Original subtitles

Bloody Leia.

Bloody Leia.

Bloody Leia.

Leonard, I'm all yours.

Oh yeah, I'd like a dinner now.

Oh God, you're so hot.

She's already been in the web for you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Oh,

yeah. Oh,

yeah. I like my pussy just like that.

No.

No. No.

Leonard, if you don't stop dreaming again, your December issue of Modern

Mathematician magazine is going to be too sticky to read the article in the

Algebraic Hotty of the Month.

Leonard, hold on to your pettifatta.

The Latin word for hat?

No wonder the language is dead.

I'm proud to commit suicide sensing your lack of linguistic diversity.

I know you are, but what am I?

Very funny.

I just figured out how we will be spending the remainder of our Saturday

evening. Oh, yeah? How's that?

A 12 -hour Battlestar Galactica marathon.

Battlestar Galactica again?

We just watched it.

No. What we watched was a Battlestar Galactica 2003 miniseries.

Fun tonight.

is the continuing saga of the Battlestar Galactica weekly episodes airing from

2004 to 2009.

Isn't there anything else on it?

Well, there seems to be a G4 TV preview of Comic -Con.

Now that's what I'm talking about. I can see that. Comic -Con.

The comic books.

The action figures.

The vinyl toys.

All the girls dressed up like bloody Princess Leia's.

I can't wait to go this year.

Well, seeing the show has been sold out for over a month, and we have yet to

secure tickets, unless you can metamorphosize ourselves into invisible

and sneak us into the show, the probability of us getting in are slim

And slim is in a galaxy far, far away.

So tell me this.

Do you possess these magical metamorphosis potions?

Nope, but I do possess the as -yet -to -be -released new version of Photoshop,

which has masterfully helped me create four authentic -looking passes to the

mecca of geekdom known as Comic -Con.

That is unethical, fraudulent, felonious,

and just about the best damn idea you've ever had.

Wait a second.

There's only one surefire way to make sure those passes look legitimate.

We must show them off to the other like -minded geniuses for inspection. We must

find a place where the other brilliant minds congregate and share the most

intelligent thoughts.

The comic book store.

Hey.

Oh.

Oh. Hey, guys.

Where are you two headed?

Hi, Penny. Uh, we're just gonna head downstairs to the comic store.

Oh, yeah.

Sounds like fun.

Dracula must be doing a signing or something.

Dracula is nocturnal. Therefore, he would not be able to attend any public

events before dusk.

Yeah, there's that, and then the whole not being real thing.

Damn it!

Darkasm? Leonard, I could really use some strong men to go get the groceries

of my car.

Oh, us.

Celeste and strong men.

Darkasm 2, Sheldon 0.

Well, unfortunately, we have to go to the comic store, but the Trouter Comic

-Con passes.

What's a Comic -Con?

Oh, it's how, like, a guy goes to jail for stealing comic books or something.

Oh, my God!

Did she just guess what Comic -Con was?

Did she just guess what Comic -Con was? I can't believe she just... Thank you.

Disbelief overload.

Never mind, Sheldon. All right, let's just go get Penny's groceries.

Ow, ow, ow! My external aura's working out!

Those two crack me up.

Those never work.

You're kidding me, right?

No. Actually, I think the short one's kind of cute in, like, a Harry Potter

of way.

But the other guy, you know the other day I overheard him talking in Vulcan?

Yeah, that's kind of a thing.

Yeah, but he was talking to people now.

Yeah, that's kind of weird.

But they're not bad guys.

Anyway, speaking of bad guys, whatever happened to your boyfriend, Hank?

Well, we broke up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know, I always see cute guys over here, but I never see any cute girls.

What's up with that?

I don't know. They just never ask to come in.

I'd like to come in.

Oh, yeah?

What do you want to do in there?

Well, I was thinking maybe we could go online and look up the Vulcan word for

girl -on -girl action.

Great, thanks.

So, I'll catch you guys later.

Yeah, um, right now I'm gonna go lick Long and, uh, pass her a salad.

And then after that, I think I'm gonna move on back to her indoor.

Hey, Penny. Can I come in?

Sure.

Oh, when it rains, it pours.

See you guys later.

Can you believe that?

No, I can't.

Who mixes a Star Trek and a Star Wars metaphor?

Really?

Really.

So they were going to do it.

The hot brunette, the chick with the big bassoons, and Penny?

Yes.

The girl that you're in love with, Penny?

I'm not in love with her, all right?

Don't make me laugh, okay?

Yes, but still... Look, I know that... Okay,

I... Enough with the ha ha ha. We get it. You're not in love with Penny, the

blonde with the curvaceous body.

Ah, and the beautiful looks and the way she giggles at my jokes about the

similarities between microbiology and macrobiology.

Well, I mean, mostly it's me giggling and her asking me what the hell I'm

talking about.

Oh, she smells so good, too.

Who am I kidding? I mean, I'm in love with Penny.

What are you two giggling about?

Should we tell them?

Well, I don't see why we shouldn't share such a fortuitous deed.

Um, tell us what.

Well, remember how I fixed Penny's laptop?

While I was deleting the corrupt files, I thought it would be a pretty good time

to plant a hidden camera.

You didn't.

I did.

You, Howard, are a geek Richard Nick.

I prefer to think of myself as a Jewish James Bond.

Like I am.

Well, all I have to do is click here.

And voila.

Hot neighbor lesbian action.

I can't watch this. Why not?

Yes, why not? Because, I mean, I'd be breaking any chance at an honest

relationship with Penny if I have to choose to see her naked now or have a...

a stable foundation for a relationship, I'll choose number two.

Okay? Alright?

Well, honesty is an overrated characteristic anyways.

Soft big titties.

There she goes. There she goes. There she goes. I want to see it. I want to

fucking see it. Come on. I want to see it. Fucking come on.

Fucking come on.

Thank you so much.

You're so fucking -

Fucking bitch. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Oh, look at that. Look at that.

Second prayer.

Bye.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

fuck.

What I wouldn't give to screw your hot lesbian neighbor that you... What dreams

you was next wannabe?

What do you know about women, Howard?

Uh, excuse me, I know plenty about women.

Uh, for instance, that girl, Heidi, who works at the science lab in the

university. Poor Jizzle, I know her.

Yeah, I could fuck her if I wanted to.

Then why don't you? Uh, she's not my type.

What type is that?

Easy.

Your endless attempt to try and achieve an orgasm with a woman are nothing more

than fruitless endeavors destined to be the only plausible solution.

You sitting at home with your penis in one hand and playing Warcraft with the

other.

This is true.

I don't know how much longer I can take this.

My balls are so swollen and blue that it looks like I have two -thirds of the

blooming group in my shorts.

Look, guys, all right? We are very... intelligent men here, okay? We have

doctorate degrees, master's degrees, clinical experience.

Do you mean to tell me that the four of us can't put our heads together and try

to figure out the secret of convincing women to want to have sex with us?

Just like Einstein said when he explained the release of electrons from

when light hits it. Let me explain it with packets of energy?

No.

Let's figure this out and then go get laid.

What's up there, Raj?

What's the matter, cat's got your tongue?

If that were the case, it'd be the first time he's ever had a pussy in his

mouth.

He just has a little bit of trouble talking to women.

Unlike me, hot stuff.

Maybe you should let me show you how to put that muffie where my mouth is.

And I suppose you know a lot about eating pussy.

Well, let's just say we don't just eat kosher at my house.

If you know what I mean, my little goy toy.

Don't you live with your mother?

Uh, no, I mean, I don't, I don't eat her.

Uh, yeah.

Um, so, Penny, I was, I was wondering, well, well, I was just thinking, uh, if

you would like to come to Comic -Con with us, maybe.

Well, actually, Leonard, I looked it up on the internet, and no offense, but

hanging out with a bunch of fat grown men in their Superman costumes with skid

marks in their underwears, it really isn't my idea of a good time. I mean,

kind of nerds really dress up for this anyways?

Well, you know, it's not just about comic books and guys in

eclectic outfits or anything like that.

As a matter of fact, there's going to be a lot of movie stars there.

That's right. And I even heard that Brad Pitt's going to be there talking about

his new movie, Good Looking Hitman.

Oh, my God. You mean the Brad Pitt?

Well, in that case, show me to my underoos.

But I guess you only have tickets for the guys.

I'm sure I could get another ticket.

And that's when I learned to never take a girl on a date to a Bollywood movie.

Because they keep dancing away before you can receive fellatio?

That is correct.

How am I supposed to concentrate?

I'm getting on that new open grid computer.

It's you spewing off about your inability to ejaculate on the opposite

Good luck getting on that dumb machine.

That bitch Leslie has all of the time booked for herself and her research. I

would hardly call a study a molecular structure of craters if they get close

the sun research.

More like star search.

Maybe she'd get Edmond. Man, that's her lab assistant.

What? Too soon?

What? If you convert our formula for getting set to getting computer time.

That's a solid idea, Raj.

I can use my words to seduce Leslie to get on the computer.

Well, if it isn't the Lonely Ranger and his sidekick, Tonto.

I'm a customer service Indian, not a casino Indian.

Are you talking?

Hello, Leslie.

You look... beautiful.

What did you say, dumbass?

I said you look beautiful today.

What? Oh, come on, don't let me say it again.

Why would you say that to me?

Because I think that's true. And that was not a lie.

I mean, why would I lie about something like that?

Me? Lying?

To get something I want? That's ridiculous.

Ha!

Well, I didn't know you felt that way about me.

nasty and then we'll share the computer.

Okay.

But after, you have to stop calling me dumbass.

Don't push me.

Very well.

Carry on.

um

um um

oh yeah

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

You got it on.