Original subtitles

[steve humming]

Oh...

Oh, I--

I'm sorry, big guy.

I'm so, so sorry.

Heh heh. Oh, it's no biggie.

No biggie?

Where are you going?

You'll see.

Gee, you're taking this Like a prince.

Uh-huh.

You're being sweeter Than kathie lee gifford

Sucking sugar cubes.

Yep.

Why aren't you Screaming at me?

Well, steve, I finally realized

That you're an accident Waiting to happen,

So I figured out A stress-free way Of dealing with you.

What is it?

Heh heh heh.

Back up furniture!

Now, let's see. What did you break?

A coffee table, A lamp...

Oh! And a gold vase.

Ooh ooh ooh!

I broke one of these Upstairs.

Oh, you're good.

Ooph!

Look what you did.

Aaaargh!

Aaaargh!

F-I-r-e

Dash u-p!

* so fired up *

* hey, so fired up *

* hey *

* laura's got it going on *

* she's got it going on *

* laura's got it going on, Aw, yeah *

* k.C.'s got it going on, She's got it going on *

* k.C.'s got it going on, Aw, yeah *

* max has got it going on, She's got it going on *

* max has got it going on, Aw, yeah *

* steve's got it going on *

* I got it going on *

* steve's got it going on, Aw, yeah-- **

So, how's practice Going, ladies?

Steve, you're not Allowed downstairs

When I have Friends over!

I'm quite aware Of that oppressive rule, Thank you.

In fact, when max Was over yesterday,

I skinned my elbow Trying to climb out The bedroom window.

Oh. What a shame.

Wanna see the scab?

What do you want?

I'm starting To get the sniffles

And I can't find Any vitamin c

To scare away mr. Mucus.

Here. Take some Of mine

Just as long as It's on your way out.

I'm forever In your debt, my pet.

My nasal cavities Will forever drain In your honor.

Laura, if I need more A little later--

You can help Yourself. Now, go.

Oh. You're Probably cranky

Because you're getting that Big old zit on your chin.

Get out. Done.

Alright, girls! Come on, listen up!

Alright.

As you all know,

Our coach Ms. Kornheiser

Has chosen me to be captain Of this cheerleading squad.

You guys, stop it.

Pay attention to me. I am the leader now.

Chill out, girl. We're listening.

Alright.

Now.

Girls, we're good.

But by god, We could be better.

Maxine, you wear Your skirt too short.

You're distracting boys On both teams.

I am?

I mean, I am?

I'll let the hem out.

Thank you.

Laura, I'm afraid The next time

We do the muskrat Victory pyramid,

You will no longer Be allowed on top.

Why not?

Let's just say You put on a few pounds,

And personally, I'm concerned about

The safety of Those of us beneath you.

I have the poundage figures Here somewhere.

Carl, I hope You haven't forgotten

That you promised To put shelves in The garage this weekend.

I haven't forgotten,

But it sure Would be nice

If someone would Volunteer to help.

I'll help you, Big guy.

Well, Thanks, steve,

But I'm sure I will have Plenty of help.

Any more potatoes? Oh.

Eddie, your father Is talking to you.

Oh. What is it, dad?

I need your help This saturday Afternoon.

Oh, I can't.

I promised greta I'd help her dad Do something.

What?

Just put up Some shelves.

But, big guy, I'm free.

I could spend The whole day with you.

Isn't that great?

Yippee.

Laura, Why aren't you eating?

I'm on a strict diet And I'm sticking to it.

Honey, you've got To eat more.

Starving yourself To death

Is not a healthy way To diet.

What's wrong?

Your pork chop is shaped Exactly like west virginia.

Oh, my goodness!

What?

My mashed potatoes Are shaped

Exactly like The state of maryland.

Why, if you trade Pork chops with me,

I'll have bordering states.

Happy now?

Wait a minute.

Your dinner roll Looks a lot like delaware.

If you trade Your dinner roll...

Oh, will You shut up!

*** *** ***

*** *** ***

[music stops]

Oh!

Uh-uh. Get up, girl. We're doing it again.

Again? Why do I have To exercise?

Nobody called Me fat.

'cause you're my best friend

And you're obligated by law To suffer with me.

Laura, this obsession To lose weight has Gotten out of hand.

Girl, I'm not obsessed.

Half a pound?

What do I have to do To lose some weight, Cut off a stinking foot?

Hey, girl. Did you bring it?

Yeah. What's that?

Don't take more than One at a time,

Or you'll race Through your day In warp drive.

Alright.

What is that?

Don't worry About it, max.

Are you sure these work?

Are you kidding?

My cousin went From nell carter

To naomi campbell In three months.

She just gave Them to you?

She traded me for A box of ding dongs.

That girl's got No willpower.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

Laura, what are You doing?

Starving myself And exercising Isn't working.

I'm gonna take Diet pills.

Laura, Are you insane?

Diet pills have Stimulants in them.

So?

So, people get addicted To that stuff.

People who don't Know what they're Doing get addicted.

Oh, my god. You sound like one Of those after school specials.

Will you relax? I'll just take enough,

To lose five pounds And the I'll stop.

This is crazy. You don't need To lose any weight.

You heard monica. I'm too fat For the pyramid.

Laura, I just think There maybe--

Will you drop it? It's not a big deal, okay?

Then why are hiding them In your vitamin bottle?

I'm not Hiding anything.

Laura?

Hmm?

Hi, max.

Hi, mrs. Winslow.

Can you Help me put The groceries away?

I'll be right there.

Alrighty.

I just hope you know What you're doing.

Don't worry, Max. I do.

Oh. Hi, max.

Hi, mr. Winslow.

Is steve up yet?

I haven't seen him. Oh, good.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Oh. Hi, big guy.

Oh. Morning, steve.

I thought You'd be sleeping In this morning.

You know, I almost did.

Somehow my alarm clock Got unplugged.

You don't say?

But lucky for me, I've got a cuckoo clock In my brain.

I would have missed out On our project.

You know, steve, You really don't Have to help me.

I'm sure you'd Rather be dissecting Bugs, or something.

Oh, will you stop it, You silly goose?

Why, I love The industrial arts.

One summer, I helped my father Build a picnic table.

Did you? Oh, yeah.

Of course, our project Came to an abrupt halt

When I accidentally Dropped a belt sander Down his pants.

Ooh. What did He say?

Well, he said, "Aaaaaahhhhh!"

I don't want To hear this.

Achoo!

Oh, bless you.

Achoo!

Bless you.

Achoo!

Bless you.

You go ahead, Big guy.

I need to refuel On vitamin c.

Take your time.

Ah, here we go.

Achoo!

Ah-ah-achoo!

Okay, germies.

Take this.

And this.

And this.

Ahh.

Yeah.

I feel more Peppy already.

Hey, milt. Still hanging around, hey?

I'm all ready to go, Carl.

Okay, steve.

Now, I'll just to go over A few things before We get started.

Abso-toodle-lutely.

Let her rip. Fire away.

Ph-ph-pha!

Well, okay. Here's the plan.

I'm gonna work on This side of the garage,

And you'll work On that side.

I won't be near you And I might survive.

Gotcha.

Okay.

Now, the first thing That we have to do

Is measure And cut the wood.

Ah, yes! Measure And cut the wood.

* measure and cut The wood *

* measure and cut, Measure and cut *

* measure And cut the wood *

Steve?

* measure And cut the wood *

Steve?

Steve, be still.

Okay. Stay, stay, stay.

What's wrong with you?

Oh, nothing. Let's go, daddy-o.

Go, go, go, go!

Okay.

Now, each shelf Should be 36 inches long.

36 inches long!

Uh-huh.

Aye-aye, sir!

* measure And cut the wood *

Steve. Steve?

* measure and cut, Measure and cut-- *

Steve!

Sorry, big guy.

Hey--after this, Let's wax the cars, Write some songs,

Paint the kitchen, And build a tree house.

Let's just Put up the shelves.

Okey dokey, smokey. Alright.

Uh-huh.

Aaaaaaahhh!

Ooh!

Steve?

Shhh!

Not while I'm sawing.

[saw whirring]

[whirr]

Well, I'm done.

Yep. Me, too.

Aaahh!

What's wrong?

This is the worst carpentry I've ever seen in my life!

You're just sore Because I beat you.

Heh heh heh

[snort-snort]

Hey, guys.

Hi, harriette. Hi, laura.

Hi, harriette. Hi, laura.

Hi, harriette.

Oh, look, It's laura.

We thought you guys Would be thirsty, so...

What the heck Happened here?

Who put up these shelves, Ray charles?

Excuse me, coming through. Sweeping, sweeping.

Carl, how am I supposed To store anything On these shelves?

Look what you did.

It isn't my fault. Those shelves were flimsy!

Yeah, you're right.

They all fell down. Boom, boom.

Boom biddy boom Biddy boom-boom.

* boom biddy boom biddy Boom biddy boom boom *

* boom biddy boom biddy Boom biddy boom biddy boom *

* boom boom boom boom Boom biddy boom biddy boom *

Is it just me,

Or has steve Actually reached A new level of weird?

Steve, Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine. Never been better.

Ooh! Achoo!

Can't get rid of This cold.

Oh, steve. No.

Hey, what gives, Laura?

You said I could Help myself.

Yeah, well, I changed my mind

Because you shouldn't Take these.

You know, because, um...

You know, too much Vitamin c is, You know bad for you.

What?

That's ridiculous.

A bunch of baloney!

Ba-lo-ney!

Ooh, I can See my lips When I say that.

Ba-lo-ney.

How many did you take?

Let's see...

[blowing]

Four. Four!

That's right!

1! 2!

3 and 4!

Steve.

Laura, what is Going on here?

These aren't vitamins. They're diet pills.

What?!

Steve's acting like this

Because they have Stimulants in them.

What!

I've been Taking drugs!

Why, I've gotta, I've gotta...

I've gotta dance!

Laura, what are you doing With diet pills?

I just wanted To lose weight.

This isn't Like you, laura.

Steve!

Steve, be still!

I can't! I can't, big guy!

I can't stop moving!

I can't stop jittering. I don't like this!

Is he gonna be okay?

Good question, Laura.

That's what I want to know.

Am I gonna be okay?

Am I gonna be okay?

You're gonna be--

Steve, you're Gonna be fine.

I think I'd better Take you to the hospital Let them look you over.

Hospital? Good idea.

I'll run ahead And fill out The forms.

Laura, how long Have you been taking Diet pills?

Ma, I just got them.

I haven't taken any, I swear.

But I was Gonna take them.

Why?

'cause I'm fat.

Oh, sure. You're a house.

What are you up to now, Size 6?

Ma, you know What I mean.

I just wanted to lose A couple of pounds.

Honey,

First of all,

This is not The way to do it.

And second, What made you think You needed to lose weight?

The captain of The cheerleading squad

Said I was too heavy To be on top of The pyramid.

Oh, I see.

When I was in high school,

I made good grades.

Thought I was pretty smart.

But one day In english class,

Jimmy thompson Called me stupid.

And you know, I believed him.

Really?

Yeah. I actually Flunked the next test.

Ma, you're Not stupid.

And you're not fat.

Sometimes, people say Things about us That aren't true.

We can't let What people say

Control the way We live our lives.

I know, ma.

Honey...

Get up.

Let's get to What's really important.

How do you Think you look?

I look okay.

Just okay?

Pretty good, I guess. I don't know.

Pretty good?

Alright. You got me, mom.

I'm a babe, okay?

That's my girl.

Thanks for hanging Out with me, laura.

It's my fault You can't sleep.

This is the least I can do.

You got A point there.

Steve, I'm sorry About those pills.

Oh, will you Stop apologizing?

I told you, I forgive you.

I forgive you A million times.

Thanks.

You think you'll be able To fall asleep tonight?

Oh, I don't know.

I've tried Everything.

Warm sheep, Counting milk.

I even tried Soaking my feet

In a hot Tub of cheese.

Why don't we just Watch some more tv?

Okle-dokle. Let's see What's on cbs.

[snoring]