Original subtitles

[slurp]

[smacking]

[slurp]

[slurp]

And, laura, you thought You needed a date To have fun.

What was I thinking?

Uh-oh,

It's high-octane Trouble.

Ooh...

Curtis williams.

He's good-looking Trouble.

[steve] Oh, please...

Why, curtis williams Is a street racer.

A daredevil thug Who blatantly disobeys The posted speed laws.

Ooh, and I've seen Him litter, too.

Man, curtis, You're the best.

You're the boss.

"A" number one.

Phat. The cream.

Aces, man, That's what you are.

And?

Super smashing, Stone-cold wicked?

That's better.

You can buy me An ice cream.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I want him To notice me, But I got to be subtle.

Whoo hoo, curtis, Over here, baby!

H-hey.

How is The prettiest girl At vanderbilt high?

Fine. Fine.

I was talking to laura.

You're kidding?

I'm fine, curtis.

Laura, um, I'm racing saturday,

And I would love For your beautiful face

To be the first thing I see when I win.

You want to ride Shotgun with me?

[shrieking gasp]

Laura, You can't do that.

Why, it's too dangerous.

Thanks for the offer, Curtis, but, uh, I don't think so.

What, are you nuts?

This is curtis williams.

The sultan of speed,

The prince Of the pavement, The king of--

Go ahead.

It's her choice.

Her loss.

Listen, curtis.

Why don't you make Like a banana and split.

Laura's not Interested in you.

You're spinning Your wheels.

Oh, really.

Hey, fellas!

What are you doing?

[curtis] Ha ha ha.

[steve] Don't laugh At me like that.

Wait. Wait.

Wha...Oh! Not my car!

What? Ohhh.

Now who's spinning Their wheels?

Ha ha ha.

Oh, boy.

The auto club's Really going to yell At me for this one.

Alone at last.

Well, there's no love Lost between the bears And the packers.

We're expecting A high-scoring battle, Folks,

So don't go away.

[laughing]

Hey, dad!

Mind if we watch The game with you?

Well, actually, I was--

Oh, cool! Mash it in.

Uh, bobby pritchard.

But my friends call me Bone crusher.

I can see why.

I'm carl winslow.

And my friends call me

Before they come over.

"Before they Come over?"

What kind of Sorry nickname Is that?

Eddie, I thought you Were watching the game At waldo's house.

We were, but my mom's Watching her "Get tough" Weight loss video.

It's called Eat less and exercise, You big, fat pig.

Yeah, well, I don't Have no weight problem,

But that's a Great-looking sandwich.

Uh, any more where That came from?

Ha, why don't you Just take mine?

Aw, thanks, man.

Chips, man.

[knock on door]

Say, hey, laura.

Is my manly, macho Love-bunny home?

No...But steve's here.

Uhh...Oh...

Why are you Dressed like that?

Like what?

Oh, say... The wooden footwear?

Ohhh.

Well, my stevie Asked me out to dinner,

And we decided To go dutch.

I had to ask.

Studying, huh?

Yeah, but I can't Concentrate.

I got other things On my mind.

Oooh, tell me.

It's been ages since Our last hen session.

Uh, myra, we never Had a hen session.

Then let's get clucking.

Well, I do Want some feedback,

And you're The only one here, so...

Dish it, girlfriend.

Well, curtis williams Keeps asking me to ride With him this saturday.

Laura, listen to me.

Curtis is trouble

With a capital "Uble."

That's just it.

I mean, I know he's bad...

But he does it So good...Ooh.

But curtis Is not your style.

He's daring...

Dangerous...

He tweaks The devil's nose.

And I'm?

A goody two-shoes.

Well, not anymore.

I'm riding with curtis.

But don't tell anyone.

Hey, guys, What's going on?

Laura's going To ride with curtis.

[gasp]

Land sakes, woman, Have you lost your mind?

I forbid you To ride with curtis.

You forbid me? How do you plan to stop?

I'll tell your father.

I'll break your neck.

My lips are sealed.

Come along, myra.

Apparently, you and I Are the only sane people In this room.

[laughter]

Man, what a par-tay!

You know what I'm saying? Ha ha.

Yeah, I hated To see it end.

Who says it has to?

[screaming laugh]

[laughing]

Shh. You're going To wake everybody up.

Man, look, I'm sorry, okay?

Look, What you got to eat?

I don't know.

Let's check it out. I'm hungry.

Oh, man, look at this.

Jell-o.

Fruit. Cottage cheese?

Man, this is Old people food.

Gentlemen.

We have achieved Snackage.

I give you...

Mallomars!

Baby! Baby!

* if you're An animal, animal *

* give me one *

* give me one **

Good evening.

Or is it Good morning?

Oh, lordy, a pop quiz And I didn't study.

Uh, uh, sorry, dad.

We accidentally Knocked over some stuff.

We cleaned it up.

Classic robe, Mr. Winslow.

Very much in vogue.

Well, thank you For the early morning Fashion critique.

Now, beat it!

Sorry, mr. Winslow.

He can't leave Without me, Because I drove.

Couldn't you both leave At the same time, waldo?

Ummm...

Is that A trick question?

Uh, waldo...Bobby.

Maybe you guys Should boogie.

Okay...

See you.

Come on, man, Get with the program.

Hee hee hee hee.

Those guys crack me up.

Ha ha.

Hee hee hee, Hee hee hee.

Those guys Woke me up!

We were keyed up From a party.

You know.

Get your boogie out.

No, I don't know.

What I do know, Edward,

Is I was sleeping Like a baby upstairs

Until you, waldo, And bathrobe boy Woke me up!

Dad, we were Just scrounging For some food.

Lighten up.

Edward, 3:00 In the morning Is not the time

To bring your friends Over here

To eat me Out of house and home.

Dad, when I had My own place,

I had friends Coming and going Whenever I wanted.

News flash!

You're not in Your place anymore.

Why don't you Just post a schedule

That says When I'm allowed To have a life?

Well, I just might, Young man,

Because I think You're trying to Take over this house!

What? Dad, I chip in here.

I mean, I help out.

Doesn't my 10 bucks a month Count for anything?

First of all,

You're Two months behind.

Second of all...No!

You always do this, Dad.

You always treat me Like a little kid.

In case you've forgotten, I'm in College now.

Well, then, son, you Should be smart enough

To show some respect.

And that's exactly What you will do

As long as You're under my roof.

Well, that's fine.

I guess, in that case,

I might have To find a new roof!

Wha--it, uh...

Look, curtis, It's the car From the circus.

Yeah. And here comes the clown.

Ha ha ha ha.

Zip it.

A word with you, Williams?

What do you want, Urkel?

I want Your assurance

That you won't let laura Ride with you This saturday.

Now, why would I Do that?

Yeah, Why would he do that?

Because drag racing Is dangerous.

I don't want laura To get hurt.

Pardon me while I scoff.

Scoffing.

Hey, man. I never lose, and I Never crash.

So, there.

Very well.

You leave me No choice.

I hereby Challenge you

To a drag race.

What?

You heard me. A drag race.

This saturday. My car against yours.

But not in the streets Like animals.

We'll go To skeleton flats raceway,

Where we can get Proper supervision,

A corn dog, And a chilled beverage.

Urkel, You drive a golf cart With windows.

I could beat it On foot.

Okay, then prove it.

If I win, Laura never sets foot In your car.

And if I win?

Well, you get my isetta.

What? I don't want That piece of junk.

Well, okay.

I'll sweeten the pot.

If you win, You get my isetta, Plus...

500 bucks...Cash.

No way.

You're on. You're on.

But, urkel, you don't Stand a chance.

Your car Can't do 0 to 60 In a weekend.

Oh, sure, laugh.

But I think, With a little tinkering,

I can improve Its performance.

And by this weekend, She'll be a lean, mean, Muscle machine.

[music playing]

How you doing, carl?

Oh, just fine, sweetheart. Loving it.

Only 20 more minutes.

Is that all?

Yeah, baby.

Hi, mom. Hi, baby.

Hi, dad.

We've got to stop.

Our son is here.

Hi, edward.

Uh, mom, do you mind If I talk to dad alone?

We're in the middle Of our exercise.

Honey, It sounds important.

Father and son Stuff.

Okay, but after You finish your talk,

We'll finish Our workout.

Oh, yeah.

And this time, No goofing off.

Uh-uh, no, no.

Sofa, sofa.

[coughs]

What's on your mind, Son?

Well, dad,

After our talk The other night,

I went apartment hunting.

Can't wait to be On your own?

Well, that was the plan,

But the only apartment I could afford

Had a shower curtain For a front door.

Well, It's tough out there.

So, let me guess.

You want to borrow Some money.

No, actually, I want to give you some.

Just a second.

I think the exercising Has affected my hearing.

Did you say you want To give me money?

Yeah.

I thought We could compromise.

Look, what if I gave you $250 a month for rent?

Ooh, I like Where this is going.

Will you cut me some slack On staying out late

And bringing My friends over?

Oh, edward, Edward, edward.

This thing Is not about money.

It's about being Responsible, son.

About acting Like an adult.

I know. That's why I'm offering

To pull some Of the financial weight Around here.

Well, That's commendable, And I respect that.

And, in the spirit Of compromise,

I'll accept $100 A month from you, Okay?

Cool.

And in that same spirit,

I guess I can call When I'll be late

And be more considerate About what time I bring My friends over.

Well, That sounds fair.

Deal?

It's a deal.

Alright, dad.

Aw,

My boy.

[harriette] Carl, we've got To finish our workout.

Are you guys done With your talk yet?

Uh--uh, no, sweetheart.

We still have A few issues to discuss.

Baskin robbins? Ooh, I'll drive.

The rims, kevin.

I want the rims to shine, Alright?

There you go.

Let's go, williams, You're up next.

Hey, man, I'm ready, But my opponent's A no-show.

If he's not here In five minutes, You win by forfeit.

Curtis, my man,

You even win When you don't race.

I don't know, man.

Urkel's up to something.

Nobody's seen him Or his car in five days.

Relax, champ.

10 to 1 He's still looking For the wind-up key.

Afternoon, afternoon.

Good afternoon, race fans.

Sorry I'm late,

But it's kind of hard

To find a gas station That sells rocket fuel.

What is this?

This, my friend, Is the isetta rocketta.

Isetta rocketta?

That's what I saidda.

Hey, this isn't A regulation vehicle.

So? I'm not a regulation kind of Guy.

Oh, good. We can race now.

The nerd's here.

Forget it.

This thing Is an embarrassment.

May I borrow that please?

Thank you.

May I have Your attention, please?

Curtis williams

Is refusing to race.

Could it be he's...

Chicken?

[clucking]

Give me that.

The race is on.

You're going to lose, urkel.

That car is all flash And no dash.

All flash And no dash.

Oh, get a life...

Echo boy.

Look at my stevie.

He cuts such A dashing figure.

Think I have time To give him A hickey?

If steve hadn't meddled In my love life,

I'd be in curtis' car Right now.

Well, excuse me, missy,

But my stevie Doesn't care about Your love life.

He thinks of you As a friend.

Steve gets jealous Of every guy I meet.

Not anymore, girlfriend.

Not since this cowgirl Rode into town.

I'll have you know, Steve bet his car And $500

Just to keep you From riding.

He did?

Yes, he's out there Risking his life

To protect you.

Well, I didn't know that.

Well, now you do.

[screaming]

[siren blaring]

Out of my way!

Steven, are you okay?

I...

I'm--I'm-- I'm not sure.

Quick, what's The square root of 5,184?

72.

Oh, he's fine.

Where did urkel get That rocket engine?

That baby really cooks.

Curtis, aren't you even Going to ask if he's okay?

Oh, yeah. Is he okay?

Curtis, you said that when you Race No one gets hurt.

Correction.

I said I never get hurt.

That could've been your car that Crashed

And I could have been With you.

Yeah, but you weren't.

That's right, Thanks to steve.

Steve, I realize now That I was crazy

To want to ride With curtis.

I'm lucky to have A friend like you

Watching out for me.

Aw, shucks.

Thanks, steve.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You want to thank him, Send him a card.