Well that should be a laugh.

It's going to be lots of physical tasks. You look like you're up to it.

Already. Already.

Sweet. Okay, do you want to get comfortable?

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do this.

Hey guys, I'm Kirsty.

I'm 25.

And what makes me special?

I mean, what doesn't make you special, right?

Are you seriously kidding me? It's like, you know, I...

No, no, no, I can't do that. Come on, Kirsty, it'll be absolutely fine once

get out of the car. No, no. It will, honestly, it'll be fine. We've got a

lovely tent set up for you. I'm not doing it. A really lovely tent. You've

everything you'll need in it. You can get right under the shelter. Your hair

won't get wet at all. You look lovely and we intend to keep you that way.

How are you doing?

Feeling excited?

Well...

You were.

I'm sure once you meet the other contestants, the excitement will build

Don't worry.

Do we have showers here?

There is a shower, yeah. Don't worry about that.

And we'll provide mirrors and everything. So if you want to, you know,

makeup or anything, don't worry. We want you to look as beautiful as you can

look for the whole thing. It's a dating show. That's the point. Right.

So are there going to be any other slides here? I think you'll have some

competition. Yeah.

Right, but they're not going to be as good looking as me, right? Healthy

competition, healthy competition. Okay, okay, I can deal with that. Not

intimidating. Yeah, okay. You'll do fine, don't worry.

Right, okay.

All right?

Do you want to go and make yourself comfortable?

Yeah, definitely.

I think we've got our bitch.

Hi, I'm Claire.

I'm 19 years old.

What makes me special?

What makes me special is that... I always know what I want and I'm never

to do what it takes to get it.

What do you think of the place?

It's cosy.

Cosy, yep, that is the idea.

That's what we were going for.

I mean, I'm not sure how I feel about the grass and

the mud.

I think you can make it work. I can get a bit messy sometimes.

I'm sure you can. I'm sure you can.

And are you excited?

How are you feeling?

Well, that's the thing.

Seeing the cast, I'm not being funny, but I think everyone would probably

see, you know.

something between us and... Something between us? Any of this, but yeah.

Yeah, you know. Well, sorry to disappoint, but I'm not one of the

so we might just have to wait until after the show.

Yeah, afterwards, afterwards. I'm, you know, free for the next couple of weeks.

Free for the next couple of weeks? Yeah. Well, I know where to find you, so...

Thank you. I know where you'll be living for the next few days.

Well, you can pop into my tent any time. Pop into my tent? Yeah. Okay, I might

take you up on that invitation.

Thank you.

Hello. My name's Carol, and I don't think I need to tell you how old I am.

After all, past 40, it doesn't make any difference anyway, does it?

I think what makes me special is what makes anyone special, really. It's the

people who love you and those whom you love, your friends and your family. I

think that's important.

Hi. How are you doing?

Oh, I'm fine, thanks, yes. Good. Are you all getting all nice and settled in

there? Well, just getting organised, you know. Yeah, getting organised, okay.

Are you liking it? Do you like the area? I think it's very beautiful, yes.

Lovely. Okay, are you excited?

A little, yes. A little apprehensive.

A little apprehensive, okay. Yeah, you do seem a little bit nervy. Has it been

while since you've done something like this? It's been a long time, yes. It's

been quite a while. Okay, what happened in your last relationship?

Well, I...

I lost my husband.

Oh, I'm so sorry. How long ago was that? It's about eight years now. Oh, okay.

So you've made the decision now that it's time to move on? Well, it's time to

get out there. It's time to get out there. Okay, yeah. Well, you're looking

great. Thank you. I'm sure there's going to be some guys here that would be

interested in seeing what you're up to and what's going on. Well, we'll see.

We'll see.

Do you feel ready?

Yeah. Cool. Okay, awesome.

Yeah, I'm just going to...

Just going to prepare?

Prepare something, yes.

All right, OK, we'll let you go. We'll leave you to it.

My best feature?

Do I have to pick just one?

If I had to, just one.

My lovely big blue eyes.

My best feature?

I... No, I'm joking. It's my turn.

My best feature? Well, not bad looking, I suppose.

But I think my best feature is my cheerfulness. I think it's quite

remain cheerful.

My best feature? I think that's probably my kindness, my generosity,

my forgiving nature.

Yeah, I suppose that's true.

What's your best feature?

What besides my face?

Well, why don't you decide?

Take your pick.

Face, chest, abs.

It's all there. My ideal partner would be... Channing Tatum would be...

Tom Hardy's body.

And... David Beckham's leg.

Kind. To do it. And good looking.

In that order.

Someone who probably is very much the same as me, really.

I'm not quite sure. I don't really know.

I'd be interested to see what happens as part of the show.

Someone that isn't afraid to tell me no.

Well,

it has to be someone relaxed, someone I like to love, someone not scared to have

a bit of fun, you know?

What makes me happy?

What makes me happy is art, going to the theatre, going to the cinema and

eating out. I think I enjoy my dinner.

I try to be happy every day, so it's like, it's all the little things. Music,

nature, food, you know.

Pretty much everything.

Socialising, smashing my targets at work, hitting the gym and bettering

Everything, really.

I'm a happy -go -lucky kind of guy.

I know what I want in life. I know exactly how to get it.

Because I'm driven.

Because I'm passionate.

Because I'm focused.

Mostly because I'm confident.

That's what makes me most happy in life.

Well, just life, really.

It's a beautiful place that we live in.

But thanks to others for giving up their lives so that we could actually be here

today.

And every day I just praise the Lord that actually

I'm here to live another day.

So thank you very much.

All the contestants have just arrived. Let's go and see how they're getting on.

All right.

I'm all right. I'm Freddie.

How you doing? You going?

There was no one here when I arrived. I just thought, you know, I didn't see you

come turn up. But anyway, yeah, it's a bit of a bad journey, wasn't it? That

last stretch along that lane. Oh, yes.

They made me walk all the way from the end.

Oh, did they? Oh, my God. Did you get wet?

Just a bit. I bought the wrong suitcase as well. I bought one of those weedy

ones. Nice. Where have you guys come from?

Newcastle. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Brighton. Yeah?

Nice.

Essex. Essex. Oh, Essex boy, huh?

Well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we'll see. We'll see if you live up to the

reputation. The reputation? Yeah, there's a reputation. Is that what

worried about? There's a reputation among Essex boys. I mean, if Essex boys

anything like Geordie's. Oh, yeah.

Don't worry. We're going to get one like a house on fire.

Yeah. Good.

Anyway, it's really good. It's nice to meet you. Someone else like me here, I

think. I feel that you are a bit like me. Sensible.

Yeah, sensible.

There you go.

Well,

I'm definitely in the right place.

I don't know if you guys would like to go over the ground more.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'll leave you by yourself.

Oh, no, you can go.

Yeah, brilliant.

Thank you.

Do you think they'll be joining us?

I hope not.

Oh, all right. Yeah.

As you all know, I'm Trisha. I'm going to be looking after you for this

experience, which I know you're all very excited for.

I've got the first task for you guys, which is fluffy bunnies.

Okay.

Nine.

Come on, you girls.

Come on. One more.

One more.

Say it, say it, say it.

Keep going, keep going.

One

more,

come on.

Come on, you've got it.

Are you saying that we can't do it?

40 seconds!

I'm from the country, like, I've grown up doing this kind of thing.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

Oh my god.

Go on, 20 seconds.

Oh my god.

Okay.

10 seconds, guys.

Try a different one, try a different one.

It's obviously not done.

I think we're doing as bad as they are. I think we are, yeah.

Three, two, one, and that's the end.

Fuck's sake.

Right, let's have a look at this.

Can you believe what some of them are wearing?

Ridiculous. We did tell them that they were going to camp, didn't we? I'm

sure we put it in the contract.

I don't think so, do they? No, they're just brainless idiots.

But we look for no IQ.

Yeah.

This is just not what they're going to want at all. It's just not exciting

enough.

We really need to get them out of their shells.

Maybe some alcohol will loosen them up.

Yeah, I think it's probably about time, isn't it?

Yeah.

Tightening. Thank you. Sorry.

I didn't want to hold a whole one because it's quite late. Yeah.

I don't want to be up all night.

Well, if you want to get bed early, that's fine.

Huh? If she wants to get bed early, that's fine.

We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.

It's sort of what I've done as a job.

People get together, and that's what I think people should be doing, not

necessarily the Aussie TV type.

I've already drank it now, but, you know, bed is bed is bed. I'll get there

I'm tired.

Okay.

Well, hopefully that won't be for a while.

All right.

What are you saying?

Oh, yeah.

So do you have any condoms ready?

Yeah, I might have one more.

Is that... So I can do this amazing trick that I usually do when I'm drunk.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, okay, okay.

You've not been drinking?

They don't need to either, but I do. And, I mean, look at them now, you know.

And it just... Was I having fun? You had fun when you were young.

So, I bet you know your way around a condom.

To your right, I guess.

Okay, okay.

Right, right, right.

You know, this is going to be on camera.

I don't have a camera anymore.

I have a few more tricks up my sleeve after this.

Oh, yeah. Oh, right.

No.

I can think of better uses.

But what? Why is she just... Oh, my God. What?

Go on, girl.

Oh, my God, it's not working.

Oh, my God. Just sat there with a condom hanging out your nose.

Oh, there it goes.

Oh, my God.

No!

I would have thrown up. Oh, my God.

That is live.

Yeah, see, I have a mean gag weaver. Oh, my God.

You're so disgusting.

Yeah, I'm pretty dirty.

Have you got another condom? Oh, yeah?

Have you got any more condoms?

I don't think so. Why? What are you planning to show me? Nothing.

Hi, guys.

You having a nice evening?

Oh, hi.

How did you find the challenges earlier?

Hilarious.

Hilarious. I think, you know, you both had different strengths. I think, you

know, we're learning.

who works well together and all of that kind of stuff. So we'll take that

through to tomorrow as well.

We've got some alcohol for you. Oh, come on. As it's your first night, we

thought we'd give you a little treat.

Come on, where's the beer? Oh, yeah. No, not for me.

You're a legend.

Oh, we've got some non -alcoholic wine for you. Because we knew, Donny, that

weren't a drinker.

So we thought we'd get that in for you.

Oh, okay.

Okay, fine, yeah. I've not had it myself because I'm a drinker, but I'm told

it's very nice. Right, okay, yeah, yeah, it is. I've used it before, yeah.

Yeah, fine.

Okay, there you go.

Yeah, that'll do nicely.

I've got a tang to it.

Oh, well.

Look at that, straight out of the bowl.

Do you want a drink?

Go on then. Oh, yes.

Okay, have a good night, guys.

Thank you.

Don't drink too much.

Like, who hasn't done that, okay?

But you can't judge me for that.

Come on.

Who hasn't?

You guys are lying.

Okay, all right. So, I have never had a one -night stand.

Okay, right.

you've got no morals

It's the original, obviously, not the remake.

Really so much of its time. It's a really good, fun film.

That's the one I would just keep going back to.

It was secure.

It probably wasn't real gold either. Okay, me.

Never have I ever kissed a girl.

I know,

it's so strange, right? What? No, okay, I shouldn't have changed that. But,

like, in what kind of way, though?

No, but I mean, like, you know, not a peck, but, like, you know, that type of

thing. I mean, like, seriously, not just, like, oh, I'm drunk, blah, blah,

you know.

Well, maybe we should move this on to Truth or Dare.

Okay. Oh, yeah.

No,

okay, yeah.

Yes, Michael.

One of the two of you, yes.

Absolutely. Okay.

That's really like it.

I'm right.

That's how good you are.

Good night, guys.

Have a good one.

Yes, we will.

That seems to have come to a conclusion now.

Come on, where's your manners?

Please come and join us.

There we go, that's more like it.

I'm not going to lie, I'm tipsy. Oh really?

Yeah. How do you know? Just a little.

I like the lipstick.

Breathe and I fall.

It's all right. Let it fly.

Uh -huh.

How do you feel with your nipples being wet?

Oh, my God.

Okay, sit forward.

Love it. Okay, I bet you love it.

Okay, I can see exactly where your nipples are. Ready? Yeah.

This one.

No, it's down there. You got it. It's right away.

This one. Where's number two? This one there.

You got it. I got it.

I got it.

Yeah.

See, you can see it's in your shirt. I was cheating a bit.

I know it's going to be easier.

What's that?

You're the most nice one.

Okay.

You ever done something like this before?

Not quite like this.

Don't worry.

You're in good hands.

Oh, yeah.

You have to show that to me.

Oh, don't worry.

You'll see.

You're so cheesy.

Are you alright?

I need another drink.

Can you open it for me? Yeah, sure.

Where's my knife?

Oh, yes.

Careful.

You're dangerous.

You better believe it.

The fire's very smoky. It is a bit.

What was your husband's name?

Oh, it was Tom.

I lost him about eight years ago.

He was very ill for a long time.

It wasn't easy. Anything particular?

Cancer.

There's a lot of it about... People are living longer and that's

why... They have to get something.

No, we had a long, happy marriage.

You did? Yeah.

Very, very many happy memories. So good years together.

Very, very many good years, yeah.

So, you know, he'd probably want you to be happy, wouldn't he? Oh, yes. If you

had a good marriage, you know, a loving relationship.

Yeah, and I have all my memories.

Yes, yes. They're wonderful.

Yeah, yeah. And have you moved on at all?

Well, this is part of it, really. You know, coming here is just...

It's part of moving on.

You feel it's the right time?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, cheeky.

Right,

you better take that off her right now.

Okay, you shouldn't have let me take this off.

Right, come on, get it off.

Oh, my God.

Are you really going to... Are you seriously?

Oh.

Someone's getting a special treatment.

Oh, my God.

Everyone has their time.

When their time comes, then... Yeah.

Unfortunately, for those left behind, it can be traumatic, but...

He's in a better place now.

Yeah. Do you believe that? Of course, yes.

But you should, because that's what happens.

I don't know.

I don't know about heaven and God.

But a lot of people do believe, and it's right to believe,

because there is something more.

Why would we be here if not?

For some purpose. We may not know that purpose.

We may not know why we're here. We may not know the people we interact

with.

Perhaps we're all here for a reason.

Now, Claire.

Yeah. Play Curse Bees off.

Isn't that better?

Are you going to join us?

Where are you now with life?

I'm very happy but I think I need to find more

human comfort as well and that's why I applied for this.

Just as a way of seeing if it's something that could happen.

I'm not sure.

Maybe it could.

God intends you to live in the world. Yeah.

He intends us to live in the world. Yeah.

And to be with someone, I think.

That shit was getting me.

I don't know what came over me there.

I think I'd probably better go back to the coffee.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by that.

See, this is what they want. This is what we've been looking for.

This is the kind of drama that we're after.

Yes, that's brilliant.

This is it, guys.

It's much better.

Definitely. Much better.

We just need a bit more of this.

We need to rev it up slightly.

And I think they're going to love it.

I know where he's going.

He knows his job.

He'll sort out tomorrow night. Tomorrow night is going to be better.

Wakey, wakey, guys.

We've got a new challenge for you this morning.

You can get yourself together when you're ready. We've got a new challenge

you today.

New challenge.

Sorry,

I can't get up.

We're here with our contestants this morning down by the lake for a little

guinea dipping challenge So everybody what you need to do this morning is

all going to get into the lake Obviously without clothes and whoever stays in

the longest will win a luxurious breakfast

To get you kicked off, guys, to get in the water.

You're joking.

Let's do this. I'm up for some meat.

No, no, no, we're not going to do this. What?

Really? You knew what the show was going to be like.

We said that you have to be comfortable with nudity and...

I don't want to do it, but I'll do it.

You need to both get in if you want a chance of winning. No, no, no.

You can share mine.

I'll do it.

Do it.

Do it. No, no, no, it's fine.

It's not that bad. They're in there.

Oh, this is actually despicable.

You know...

I'll share the breakfast. Don't worry about that.

You have seen the show before. You didn't know what it was going to be

No, we haven't seen the show before. And it was written in your contract that

you would have to do absolutely like this. Oh, my God.

Like this.

Really?

Absolutely like this.

Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

Oh, come on, Johnny. Get off the stage.

Okay, we're in.

Yes. Come on, get in.

So whoever stays there the longest wins the challenge.

I could be here all day.

Yeah, you might as well go. We're going to be here for a while.

We're in. Fine, happy now?

It's not a bit of fun.

There's no cheating.

How strong are you?

I'm doing this for someone important.

Yes, well I'm doing this for someone else. I'm doing this for the

Yeah, not for the competition.

Alright, there might be an ulterior motive.

For you importantly, yeah.

I'm glad it's a funnel, aren't I?

Really? I don't call this a funnel.

Are you feeling cold?

No. No? Not at all? Oh!

How are you feeling now?

Oh, thanks.

That's really kind of you.

I could be here all day.

Would you?

Yeah.

What time is breakfast?

Well, the luxury breakfast that I'll be eating should be in about half an hour.

Oh, right. Okay.

We'll let you do it.

You're not getting out?

I'm not getting out.

Fuck this then.

Jesus Christ.

I think we have a winner.

Good. I can get out now, can I?

Yes, you may.

Good. Can someone find me a towel?

Okay, I've had a good night's sleep. It's a really lovely day today, and

yesterday I thought went really quite well.

Donnie seems like a really nice guy. He's gentle, and he stepped in for me

it came to jumping in the lake, which I thought was really, really brave of him,

and really chivalrous.

I suppose this is quite an interesting experience. It's not something I've done

before, and I think...

It should be good for me, but frankly, that idea of just, you know,

skinny dipping, that's not me.

I didn't want to do it at all. I just thought, well, I had to do it. And I

had to do it for Carol.

I don't know how things are going there, but he seems really nice. And I'm glad

that we've come to sort of a... Friendship, really.

Yeah, it's really good.

So today we're ready for more challenges today and looking forward to it,

really.

I don't know if it's going to rain, but it could be good.

I think I want to see this through, but I question it.

I don't know if it's really right for me.

It probably is, but... I'm... I

have the strength to do this. I can do this. I have faith in myself as well

as... And... And it will be fine.

It will be fine.

I'm not quite sure what is planned next.

It can't be as bad as that.

I really hope it isn't.

They haven't said anything about what we're going to do next, so maybe it's

wait and see. I would like to know, but

they're probably fine. They're probably good people, really. And if they

are, and this is all genuine, then maybe

Carol is...

Maybe she's the right person for me.

I think what happened before was

good. I shouldn't have done it, but I think it was good.

I don't know.

Let's see what happens next.

Good morning.

So, needless to say, I am live about what happened last night.

Those girls, too easy.

I mean, literally, like, they had nothing to drink, were all over

each other. I didn't have to do anything.

Honestly, like, this is like the worst idea that's like literally turned into

the best thing ever. Like, Freddie.

So, like, he's, like, the perfect guy, right?

I don't know. I really like him.

He's good. He's all right. I'm going to see how it goes.

I had a lot of fun last night.

Obviously, you can see I'm probably pretty hungover.

Yeah, I had some fun.

Freddie really kind of knows what he wants and that's something that I really

like in a guy. But, you know, Percy can be

a little bit bitchy towards me and, you know, I thought

that this was going to be a lot more light -hearted and serious

than it has been.

I just... Yeah.

I think I'm going to fuck him again tonight.

But, you know, I'm kind of hopeful for today and

seeing where it will take us.

Yeah.

I just... I hope that... We're able to get

to know each other better.

I don't know how I feel about my family watching this kind of thing. I didn't

really think about that.

I don't know the way I've been behaving and stuff like that.

It's not me and it's not who I am.

Now I'm done with them, though.

I'll see who's next in line.

That producer's been giving me the eye.

Wouldn't mind a bit on that.

It is a shame, though.

They're poor parents.

When they see this shit, just to think what they're going to think about their

little girls.

Anyway, let's get back to the group, see what's going on.

In a bit.

Does it look all right, then?

Yeah. Yeah, it looks all right.

They should be happy this time. It looked really good fun last night,

They were happy.

What people will do.

For their five minutes of fame.

Right, guys, I've spoken to the investors.

Cool. And they're happy with the sex. The sex is good, but we need to get them

more out of their comfort zones. We need more drama. They want to see more.

So we've got to push them a bit further today.

All right, and just keep pushing until we reach their limit, basically.

No problem. We can do that, can't we? Yeah.

Awesome. Is there a line?

No.

Okay, guys, so our next task is going to be a treasure hunt. I've got some

treasure that you need to find.

Here are your clues.

New I am tall, old I am short. I love to glow, breath is my foe.

Sometimes I get jammed, but I can also be ajar.

What is harmless?

but can kill you. I may fit in your hand, but I am the ultimate silencer.

Ancient Indian text, with many arms and many legs, always ends in sex.

Noah brought them two by two.

This is what we hope for you.

Right, go for it again. What are we looking for?

Okay, well the clue is new iron tall, old iron short.

Like, Becca obviously has no idea what she's doing, because she's with another

guy every single day. And it just gets to the point of, like, why do you touch

fly?

It's like, you're just going to go play about it afterwards?

I love to glow breakfast by phone. So it's got to be a light.

Why's it got to be a light? Well, it's got to be a light of some kind because

glows, isn't it?

True, yeah, it can glow, yeah.

It's not... New's tall, old is short.

So,

is it a candle?

Yeah, it might not be a candle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true, it's a candle, yeah.

Okay, so...

Okay, it's a candle.

Why here?

Why do you think here?

Well, it's far enough away from where we're staying. I think they'll just hide

something here because it's out of the way. Okay.

Shouldn't you be retiring?

Are you going to go away? No, I don't have to retire.

I'm not old enough to retire.

You can go in there with your boots on.

Get in there with your high heels.

I don't mean to offend you. I just don't understand why I've been put with you

I mean, it's obvious that, like, I should be with Fred, and then you can be

Jonathan.

Well, that's not my fault.

I mean, maybe if you tried being a little more modest.

Modern? Yeah, like, you know.

That doesn't really have anything to do with anything, though, does it?

No. No, no.

You know, if someone got off the high horse and stopped being so uptight,

then... I don't know, what... What are you even doing on this show anyway?

Right, well, what do you think then? What do you think?

Do you think the love is just for young people?

Guys, where have you gone? Look, we're just here.

Just dying.

Well,

as soon as your husband died, you just jumped into something else straight

As soon as? And like eight years ago.

So you just haven't had sex for the full year yet? You just haven't done

anything with anyone?

When you get to my age, actually, sex isn't a good thing.

I can't find this fucking thing. What is it?

Come on.

What? Come on.

Okay, look.

Okay, this looks like a good spot.

Yeah. I was thinking just the same thing.

What were we going to find?

You still on about the task?

Well, yeah, other things because I want to win.

Simple, isn't it?

Oh, look, look.

Yes.

There we go.

Ta -da!

Time. It'll get you in the end.

Go on then. What does it say?

Oh, the...

I brought them in two by two.

This is what we hope for you.

Guy, Guy!

Oh, I'm not... I don't know, it's fun.

Well, I've got something else in my mind.

What? What? What do you think?

Um, Freddie, I'm not that kind of person.

That night, last night, I was drunk.

And I was really drunk, and I just don't want this to be a thing.

We were all drunk, though. Yeah, we were all drunk, but that's the point. Like,

I can't... That's not me.

Oh, I may fit in your hand, but I am the ultimate silencer.

Maybe some kind

of tool?

Maybe like a...

I don't expect to be wallowing in shit all the time.

This isn't me. This isn't my scene.

like your clothes are a little bit shitty anyway so you go in maybe it like

wouldn't be as bad

What? Why are you being a tease?

Okay, I'm not being a tease. Why are you doing this to me? I'm telling you that

I don't want this.

Stop.

Oh, come on, Claire. There's cameras everywhere.

Yeah, exactly.

What do you think they want to see?

No, stop.

Claire! Leave me alone, Freddie.

Well, I'm not going to know that because there's a great big... So why do you

expect me to go alone?

I think you'd look quite good. I think you're just constantly looking out as if

you're embarrassing me or something. I think you'd look quite good with a bit

shit on you.

Just because you're so fucking, like, unimpressive doesn't mean that you have

go, like, storming around thinking that you own the place. You don't know me.

Because you're jealous. You're just fucking jealous.

Jealousy. I've done all that.

I've been all that. I bet you have. I bet you have. I've been all that. I

need to now.

I've had enough of this.

What, so we're just going to quit the fucking gate?

Why are you going over the gate?

Am I fucking going over the gate? Fuck.

You're not following me, Jesus.

Oh, I've got to walk back to the camp, so I don't know why.

So what's the problem?

Um, look, it's just, it's not what I really expected from this kind of thing.

But it was written in the contract, so everything was written in there, so you

should have been expecting it. You knew what the show was going to be like.

Yeah, but I mean, no one reads all the small print, like, it's just...

Well, that's not my problem.

I don't mind. Like, I can... It's not... I just don't want to be, like, in this

kind of environment. Like, it's just not... If you feel uncomfortable,

then that's your choice, what you did last night that's making you feel like

that. So it's your decision. I didn't make you do that. Well, it's not, like,

what I did. It's just, like... So what's going on then? Why can't you stay for

one more day? What difference is one more day going to make?

I...

I've got a lot of people who've paid a lot of money to make this show, and if

you leave now, then that means those people are going to lose out on what

they've paid for.

Yeah, I mean, like, I don't mind, like, not getting paid for this. Like, I can

just go.

I'm not worried about you being paid.

I'm worried about our show and the money that's going to be made off it.

Okay. So you've signed a contract with us. It's a binding contract.

I know. So it's only one more day. If you've survived this far, you can

survive another day, can't you?

Okay, like, just one more day and then I can go.

Yeah, then tomorrow we can take you off the premises. You can leave as soon as

we're done filming.

Okay, yeah. All right?

Okay.

Okay. All right, get back to camp.

We need to get rid of her.

Yeah, certainly.

The hell was those treasure hunts?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Donnie found most of our items, so, like, you know.

Yeah, he was an asset, to be honest.

We just spent most of the time fucking around.

Yeah, it's all fun and games, isn't it? Mm -hmm.

It's quite a nice night.

Yeah, clear.

See the stars.

The stars.

Beautiful. Yeah.

Well, at least.

We'd be able to see the stars apart from... Yeah.

To be fair, we did find, like, two of them.

That's pretty good, actually.

That's so cool.

Yeah. How many did you guys find?

Just one.

Just one? I mean, it... You know, it was all right.

Yeah.

Right, so what's the plan for tonight, then?

I want to get a habit.

I don't know.

I'm down with that.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I'm... I'm pretty hungover still from yesterday.

Best cure for that is to keep drinking.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

It's going to just all collect up and just be worse tomorrow.

Just drink tonight and then hurry up with the dog, right? Yeah, right?

Yeah. Right.

I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah.

Don't worry.

We'll keep drinking. We'll be sorted.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

I think perhaps we should... Leave them to it.

Go and find somewhere to look at the stars a bit better. Yeah. We could go

walk. Yeah.

Okay. Why not?

Okay. Shall we do that?

Let's do it. Yeah. They won't mind.

Let's go. They'll probably be quite happy that we've gone. I think so.

Yeah.

Let's go.

Yeah.

We're just going for a walk, guys.

Okay.

Is she there?

Hey. What?

You were staying with us.

Like that?

I just wanted to go for a walk now.

We can go for a walk.

We can go to the tent. Yeah.

Oh, the tent.

Yeah, we can go somewhere.

Where?

Right, let's have a look at these guys.

You can't hide from me.

Yes, this is exactly what they would want to see, definitely.

I should think so. And they have no idea we're watching them.

It's amazing how naive people can be, isn't it?

I mean, how do they think we make our money?

They're enjoying themselves, aren't they? That's all that matters.

And we're enjoying ourselves, definitely.

Oh, yes.

Oh what the f -

bit too far there but they're definitely going to like that up top he's terrible

today and it will determine our two final couples.

So one person will be leaving camp today.

So we're going to do a final challenge and we're going to see who that's going

to go.

I'm not doing the challenge.

Okay, all right. Simon's

going to escort you out of camp, all right? So he'll grab your stuff and

take you.

Down to the main road. It's all right.

I'll show you the way.

Yeah, yeah, come on.

Can you stop filming, please?

OK, guys, congratulations on getting this far. You are now the two final

in camp, which means you will be competing against each other from here

Okay. So we've got a challenge today, which is called Mr.

and Mrs. It's a chance for you to show off how much you've learned about each

other in your couples.

I will give you statements, which you need to tell me if they are true or

about the other person in your couple. Okay. And the couple who gets the most

points will win a luxury evening tonight.

Okay. So it's all to play for.

Is everybody ready?

Yeah. We're going to start with Johnny and Carol.

Carol, you're going to be answering statements about Donny and telling me if

they're true or false.

Are you good to go?

Yep. Awesome.

So, first statement about Donny.

Donny can speak four languages.

Yeah, I think he can. Yeah, yeah. That's very clever. That is true.

Donny, what languages can you speak?

English, well, Latin and Greek.

That's very impressive.

Way more than me.

So, Donny has a fear of sharks.

True or false?

Fear of sharks? Oh, we were talking about that. When we were talking about

film.

He had to watch Jaws when he was very little, about seven or eight. Yeah, he

fourth grade, quite young.

It's true.

Yes, that's correct.

Well done, Carol. Good memory.

So, you've got two right so far. We'll see how you go on the third one.

Johnny has no living relatives.

I think that's true.

That's actually false.

He has a grandma on his dad's side.

Tell me about your grandma.

No, I didn't.

She's 97.

That's okay. You're still doing really well.

Final statement.

Donny is unable to have children.

Oh, that's false.

That is correct.

He is able to have children.

Confusing question.

So, well done. You got three out of four.

Good.

You're doing really well, guys. Let's see how Donny fares against you.

Okay.

First statement about Carol.

Carol's favourite song is You've Got a Friend.

That's true.

Yes, that's true. Well done.

Carol was 18 when she had her first kiss.

I think that's true.

You're going with true? Yeah, 18.

It's actually false. She was 17.

That's okay.

One right, one wrong. We'll see how we go.

Carol is predicted to become legally blind in three years.

Yes, she is.

That is correct.

That is correct. Well done, Donny.

Carol's last words to her dying husband were, don't leave me.

You did have a very loving relationship.

You were best friends, you were soulmates, you said.

I'm going to have to push you, Donny.

Don't leave me, you said?

Yeah. Yeah, I think it would have been.

That is correct. Well done.

So you both got three out of four. Well done, guys. That's a really high score.

That one will come down this way.

It's the way out.

Right, so it's Kirsty and Freddie's turn. We'll see how you guys do. These

did really well, so you are up against a challenge here.

We're going to do Freddie first, answering statements about Kirsty.

Okay?

So, Kirsty won a singing contest when she was 13.

False.

That is actually true. She did win a singing contest when she was 13.

Kirsty has a crush on Simon Cowell.

Oh, my God. Is that your type, yeah?

That's got to be false.

It's true.

Sorry. I do like Alderman.

OK, so you've got two wrong so far, Freddie. You really need to up the game

you want to beat these guys.

All right.

So, Kirsty was once engaged.

False.

That's true. It is false. You're right.

So, final statement.

Kirstie has had four abortions.

Oh, that one's got to be true.

What the fuck?

It's actually five, so that is false.

So, I think you've learned some things about Kirstie today.

We're going to do it the other way around now. So, Kirstie, you're going to

statements about Freddie.

Are you ready?

Cool. Yeah.

So, Freddie thinks that unicorns became extinct like the dinosaurs.

False.

That's actually true. He does believe that.

Yeah. God knows why.

They were real.

Perhaps that's a conversation for another day.

Freddie's favourite part of a woman is her breath.

I mean, that makes perfect sense because my favourite part of my body is also my

chest. So what's your answer, Kirsty?

That's true.

That is correct. Well done.

One right, one wrong so far.

Freddie once slept with five women in one day.

False. That's true.

Fuck. More than me. Final statement.

Freddie relies on the women he sleeps with to have SPI checks.

I mean, he better not.

What's your answer, Kirsty?

False.

It's true.

So you've got one point out of four, same as Freddie. So you guys have scored

very low. You've unfortunately lost this round, but we'll see how you do in the

next round.

Yeah, great.

It's the way out.

But... What about my stuff?

I'll get your stuff. We'll sort that all out.

Do you really have to, um... Do you really have to film all of this?

We've got to film your exit, haven't we? You've got to leave properly.

Look, I've finished.

I've done my bit. It's over.

Nearly over. Not long to go now.

Okay guys, congratulations on getting this far. We're now going to play round

two, Why Am I Single?

So we're going to have multiple choice questions about each of your partners.

It's going to be A or B, so all you have to do is say A or B is the answer. It's

as simple as that. So it should be a nice, easy round.

We're going to start with Donny answering questions about Carol, okay?

On Christmas Day 1998, Carol's boyfriend broke up with her after she A.

Caught him having sex with her sister?

Or B, after she was caught having sex with his sister?

I should remind you at this point, Carol, that you will be disqualified if

confer in the team, so you do need to be silent while Donny answers the

questions.

What were the choices again?

A, caught him having sex with her sister?

Or after she was caught having sex with his sister?

Well, it's got to be him. It's got to be him having sex with your sister.

So A?

Yes, A. That is correct.

Carol was once in prison for A, kidnapping a baby, or B, extortion.

Oh my God.

Can we have silence from you guys, please, while Donny answers the

Hopefully neither of them, but definitely one of them? Yes, it has to

them. A or B, Donny?

Kidnapping a baby?

I need to get an answer from you. It's got to be extortion.

It's A, kidnapping a baby. What?

Oh, my God. What?

Oh, I was not well.

Carol, it's not your turn to answer questions about Donny. You will be

disqualified if you keep talking outside of the game, so let's just finish the

game, shall we?

Yeah, this way's the exit, down that way.

Yeah, I'll be second.

Three of the women that have dated Donny have what in common?

A, they've all cheated on him, or B, they've all stole from him.

Well, they cheated on him. They all cheated on him. That is correct. Well

Carol. Next question.

Donny is not his birth name.

What? No.

It is A, Denise, or B, Richard.

Richard. Richard. It's got to be Richard.

Oh, my God.

Were you a woman? It's Richard.

It's actually A, Denise.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? No, I had a French mother. Charlie, we've got to

move on to Charlie and Freddie now.

Tell me later.

Kirstie, it's now your turn to answer some questions about Freddie.

A, a narcissist, or B, a sociopath?

What was the first one? A narcissist.

What's your answer, Kersey?

Okay, so I don't know what a narcissist... Of course you don't. But

what your answer is?

Yeah,

I think this is my first one.

A sociopath?

That is correct.

One of Freddie's ex -girlfriends...

A. Has a restraining order on him.

Or B. Thinks they are still together and he is at work.

So you have like a girl back home.

What's your answer Kirsty?

B.

It's actually A. Has a restraining order on him.

Why would anyone have... So we're on to Freddie's questions now. Hit her.

No, I didn't hit her. Right, OK. Freddie and Kirstie will be disqualified if you

keep speaking.

Freddie, at what age did Kirstie first send nude images of herself to a man

online for money?

I didn't do that. I didn't do that.

Kirstie, you're not allowed to confer on your team?

What's the choice?

A, 12.

B, 14.

Oh, my God.

It's got to be 14.

It's actually 12.

That's definitely not true.

Kirsty had sex for money. A, one time only, or B, three times.

It's a fucking joke.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

I wouldn't shag someone for some fucking money. I don't really have money. I

don't need any money from anyone. Firstly, calm down. One time only.

It's been three times.

Fucking liar.

So I think after round two, we have our obvious winners.

It's Donnie and Carol.

so we're here with our winners today i've got a nice bottle of prosecco for

donny and carol everybody

guys. We're good, we're good.

Oh yeah, sorry.

Non -alcoholic, non -alcoholic.

So, how's experience been for us? I think we've had a great time.

Do you think you've learned anything about yourself?

Well, we've done a bit of wood chopping.

Yeah, that's quite good.

Yeah, I think on balance we've survived.

Do you think there's a future between you guys?

Who knows? Are we going to see Donny and Carol in five years' time?

Is it going to be a success story?

I'm very excited for it. I think we might be right.

Let's see.

Well, we'll let you enjoy your evening, and then we're going to send you on the

ultimate holiday, and we'll catch up with you in a few weeks to see how

getting on. Yeah, we're looking forward to that. Awesome. Thank you. Thanks,

guys. Thank you.

Thanks.

Okay, so we've got Freddie and Kirsty here right now with us.

It looks like it's the end of your journey here on Lonely Hearts. How are

feeling?

Good, yeah. I think it's been, like, one of those experiences where, like... you

know, you really get to find out more about yourself and just... Do you think

you've learned some things about yourself? Yeah, especially about how

people can be. Yeah, definitely.

We've learned loads about the other people that were here with us as well.

some social skills.

Well, it's good, hasn't it? I never expected that. No.

Shall I?

Do you fancy... Well, are you going to have some? Yeah.

No, not for you.

I'll open it for you.

You're a new man now.

Even so...

Sure. You might want to. I might do.

Cheers.

There you go.

That's probably enough, see?

Borrow a great drinker.

There is a lot of glass after all. Go on, have a little bit.

What about this one?

There you go. Just have an inch.

Are you sure?

Yeah, we've got to celebrate.

Cheers. Well done. To us.

I think we're going on holiday.

Yeah. I wonder where it'll be.

Where would you want to go?

Oh, I don't know.

Caribbean.

What sort of holidays do you like, anyway? New Zealand.

Oh, yeah. As far away as possible. Beautiful, yeah. Yeah.

That'd be lovely. That'd be good, yeah.

They didn't seem that bothered about... About losing.

No. Which is a bit strange.

But never mind.

Still.

They fed up with each other.

I wonder actually if we'd be around the world cruise type thing.

What defines ultimate holiday?

No, really.

Yeah, yeah.

That's one thing we do only once, isn't it?

Yeah.

Could be.

So,

how

about the money?

Well, we got made.

Before we talk about money, we need to talk about your performances, because

they were not up to scratch this time.

Mark, your accent was slipping the whole time. It was not believable at all.

You, as Kirsty, was just not really a believable character. It felt very fake.

And I think you need to kind of brush up on your skills a little bit, because

otherwise we won't be able to use you again.

People are going to get suspicious.

That's what I mean.

OK.

Um, yeah, that's fine. I mean, can we stick around for the end, or...? No, I

mean, Mark, you should be thankful that we're not pressing charges for the

things that you did.

What, the things that you asked me to do? You didn't exactly... I think you

pushed it a bit far, didn't you? You pushed it a bit far.

Anyway, the money's going to be in your account within 24 hours, so you can

leave now.

So we're not sticking around for the finale?

No, you're not going to stick around for the finale.

You knew that that wasn't going to happen.

We'll call you if we need you again.

But I might be looking to find some better actors.

All right, well, next time we'll do better.

OK, have a lovely evening, guys.

We need to get better

actors next time.

Daddy!

Daddy! Daddy!

What are you doing?

Just let me go.

Let me go. Let me help her, please.

Let me out.

Just untie me.

Let me go.

No, please don't. No, please don't. Let me go, please.

What are you doing?

No, no, no.

Don't do that. No, no, no. Please, no.

No, no, no. Don't do that.

No. Please, just let me go.

You've had your fun. You've had your fun. No.

Don't. No.

Just please let me go. Let me go and help us.

Don't.

Please just let me go.

What's this? What have you done?

What have you done?

What are you doing to her?

What are you doing to her? What are you doing to me?

No!

No, please!

Please, no, no!

Don't be so stupid, you really know.

Donny in his glorious final hour.

We're very lucky to have him with us today on another successful season of

Lonely Hearts.

Alhamdulillah.