Original subtitles

(upbeat rhythmic music)

- I can't believe they had the nutrient-infused pine soil.

This is gonna be the best family project ever.

- I don't think these family projects are a great idea.

You saw what happened with the Mansons.

- Give me your money quick.

(gasps)

- Oh of course, what cause is this for?

- Just shut up and give me the money.

- Dad, that's his finger he's aiming at you.

- Don't be rude, Bliss.

Do you think they want to rob us?

They have to.

That's all my cash.

Do you take credit cards?

(sighs)

- Gerald, tall and confident is not a good description.

What color were they?

- I told you, Ray, I refuse to see color.

- But we need to know what those thugs look like,

so we can hunt them down.

- No one's hunting down anybody.

Nothing ever gets solved with violence.

- Haven't you ever seen a Charles Bronson movie?

That man could use violence to solve pi.

- Guys, Helen's right.

The only answer here is to reach out to these kids

at a young age and steer them in the right direction,

and that's what we're going to do.

- What if like eight of us reached out

to them with sticks and pipes?

(sirens blaring) (hip hop music)

- And if we taught art to kids in detention,

we could help steer them away

from a life of crime and violence.

- Not to toot our own horn,

but we've done a pretty fantastic job

raising our Bliss and Ubuntu

to be responsible and independent.

- So which brought you here, "Stand and Deliver"

or "Dangerous Minds"?

- "Stand and Deliver."

(breathing heavily)

- I ran all the way home from school.

I can't wait to hear what today's project is going to be.

- Actually kids, starting today your father and I

are going to be teaching the arts to students at PS146,

so you two are gonna be on your own

for a few hours everyday after school.

- What! - What!

- But I always do projects after school with you guys.

- You'll be fine.

- I would do trail scouts, but you guys said

they're religiously bias and notoriously homophobic.

- See, we've taught you well.

- And these at-risk kids need someone to care enough

to teach them about homophobic service groups.

- Absolutely.

- What am I supposed to do?

- You'll find something.

Go online, that's where young teens find all the fun.

- Hey, look at this.

Nature Troop, join Mother Earth's

most pro-active volunteer core.

- Hanna, I got a parent free party house here.

Get texting and invite some boys over.

What should you tell them?

Tell them we have an empty house and two high school girls.

You're not selling Dorf on golf here.

(upbeat rhythmic music)

♪ The Goode Family ♪

(hip hop music)

- Remember Gerald, these kids are perched precariously

on the edge of a life of criminality.

Only one thing can save them, art and lots of it.

- Well, they also need an authority figure, me.

Now I'm warning you, you're going to see my tough side.

I may sit in the chair backwards,

so don't freak out.

- Not like, fool, I ain't haven't none of that.

You know what I'm saying?

- I sure do.

Hi, I'm Helen Goode and this is my husband, Gerald.

- That's right.

- And we're pleased to welcome you to day one

of art for the urbane.

(laughing)

- Man, you in the wrong room.

This is detention.

Ain't nobody doing no arts in here, stupid ass.

- Well, we spoke with Principal Whitmore

and we agreed that maybe the reason you guys acted out

when you threw a credenza from a third storey window

is because you don't have an outlet

to focus all your youthful energy on.

- Yo, we didn't throw that credenza

'cause of any youthful energy, son.

We did it to get into a gang.

- Six Street Psychos, yo.

- You know what our kids like to do.

- Topiary.

(glass shatters)

- That's gonna look great on the credenza.

(laughing)

(classical music)

- Huh?

(bees buzzing)

(water bubbling)

(triumphant music)

- I got him.

- Huh!

- He was lodged under a rock

that's why he wasn't answering when I called him.

- Wow, you saved a turtle's life.

- It's our duty to help them survive.

They were around before dinosaurs

and those big guys couldn't make it.

Dinosaurs were bad ass.

That's just math.

Look it up.

- I wanna save turtles and build windmills

and play with bees.

- Nice.

(upbeat dance music)

- Hanna, look who's here, Lane.

And if Lane's here, the tatted-out Asian girls

that get into spit fights can't be far behind.

And that's when we get a door guy

and start charging a cover.

- Bad news.

We're all out of soda.

- Shoot!

Wait a second, I think my dad

keeps some in his hands off please closet.

Come on.

He's kind of weird about us seeing his personal stuff.

- What's that thing?

- Oh, that's a laminator.

My dad laminates everything, receipts, important leaves,

old Doonesburys he agrees with.

He hides it because he thinks we'll break it.

- That sucks.

If you made fake IDs, you'd be like printing money.

- Come on, son.

You know we a good criminal lawyer.

His phone number's all eights.

That ain't random.

- They're actually using our arts class

to become better criminals.

- Hey.

So do you guys like drawing or sculpting or embroidery?

- Well, Maffew here likes photography.

(laughing)

- Man, Benny just saying that

'cause I stole his camera yesterday off Harold and Greg.

I can't even work the damn thing.

- I could show you.

- No! - No!

(sighs)

- I'll tell you what you're going to do.

You're going to try it

and then if you don't like it,

you can leave early.

- If we got to leave early,

we still might make it to the liquor store

before the blind guy's shift is up.

- You know I think I'm gonna like this class after all.

(joyful music)

(clanking)

(joyful music)

(applauding)

- Ubuntu, you are unreal.

Is there anything you can't do?

- I can't read when we drive 'cause I get car sick.

I can't be President for a number of reasons.

(laughing)

- Once in a great while, I see someone

who's got what it takes

to really make a difference in the world.

I'm proud to have you in my troop?

- Will you read me a story?

- Son, we're gonna live one.

(triumphant music)

All right, let's get started.

Project Green Fire.

This is the Road Rager.

It consumes more fuel and emits more toxins

than any SUV on the road.

This is their new dealership right here in Greenville.

We're gonna blew it up.

Any questions?

- Will there be running involved 'cause I'm wearing sandals?

(playful music)

- I can't believe how quickly these kids took to photography

- Maffew even told me he was going to think about

keeping the camera instead of pawning it for ringtone money.

- I love the negative space in this one.

- Negative space and positive attitudes.

We're really getting through to these kids.

- It's kind of quiet.

I wonder where Bliss and Ubuntu are?

- I'm sure they're fine.

They probably found some positive way

to spend their afternoons.

(dramatic music)

- Whoa Ubuntu, fantastic soldering.

- You really think so.

Thanks.

But how does fixing a remote radio receiver

help the planet?

- Remember our saying Ubuntu,

if it helps Mother Earth, that's all I need to know.

All right.

Now let's go paint Joe's Moving and Storage

on the side of van.

- Okay.

Why?

- If it helps Mother Earth. - If it helps Mother Earth.

- That's all I need to know. - That's all I need to know.

(dance music)

- I'm looking for Greg Burke, AKA Slobodan Vujivic.

Here you go.

That'll be $30.

(dinging)

That'll do.

Grandpa, what are you doing here?

- What do you think I'm doing?

It's 4:30.

I came to use the John.

What's going on here?

Wait a second.

Underage kids, a laminator, grape soda,

Bliss is this a doomsday cult?

- Okay, look.

We were in Dad's closet, happen upon his laminator,

one thing led to another and we're making fake IDs

at competitive prices.

- The guys in the Boccie Club have been wanting IDs

that said they were 65,

so they can get senior citizen discounts.

If we hook them up, I'd be so in.

Those guys own 1/16th of a motorboat.

(jazz music)

- Okay, we're out of time.

Good work today, guys.

- Damn, two hours flew by.

We didn't even have a chance to talk about

the best opening line for our carjacking.

I had a good one.

Knock, knock.

- Oh yeah, that was a good one.

- Ah yeah.

- As a reward for accompanying us on this creative journey

we have a surprise for you,

but you're going to have to wait until tomorrow.

- Ah man, you can never trust a white man with a surprise.

- Where'd you read that?

Wigger-pedia.

(joyful music)

- It looks like these at-risk kids

are a little less at risk.

- Thanks to us.

And now when all the other gangbangers

and at-risk kids see this,

they'll put down their switchblades for cameras too.

- Nice font on your driver's license, Mom.

Is that Hellenic?

- Mom, Dad, I tried to wait up last night to tell you,

but I fell asleep.

Jeff really believes in me.

And yesterday, he let me help with this big project

that's going to limit fuel consumption.

It was so cool.

First, we went shopping for uniforms.

(upbeat music)

(laughing)

Then I got to help Jeff rent a big truck.

It was a heavy 440 V8 dually.

Then we got a bunch of fertilizer from the gardening store

and had to load it onto the truck.

(upbeat music)

- Oh my God, Gerald, it's 2:50.

We gotta get down to the school.

- Oh, you're right.

I can't wait to see what the kids

thought of the photography display.

(playful music)

- I know the kids tend to be late sometimes,

but this seems extreme.

- Remember Helen, tardiness is culturally irrelative.

- Excuse me, Mrs. Glavin, have you seen

Benny, Dawn or Maffew?

They're late and they were very excited

about the theme for today's photo shoot.

- It's called emotion, a celebration.

- Oh, I just saw them.

They're in the nurse's office.

- Is today the day they do the scoliosis test?

- Oh (laugh) no, they were brutally beaten.

(gasps)

- And then when they saw our photos up on display,

they beat the crap out of us

and threw us out the gang.

- And then some other kids beat us up

'cause we didn't have the protection of being in a gang.

- Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- What the hell were you thinking?

I'm wearing an ascot in one of those.

- You can imagine the jokes I'm sure.

Didn't you know how those photos

would be seen by the students here?

These kids have lost their street cred forever.

(dramatic music)

- Bad news, it's Rick.

- What now?

Is he skipping out to be in another freaken improve show?

- He said that it was his passion

and that he had to make it his priority.

- This is why I tell you people when you join

an eco-terror group, it's a commitment for life.

Now we have no wheel man.

That's the riskiest job.

He's the last man out.

It's already 4:30.

Damn it!

What are we gonna do?

(dramatic music)

Hum?

(upbeat rhythmic music)

- I made you a Korean Veteran and legally blind

because you're the king boccie for now.

(laughing)

(gasps)

(camera snaps)

And scrape.

- Hey, what's going on here?

Is that Dad's laminator?

You know that's hands off, please.

- I'll level with you.

I'm making fake IDs, passports and some Canadian work visas,

not a big deal.

- Passports, awesome!

My friend Jeff from Nature Troop

said I might need a passport after tonight's project

at the Road Rager Dealership.

Could you make me one?

- Sure.

Anything you like as long as you don't tell Mom and Dad.

- Thanks Bliss.

(honking)

See you later.

- He's gonna rat on us, isn't he?

Did you tell him what we do to rats?

- Relax.

He agreed to keep his mouth shut

if I make him a fake passport.

- What's he need a passport for?

- Something about a project for a Nature Troop

and a Road Rager Dealership.

I mean, I love Ubuntu, but have you tried talking to him?

"The snow is cold.

"Cookies are like smiles."

- A passport for a project he's doing

in the middle of the night at a SUV dealership

with an eco-group.

(dramatic music)

- We failed, Gerald.

Our community's no safer

and instead of those kids committing acts of violence,

we made them the victims of it.

- Maybe I need to get tough on the kids

that got kids on our kids.

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

- Mom, listen I don't have time to explain

and I don't want you to worry,

but I'm pressure Ubuntu and an eco-terror group

are gonna blow up the SUV dealership that just opened.

- What!

What are you talking about?

Where did you hear that?

- I read it online.

Stay focused.

Okay.

The important thing is that Grandpa and I

are safe at home just kind of sitting here,

not doing anything sketchy.

(cheering)

- Ubuntu's gonna blow up a Road Rager Dealership.

We have to stop him.

- How's that now?

- Give me the keys, Gerald, the keys, now.

My little boy's in trouble.

- We took City Link.

Why won't 911 pick up.

- [Dispatch] Greetings fellow Greenvillian,

we're currently unable to address your emergency.

Please visit us online at www.911.gov/health.

(hip hop music)

- Help please!

My baby's in trouble.

Maffew, oh thank God.

We need a ride.

My son's in trouble.

- Maybe you should've taught him ceramics.

- We did.

I don't know what happened.

- I'll tell you what happened.

You were here with us

instead of watching your own damn kids.

- We were here because we wanted to show you

that nothing good comes from gangs and violence.

- We wanted to try and keep you kids

from going to jail or getting hurt,

and now our son might get arrested or even killed.

- Damn, that's pretty messed up.

All right, get in.

(hip hop music)

(tired squealing)

- So I just drive through this fence,

park the truck near the SUVs and run as fast as I can.

- Man, you make saving the planet sound so easy

when you put it like that.

All right, we're live.

Ready to hell-torch.

(wheels squealing)

(dings)

(hip hop music)

- Stop please.

Enough bouncing.

- Where is he?

Where's my baby?

If he's hurt so help me God, I will cut you open

and empty you out.

- Mom, Dad, I can't believe you made it

to see my project.

You were so busy I never thought you'd come.

How'd you know I was here?

- Ah, thank goodness you're all right.

- What are you doing with these people?

Haven't we told you time and again

not to be a terrorist.

- This isn't a terrorism, Mom.

It's for Nature Troop.

Jeff, tell my parents about the project we're doing.

- Come on, Ubuntu, you're driving a truck full of C4

and chemical fertilizer into a SUV Dealership,

do you see anything illegal going on here?

- You lied to me, Jeff, if that's even your real name.

- Of course it's not my real name.

- Shh, listen.

I knew those sirens anywhere.

It's some sort of legal authority.

- Fine, I'll do it myself.

- You don't want to do that, man.

- Whoa, whoa, nobody needed to bring any black people.

Calm down, dog.

Don't shoot me.

- I'm not going to shoot you, man,

but I know from personal experience

violence don't solve nothing.

- Oh, thank God.

Oh in that case.

- Oh hell, get him.

(hip hop music)

(grunting)

- [Jeff] That really hurt.

Ow.

(hip hop music)

(grunting)

(sirens blaring)

- Freeze.

Everybody on the ground.

- Thanks goodness you're here officers.

See, what happened was.

- Lady, I will scatter your face all over this cul-de-sac

if you do not get on the ground now.

- Welcome everybody to the first meeting

of our new after school group, the Good Earth Gang.

- Yeah.

- You all have a copy of our mission statement.

We pledge to provide a safe environment for all kids.

- Including our own.

- To help save the planet.

- While not being mean to gays.

- Or enabling terrorists.

- Ubuntu as group leader why don't you get the kids started

by showing them how to use gravity to water your garden.

- What's up with the Boccie guys?

- They blew me off.

Your friends?

- Gone.

I guess they only liked us for what we could do for them.

Think Grandpa, what else can we do for them?

- Well, my friends can buy beer

and yours can drive at night.

I'm sure we can work something out.

- All right, we out.

- Gang meeting.

- Nah, we don't need to be in a gang anymore.

- Yeah, everyone heard about us getting in a street fight

and getting arrested, so we got back our cred.

- Oh great.

- We're so happy for you.

- Here, I took this that last afternoon after school.

I hope you like it.

- We really made a difference in those kids lives,

didn't we?

- That's what we do.

Come on, let's go put this on the mantle.

- Did they just steal our TV?

- Well, maybe they needed a little more cred.

(gentle music)

(upbeat rhythmic music)

♪ The Goode family ♪