Original subtitles

What was the matter With her?

I don't know. What's She picking on me for?

I didn't do anything.

Go.

I don't think They like strangers.

What?

[clears throat]

Mrs. Winslow,

You are just so

Fiiiiiiine!

Well, are you just Going to sit there,

Or are you going to Do something about it?

I'm going to do Something about it.

Ahem.

Ahem ahem!

What do you want, Steve?

Have either of you Seen my pumice stone?

I need to remove My calluses.

Do you need it now?

The instructions Clearly state

Best used when epidermal Tissues are moist.

Steve, we're trying to Have a romantic moment here.

Oh.

Oohh!

Oh.

Oohh!

Ooohhh!!

Will you get Out of here?

[doorbell rings]

Oh, I'll get that.

Hi, waldo.

Hey, urkel.

What's with The weird outfit?

Hmm, you're a fine one To talk, towel boy.

These happen to be My traveling duds.

Uh--I know I'm taking

A big risk By asking this,

But where you going?

The airport.

No, after that.

The airplane.

No, after that.

Another airport.

Where are you Going to end up?

Back home.

Give me your ticket!

Porto santo?

Ah, yes, porto santo,

A small island off The coast of honduras.

Average temperature, A balmy 84 degrees.

Population, 1,142.

National pastime, Cleaning up after hurricanes.

Hey, waldo!

'sup?

We'd better hurry to get You to the airport on time.

Wait, wait, wait.

Waldo, why on earth

Would you want to go To this porto santo?

One word-- Good sauces.

Hmmm.

I've been selected To study with one

Of the great chefs Of latin cuisine,

Juan carlos de manuel

De luis Don romanos escobar.

[eddie] Wow!

...Ruiz oliveros De miguel esperantos Villanueva.

Gee!

...Gomez carnales Philipe julio Bustamante.

Oh, get out, Out, out!

Out, out, out!

Sanchez.

Hi, mrs. Winslow.

Hey, mom.

Hi, girls. How was school?

Oh, good.

We played dodge ball,

Another useful skill In my adult life.

I couldn't wait To tell you.

I have Terrific news.

Ooh, steve moved out?

Even better.

I found a very nice Young man for you today.

Uh-oh.

Wait, wait, wait!

Wait. He's a freshman in college,

And he's majoring In...Geology.

Dweeb alert.

How can you say that? You haven't even met him.

Well, What's his name, ma?

Junior.

Junior?

What's The matter, mom?

You couldn't Find a skippy?

That's just What they call him.

It's a nickname.

I am not going On a blind date

With somebody Named junior.

Okay, fine.

Let me ask you something.

What are your plans For this saturday night?

Well, waldo's Out of town,

So I planned on hanging out With my good friend max.

Sorry. I promised Mary puckett

I'd give her A back wax.

Hairy mary?

Mm-hmm.

[sighs]

That could be An all-nighter.

[sighs]

Tell junior to Pick me up at 8:00.

That's my girl!

Oh, am I glad To see you!

Wish I could Say the same.

I have Terrible, awful, Very bad news.

I know. You're here.

No, dad. Waldo's been arrested.

Yes. He's in The porto santo Hoosegow.

But why, what happened?

Oh, we don't know. We had a very bad connection.

All we know is that waldo Was scared and very upset.

I'd better call His father right now.

You can't!

The faldo family Went kayaking in The gobi desert.

But there's No water there.

They think that's The challenge.

Ahhh.

What are We gonna do, dad?

I'll tell you What I'm gonna do.

I'll hop on a plane To porto santo

And get waldo Out of jail.

Good idea. You're a cop.

You can talk To the officials

And negotiate His release.

I'm going with you.

Me, too.

I'm sorry. No way, guys.

We have to go.

You might need An interpreter.

You guys Don't speak spanish.

No, but we do Speak waldo.

They call That an airport?

A shack With a flashlight On the roof?

But it still had Hare krishnas.

Hola!

Hola!

Yoo hoody hoo!

Buenos dias.

I am officer Jaime gutierrez garcia.

I am lieutenant Carl winslow, chicago p.D.

I see.

And how may I be Of service to you?

We're here to secure The release of waldo faldo.

El desperado?

Waldo?

El desperado?

We know him As el stupido.

Ah, yes. He hides His cleverness

Behind a mask Of idiocy.

Uh, just what is Waldo charged with?

He was apprehended While trying to smuggle

A rare antiquity Out of the country.

A rare antiquity?

"I heart porto santo?"

This is your idea Of a rare antiquity?

Well, excuse me.

We have only Been a nation For five years.

This is the oldest Bowl in the country.

Look, you and I are Both officers of the law,

And I was hoping, As a professional courtesy,

That you and I could Work something out.

I think that Would be possible.

If you were To pay his fine,

It would save us The expense Of a trial

And fixing Our electric stool.

Don't you mean Electric chair?

We are A small country.

Well, how much Is his fine?

$10,000.

What?

That's outrageous!

I demand to see The chief of police.

You're Looking at him.

The mayor.

Speaking.

The governor.

I blush at My accomplishments.

Well...

Aren't you a busy bee?

What do you do In your spare time?

I make ceramic bowls.

That's it. I'm going to The american embassy.

Ah, the american embassy Is no more.

It is now a kinko's.

They're everywhere, You know?

Yeah, you know, Them and starbuck's--

Can we at least Speak to waldo?

Of course. I am a reasonable man.

El desperado!

You have visitors!

[waldo] Who is it?

It's me, steve!

Urkel?

Yeah, And me, eddie!

I'm here, too, waldo!

[all shouting at once]

All done.

That's it?

That's it.

If you pay the fine, He may go free.

Otherwise, allow me To recommend a lawyer.

"J.G. Garcia, Attorney at law."

How may I help you?

What are you doing?

Stop. Stop.

Pssst.

Pssst.

Waldo! Waldo!

Steve! Eddie! Mr. Winslow!

Shhhhhh!

You guys have Gotta get me out.

It's like A prison in here.

Actually, waldo, It is a prison.

Oh, god. It's worse Than I thought.

I'm losing Track of time.

Is hillary clinton Still president?

Waldo, it's only Been four days.

It seems like five. I can't take it in here.

The walls are Closing in on me!

Uh, guys, We got to Get him out.

He's about To snap.

Now look, waldo,

You have been unjustly Incarcerated

By a corrupt official For a crime

That you did not commit.

We are not leaving Porto santo without you.

Hey, big guy,

Are you thinking What I think You're thinking?

Yes.

Tonight, you, Eddie, and myself

Are gonna bust Waldo out of jail.

Cool.

[crack]

Hello, sugar.

Can I crack you a nut?

No, thanks, grandma.

If you don't pull that Chin up off the floor,

You're gonna get A rug burn.

Sorry.

What's the matter, Honey?

I let my mom talk me into Going out on a blind date.

He's picking me up In three hours.

I understand He's a college man.

Yeah, he's majoring In geology.

Uh-oh. Dweeb alert.

[doorbell rings]

Hi. Pizza for Harriet winslow.

Uh--come in, Come in.

I'm...Laura.

Oh, put it on The table--winslow.

I'm david. That'll be $11.46-- Phillips.

Here's $15. Keep the change.

Thanks.

What?

I'm sorry. I don't mean to stare.

It's just that,

Well, You're so pretty.

You're not So bad yourself.

I see juliet's pizza Really has a romeo Working for them.

Hey, thanks.

Well...

Listen, I know We just met,

But I was wondering, Do you have a boyfriend?

Nope! She's completely Unattached!

Go for it, boy. Go for it.

Laura, I get off work In a couple of hours.

Can I take you to dinner? Anything but pizza.

I'd love to, But I already Have a date.

Well, Maybe some other time.

You have my address.

And your phone number.

Use it.

I will.

Bye.

Bye.

Okay. See ya.

Uh-huh!

There goes a real honey!

Yeah, and just my luck,

Instead of going out With juliet's "Romeo,"

I'm stuck with Mother's "Junior."

Stop. Would you get out?

Stop it.

Don't hit Your father.

Stop it.

Would you stop it?

Would you guys Stop it?

Shh, shh, shh.

I'll get you.

Waldo. Waldo.

'sup?

We're here to Bust you out.

Thanks, guys, But I got three friends

From the states Who are handling it.

Waldo, it's us In disguise.

Oohh, cool.

Where's garcia?

He went to kinko's.

He elected himself Judge today,

So he wanted New business cards.

Come on, fellas, Let's get busy.

Where'd you get The neato truck?

Hertz.

It does? Then use a seat cushion.

Here's the deal, Waldo--

You be quiet, And we'll get you out.

Well, make it snappy.

The guy in the next cell Keeps calling me chiquita.

Uuuggghhh!

Okay, plan "B."

Okay,

Plan "C."

Okay,

Plan "R."

Not exactly plan "R,"

But it worked.

I'm free.

I'm free.

I want a steak.

I want a woman!

I want to samba The night away.

Aha!

You are all Under arrest

For destroying Ancient architecture.

Ancient architecture!

This is a mud hut!

It is antique mud.

And, as the newly Appointed judge,

I sentence you To $10,000 apiece

Or 10 years In jail.

Wait a minute,

We don't have That kind of money.

What is wrong With you people?

Why are you So stingy?

Because $10,000 Is a lot of money.

Not here.

Our money Ain't worth diddly.

What?

The porto santo dollar

Has a different Rate of exchange than The american dollar.

Didn't you See the poster At kinko's?

No. So how much is 10,000 porto santo dollars

In american money?

Let's see.

[speaking spanish]

30 bucks.

Oh!

Why didn't you say so?

* da, da da da da da *

Ole! * da da da da da *

Keep the change.

That's great, carl.

I'm glad everything Worked out.

I'll leave a message

On the faldo's Answering machine

That waldo is fine.

Well, safe anyway.

Okay, honey. Alright. Bye-bye.

Ooh, laura, You look great.

Thanks, ma.

You're looking more Like your mother Every day.

Can't get a smile Out of you, huh?

Not until I say Goodnight to junior.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, god, he's here.

Ma, can I get an earlier Curfew tonight?

Oh, stop that. Answer the door.

Hi, laura.

David? What are You doing here?

I'm here for our date.

Hi, junior.

Hi, mrs. Winslow.

Junior?

You're junior?

That's my nickname.

My dad's name Is david, too.

This is the nice Young man I was Telling you about.

Your mother ordered pizza When you would be home

To see if we'd hit it off.

I hope you don't mind. I said we did.

I don't mind.

You two have A nice time.

Go ahead and start the car. I'll be right out.

Okay thanks, Mrs. Winslow.

Your next Pizza's on me.

Thank you.

Hey, ma.

Hmm?

Cool move.

Thanks.

You like junior?

Yeah. A lot.

Sometimes mothers Have good instincts.

You know, I don't know why

I ever doubted Your taste in men.

After all, You did pick daddy.

Hey.

And, ma, forget about That early curfew.

* de la sierra morena *

* cielito lindo vienen Bajando *

* un par de ojitos Negros *

* cielito lindo De contrabando *

* ay, ay, ay, ay *

* canta y no llores *

* porque cantando Se alegran *

* cielito lindo *

* los corazones *

* ay, ay, ay, ay *

* canta no llores *

* porque cantando Se alegran *

* cielito lindo Los cor-r-r-r-r... *

* a-a-a-a-a-a *

* zones! **

Yo hice eso?