Original subtitles

Hello to you, carl.

Steve, if that's one of Your new inventions,

I don't want to see it. I don't want to try it.

And I don't even want To hear about it.

Sure you do.

Why, this is The steve urkel Detailing system.

"Suds" for short.

Why, this baby is the world's Ultimate window washing Machine.

I don't care. Goodbye.

Whoo!

Why, there's a skeeter

Splattered On your windowpane.

But fortunately, Suds is on the job.

[motor starts]

What are you doing?

I'm pumping up The pressure, carl.

It won't work If there isn't Enough pressure.

Well, turn it off And get out.

5...4...3...2...

1! Steve!

Steve!

[shuts off]

Too much pressure.

No kidding.

Carl...

Are you angry?

Well...

Then you should Let that anger out.

Are you sure?

Abso-tootle-lutely.

Let it all out.

Okay.

You idiot!

Excellent.

Now we can move on.

You clumsy Techno-bonehead!

No, no.

Now, now,

See, that's not moving on.

That's dwelling. We don't want that.

Shut up!

Oh, now, that's not Dwelling on it,

That's clinging to it.

We definitely don't want To do that. You--

I have had it with you!

As of this moment,

You are forbidden To do any more

Scientific experiments In this house!

No! Yes!

But, carl--

No more inventions.

Oh--oh, Carl, carl.

Oh, carl...

But, carl, My being A scientist

Is my reason For being.

I don't think so, steve.

I think that Your reason for being

Is to chip, chip, chip Away at my sanity!

Now, oh, now, carl,

Please...No, no!

Please, no!

Steve! I want you To clean this mess up

While I change my clothes.

And when I get back, You and me are gonna pack

Every one of your stupid Scientific gizmos

And hauling them Out of here!

No more experiments?

Hey, donna.

Yo, winslow!

Well, I, uh, hope You don't mind Me stopping by.

No. Come on in.

Hi, donna.

Hey, princess.

So, uh...

Ha ha...

You guys, Check me out.

You notice anything Different about...

Let's say, my...

Nosal area?

Oh, my god!

She got a nose ring!

Ha ha, yep!

Ain't I lovely?

Hey, Where'd you Get that done?

At the mall. Jewelry store's having A two-for-one.

I went with dad.

He got another one In his eyebrow.

I'd love having My nose pierced.

So do it.

All it takes is 5 minutes and 30 bucks.

My mother would freak. She'd rant and rave

And make my life A nightmare.

So? I'll do it Anyway.

Boy...

This is the saddest Day of my life.

Well, it's the Happiest day of mine.

Well, carl,

What is all this stuff?

Oh, just items we Confiscated from thieves,

Drug dealers, and smugglers.

Well, is my stuff Going to be safe here?

Ha ha, steve--

This is A police warehouse.

This is the safest Place in chicago.

[elevator clangs]

Well, who could that be?

I don't know.

Probably some other Police officers.

[clang]

Is the city lowering Their standards

For police officers?

Well, good evening, guys.

Hey, look, guys. Fresh meat.

[laughter]

Listen, this is a city-owned Building.

No unauthorized Personnel are allowed.

Says who? Says me...

Lieutenant carl winslow,

Chicago police department.

Hey!

[laughter]

Now, you listen to me, butt--ow!

Ooh.

You dare flaunt This man's authority?

Shut...Up!

Ooh-hoo!

Breath mint?

Hey, I know Those tattoos.

You guys are The serpents.

That's right.

Satan's serpents.

What do you guys Want here?

You cops have been Squeezing us lately.

Putting a lot of us In jail.

So we thought We'd even the score

By knocking over The police warehouse.

What's your name, Scoundrel?

Snap.

Snap? Who are they, Crackle and pop?

Alright. Put the club down.

I want all of you To put your clubs And chains

On the floor Right now!

[laughter]

Do what he says.

You didn't mention Knives.

[humming Camptown races]

* gun, carl. Gun, carl *

[humming]

* pull your gun Right now *

* I didn't bring My gun *

* I don't know What to say *

* what the heck Is wrong with you? *

* all doo-dah day **

Tie these two up And start loading The truck

While I decide How I'm going to Get rid of them.

Ooh ooh ooh!

Guys, careful, careful. I'm a bleeder.

Hey, mom.

Hi, honey.

Where've you been?

Oh, the mall.

I got something for me and I got something for you.

Oh, really? Let me see.

Ooh, laura, It's beautiful!

I love it!

Now, what'd you get For you?

Aah!

Aah!

Laura, what have you Done to yourself?

Ma, I just got a nose ring. All the girls have one.

Laura, the last thing in The world you need

Is another hole In your head!

Ma, take it easy.

How could you do this without Discussing it with me first?

Why is it Such a big deal?

It's my body.

Not until you're 18!

Until that time,

Your father and I Hold the pink slip.

This really bothers you That much?

Yes, it does, laura.

I mean, it looks Okay on you...

For that Sort of thing.

Ooh!

But what really Disappoints me

Is you just Went ahead

And did it On your own.

Look, ma, it's not real.

You bought A fake nose ring?

Yeah, 'cause I wanted to see How nuts you'd get.

I think I handled it Pretty well.

Okay, so I got A little crazed,

But it doesn't Matter now

Because it was A false alarm.

Case closed.

No, it isn't. I want a real one.

What!

But this time I'm Asking you first.

Laura, do you really like The way you look

With a nose ring?

Yeah! I mean, I think it's cool.

[sighs]

Alright! Okay, I won't say no.

But I'm not Saying yes either.

I believe you Are mature enough

To examine This situation thoroughly

From every angle,

And I trust...

That you will then make An intelligent decision

As to how you're Going to treat Your own body.

I really get To decide myself?

Yep.

And may god help me.

Okay, I decided.

I'm not getting A nose ring.

Thank you, jesus!

'cause I really Want a navel ring.

Work with me, jesus!

Oh, thank you, mom. You're the best.

L-laura, wait!

Let's talk! Let's talk!

Carl, I've got an idea,

So just follow My lead, okay?

What are you gonna--

Hey.

What are you two Jabbering about?

Nothing. We're just Telling each other Riddles.

Well, I've got A riddle for you.

What's dead And don't move?

Oh, what?

You, in 30 seconds.

[laughter]

That's a stupid riddle.

No, you idiot! Hand me the crowbar.

Sorry, bro.

Say your prayers, Nerd boy.

No, no, Wait, wait, wait.

You see that chamber Over there?

You mean that Fancy porta-potty?

[laughter]

That's my Transformation chamber.

What are you Talking about?

You see, mr. Snap, I'm a scientist.

And I discovered A way to transform Human chromosomes.

You see, with that machine,

You could rob a bank one day As the elvis presley gang,

And rob it again the next day As the cast of happy days.

No way.

Way. We'll prove it to you.

Put us in the chamber.

Come on. What do You have to lose...

Snap?

Alright. Stand them up.

Cut them loose

And take them Over there.

Come on. Let's get going.

"Einstein elixir?"

"Jack lemmon juice?"

Yeah. This is Liquefied celebrity dna.

Now, I recommend We try...

"Bruce juice."

Bruce who?

Well, who knows? Could be bruce willis.

Nah. Nah. Nah.

Could be Bruce jenner.

Nah. Nah. Nah.

Could be Bruce springsteen.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Alright. Let's find out.

I'd love to meet the boss.

Hey, how long--

Shh!

Not while he's pouring.

Now...

Once we're inside,

All you do is Flip this switch.

[gong]

[imitating Bruce lee] Ohh...

That's right.

Now I remember.

It wasn't Bruce springsteen.

It was bruce lee.

Isn't that right, Bruce?

[same imitation] That's right, bruce.

You mean bruce lee, The karate guy?

No, sara lee, The cake lady.

What's with These nimrods?

What did you say?

Uff!

Waaahh!

What's the matter?

You gargle Without scotch?

Now you're mine.

Hyah!

Hey! Anybody Need a key ring?

Get 'em!

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Get 'em!

Aah! Aah!

Ahh...

You fall down, Go boom.

Hyah! Hyah!

Aah! Aah!

Come on, guys!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hah!

Right here. Come on.

Come on.

Aww. Tough guy, eh?

Box no kick back.

Wah wah wah wah wah!

Aha, gotcha!

Yeah!

Look what we did.

Well, this is all Of it, big guy.

Oh, good.

Thanks, carl, For letting me move

My lab equipment Back in.

You're welcome, steve.

Truth is, I never should've Made you move it out.

Your chamber saved Our lives tonight.

Yes, it did.

But I promise,

I'll be more careful

With my future Experiments.

Okay.

Steve...

Yes?

Well. During The fight tonight,

We worked Pretty well together.

We're a team.

Yes, yes, we are. Yes, we are.

Man, some of your moves Were amazing.

Ah! Right back At ya!

I was actually glad That you were there.

Well, thanks, carl.

In fact, I couldn't Have been more proud

If you were my own son.