Original subtitles

(cheerful music)

- So, Ubuntu, how's your project going to save the planet?

- I made an Earth-friendly windmill generator.

- Nice try, Ubuntu, but the ice caps are melting,

sea levels are rising,

and yet we still have no water to drink.

The fact is, it's all too little too late.

(students gasping)

- But wind is sustainable.

- Maybe if we're lucky it will be a windy apocalypse.

- So, it sounds like there's no reason to take notes.

(cheerful music)

(inhaling deeply)

- I know we shouldn't feed Che from the table,

but when it's vegan stew I just can't help myself.

(whimpering)

- Is this that compost stuff you're always talking about?

- Are you feeling okay, Ubuntu?

Do you need another herbal enema?

Gerald.

- My colon's not the problem, the world is the problem.

Planet doomed, tipping point, game over.

- Ubuntu's just upset because we've thrown the world

so out of whack there is no hope of saving it.

- Don't listen to all that scare mongering.

I remember when we were all supposed to die in an ice age.

Then we were supposed

to starve to death from overpopulation.

Kids, the simple fact is, we're gonna be taken out

by a super antibiotic-resistant flu bug.

- What's gotten into you two?

- Reality.

- Now, hold on.

Have you guys learned nothing from the jar?

Just by recycling for the past seven years

we almost have enough for our eco cruise.

Six days and five nights of being on the open seas

harassing fishing boats.

- What's the point?

Might as well eat meat and flush toilet.

(gasping nervously)

- Honey, don't do yoga now,

you know your skills go right out the window

whenever you're upset.

- (sighs) I know, I'm just so worried about the kids.

I don't want Ubuntu to become jaded and cynical,

and Bliss to become more jaded and cynical.

(ominous music)

- Hmm, maybe there's a downside

to the constant drumbeat of apocalyptic defeatism.

- Huh.

Maybe. (cheerful music)

(car honking)

- Out of the way, jackass!

- Make a difference.

Hmm.

(car honking)

- [Man] Move the bike, Lance!

- A thousand?

It costs $1,000 to adopt a highway?

- It's a way of weeding out the riff-raff.

We can't have every Tom, Dick, and Harry

picking up trash on our highway.

- Why?

- Do you want the highway or not?

- Hmm, that's a lot of money,

but I guess it's worth it

to keep Bliss and Ubuntu from becoming cynical.

- You must really love your cats.

(upbeat music)

(singing in foreign language)

♪ The Goode Family ♪

- There she is.

Route 9.

- So, we're adopting a highway

instead of going on a vacation?

- Yes, this will show you

that we can make a concrete difference in the world.

Right, Helen?

- Oh, so now you're asking for my opinion?

- (sighs) Honey, I hated acting

without the counsel of my life partner,

but the situation called for action.

- So, wait, you paid them so we can pick up garbage

on a public highway?

- I saw a wino puking in an alley.

Pay me 100 bucks and I'll tell you where.

- This is going to be great, I can just picture it now.

(upbeat music) (garbage clanking)

(dolphin whistling)

- All right. - Okay.

(soft music)

- Congratulations.

Your highway.

- Well, it didn't look anything like this in the photo.

There was grass.

- Yeah, we find that if people know how bad the problem is,

they become cynical and just give up,

so we doctor the photos.

- What do you think, Ubuntu,

should we give up now or in five minutes?

- Maybe we should just post an adopt-a-dump sign

and be done with it.

- Now, I know this looks bad,

but what better way to show that we can make a difference

than to turn this eyesore into a place of beauty?

- But there are so many condom wrappers.

- Yeah, but we'll start a groundswell.

We'll get the whole community involved.

There's so many causes to compete with.

We should have a needier font.

- I don't think so.

- Penny, I know it's last minute,

but are you available to pick up garbage this afternoon?

- I think you know the answer to that.

- Nuh-uh.

- If I could just get our message up there on the big board.

- How do you do that? - Nobody knows.

Margo!

- Busy!

- (laughs) Very funny.

I know that nobody cares more

about our environment than you do.

It's just one afternoon.

- Today?

Oh, too bad.

I'll be tied up with the One Earth Eco-Event of the Week,

picking up trash.

Huh?

- Wow.

- I'd like to do it. - Me, too!

It's on the big board.

- Count me in. - Let me help!

- You can't count on me! - Me, too!

- This'll be so fun!

- Come on, everybody.

Follow me. (Margo groans)

Hey, look, your dad's here.

And there's Ray's truck, and Kiki's minivan.

They probably could've carpooled,

but this is still great.

- I underestimated how bored and lonely everyone is.

Maybe this will work.

- Oh god, Newswatch 15 is here.

And Benny Begosian, The Average Guy!

And Margo looks miserable!

- Hello, welcome everybody,

because everybody here is welcome.

Ah, look, more volunteers

who share our common vision.

Welcome.

(exciting music) (gasping)

(ominous music)

- [Sheriff] All right, move it.

Step it down. (gasping)

Move it, now.

- Nazis?

- Everyone who loves to hate, say cheese!

(slow music)

- I'm really for like, the environment and stuff,

but really against racist hate groups.

This one's tough.

- Come on, fantastic. - He's not one of them.

- He sure looks like one of them.

- Oh, my biological parents were racist Africana criminals,

but then they adopted me.

So, it's all been squared away.

- Why don't you take a walk?

- Helen, I know I'm Mr. Live and Let Live,

but these guys?

(high-fiving) - Woo!

- I don't know.

Maybe we should've gotten you that black Barbie.

- Helen, thank you.

- Wait, everybody.

Please don't go.

Sir, could you please tell me

what these gentlemen are doing here?

- These prisoners clean this highway

as part of their punishment.

- First of all, their work is a bit shoddy.

And second of all, I paid almost $1,000

to the Transportation Department to adopt it, and clean it.

- Woo, that's a big chunk of capital

to throw into maintenance.

I can respect that.

See, I'm a businessman myself, Dean Stancill.

- Hey, I know you're a prisoner!

Get out of there!

- Businessman?

Aren't you a criminal?

- There's no need to toss epithets about.

These are all fine lines, gray areas.

Didn't you see "Wall Street"?

"The Godfather"?

- I heard something bad happened to a horse.

- Regardless, irregardless is not a word,

I'm not sure if you knew that.

This job is important to us.

It gets us out of our cells and builds our self-esteem.

It's part of our rehabilitation.

- Rehabilitation.

- Now, what can I offer you

just to leave this highway to us, other than your life?

(ominous music)

- (laughs) Got you!

I wouldn't hurt you or your family.

- (laughs nervously) Oh, my.

I'm sorry, I didn't get the joke at first,

but my wife and I are using this highway

to show our kids that people

can make a real difference in the world,

so I'm afraid we can't leave.

- Look here, son, that ain't gonna work.

- Okay, we gotta head back.

There was a big fight and we're in lockdown.

You know how it goes.

- But we ain't cleaned!

We need to pick up the trash.

The bottles!

- Come on, get in there. (groaning)

- You wanna keep cleaning the highway with them?

Gerald, they are Nazis!

- Helen, you say that about everyone.

- But these are the real ones!

Let's just cut our losses and spend the day at the lake.

There'll be garbage there.

- Yeah, dad.

I think Aryan skinheads on your highway

are a pretty good sign it's time to throw in the towel.

- No.

We can't give up.

We're making a difference.

Did you see how upset those guys were

that they didn't get to pick up those bottles?

There's hope for them, and if we can change them,

we can change the world.

- Why can't we just have a dad who's an alcoholic?

- So, if any of those guys need a pen pal,

well, here's a picture of me.

- You own a wedding dress?

- Helen!

I was hoping to run into you.

How's your No-Nazi-Left-Behind program going?

- You know, Margo, this whole thing wasn't my idea,

but despicable people need to learn to be green as much,

if not more, than decent people.

I mean, garbage doesn't know what's in the heart

of the man picking it up.

- You sound like Gandhi,

who your buddies would hate, by the way.

Here, enjoy some photos.

- They're not my buddies!

- (gasps) That's her!

Look, that's her!

- That's the terrible woman who loves the Nazis.

(scary music)

- He's cute.

- Now, there's no reason we can't excel at business.

Look at us, clearly we're the master race.

(snoring) - Huh?

- Look at them.

They've been sitting on their butts for an hour.

- I even saw one littering.

- And one of 'em spit on the litter.

This is pointless.

- Ubuntu, let's go drive around

with the air conditioner on.

- No, no, no, we just have to stay the course.

- Gerald, listen to yourself!

That's what Republicans say

when things are going really badly!

- Helen, we are not quitting.

We have to show these kids that there's always hope.

Sure, these guys have been a bit lazy and foul-mouthed,

and they throw around the term "immigrant horde"

way too freely, but we can get through to them.

- Found one!

- Nice.

Good job getting this junk off the highways, Clyde.

(laughing)

- Dean, I hate to be a noodge,

but it really doesn't seem like you guys

are doing your fair share.

You've only picked up two Lime Dew bottles.

- I hear ya, Gerald, but we were up pretty late

jumping in a new guy, so cut us some slack.

- Well, I'm afraid I can't do that, Dean.

I can't push my kids to clean up this highway

if you guys aren't willing to.

- Out of my way.

- Now that's what I'm talking about.

Good initiative, guys.

(cheerful music)

(slow music)

Huh, where is everyone?

- Well, so much for initiative.

The prisoners didn't even show up today.

- Well, maybe they started reading

the tolerance pamphlet I gave them

and they lost track of time.

(Che growling)

Oh, look everyone, Che's trying to give

mouth to mouth to that roadkill.

Oh, it's too late, Che.

The poor creature is already dead.

- Drivers on this highway sure do like their Lime Dew.

- Well, since the prisoners didn't show up,

it seems only fair that we get to keep

the recycling money.

Sweet.

Oh, this one's crystallized.

Still a quarter, though.

Dean and the others have no idea

what kind of money they're missing out on.

Hello, strangers.

We missed you yesterday.

- Someone got shivved in the laundry,

so we were under lockdown, again.

Wait, where are the bottles?

- Surprise, we cleaned everything this time.

- You what?

Where are they?

Where are my Lime Dew bottles?

I want the ones you picked up

and I want 'em now!

- Well, that's impossible.

I already took them to the recycling plant.

- No!

No, no!

No, god!

(groaning)

- Dean, what has gotten into you?

Look, if this is about the money I got for the bottles,

I'm keeping it.

(yelling)

- Clyde, you get parol tomorrow.

I want you to pay our buddy, Gerald, a little visit.

- I know that unpleasantness with the prisoners

this afternoon was discouraging,

but please, don't let it shake your faith

that we can make a difference in this world.

- Gerald, enough is enough.

- No, trust me.

We may not have turned those skinheads,

but it just may be that we haven't turned them yet.

- Ugh.

(phone ringing)

- Ubuntu, little help.

Gracias, amigo.

Hello?

- [Operator] This call from an inmate

at the Howard Pope Correctional Facility is monitored.

- Gerald, it's Dean.

- Well, hello, Dean.

What can I do for ya?

- You can give me my.

I want those Lime Dew bottles,

including what was in 'em.

- You want me to fill them back up with Lime Dew?

- I want the junk!

- Dean, all the junk is gone.

Moved by me and my family.

- He already moved it.

I knew he couldn't be as dumb as he looked.

- Okay then, I want what's mine.

- This is about the bottles, isn't it?

Well, we have nothing left to talk about.

- Yes, we do.

An associate of mine is getting parol tomorrow,

and I'm sending him over there to kill,

set things straight.

- Really?

Well, I'll be waiting, and we'll see who gets set straight.

- Oh, yeah? (phone beeping)

I want him dead, I want his wife dead,

I want his family dead, I want his dog dead,

I want every vegetable in his freakin' organic garden

he's always babbling about dead.

- It's bad enough you had us work with them, Gerald,

now you're going to have us killed by them,

in our own home.

- Oh, it'll be fine, Helen.

I'm going to convince them that cleaning up the highway

is in everyone's best interest.

- How?

Skinheads aren't exactly known

for their ability to reason.

- I'm just going to have to use a carrot and a stick,

as barbaric as that sounds.

My vegan stew will soften them up,

and then my firm but fair rhetoric will knock them down.

- Maybe you should have "Hogan's Heroes" playing

so they can see the lighter, goofier side of Nazism.

(doorbell ringing) (banging)

- Give me the money.

- Oh dear, there you guys go with the money again.

You can't be serious.

All this sturm and drang is about the recycling money?

- Yeah, the recycling money.

Hey, wait, are you wearing a wire?

Are you a cop?

If you're a cop you gotta tell me.

- He's not a cop, but I am calling them right now.

- No cops!

- Now, that was uncalled for.

Okay, this clearly isn't working,

so you are all going to sit down and have some vegan stew.

- What? - I said sit, now.

Don't make me say it again.

- He means sit on chair.

Sit!

- He must be the enforcer.

- I'm more worried about the quiet guy with the stick.

Remember what De Niro did

with that bat in "The Untouchables"?

- Now, this all started

because we wanted Route 9 and you wanted Route 9.

Now, we can keep butting heads over it,

but in the meantime, nobody is cleaning up,

nobody is getting any bottles,

and that's not good for anyone, is it?

- No.

I guess not.

- I'm not eatin' this.

- Eat.

(gulping)

- Now, what if I told you that there was a way

we could pick up even more bottles?

- I'm listening.

- My vegan stew will do that to people.

Now, here's my proposal.

We take Route 9, you get your own road,

maybe get two or three.

That way you can get more inmates involved.

If you branch out, you could have the whole area,

except Route 9, that's my family's.

- So, we all make money.

- Stop focusing on the money, that's your problem.

Focus on the work and the money will follow.

There's lots of bottles out there.

- Yeah.

But Dean handles all the business.

- Well then Dean should be focusing

on the business of getting the job done,

and less on the business of hate.

One person can make this world into whatever they want

if they are willing to change the way they look at it.

Right, kids?

- We need to talk to Dean.

- I'll pack you some stew to go.

(groaning)

(beeping)

- And then he said to stop hating

and get everyone involved.

- Stop hatin'?

That kinda goes against our core values,

defines who we are.

On the other hand, it might be good for business.

You know, he's right.

I've been refusing to deal with the mongrel races

for too long, and who's that hurting?

Me.

Contact all the black and Latino gangs.

Set up a meeting tonight in the showers.

- I'm Benny Begosian, The Average Guy.

You remember The Average Guy was not happy

when Nazis were cleaning up this highway

with the so-called Goode family.

But this story, as too few stories have,

throw The Average Guy a curve.

Who would've thought that cleaning up a dirty

stretch of highway could have such a dramatic impact?

The answer is, the Goode family.

Mom and dad adopted me from racists

and made me a good person.

We adopted a highway and made these people good.

- At first it was weird making a difference,

but it's actually kinda cool.

- You know who else thinks what you've done is cool?

Warden Jesser of the Howard Pope Correctional Facility.

- The Goode family's work with our most heinous

white supremacist group has had an enormous impact.

Just a week ago if these gangs

had been in the yard at the same time

half of them would've killed the other half,

usually with toothbrushes that they carefully shave down

to a deadly point.

- The fact is that if we don't work together,

then everybody loses.

And when you think about it,

the only color that really matters is green.

- It looks to this Average Guy

that this hate group has been turned into a love group.

- Nothing average about that story, Average Guy.

Looks like the Goode family has been great

at eradicating racism.

- I'm sorry I didn't trust my life partner.

(kisses) Who wants to roll that back and see it again?

- Yeah! - Me, me!

- Us! - Me, me, me, me, me!

- Believe it or not, I do.

- Yeah, why not? - Ugh.

- Did Dean mention if he got my proposal?

- The world's good.

- [Benny] I'm Benny Begosian, The Average Guy.

- [Charlie] I like that Average Guy

because he's just like me!

(upbeat music)

(singing in foreign language)

♪ The Goode family ♪