Original subtitles

[music playing]

Ziggy marley Is the man!

* I got the power To move ya *

* jah got the power To move ya *

* jah got the power To move ya *

He is so live!

I can't believe You got us tickets To his concert!

You know me, baby.

I got connections.

Pull. Juice.

Heh heh heh.

I heard you stood In line for 36 hours.

Well, that, too.

I don't know What it is, eddie,

But live reggae music Really turns me on.

* ...Jah got the power To move ya *

* jah got the power To move ya... **

* woo woo woo woo *

* ooh ooh ooh ooh *

* woo woo woo *

* now I say *

* things happen Just like that *

* reggae music playing *

* who knows What step will drop? *

* can you feel it? *

* it's creeping up On you *

* it's gonna get you *

* before you know What to do *

* I got the power To move ya *

* got the power! *

* I got the power To move ya *

* jah got the power To move ya *

* jah got the power To move ya *

Hey, ziggy. How ya doing?

Can't complain!

Thanks for coming.

No problem.

But why you talking To me, man?

Kiss the girl!

* I got the power To move ya *

* I got the power To move ya *

* jah got the power To move ya *

* jah got the power To move ya *

* I got the power To move ya... **

That concert was great.

I love ziggy marley!

For real, though.

* I got the power To move ya *

* I got the power To move ya *

* jah got the power To move ya *

* yeah, oh-- *

Mind if I cut in?

Daddy!

Get in here.

It is past Your curfew, Young lady.

You are 13 minutes late!

But daddy, we were--

Greta, shake his hand And go to your room.

You two won't be Seeing each other For quite a while.

Daddy!

[father] Go.

With all due respect, sir,

Don't you think You were overreacting?

I never overreact!

Winslow, you broke The rules.

Now you gotta Pay the price.

But wait, sir.

I have a good excuse For why we're late.

What is it?

Killer bees?

That does it!

I forbid you To see my daughter For a month.

That means no seeing her,

No phone calls,

No letters.

[ringing doorbell]

Would that Include faxes?

[doorbell rings]

Carl! Carl!

What is the matter?

I just received a letter From the irs.

I'm being audited.

Mother winslow, I'm sure you have

Nothing to worry about.

Do you?

I might.

I've never declared My poker winnings.

How much Could that be?

I'm not telling you. You're a cop!

This doesn't explain Why you're being audited.

They probably Just pulled your name

Out of the computer At random.

That happens All the time.

I'll go with you To the irs,

And we'll take care Of this together.

Oh, I hope so.

I don't want To get sent Up the river.

Mother winslow, I'm sure it won't Come to that.

Oh, good, Because I heard

What they do To pretty girls In prison.

Here's a first--

There's food on the table, And you're not eating it.

I'm not hungry.

Uh-oh, girl trouble.

It's greta.

Laura, I was 13 minutes late

Bringing her home From our date.

And now her father Won't let me see her For a month.

Talk about strict.

I miss her Like crazy.

You know, sticky carter Had the same problem

With his girlfriend Loretta.

But he found a way Around it.

He found another guy To pick loretta up for him.

Then the guy would Pass her off to sticky,

And the friend Would take her back home.

Oh...

I had no idea Sticky was so tricky.

I wouldn't trust Any of my friends

To pick up greta.

They're all players.

Sticky felt The same way,

So he found some geek To do the job.

Where am I going To find a geek?

Hello de-oh!

Ask, and ye shall receive.

Man, what happened To you, steve?

I was shaving, And I got the hiccups.

How you doing, Steve-o?

Uh-oh. Every time You call me steve-o,

My savings account Gets wiped out.

Relax. This "Steve-o" Requires no cash-o,

Just a few moments Of your time-o.

I'm not reassured, eddo.

In plain english, What do you want?

Greta's father Won't let me see her For a month.

Pretend to be her date

And pick her up So I can take her out.

[gasps loudly]

That's dishonest.

Deceitful.

Deceptive.

Yeah? So?

We both work For greta's father.

If he catches us, We'll be fired From mighty weenie.

We won't get caught.

I'll get Greta back to you With time to spare.

It's fraudulent. I won't do it!

You know, steve,

Since you moved Into this house

And we started Sharing a room,

You've done something Very important for me.

What? Pick up Your dirty underwear?

No! Besides that.

You've shown me What it's like

To have a brother.

A brother?

Oh, lord.

That's right.

More than a friend, More than a pal.

A kid brother.

Me.

Kid brother?

Oh, brother.

So I'm asking you, My brother,

Heh heh heh...

Won't you help Your brother?

You got it! I'll do it!

I'll pick up greta!

Thanks, steve.

I can't wait to tell The whole world

That you and I Are brothers!

Uh-uh-uh-uh...

No no no no no.

Let's just keep that Between the two of us.

Oh, like a secret thing? Yeah. I like that.

Yeah, secret brothers.

Right. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Doing our secret thing.

Secret brothers In the house.

Where are my Charity receipts?

Ooh, I can't find My check stubs.

Mother, relax. They're right here.

Oh, thank you, son.

I'll remember you In my will.

That's if these Bloodsucking g-men

Leave me anything.

What, he didn't make His payment?

Well then, uh, Take his house, huh?

Well, good morning!

I'm simon kincaid,

Your auditor.

Good morning. I'm carl winslow.

This is my mother Estelle.

Pleased to meet you, Estelle.

So...

Let's rock 'n' roll, huh?

Excuse me, mr. Kincaid. What's that?

Oh, that?

That is the pencil I used

To put away Leona helmsley.

Ma'am, from now on, Everything you say

Goes on the record

And can be used against You in a court of law.

Isn't that great?

Hello.

Did you say Your name is estelle?

Yes.

Not stella.

No.

Are you An exotic dancer?

No, but I used To do a mean shimmy

At the state fair.

I hate when this happens.

I'm supposed to be auditing A stella winslow.

Ah. So you made A mistake, eh?

Heh heh, no no no.

I never make mistakes.

This is the fault of frimkiss, In notification.

He's outta here.

I knew it had To be a mistake!

I keep track Of every penny.

She does. She really does.

Not like My son here.

If he doesn't Have a receipt,

He makes one up.

Mom, the meter Is running.

He's really funny,

Always looking For a deduction.

He once wrote off A box of snickers

As a business lunch.

You'll have To excuse her.

She's getting on In years.

She's 134.

Bye, now.

Hold it!

Uh, is that carl With a "K" or a "C?"

With a "C."

With a "C."

Well, I think It's safe to say

That you and I will Be seeing each other Again real soon.

Yeah?

Hi there. I'm steve urkel.

I'm here to pick up Your lovely daughter...

Greta.

Come in. Come in.

You know, Greta usually goes out

With smooth, sexy, Trendy guys.

I'm relieved to see You're none of Those things.

Oh, yes.

Perhaps your daughter Was attracted

To my stylish threads.

My sultry voice.

Or my vow Of premarital celibacy.

You look familiar.

Well, a lot of People say I look Like denzel washington.

Sure, after he's been Run over by a tractor.

I know I've seen You somewhere.

I work for you.

I'm at The drive-through window

At one of your fine Weenie establishments.

Oh, a company man!

Oh. Hello there, Pretty girl.

Hi, stan.

Steve.

Steve.

You kids Have a good time.

Be back at 11.

On the dot.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you going To do to him

What you do To my other dates?

You know, Take his picture,

Get his fingerprints.

Not necessary.

I trust this boy, greta.

Why? You know why?

Because I have every Confidence in the world

That you could beat The snot out of him.

You know, a lot of parents Like that about me--

Oh-ho. Oh, boy, That was close.

I bet This is expensive.

You're right. It's priceless.

Uh, goodbye, daddy.

Nice meeting you!

Greta.

Eddie!

Hey, baby.

Guys, guys, guys...

Oh, stop that!!

Now, listen up, mister-- Missy!

The both of you Have to be back here

By 10 minutes to 11, And not a second later.

You promise? All right.

You have my word.

Oh, big trouble.

Oh, big trouble!

Hey, steve.

You!

You're two hours late!

What in sam hill Happened to you?

We had a flat tire.

The spare was flat, too.

We walked 3 miles In the rain

To the nearest Gas station.

Accidents happen, But my butt's in the ringer!

What do you expect Me to do?

Well...

Could you do this For us again Tomorrow night?

Are you nuts?

Please?

Little brother?

Oh, shove that brother Stuff in a ditty bag.

And you! Brush the foliage Off your dress

And try to look Less rumpled.

Come on!

Bye. Bye.

Now, with any luck,

Your father will Already be asleep.

I'll be able to vamoose While the vamoosing is good.

My vamoose is cooked.

Get in here.

Daddy, listen--

Now.

Well, I'll be going now.

Whoo!

Maybe I'll stay A while.

I can explain everything.

You can start By explaining

Why you look like The swamp thing.

We had a flat tire, And we had to walk In the rain.

Then why Isn't he wet?

Gortex. Drip-dry.

Upstairs, young lady.

Mr. Urkel and I Are going to have

A nice, friendly Little chat.

Daddy, it wasn't His fault.

Go.

Sorry, stan.

Steve.

Right.

Fine young woman.

Lovely lass.

Kind of a mud magnet, But you know...

I don't like Being played For a fool, urkel.

You are never, ever, Ever, ever

Going to see My daughter again.

Ever?

Not only that, You're fired!

Mr. Mcclure?

What are you Doing here?

Look--greta was out With me tonight.

Steve fronted for me So I could see her Behind your back.

I promised steve I'd have her back In time,

But we got A flat tire

We walked In the rain to A gas station.

And that's why he's wet And not me.

I don't care Who did what.

You're both fired!

You can't do that!

I can, and I did. Good night.

Wait just a minute, Mr. Mcclure.

Eddie didn't have To confess.

He showed Great character,

And what's his reward?

You fire him!

Let me tell you Something, sir.

If that's the kind Of boss you are,

I don't e-e-e-ever Wanna work for you again!

Let's go, eddo.

Hold it, hold it.

Perhaps I overreacted The other night.

You may have noticed I get crazy

Where my daughter's Concerned.

A little excitable. Yeah, a little Over the edge.

But the original grounding Still stands.

Winslow, if you and greta Really like each other,

You can wait a month.

No problem, sir. Greta's worth waiting for.

And so are you, eddie.

Excuse me, sir.

What about our jobs?

You're rehired.

All right!

Woo!

Two saves In one night.

My luck Must be changing.

Good night.

Good night.

Look what you did.

Grraaaah!

Daddy! No! Daddy! Daddy!

Mr. Winslow? Yes.

Doughnuts are not Deductible.

I'm a cop. They're a business Expense.

Uncle sam says, "Uh-uh."

O.K., slick.

You owe the united states Government...

$2,753.41.

What? I don't have That kind of money.

Well, then, you may end up Having to arrest yourself.

Ha ha ha ha!

I'm sorry.

That's probably A lot funnier to me

Than it is to you.

Yeah.

Well, a little suggestion For the future--

A ballpoint pen makes A much better impression

Than purple crayon.

Oh, that's my Nephew, richie.

I borrowed it From him.

Well, then I suggest The next time you do Your taxes,

You send The little fella home.

I can't. He lives with us.

Really?

You didn't list him As a dependent.

I didn't think I should.

His mother lives With us, too.

Oh, wait a minute.

How many people Live with you?

Six. Why?

You only put down three.

This is terrible news.

Why? What's wrong?

Because of your Additional dependents

You were actually Entitled to...

A refund.

Really?

How much?

Let me see.

Add the 3 And subtract the 7...

That's $18.16.

All right, mr. Kincaid!

Mr. Kincaid! I love you, Mr. Kincaid!

Thank you, thank you.

Don't thank me.

I'm not happy about this.

This is a big blotch On my record.

Uh... Can I have that pencil?

I suppose so. Why?

I want to frame it As a memento.

I'm gonna tell people

That this is the pencil That beat simon kincaid.

I'm sorry.

That's probably a lot Funnier to me

Than it is to you.

* ...Things happen Just like that *

* hey, reggae music Playing *

* who knows What step will drop? *

* turn you inside out *

* make you scream and shout *

* the vibe is building *

* and it's a crazy Reggae rhythm *

* catch the groove *