Original subtitles

Yes! Heh heh heh.

[whistling]

Hi-dee-ho, Big guy.

Uh, uh, uh, Steve...

I know I'm going To regret asking this,

But...What's this thing?

Well...

I have successfully Developed a process

That enables me To isolate,

Then duplicate, Complex molecules.

What?

I can clone stuff!

Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha!

Steve...

They have a miracle drug Now called ritalin.

Carl, you Don't understand.

If this baby works,

Now when people Want two of anything,

All they'll have to say Is, "Urkel it."

Let me show you.

Alright, steve, But fair warning--

If that thing explodes, Breaks anything,

Or shoots A sticky substance All over me,

I'm going to be All over...You.

Don't you worry, Sahib.

You and your Environs are safe.

Mm-hmm.

Aah!

What are you doing Down there?

[growling] Get on with it.

Alright. Now let's start with This inanimate object.

Observe this stool As I...

Urkel it.

Oh! Voila!

Oh, my god!

Steve, it works! It really works!

I know!

Let's try A living thing.

Carl...

You do The honors.

Yes! Yes!

Steve! Hey, you make Some more tomato plants

While I go get Something else to clone.

What?

Ha ha ha!

My paycheck. Ha ha!

Oh, carl.

Silly goose. Ha ha ha!

Hey.

I wonder.

Ooh, tickles!

Ha ha ha ha!

Empty!

I don't understand.

It should've worked.

Oh, well.

Pee break.

Ha ha ha ha!

Tickles!

Hey!

How'd I get over here?

Oh, well.

Pee break.

Hey, steve. Hey, steve.

What's wrong With him?

Never hit a pothole On a unicycle.

Mmm.

[sniffing]

What's that Awful smell?

Fish livers.

I mix them With seaweed And sardine juice.

Add a little yogurt, And bingo-- Brain smoothie.

I'm having a little Problem with one of my Inventions,

And this gunk Really helps clear Out the cobwebs.

[sniffing]

That gunk could Clear out a stadium.

Want some, waldo?

Hey, I may be stupid, But I'm not stupid.

Hmm.

[smack smack smack]

Needs anchovy paste.

Hi, steve.

Hi, waldo.

I'll clone My bowling ball...

Hoo hoo hoo...

And my ding dongs...

And all of My unmatched socks.

Hoo hoo! Hoo hoo hoo!

Hey, big guy, I made us A big batch

Of brain smoo--whoa!

Ohh...

Ohh...

Oh, gosh, oh, gee!

Lordy, Look out for me.

Are you okay, carl?

No, steve, I'm not.

I'm wet.

I'm sticky.

And I smell Like a dead fish.

Well...

You still got Your health.

Ha ha ha ha! [snort snort]

Health? Ha ha ha ha!

Health. Ha ha! [snort]

Ha ha-- Get me a towel!

Hey, big guy.

What happened to you?

I thought you were Getting me a towel.

A towel? Whew! What you need Is a bath.

You smell like A dead fish.

I'm quite aware Of that, steve.

Hey, give me that shirt. I'll toss it In the laundry.

Just give me that.

Wait a minute.

Just give me-- Give me--

Let me--

Oh! Whew! Whew! Okay. Okay.

Uh, I'm caught. Wait! Okay...

Okay, hold on. Uhh!

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh! Oh! Whoop!

Yuck! Phewie!

Carl, what Are you doing?

Huh?

Why are you On the floor?

And what happened To your shirt?

You just took it.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did!

A few seconds ago!

Carl...

What?

You look tired...

Overworked.

Maybe you need To relax...

Paint some pictures Of your feelings.

Hello-dee-oh, Winslow women.

Hello, steve.

Hey, laura, I'm doing Some laundry.

Yank off that shirt, And I'll freshen it up For you.

Well, can't blame A guy for trying.

Laura, find A room freshener.

Smells like A dead fish in here.

Laura, harriette, I'm worried about carl.

I'm afraid he's finally Snapped his twig.

You know, I think I'm gonna practice

Some of my Polka moves During the presoak.

* dee-dee Dee-dee-dee *

* dee-dee Dee-dee-dee **

Oh...Ah...Ah...

Ah-choo!

Gesundheit.

Well, thankee.

Waaaahhh! Waaaahhhh!

Aaahh! Aaaahh! Aaahh!

Oh! Oh, oh, Oh, oh!

Ohhh...

Hi there! Hi there!

How you doing? How you doing?

What's shaking, Urk man? What's shaking, Urk man?

Mommy...

I'm frightened.

Harriette...

Are you seeing What I'm seeing?

I'm seeing Two steves.

Oh, my god.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

My cloning experiment Must've worked!

I'm a genius! I'm a genius!

Ha ha ha! [snort] Ha ha ha! [snort]

Isn't this fun? Isn't this fun?

Hey, guys...

You know, Let's not panic.

Maybe we're all dead, And this is hell.

[humming Camptown races]

Hi, big guy.

Hi, big guy.

Hello, steve.

Hello, steve.

Ready to finish Our chess match?

Oh, glutton For punishment, huh?

Oh, puh-lease. You're gonna need more Than those good looks

To win this game.

Oh, will you two Sit down!

I believe it's Your move, steve.

Why, thank you, steve.

You're welcome, steve.

Uh, steve...

Yes? Yes?

Ha ha. Um...

You know, this, uh, Cloning thing

Raises a few Unusual questions.

Such as?

Well, you have A twin brother now.

Have you told Your parents yet?

Reached them Late last night In moscow.

They were so overwhelmed By the news,

They immediately Burst into tears.

Then suddenly,

We were mysteriously Disconnected.

It took us 20 minutes To get back through,

And when we did, A doctor answered.

He said my parents Were under sedation

And couldn't Come to the phone.

Uh, correction, steve.

They're not Your parents, They're our parents.

Uh, sorry, steve.

That's okay, steve.

Uh, look.

Steve...Steve...

Um...

Your parents are Over in russia,

So I'm stuck with-- I mean...

Ha ha ha...

Blessed with being Your guardian.

Ha ha ha.

And, well, that makes Things a little bit More complicated

Now that there is Two of you.

Complicated?

He means expensive.

Well, you are An extra mouth to feed,

But I'm really Not worried

Because we're all Going to be Millionaires.

We are?

Mm-hmm. So let's say We hustle out To the garage

And start cloning A bunch of these.

Uh...You want To tell him?

Nah. You better tell him.

Tell me what?

We destroyed The cloning machine.

You what?

We decided It was ethically Indefensible.

Ethically what?

Indefensible. Why, Some power-crazed madman

Could clone His own army

And enslave The entire world.

But what about The money?

Well, that's Another thing.

Whoever controlled The machine can Make a fortune.

Yeah! Me!

But that would throw The world economy Into chaos.

And who the heck Wants that?

Harriette!

What's the matter, Carl?

Put your arms Around my neck And hold tight.

Why?

Just do it!

Aaahhh!

I'm gonna kill 'em!

Carl! Carl!

Let me go! I'll kill them!

[polka plays]

Whew!

Polka rush.

Gotta love it!

Want an ice cream Sandwich?

You must've Read my mind.

I have your mind.

Ha ha ha! [snort]

[humming]

* eeeoowww **

Mmm. Mmm.

[chomp chomp]

[slurp slurp]

Steve.

Why are you Eating like that?

Well, it's the way You eat.

Is not.

Is, too. You were Just doing it.

Your chin's dripping With sticky ickies.

Well, I'll be!

You know...

That explains Why I get so few Dinner invitations.

Having a clone Is weird.

But it's also Kind of cool.

I love having Someone I can share Everything with.

Yoo-hoo! Stevie!

Well...

Maybe not everything.

Hi there, Hot sauce.

Hiya, Ham glaze.

Whoa! Steven, your clone Is magnificent!

Uh, no, myra. I'm steve. He's the clone.

Oh.

Don't listen to him.

I'm your little Butternut squash.

He's just A cheap knockoff.

Oh, my.

No way. I'm your Veal oscar, baby.

He's just A carbon copy.

You stay away From my girlfriend.

What? She's My girlfriend!

Now, now, boys, Don't fight over me.

There's enough pollen On this flower For two bumblebees.

Myra! Myra!

Ha ha ha!

Now...

Why don't you boys Come over here And sit next to me?

Oooh.

Isn't this fun?

We just made A myra sandwich.

Ooohhh! Ooohhh!

I'm warning you, Stay away from her, Four-eyes.

Says who, nerd boy?

Oh, that's it. You're history.

You're going dowwwwnnn!

Okay, buster.

No more mr. Nice clone!

Pfftt! Pfftt! Pfftt! Pfftt! Pfftt! Pfftt!

Hey, what's Going on here?

They're fighting Over me.

Please! Don't!

Stop!

Whoo! Please Don't stop.

Stop it, You two.

No way!

Never!

Aah! Ow! I give!

I give! I give!

Ow! Oh!

Okay. Let's Take a moment

And figure out What we've learned here.

Um...One plus one Equals fun?

No. I think We've learned

Steve's experiments Have gone too far.

He's created A monster.

Can't we just Get rid of him?

You're going To rub me out?

No. I mean, After all,

You are a living, Breathing, Annoying thing.

What a conundrum.

I see no solution To this problem.

I do.

I see a really, Really good solution.

Listen, steve--

Shh! Shh!

Not while I'm pouring.

[dripping]

Goodbye, steve.

So long, steve.

I'm glad I made you, Steve.

Me, too, steve.

I'm really going To miss you, steve.

I'm really going To miss you, too, Steve.

Can we get on With this?

Wait.

Whoa! Mama!

You go. I'll stay.

Get in there!

[sophisticated voice] Hello, laura.

Hi, stefan.

Could it be? I believe you've grown Even more beautiful.

[giggles]

Steve urkel, The man who made me, We meet at last.

Well! You really Are cool!

Put her there, Pal!

Oh!

[crash]

Whew.

We'll work On that, buddy.

Yeah.

I'm back, my love.

Yeah, and this time For good.

Mmm. Baby, with you, It's all good.

Oh, my.

I'm really glad Laura's happy.

But I'm really Going to miss My clone.

Not me.

I prefer The real thing.

Hey, r-man.

Put on some tunes. Let's eat to the beat.

You got it, 3j.

[hip-hop plays]

* uh, yeah *

[singers rap]

* ...Plenty of it, Style, plenty of it *

* and if you don't Believe me, you can shove it 'cause I love it *

* sometimes I do A freebie *

* aw, come up And see me *

* girls want to see me *

* they come wonderin' Like stevie *

* heebie jeebies *

* jungle chantin'... *

Step aside, guys.

* freak out, get wiggy *

* only don't eat Like ziggy *

* priggy like Mrs. Piggy wiggy... *

Alright!

* we're off to take A big trip *

* and the women Like my... *

Left!

Alright!

Everybody hop On the soul train!

* silky, silky *

* silky, silky... **

Ah. Mmm.