Original subtitles

Now, come along, My dubious cutie.

Steve, it is too late To be hanging out with you

And your Jurassic mukluks.

I'm tired, and I want to go to bed.

You'll be too excited to sleep Once you see that!

Oh, lord.

What have you done now?

[slippers barking]

Behold! New from urkelco...

The adjust-a-stand!

The adjust-a-what?

The adjust-a-stand.

How many times over the years Have you been sitting On that couch

With a crick In your neck

Because the tv Wasn't at eye level?

I don't know. Maybe once.

Well, that's One time too many.

Now grab a seat.

Steve!

Come on. Come on.

Put your tushie On the cushy.

Here. How about A little mtv action?

[hip-hop music plays]

[slippers bark to music]

Tushie on the cushy.

Okay, okay.

Observe.

Wow.

Goodnight.

Wow!

Wh-what's wrong?

It's building up Too much pressure.

If I don't release it, It's going to blow!

Boy...

My head can't wait To hit that pillow.

I don't blame you, honey.

You worked 16 straight hours.

Oh, boy.

[loud hip-hop Music plays]

I'll go tell the kids To turn off the music

So you can sleep.

Don't worry, sweetheart.

That tv won't Bother me tonight.

[steve's slippers Barking]

Well, at least No one was hurt.

Not yet! Carl!

Carl!

Aah!

Aah!

Grrr! Aah!

Aah!

Hi, eddie.

Richie, stop yelling.

I'm not.

Want to shoot Some hoops?

Oh! Ah! Ow!

No!

What's the matter With you?

I went to a party Last night.

Now I'm real...

Tired.

Well, well.

Look who's up At the crack of noon.

I didn't get to bed Until 7 a.M.

Oh, good defense, Edward.

Son, were you Drinking?

I blew the foam Off a few.

Uh-huh.

Hey, rich, um,

I'd like to speak To edward alone, so...

I should get lost? Thanks.

Well, that party you Went to last night

Must've been A real doozie.

Yeah.

The frat house Really rocked.

Music, babes,

Good food.

Drinking.

Well...

We had a keg In the tub.

And a keg in the kitchen.

And a keg In the coat closet.

Ha ha ha.

Do you find this Amusing, edward?

No, sir.

Because I don't find it Remotely amusing

When my teenage son Comes home drunk.

Oh, dad, I'm 19 years old now.

I'm in college now anyway.

Besides, last night Was the first time I got drunk

In my entire life.

Well, edward, you know,

You are underage,

So that one Better be your last.

Come on, dad.

Lighten up!

What do you mean, Lighten up?

Edward, your mother and I Sent you to college

To get an education,

Not to party hearty.

Look, I study hard All week.

When the weekend comes, I want to relax.

That's why I joined A fraternity--

To have some fun.

I don't object to fun.

I love fun.

In fact, I'm the grand Funkmaster of fun.

But I don't need To take a drink

To have a good time.

And neither do you.

Why do you always Do this?

Why do I always Do what?

Limit me.

Build walls Around me.

Edward, this is not About walls!

This is about roads.

And drinking Will take you

Down a road that leads To a dead end.

Look, dad, I don't see

How having A few beers With my friends

Is going to hurt me.

Edward, here is The bottom line.

The next day that I Catch you drinking again

Will be the very last day

That you live in this house.

Steve urkel.

That'd be me.

Hiya.

Anytime you're ready.

How much does This job pay?

10 bucks an hour Plus tips.

Goody, goody. I need this job

So I can fix My friend's floor.

I blew a hole Through it.

Who cares?

Well, he does.

The people Sitting on the couch Downstairs

Can look right up His boxers.

Look, will you please Get on with it?

[playing a polka]

Stop. Stop.

Cut it. Stop. Stop.

Stop. S--

Stop it!

But--but I'm not finished.

Oh...Yes, you are.

Your music isn't the kind My customers want to hear.

Cafe java customers Come here to mellow out.

I need a jazz musician.

A cool, charismatic guy

With a dynamic Stage presence.

Oh.

Oh!

What is it?

You may not want me,

But wait till you meet The other me.

Folks, folks, folks.

Sit back, relax,

And enjoy The cool jazz tones

Of stefan urquelle.

Thank you. Thank you. Right back at you.

[plays jazz improvisation]

Stick around.

Tonight we're going To do this cafe my way.

Come on!

Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

[playing upbeat jazz]

[cheers and applause]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Right back at you.

As I look around the room,

I see so many Beautiful women.

And you know who you are.

I'd like to lay out A few insights into my psyche.

A few philosophical thoughts I like to call...

Stefan's tips For a better life.

In this world, There are givers, And there are takers.

The takers eat better,

The givers, oh, They sleep better.

At least once in your life, Own a convertible,

But buy a windscreen So you don't mess up your hair.

Oh, and don't burn Your bridges.

It's amazing how many times We have to cross

The same river.

Oh, That is so heavy!

And always have a friend Who owns a truck.

And finally, for stefan's Most important tip of all.

Always, And I do mean always,

Be romantic.

* let me love you, baby, Let me love you, baby *

* till you feel my love For you is real **

Ha ha ha ha! Shh!

Waldo, you always Acting like an old lady.

You even walk like one.

Edward!

Uh-oh.

You know it is 4:00 In the morning.

Really?

Oh, my watch Must be slow.

Edward, you've been Drinking again.

No, sir!

Okay, Maybe a couple.

[snickering]

I'm hammered!

Were you drinking, too?

No. I swore off.

Booze gives me A british accent.

I'm the designated driver.

And may I say, In eddie's defense,

He was a lot drunker Before he threw up In my designated car.

Thanks a lot, waldo.

You know, you could Win the gold medal

In the stupid olympics.

Alright, edward.

It's time to go to bed.

Whatever you say, Funkmaster.

And after you've Slept it off...

You can pack your things.

Pack--pack my stuff?

That's right.

I warned you, edward,

That the very next time

That I caught you Drinking again,

That you'd Have to move out.

But, dad--

No buts, edward!

Now, you have Until the weekend

To find you Another place to live.

Ladies and gentlemen,

The one, the only Stefan urquelle.

Folks, I have a bittersweet Announcement to make.

Tonight will be My last night

Here at the cafe java.

No! No! No! No!

I came here to pay a debt To a friend,

And thanks To your generosity,

I've done that far sooner Than expected.

So, I thought tonight Should be your night.

Are there any requests?

Will you marry me?

Are there Any other requests?

I have one.

Ladies and gentlemen,

This lovely young lady Is laura winslow.

Now, remember her name

So you can all Tell your kids

You once saw The perfect woman.

So what's your request?

Well, I'd like To sing a song.

Is that so?

Yes, and dedicate it To you.

What more could A man ask for?

Now what song Would you like to sing?

Well, I realize that You have to leave,

Even though It breaks my heart.

But I want you to know That I'll wait for you.

You will?

Yes.

And until you return,

I'll be saving All my love for you.

[plays saving All my love for you]

* a few stolen moments *

* is all that we share *

* you've got Your family *

* and they Need you there *

* though I try to resist *

* being last On your list *

* but no other man *

* is gonna do *

* so I'm savin' All my love *

* for you *

* I've got to get ready *

* just a few minutes more *

* gonna get That old feeling *

* when you walk Through that door *

* 'cause tonight Is the night *

* for feelin' alright *

* we'll be makin' love *

* the whole night through *

* so I'm savin' All my love *

* yes, I'm savin' All my love *

* yes, I'm savin' All my love *

* for *

* you **

[cheers and applause]

[knock on door]

Hi, eddie.

Hey, waldo.

I'm all packed.

Eddie, you can't Move in with me.

What?

I waited until Your arms were full

So you couldn't Hit me.

Waldo, what's Going on here?

Look, eddie, Aren't best friends

Supposed To tell each other The truth,

Even if it hurts?

Yeah.

Well, the truth is, I don't like it When you drink.

Well, why not?

You get mean. You make fun of me.

I do not. Yes.

Remember, you said I'd win the gold medal

In the stupid olympics.

Well, I got news For you, eddie.

I looked it up. There's no such thing.

Look, waldo, I'm sorry If I hurt your feelings,

But I really need A place to stay.

Then move in With one of your Drinking buddies.

Eddie, When you drink...

You're A different person.

And that person's Not my friend.

And he's not Your friend, either.

Gentlemen.

Hi, mr. Winslow. Bye, mr. Winslow.

Why aren't you Going with him?

Uh, change of plans.

I'm moving Into the frat house.

Oh. Yeah.

6 bedrooms, 18 guys.

One bathroom.

Lots of fun.

I bet.

Well, I guess I better get going.

You take care of yourself.

Yeah.

Dad...

For what it's worth...

You were right.

About what?

About drinking.

I'm starting to see

It is a dead-end road.

It got me kicked Out of the house,

And it just cost me My best friend.

You know, It's a funny thing About drinking.

You don't realize What it's doing to you

Till it's... Done it to you.

Yeah, well, I made a decision.

It's not going To do it to me.

You mean that, edward?

You bet I do.

We, uh... We're not going To have to pack

These things again, Are we?

No way, dad.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

* you've got Your family *

* and they Need you there *

* though I try To resist *

* being last On your list *

* but no other man Is gonna do *

* so I'm savin' All my love *

* for you... **