Original subtitles

Hey, waldo, When are you gonna

Pay back that 10 bucks I loaned you?

Right now.

Ah, shoot. I left my wallet In my other pants.

Oh, that old excuse.

No prob, bob.

Waldo? What's up?

Why are you wearing Two pairs of pants?

Because I don't want to Get my good pair dirty.

Duh!

Here, waldo, Take this $10 and Buy yourself a clue.

Hi, everybody. Hey.

Hi, guys.

Hey, what's with The prune puss, partner?

His basketball coach Dropped a bomb on him.

Oh, yeah, what?

He wants me to take Some special training

To increase my agility And flexibility, that's all.

No big deal. Let's move on.

Well, wait.

What kind Of training?

Uh, just some stuff.

It's no big deal. Let's move on.

Oh, come on, eddie, They're your friends. They'll understand.

See, eddie's coach Wants him to take Ballet lessons.

[snickers]

Did you Hear that, waldo?

Eddo's going to be Taking ballet lessons.

[snickers]

Yeah, I heard.

I think he'll Look really cute

In one of those Pink, frilly tu-tus.

Ha ha ha ha!

Dance with me, eddo.

Alright, Knock it off.

A lot of Top professional athletes

Have taken ballet to Improve their moves.

You know, he's right. Peggy fleming--

Mary lou retton, Flo jo--

Ah, richard simmons...

Eddie! Eddie! Eddie.

Listen, I got an idea. What?

Why don't I take The class with you?

I took ballet for years. I'd Love to get back into ballet.

I would feel More comfortable If you were there.

Great. You'll get The training you need,

And I'll get to See you in tights.

Hmm. Ha ha ha ha.

Tights. Tights.

Join us, eddo.

We're butterflies.

That's it. Come here.

Come here! Both of you, Come here!

Oh, it's freezing Out there.

But I love Figure skating.

Oh, me, too, especially When it's your figure That's skating.

That's so sweet.

You want some Hot chocolate?

I got a better way To warm up.

What's that?

Oh, curtis. What's wrong?

My grandmother's coming Over to borrow my skis.

I don't want her To catch us kissing.

Won't we hear her coming?

Baby, once I Start on your lips, I ain't stopping.

Alright, A rain check?

I'll go get the hot Chocolate started.

I'll miss you.

Whew!

Hi.

Hi.

Who the heck are you?

I'm curtis williams. Laura and I Went ice skating.

Oh, how nice.

Hot chocolate Coming right up.

Thank god For instant.

There's no hurry. I was talking to Your grandma.

Excuse me?

Oh, lord, you're Going to die.

Grandma?

Uh, curtis, that's Not my grandmother,

That's my mother.

Oh, lord, I'm going to die.

Curtis, let's go In the kitchen

And get out Of this room.

Grandma?

Harriette!

Sweetheart, I can't find My lucky toothbrush.

It fell in the toilet.

Guess it isn't Lucky anymore.

Harriette? Hmm?

You okay?

I just met Laura's boyfriend.

Yeah?

He thought I Was her grandmother.

Ouch.

Carl, do I really Look that old?

Oh, don't be silly.

No, really. Am I an old bag?

Paper or plastic?

Carl, I'm serious.

Harriette, Don't overreact

To some thoughtless remark By some goofy kid.

Sweetheart, When I look at you,

The last word I think about is old.

Oh, what do you know? You're even older Than me.

Okay, roaches, Roll call.

Henry, maureen, vivian,

Bubba...

Bubba?

Bubba?

Which one of you Ate bubba? 'fess up.

[ring]

Hello de oh.

Well, comb my weave. If it ain't Cousin steve.

Well, bust my girdle. If it ain't cousin myrtle. How you be?

Well, I have been producing More ear wax than usual.

But other than that, I'm full of beans.

I'm calling for eddie.

Is my yankee Doodle dandy handy?

No, he's at His ballet class.

Ooh, ballet?

Why, the very idea Of my edward leapin' Around in leotards

Makes my heart Go kong-chi-kong.

His class is giving A recital this saturday.

The whole family's going To go watch him and greta

Do a scene From swan lake.

Uh, greta? He's Doing the pas de deux

With that Sleep around sue?

Oh, well, That just won't do.

Now, myrtle, eddie And greta are an item,

And there's nothing You can do about it.

Oh, really. Well, you Underestimate me, cuz.

As of this very moment,

A state of war exists Between me and that Northern strumpet.

Why, I shall Carefully deploy all My bodacious battlements

And outflank That bony bimbo.

And when the cannon Smoke clears,

Only one of us Will be left standing--

Myrtle mae urkel.

[plays charge]

Charge, y'all!

Whoo!

Myrtle?

Myrtle?

Myrtle?

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Notice anything different?

Harriette. Ha ha ha.

Well, I--I--I--I see You've been shopping.

I was feeling A little dowdy,

So I decided to Give myself a makeover.

Nobody's will Call me grana now.

Uh, no--no-- No argument there. Ha ha ha.

So, what do you think?

Well...

How do I look?

Well, harriette, uh...

You--you look, uh,

You--hmm--

You--you look, uh, You--you--that's A look, right?

Ha ha ha ha.

Isn't that a look?

Look at that.

Wait till you see What else I got.

Oh, gosh, daddy, There's more.

Oh, I heard.

Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.

Don't worry, 'cause I can't move.

Laura, the next time you Have a boyfriend over,

Show him the family Album first, okay?

What are We going to do?

Mom's dressed Like courtney love.

She's still Down in the dumps About this age thing.

Let's just Be supportive while She works through this.

Alright, but if she Goes to daytona For spring break,

I'm speaking up.

[music plays]

Carl, we're late.

You said it wouldn't Start until 8:30.

I must have Read the tickets wrong.

Harriette! Good lord, What have you done To yourself--

'cause you look great.

[music stops]

[applause]

And now, our two Newest students...

Greta mcclure And edward winslow.

[applause]

[music plays]

Aah!

Aah!

Myrtle?

Eddie?

Uhh!

What do you want, Myrtle?

Am I to gather From the expression On your face

That you're displeased With my behavior?

No, I'm Not displeased,

I'm furious!

What did you Do with greta?

Well, she accidently Got chained to the sink.

Myrtle!

I left her some gum.

Look, for the last time,

Stop meddling In my life.

Greta is my girlfriend, Not you.

In fact, there's Absolutely no way

That you and I Will ever be together.

Oh, stop Saying that, eddie.

Over time, Love can balloon.

No, it can't.

Not only do I not love you,

I don't Even like you.

I see.

Well, that's... That's crystal clear.

Apparently, I've made A complete fool of myself.

I apologize, eddie, For interfering In your life.

Never again will I Darken your door.

I shall...

I shall return To urkel oaks

To live a sequestered life Among the daffodils.

Perhaps I'll Join a nunnery,

Or just work For the dmv.

Oh...

Oh...

Well, I'm sorry If I hurt your Feelings, myrtle.

No, no, no.

You were Just being honest.

Well, if you Just relax a little

And stop Pushing so hard--

You'll come to love me?

No.

There's A slim chance that We could be friends.

I'd like that.

You!

Why don't you walk a dog Like everyone else?

I'm going to Jam your head

Through the drain Of this sink.

Uh-oh! Violent streak.

Would you Trust your children With a woman like that?

Okay, cool it now, You two.

You listen to me, You southern Fried floozy!

Eddie is my man.

So you keep your Corn pone eatin',

Boll weevil suckin',

Catfish catchin' Hands off of him!

Now, come on, girl!

Come on, girl!

Baby, baby, baby, baby.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Now, you listen to me, You windy city witch.

Get me out! Get me out!

I'll put my hands Wherever I please.

So you get your Big ol' hankerin',

Cottage cheese thighs Out of here,

Because You've way exceeded This building's ugly limit!

Baby, no! Come on! Baby, be cool!

Don't you Clobber me, girl!

Hi.

Well, hi.

What's the matter?

Your leather nightie At the cleaners?

Carl, I'm getting rid of All those crazy outfits.

I'm going to donate Them to a shelter For madonna wannabees.

Well, why The sudden change?

Well, carl, when we went To the recital tonight,

I got a lot of strange Looks from people.

And then when We were leaving,

I think two teenage girls Made fun of me.

How do you know?

Well, the pointing And laughing Kind of tipped me off.

Yeah, that would do it.

When I met Laura's boyfriend

And he thought I was a grandmother, It made me crazy.

I thought if I dressed young, I'd feel young.

Sweetheart, sit down.

Take a look at my mama.

She is the youngest 86-year-old On this earth.

Sweetheart, age is Just a state of mind.

I realize that now.

I'm not old unless I think I'm old.

Well, anyway,

I'm out of The mtv generation now.

I'm going back to The home shopping channel.

Ha ha ha ha.

Well, welcome back.

And, honey? Hmm?

Thank you For not saying,

"Harriette, You look like a fool."

Well, I knew you'd work This out for yourself.

You didn't Need my input.

I appreciate that.

Tell you what.

Come on upstairs, Let me thank you properly.

Okay, but one thing. What?

Will you wear the wig? I like the wig.