Original subtitles

Sex with me.

Sex with me.

In a parody.

For my dad.

Pacing. Eric will get us the tickets.

Stop pacing.

Jackie, these tickets are to Led Zeppelin, the band that defines our

Besides, this concert's going to be the greatest show of all time. I know.

The music, the lights, the colors, the costumes.

This is going to be just like the fashion show at the mall.

What? It is. And besides, a Zeppelin made out of lead wouldn't even fly.

Makes no sense.

Honey, I've never seen you like this. Usually you're so... Mellow?

Hi.

Look, baby, it's no big deal.

A year from now, no one's even going to remember who these guys are.

Are you out of your freaking apple -loving, teeny -bopping mind?

You just don't get it, do you?

Well, maybe you need to be calmed down a little while you wait.

I'm going to do my very best.

And it ain't no lie if you put me to the test if you just let me try.

Are you quoting Abba?

Steven, I'm still free.

Take a chance on me.

Shut up, Jackie.

You know you're cuter when you don't talk.

yes we are oh

yeah

Wee.

Yeah, just like that.

Oh yeah.

What about you?

It's your turn. Oh, yeah.

Sit up there.

dude

What's that?

I feel like you put it anywhere.

Really?

You put it in your ass?

Steven, is that normal?

Oh, yeah.

You did a great job.

I'm getting better. Yeah?

Oh, shit.

Yeah?

Oh.

Not worried about those tickets?

Mm -mm.

Stephen, is that normal?

Oh, yeah.

You did a great job.

I'm getting better. Yeah?

Oh, shit.

Yeah?

Not worried about those tickets?

Mm -mm.

Okay. I hope you're enjoying the view.

Yeah, you want to change positions?

Oh, you coming, baby?

I love you too, baby.

Yeah? Mm -hmm.

Oh. Oh, God.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. Are you going to come? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, God.

Here goes the sperm. Yeah, look at that.

Oh,

Steven,

that tasted awful.

Huh? I gotta go make a sandwich.

Shut up, Jackie.

Got him.

How the hell did you score us these tickets for me?

Zeppelin's been sold out for months.

Oh, I have my ways.

My hypnotizing gaze.

My sweet ass.

Giant bulge in the front.

Scalpers can't resist my charm.

This is gonna be amazing.

As soon as Plant starts belting out a whole lot of love, Eric, you might lose

me. Huh. Is she kidding?

If my girlfriend blew Led Zeppelin, I'd be there snapping photos.

Justin, why are you so excited? You don't even like disco.

Hello?

Groupies? I'm gonna fuck groupies.

to see that, Michael.

Me and Fez are going to dress up like the band and trick the girls into

us who think we're the band.

Check this out.

You see?

I'm Johnny Page.

Really stupid girl. You look like a Carole King impersonator at a drag show.

Thank you.

Who's Fez dressed as? James Brown?

I'll see you at that one.

Oh, I am no devil at it.

I'm just a new rock star.

A member of the Led Zeppelin. You'll remember all right.

But you're dressed like the wrong band.

You look like a member of the Kiss Army.

Sweet, innocent, big, boob, donut.

I'm dressed like a magician, not a military.

Okay, well, now that we're out of the crown here, we can go to the concert.

I got the ticket. I'm getting the ticket.

I got the ticket. Go in the car.

This

is great.

This is amazing.

This is incredible.

Sounds like Foreman's basement.

This sucks.

He sees it sucks.

Have not these beautiful booties come to us in last, Kenko?

No kidding, Fez.

You've got our wigs on.

Check. You've got your rock star boots on.

Check. We have our salamis.

Fez, I lost my salami.

Where's my salami?

At least it made its way into someone's mouth.

Where did you get that?

It fell on the ground.

Can I have that back, please? That wasn't my pants.

Give me that.

Hey, you liking the show?

And by liking the show, I mean this rock hard party in my pants.

You mean I like the party in your pants, Kelso?

What, you think you could do any better?

Yes, I do.

Excuse me, miss.

I'm sorry for my friend.

He does not know how to speak to such a beautiful slut like you.

Burn!

Ow, my eye!

What the hell was that for?

I don't know. Everyone else seems to be doing it.

Oh, yeah.

We'll see you guys after.

Yeah, later.

Where are you guys going?

We're going backstage to see the band.

No one's allowed to see the band but groupies.

Um, one, two.

Donna, would you say that two make the group?

Yes, I would say that, Eric.

Later. Groupies.

Oh my god, we're going to meet the golden god.

Donna, I'm right here.

If you're a golden god, then I'm a golden retriever.

Whore! Burn.

Oh yeah, the band's off stage. Just a heads up.

Sorry,

I kind of got a little caught up in the moment there.

I got room for one of you back there.

Who's it gonna be?

You.

Chesty redhead.

Uh, thanks, but I was just puffing my chest out.

It was a little bit of an optical illusion, actually, and, uh, the hair's

auburn, not red, but I'll forgive you since you let me meet the band.

Donna?

Eric, I'm sorry.

I can get you a signed poster.

All right.

Go meet the band that I love.

I'll stay. Do you want me not to go?

No, no, no.

No, no, no. Go.

Go meet the band.

My idols.

No, go. Enjoy yourself. Meet the band.

Just give me a picture, will ya?

Thanks.

Hope you enjoyed that kiss.

The next one's gonna have my load in it.

Um, excuse me, are you going to take me to the band's dressing room?

Patience, baby. You'll get to meet the band after we get to meet your mouth.

At least you know what I mean.

Hard to not know what you mean, jerk. But this mouth, it already belongs to a

boyfriend.

Look, sweetie, how would your boyfriend feel if you gave up the only chance you

had to meet his favorite band?

Yeah, they're the band that defines your generation.

This is the greatest show of all time.

I don't know.

Alright, we understand your dilemma.

Hey Eddie, where are we going to find another girl that's willing to blow us

order to see Jimmy Page and Robert Plant?

Yeah, hold on a second. I believe there's a thousand of them over there at

door. Yeah, maybe that brunette's still out there. Wait a second.

Alright, go meet the band that I love.

Mm -hmm.

over me

Oh, yeah.

Well, since I blew all of you, are you going to take me to go see the band?

Band?

We don't know the band.

We're the cleaning crew.

Let's get back to work, guys.

Did you get to meet Led Zeppelin?

Sure did.

Who was it?

I want to hear everything.

How do you think it was?

It was amazing.

I think shaking her hand I got a contact high.

Did she go have a man?

Did Stanford have a son?

Did George Jefferson have a successful dry cleaning business?

Yes, she got the pictures.

Right, Donna?

Right. And after I take the rest of the pictures on the roll?

You take it to your Photoshop to get them developed.

Wait three weeks for it to get developed.

I love modern technology.

Get out of here.

Hey,

guys.

Hello. Hi.

Yeah, whatever.

You're not a rock band, aren't you?

Why, yes.

I'm in that very popular band.

You can tell by my hair, my boots, and the very large bulge in the front of my

pants.

Exactly. Want to get out of here and get loose?

No, I am already loose.

And I can tell you are really loose, too.

Let's go to your mansion.

Oh, yes. My rock star mansion is a good place.

But instead...

They'll go to my rock star middle class duplex while my rock star mansion is

being renovated.

What are they doing to it?

They're putting in a trophy room full of guitars, groupies, and boots.

Ooh, that sounds hot.

Let's go.

Hey, nice outing, rock star. Hey, right back at you, cool guy.

Unbelievable!

I'm just really glad that you got me those photos.

Not a problem.

No, seriously, it's a big deal.

Kind of gives me a boner thinking about it.

Thinking that we go upstairs and maybe play a little backstage jazz.

Get off my back, Eric.

What, do you not believe me? I met the band last night.

Fine then, I'll just go upstairs and play air guitar with my penis.

She didn't hear you.

Thanks, Miss Freely.

You're very welcome, Eric.

So, you want to show me around your pad?

Oh, I would like to show you around my pad very much.

Then you can show me around your cock.

Unbelievable!

Wow,

it's a pretty nice place here.

Oh, you like that.

Oh, don't go in there. There are so many crazy wild rock star foods in this.

Wow.

Like this?

Oh, yes. My rock star mayonnaise.

Okay.

Oh, and what about these?

Oh, my rock star leftover taco.

What is this?

My rock star salami.

Can I eat your

rock star salami?

Let me think about it.

Yes.

health water.

My butt is so wet.

Uh huh.

Oh, Kitty.

Red, Eric is clearly upset. You need to have a talk with him. A little mano -to

-mano. Now, why the hell would I want to do that?

Red, you're his father.

I guess anything's possible.

Red.

He probably just needs to cool down.

And I probably just need to get back to watching this game and drinking my beer.

Look, Kitty, I'm just not gonna do it.

Fuck you, no fucking way.

Red, if you don't go have a talk with Eric, there'll be no fucking way for

What, you're not gonna have sex with me again?

No more Coach and Cheerleader Tuesdays.

But if I do this, you'll let me?

Your mother has forced me to talk to you.

Thanks, Dad.

I love you too.

Don't be a smartass.

Dumbass.

Look.

There are these birds and there are bees.

And they both fly.

And they both have wieners and vaginas.

Thanks, Dad. I kind of got that part.

Well, good talk. Hey, Dad.

What is it now?

Well, it's just that we went to the concert the other night and Donna got to

meet the band.

And I figured she'd be a little more excited or at least a little more... A

little more what?

A little more quiet?

A little more in shape?

A little more agreeable to letting you watch the damn football game and drink a

damn beer instead of talking your son up feelings and crap like that?

Uh, no, Dad. Nothing as insulting as all those things.

I meant, like, a little more... frisky.

Oh.

Oh.

Frisky.

Well. When I want your mother to dock the old meat canoe, I flirt a bit.

You know, show her... charm.

And that works?

Well, if it doesn't, I just let her know who the man is and who the woman is,

and things get pretty hot right about then, when it becomes clear that one of

is the boss.

It's mom, isn't it, Dad?

Yes, sir.

But if you want your dick sucked...

That is how you have to play it sometimes.

Thanks, Dad, for that horrible image in my mind.

No problem.

Oh, and good luck with that.

Thanks. I'm going down to get some from your mother now.

Kitty, the coach is coming, and he's got a whistle for you to blow.

Hook her up.

It's quite frisky tonight.

Oh, you've got way too much on.

Is this what you wanted?