Original subtitles

[thunder]

[t.V. Announcer] And we just got word The seniors' golf classic

Has been rained out today.

Oh!

So we'll switch live To hawaii

For the bikini Suntan finals!

Hey, alright!

[dance music plays]

Hey, dad.

Oh--trash.

Ooh, sweetheart, You look great.

Thanks. Mom called from work

And said there's A part-time opening At ferguson's.

I'm gonna see if I can get an interview.

Hey, well, sweetheart, Maybe you should it's pouring.

Uh-huh, I've been waiting For a job to open up for weeks.

I'm ready, I'm psyched, I'm primed.

[thunder]

I'm staying home.

I don't blame you, Sweetheart.

High winds, Torrential rains, Lightning, thunder,

Only a crazy fool Would go out on A day like this.

Hi dee ho!

Hey, steve, Where's your tuna boat?

Hee hee hee!

[snorts]

Steve, you're actually Going out on a day like this?

Of course. Today's opening Day at bug world.

Ooh, and the first 100 people

Get a free box of chocolate Covered cockroaches.

But, steve, it's raining Cats and dogs out there.

Yeah, I hope I don't Step in a poodle.

Oh, a silly Little drizzle

Never hurt nobody, Nowhere, no how.

[loud thunder]

[screaming]

Steve!

Steve, are you okay?

I'm--I'm fine.

The elastic In my underwear melted,

But--I'm fine.

Laura, So nice to see you.

Hi, myra.

What are you doing here? It's not red tag day.

There's an opening For a sales clerk here, And I applied.

Oh, me, too, But I have a meeting With mr. Waxman.

Oh, so do I.

What?

I guess we're both up For the same job.

I see.

Oh, good. You're both here.

Hello, Mr. Waxman.

Sidney, You lose weight?

Well, I did skip lunch.

Ladies, I've gone over All the applications,

And I've narrowed it Down to you two.

Oh, well, I can start tomorrow.

I can start this afternoon. I can start right now!

I sold stuff While we were waiting.

Easy now. Easy. Actually, you're Both going to start tomorrow.

What?

I've decided to give you Each a week tryout.

Then I can make the decision Based on your job performance.

You're gonna hire Based on ability?

Yes. We try to do that Every now and then.

Well, ladies, Tomorrow morning, 9 a.M.

Well, looks like We both have a week To prove ourselves.

May the best Gal win.

Right, I'll see you Tomorrow, 9:00.

I'll be here at 8:30. I'll be here at 8:00.

May I help you?

It is really Coming down out there.

Okay! Let's celebrate!

Chocolate cake, Everybody.

Hey, I didn't know We had chocolate cake!

I hid it.

What are We celebrating?

Your new job.

I didn't get it yet. Mr. Waxman Said it's only a tryout.

There won't be any tryout once I have a chat with mr. Waxman.

Oh, no, ma, I don't want you to do that.

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

Because it Wouldn't be fair.

I want to land This job on my own,

Not because my mum and I Have the same boss.

Well, if that's the way you Feel about it, I'll keep quiet.

And laura?

Yes?

I'm proud of you.

[thunder]

Steve, you're actually Going out again?

It's still pouring out. Oh, yes.

Myra and I are gonna go Celebrate her new job.

She didn't get It yet, steve.

I know, But my gal's

A persuasive Little minx.

And no offense, laura,

But people Respond to perky.

So long, steve.

Hasta la bye-bye.

[loud thunder]

[screaming]

Steve!

Steve's not in Right now.

Can I take a message?

Hey, sweetheart,

How's steve?

Not so good, Carl.

He still seems to have

A slight side effect From that lightning.

Morning.

You seem to be having Fewer attacks.

Oh, yes. I'm doing much better.

Bu bup beh!

Steve.

Forget about That cereal.

I'm taking everybody Out to breakfast this morning.

How can You afford that?

I can't. I'm not paying. I'm just driving everybody.

No, thanks. You guys Just go without me.

Oh, come on, steve.

You can even sit at the same Table with us this time.

Oh, thanks,

But me and the old outdoors Just don't get along

Like we used to.

Oh, steve.

Look! My days of being A human lightning rod are over!

Let someone else get Jump started

By 10 billion bolts Of direct current.

But, steve, it's not Even raining today.

Yeah.

There's just two little clouds Up in the sky.

Two?

Yeah, take a look For yourself.

[thunder]

[screaming]

Steve!

Steve, are you okay?

Houston, We have a problem.

Hey, steve, Want to shoot some hoops?

No, I think I'll just Stay here and chill out.

You haven't left The house in three days.

What's up with you?

Nothing.

Yeah, steve, I'm no scientific rocket,

But I think You're afraid of lightning.

Well, Good lord, man,

I've been struck Three times.

I've got a burn on every part Of my body, for goodness sake.

So that's your plan?

You're gonna stay inside The house for the rest of your Life?

Why not? There's absolutely Nothing out there, I can't do in here.

Oh, really?

What if you decide You want to be a cowpoke?

Are you gonna herd cattle In the kitchen?

I think not.

Now, that's true, waldo. You think not.

Thank you.

Come on, waldo, Let's boogie.

Okay.

You know, A hit of lightning Might help him.

My. I've had a slow day.

I only took in $1,200.

How's about you?

[mumbling] $600.

How much?

I said $600.

Ouch!

No wonder you mumbled.

And what a shame It had to happen

On the last day Of tryouts.

[laughter]

Interesting your mother Is laughing up the boss

Just before He makes his decision.

Look, myra, I told you In the beginning, I don't play that way.

If I get this job, it'll be Because I earned it.

My, somebody's A defensive debbie.

Hi, honey.

Well, ladies, I've made my decision.

Sidney, eat something. You're a stick!

Ahem!

Well, first of all, I want to say that, uh,

You've both done A terrific job.

Be strong.

After careful Consideration,

I've decided the job Should go...

To laura.

What! What!

Be strong.

Mr. Waxman, there must be Some kind of mistake.

Were you on medication When you made this decision?

I'm sorry, myra. If there's Any openings in the future,

We'll keep You in mind.

Look, mr. Waxman, if my mother Influenced you in any way,

Then I don't want This job.

Harriette had nothing To do with it.

You got the job Because you earned it.

Oh, this is outrageous.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Waxman, I have to Admit I'm confused.

Myra's sold twice As much as me.

Well, she also had Three times as many returns.

So it's my fault this store Attracts the wishy-washy?

It wasn't only The returns, myra.

You exaggerated and lied To your customers.

You told them they looked good In things when they didn't.

Harmless flattery, syd.

Just like when I told you You were losing weight.

I see.

Laura, on the other hand, Cares for her customers.

She's sincere.

She develops A kind of clientele

That will come back To this store for years.

That's the kind of salesperson We're looking for here at Ferguson's.

Very well.

Congratulations, Laura.

What is this Country coming to

When honesty And sincerity

Are more important Than the almighty buck?

Mr. Waxman, I have To ask you one more..

...My mother didn't Try to influence you?

Not at all.

I really got This job on my own?

That's right. Congratulations.

I'll see You tomorrow.

We're not open Tomorrow.

Oh, monday. I'll see you monday.

[whispers] Yes!

[thunder]

[snoring]

Carl. Carl. Wake up.

[mumbling]

Big guy.

Big guy.

Carl, wake up. Wake up, wake up.

Big guy, wake up.

Aaahhh!

What's going on?

Oh, good. You're awake.

Steve, what are You doing in our bedroom?

Well...

I'm scared Of the lightning.

Steve, I am pulling A double shift tomorrow.

Please, I need my sleep.

Alright. You go ahead.

I'll just Snooze under here.

Just me and the Dust bunnies.

[screams]

Get out of my bedroom!

But, carl... Get out! Get out! Get out!

Carl, he's obviously Very upset.

I think we ought To talk this out.

Oh, alright.

Sit down.

Now look, steve,

You have been hit By lightning three times,

So I can understand Your fears,

But you haven't been out Of this house for a month.

A week.

It seems longer.

Steve,

If you never Go outside again,

Well, just think of all the Wonderful things you'll miss.

Like what?

Well, the warm sunshine On your face.

Picnics,

Swimming... Oh.

Baseball games...

Ooh.

Moonlit walks With myra...

Ooh--my fave.

Oh, but going outside Is too risky.

You know, steve...

I am very Disappointed in you.

You are? Yes, I am.

This is not the Steve urkel that I've come to Know

And tolerate.

It isn't? No, it isn't.

Steve urkel The scientist

Would wonder Why he's been

Struck by Lightning Three times.

I mean, the odds Of that happening Are astronomical!

1 in 35 billion

At this particular Latitude.

Steve urkel The scientist

Would try to Figure out why that happened.

Gadzooks, man! You're right!

What happened to me was A scientific phenomenon,

And therefore, there must Be a scientific explanation.

Right? Right.

Yes. I'll work on it In my laboratory.

Let's see--I'll need An electron microscope,

A centrifuge, 50 ccs of my plasma,

And a skunk.

A skunk? To kill the smell.

Oh, big guy,

Big guy's gal.

You know, most people Wouldn't have taken

The time to help me through this Crisis.

You're welcome, Steve.

Consider yourself Hugged.

The urk man is back

And you've got him!

Oh, joy.

[thunder]

Rage on, foul storm.

I will No longer fear Thy lightning bolts,

For I will bend My brain

To the task at hand,

And conquer thee!

Nightie night.

Carl, wait up!

Good morning, steve.

Fabulous news.

You were right.

There was a reason Why I've been

Struck by So much lightning.

Iron.

Iron?

Yes, I discovered That the boss sauce

I use to turn Myself into stefan

Is chock Full of iron.

Now, sure, It makes me peppy.

But it turns Me into a human Lightning rod.

Wow. Well, can you fix it? I already did.

I ran My blood through A mr. Coffee filter.

And I got this.

Wow. That's heavy.

Of course. Pure iron.

But now I can Go outside

All lighthearted And giddy.

Well, get your giddy In gear. I'm late.

[thunder]

Whoa, boy.

[loud thunder]

[carl screaming]

I told you. Pure iron.

Weren't you listening?

Steve?

Huh?

Come here.

What?

Come here.

Carl, get a hold Of yourself.

Come here. Come here.

Guess what, myra?

I'm talking to you On my new swiss cheese phone!

Can you smell it?

[giggling and snorting]

Oh, I love you, too.

Oh, I love you more Than kitties love milk.

Okay. I love you more Than bunnies love carrots.

Oh, but...

Will you hang up The phone, steve?

I'm blowing chunks Over here.

Myra, I've got to go.

My gloomy roomie Is whining again.

Alright. Nightie night.

[kissing]

[kissing]

Okay.

[kissing]

Okay.

[kissing]

Oh, okay.

Just hang up The phone!

Nightie night.

Goodnight, steve.

Goodnight, Mister cranky pants.

Hey, eddo.

What?

Whatcha thinking?

If you must know,

I'm thinking How I'd like to be

Trapped in an elevator With naomi campbell.

Aaahhhh.

Aaahhhh.

Passenger or freight?

What difference Does it make?

Well, I wouldn't think A gentleman would take

A sueprmodel into A freight elevator.

There's no music, no carpet--

Oh, steve, shut up!

Hey, eddo.

Want to know What I'm thinking?

No, I don't.

I was wondering What the world would be like

If it were Made of cheese.

Oh, god.

I'd have a shack Made of jack.

A sweater made of cheddar.

Oh, know what I gotta?

A car made of ricotta.

Steve, I'm warning you, Go to sleep!

Ooh. A tree made of brie.

Whoa!

An umbrella Made of mozzarella!