Original subtitles

Hello, chick magnet.

Ah!

[water runs]

Gah!

Ah!

Boy! I hate shaving.

Every month!

Oh! My loofa!

* and I *

* will always *

* love you **

Move over, whitney.

Who left The shower running?

Whooaaaaahh! Aah!

[doorbell rings]

Hiya, neighbor!

Hi!

You don't remember me, Do you?

Sure, I do, neighbor! Come in! Come in!

Heh heh--

Well, how have you been?

Great! Great! Great! Heh heh heh!

And you?

Oh, jim dandy.

You don't remember Me at all, do you?

No, not a clue.

Larry johnson.

Pastor fuller asked You and harriette

To counsel me And my fiancée

About the pitfalls Of marriage?

Right, right.

We gave you Some good advice.

So how are you and... Marilyn getting along?

We're divorced.

Gotcha!

Just kidding.

Actually, me And the little wifey

Are simpatico-habitating Beautifully.

Heh heh...

Great. Heh heh-- Well, have a seat.

Uh, thanks.

So...What can I do for you?

Well, mr. Winslow-- If I may call you that--

My wife's birthday Is tomorrow,

And I bought Her something Kind of special.

Oh, how thoughtful.

I'm a thoughtful guy.

The problem is, I can't hide it In the house

Because The little wifey's A snoopster.

I was hoping I could Entrust it to you?

Oh...Why me?

Well, you're a member Of our church,

A respected leader Of our community,

And you've shot people.

So how about it?

It'll just be For one day.

Well, no problem, lar--

If I may call you that.

Hey-hey! You got the gun!

"Cerebral ganglia form The insect brain."

Ooh! [giggling]

"A nerve ring Connects the ganglia

"With more ganglia,

From which The ventral nerve cord Stems."

That makes me so hot.

It does?

Say...

Ganglia again.

Ganglia.

Whoo-hoo! Baby!

Stop that myra This is a kitchen.

People eat here.

Hi...

Hello, laura. Don't you ever knock?

I live here.

Steve.

Laura.

How are you?

Fine.

Fine-fine-fine.

You? Good.

Good-good-good.

What's going on here?

Nothing! Nothing!

I got to go! Bye!

Bye!

Bye! Bye!

What's going on Between you and laura?

I have no idea what You're talking about.

You and laura could Hardly look at each other.

What happened steven?

I can't tell you.

Oh, yes, you can.

No, I can't. It's personal.

Steven, if I'm going To bear your children

And have all my best body Parts drop 4 inches...

There should be No secrets between us.

4 inches?

Spill it, sparky.

Well, this morning... Mm-hmm.

I accidentally Saw laura...

Mm-hmm.

In the buff.

Aah!

I see.

And when you saw her In the...In the...

Raw...

What did you feel?

Nothing!

I never touched her!

I meant emotionally.

I was mortified!

I was humiliated!

[sighs]

So you were Embarrassed for laura.

For the both of us! I was naked, too!

Aah!

How much did she see?

Well, ladybug, let's not Get into specifics.

How...Much... Did she...See?

The whole enchilada.

[keys jingle in door]

Hi, honey!

Hey, sweetheart!

You got off work An hour ago.

Where have you been?

Shopping!

This is for you, Sweetheart.

What could this be?

[gasps]

Harriette!

We saw this At the mall Last week!

I went back and got it.

Oh, sweetheart, I love it!

This is beautiful!

It's got an alarm And a stopwatch?

And a calendar, too.

I set it for today-- The anniversary Of our first date.

That's right.

Ooh! What do We have here?

What? My present!

No! Sweetheart! Don't tell me!

I hear jewelry.

It's calling My name!

No, harriette!

I--no--

Aah!

Carl, it's gorgeous! I can't believe it!

A diamond bracelet!

Oh, carl! You are The sweetest...

Most generous...

Husband In the whole world!

I love you, Carl winslow!

I got to show it To laura!

Oh, laura!

It's not yours.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, mr. Winslow.

Hey, larry. Thanks For coming right over!

What's up, guy?

When you called, Marilyn and I

Were in the middle Of a rousing game Of pictionary.

I was trying To draw an ottoman--

Right! Listen, Why don't you have a seat?

Look--oh. Can I get you anything?

A soda, chips, A lobster?

No, thanks.

Okay, um...

Let me tell you why I asked you come over,

Lar, neighbor, Old pal of mine.

You see...

When you left Marilyn's present With me this afternoon--

Heh heh heh--

A funny thing happened.

Ha ha ha ha.

What?

What?

Well--heh--you see,

Today happens to be The anniversary

Of my first date With harriette.

Hey!

But, uh...

When she saw your gift--

Get this--

She--she--ha ha...

Ha ha! Hee hee...

She--she--sh-she thought It was for her.

That's hilarious!

You kill me!

It must have been Really awkward

When you had to tell her That she was wrong.

Oh, you did tell her, Didn't you?

Wheee! Hee! Hee! Lord have mercy!

Have mercy!

Ha haaa ha ha!

Larry! Larry! Larry!

Lar-ry!

Look what carl Bought me!

Ain't it beautiful?

Beautiful! Lord, it's beautiful!

It's beautiful! Lord have mercy!

Have mercy! Have mercy!

Oh, mercy!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I didn't quite Tell her yet.

But I do have A plan.

Let's hear it, Einstein.

Well, I figure I'll just go and buy

The identical Bracelet,

And you give That one to marilyn.

Huh?

Oh...Keen.

I'll just get some Pertinent info.

Alright.

Okay.

It was zagner's Jewelers... Uh-huh.

On argyle street.

Uh-huh.

And it was, uh, $3,800.

3,800 bucks?

You spent that much money On your wife?

Well, sure, carl. I love her.

I love my wife, too, But...3,800 bucks?

On your wife?

What are you, rich?

Heck, no, But my dad is.

Ever hear Of mobil oil?

[gasps]

Your father Owns mobil oil?

No, but he sure Sued 'em.

Ah!

Ow!

Wow!

Boy!

That third step Does not like me.

H-h-hi.

Hi.

I--I--I was thirsty.

I mean--I--well--thirsty.

So I--I thought I'd just come

And get some-- I'll do that now.

Whoo!

Gaah!

Whoo-whoo!

Gaah!

Whoop!

Whoo!

Well, that was Refreshing.

Here, I'll help you Clean it up.

Whoa! Sorry!

Well, me, too! Oh, me, more!

And me, most!

Hey! How did The floor get wet?

Oh.

Hi, steve.

Man, I'm starved!

I haven't eaten In two hours!

Ooh! Jackpot!

Fried chicken!

Ha ha!

There's enough For everybody.

Want a breast, steve?

No, thank you, eddo.

Well, how about A nice, juicy thigh?

Would you shut Your filthy mouth?

What?

All this talk of breasts And--and shapely thighs

And lean, flat stomachs, Covered with soap!

Wait a minute.

I didn't mention Stomachs.

What's going on here?

Nothing!

Uh, nothing.

Nothing-nothing- Nothing.

What happened?

You see each other Naked or something?

Oh, my, god! You did!

Oooh-hoo-hoo!

Hoo-hoo--ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

You saw each other naked!

Yes! We did!

We saw each other nude, Peeled, in the buff,

In the raw, au naturel, Without a stitch,

In our birthday suits,

Just wearing smiles!

Yeah, and we expect you To keep it quiet.

Oh, I will.

At least until I see somebody!

Eddo, this is very awkward,

And you're not Making it any easier.

Now, come on guys.

What, were you going To hide from each other

Till what you saw Turns gray?

Eddie! Eddie!

Work it out!

You know...

When I was 8, I walked in on mom and dad.

If I can get over that,

You two can surely Get over this!

Oh, laura...

Yeah?

Eddo's right.

We have to deal With this.

You're right.

But how do we start?

Well...

We could try looking At each other...

Without turning Beet red.

I feel better already.

Oh, me, too!

I just hope you know That what happened

Was purely an accident.

Oh, steve, of course!

Otherwise, I'd have to kill you.

Why, never In my wildest fantasies

Have I ever envisioned You in...The altogether.

Of course there...Was that One hot summer night...

When I was...Tossing And turning in bed,

And I... Pictured you in...

Slacks and a blue blazer.

Well...

See, that's alright.

I mean, we all Have fantasies.

Fortunately, mine are Nothing like yours,

But we all have them.

Laura, I don't know If I can sleep tonight.

I'm afraid I might see again

What I shouldn't have seen But did.

We can't go back In time and change What happened.

True.

Well, at least not until

The government Gives me some plutonium.

Right.

Anyway, I appreciate the fact

That when you saw me, You looked away...

Almost immediately.

And you didn't Go blab about it

To a bunch of guys.

Oh, of course not!

Why, I have profound Respect for you.

And I appreciate the fact That when you saw me...

You didn't...

Point and laugh.

Believe me, steve,

There was nothing To laugh about.

Really?

Oh, my.

I'd better rehearse this.

Harriette,

I am very sorry,

But the bracelet does not Belong to you.

It belongs to someone else.

Who?

Oh, god!

Harriette, sweetheart,

What are you Still doing up?

Carl, if this isn't My bracelet,

Then whose is it?

Marilyn johnson's.

What?

Why are you Buying presents For marilyn johnson?

I--I--I--I'm not!

Her husband Larry johnson Gave it to me

To hold for him Until tomorrow For her birthday.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I would have Told you sooner,

But when I saw how Happy you were--

Well, I just couldn't.

I see.

You got the box?

Well, that's Not important.

Honey...

I know how Disappointed you are.

Carl...I'm not disappointed About the bracelet.

Well, I...Am.

But what really Disappoints me

Is that you forgot Our anniversary again.

Oh, no! No, I didn't!

It's just that the...

Well, the present I got you

Is not nearly as expensive As that bracelet

What did you get me?

Happy 25th anniversary Of our first date, Mrs. Winslow.

Oh...

Oh, carl!

This is from our first date!

The photo booth At the carnival.

Yep.

You know, I remember this.

By the time we got

To the top Of the ferris wheel,

I knew I was with the man

I was going to marry.

And you know what?

We've been going around Ever since.

Alright. Good day.

Zit-free.

[knock on door]

Hello? Anyone In there?

I'll be right out, Steve.

All yours.

Thankee.