All language subtitles for The.Goode.Family.S01E02.Pleatherheads.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Hurtom_track3_[eng]

(upbeat music)

(Che growling)

(dramatic music)

(squirrel screams)

(Che whimpers)

♪ Gonna shake hands
around the world ♪

♪ Down by the riverside ♪

Sing with me, Ray.

♪ Down by the riverside ♪

♪ Down by ♪

You gotta do this, you
gotta do this outside?

- Rainwater doesn't
collect inside the house.

- Reduce, reuse, recycle.

- Gerald, I'm gonna
need your help

setting up my pet
adoption stand.

- Adoption?

I was adopted by you guys.

I wanna help.

- We're all going
to help, Ubuntu.

I'll be right there
after my meeting

with President Jensen
at the college.

- I have a meeting, too.

It's an extracurricular
think tank.

They're useless without me.

- Come on, Bliss.

- Oh, look who's
coming up the drive

with a big sack of
poison, your dad.

- I'm going to kill the raccoon
I saw tramping around here.

Vicious beasts, carry rabies,

look like bandits with those
black rings around their eyes.

- You can't go around
killing wildlife at my house

while I'm at One Earth
heading up a pet rescue group!

- (laughs) That's
a waste of time.

- Dad, just leave
the raccoon alone.

I'll pick up a
have-a-heart trap.

- Pet rescue, have a heart?

It's all lollipops and
moonbeams with you, isn't it?

- You know Charlie,
maybe you should

think about adopting a pet.

They're very therapeutic
for the elderly.

- Hm, I always wanted
a thoroughbred.

Do those come in dog?

And not some vegan
wuss like Che.

One that wins trophies
and barks at immigrants.

- We're not peddling purebreds,
we're placing rescues.

It's very important work.

- So your new cause is to
take a pet no one wanted

and give it to someone
else who doesn't want it.

Of all your useless ideas,
this is your worst yet.

(Helen sighs)

(car whirring)

- Now it's your turn,
you sing with me Charlie.

♪ Gonna shake hands
around the world ♪

♪ Down by the riverside ♪

♪ Ain't gonna
study war no more ♪

(upbeat tropical music)

(singers vocalizing)

♪ The Goode Family ♪

(dog barking)

(cats meowing)

- Nice shirt, hey you know
what would go great with it?

Roscoe here!

Penny, this is
important work, right?

- It better be.

This is supposed
to take the place

of a husband and
kids in my life.

(sighs) I could use a snack,
you want anything, coffee?

- Black, three sugars.

(Roscoe barking)

What did you say, Roscoe?

You wanna go home
with that nice man?

(Roscoe whining)

(squirrels squeaking)

- Yes the squirrels are
annoying, but I try to imagine

how annoying we are to them.

- Yeah, but we don't chew
through their electrical wires

and crap on my desk.

They gotta go.

- Now, you're not
suggesting we kill them.

- Oh god no, you know my wife.

Margo and her animal rights
friends would be all over me.

We have to get rid of them
with no poison and no traps.

Oh, and no budget.

- Ah!

Oh my.

(dog barking)

- Well, no wonder
there's no takers.

These cages are a mess

and Mitten's litter
box needs scooping.

Ubuntu!

(upbeat music)

(pallet jack whirring)

- Pallet jack.

- Now Ubuntu, I know
you love machinery

but you're not done scooping.

Bliss, a little help over here!

- [Bliss] Coming.

- So we're gonna
hang out at the mall

and make fun of people
that hang out at the mall.

- That sounds great, if
I weren't stuck here.

- Oh, Helen, such an adorable,
what is this, a bake sale?

- No Margo, it's a pet adoption.

You can tell by
the sign that says

pet adoption and all the pets.

- Oh, I wish I had time
for a hobby like that,

but the work I'm doing
for animal welfare

is a little more important.

I'm the new regional
managing director of SETA.

It's the premiere animal rights
organization in the world.

- I know who they are.

- We're heading to
Chicago to stage a protest

at the Japanese consulate.

I'm in charge of
the rubber whale.

- You're organizing a protest?

I would love to go.

- We're full.

- The protest is full?

- Helen, I was waiting
in line for soy cream

when I found some
people that are

really into helping animals.

- Animals or Else?

Wow, I didn't even know
there was a local chapter.

- We try to stay
under the radar.

- I'm a regional
director for SETA.

- How cute.

- Well if you want
to join forces,

we could always use the help.

- With your slave auction?

- Pet adoption,
not slave auction...

- Animals or Else
doesn't rescue animals

so they can be placed into
dehumanizing subjugation,

turned into tragic
step-and-fetch-its.

We rescue them, give
them back their dignity,

and allow them to
live free in the wild,

the way nature intended.

- Well, I'm not sure
how long Buttons here

would last in the wild.

- They say people don't
have a natural predator.

Well, they must not know us.

- They are so violent.

I wonder if they
would let me join.

- What the?

- Another dump and dash.

- Hello, honey.

Oh god, what stinks?

- I think it's that.

- What is it?

(growling)

- Whatever it is, its
name is Gutterball?

- In my 16 years of placing
pets I've never said this,

but let's tie it in a sack
and throw it in the river.

- No, I came here to
place pets, damn it.

Hey, how about a
cuddly new playmate?

(Gutterball growling)

- Uh-oh.

- Cut him off at the juice bar!

(people screaming)

Oh, god.

It's okay, I got him!

Now who wants to take
this little rascal home?

Dad!

What are you doing here?

- I was sitting around
the condo with your mother

and I realized maybe
I do need a pet.

- Really, and you
came to me for help?

- Yeah, what the?

Now, what's this big guy's name?

- Oh Dad, I wouldn't.

- Gutterball, perfect!

- You like it?

(Charlie laughs)

It's one of my rescues.

So maybe I'm not so
useless after all, huh?

- Maybe, can I keep it?

- What?

Well, sure!

Yeah, of course.

Gerald, look who's here
to support my cause

and to make up for a lifetime

of his crippling
negative comments.

That's right, my dad
is adopting Gutterball.

You can take him home right now.

- Oh, they don't allow
pets at my condo.

Can he bunk at your place?

That way I can come
visit every day.

- That's really not
possible because...

(gentle music)

(Gutterball chattering)

- That thing is so disgusting.

- Kill it!

- (sighs) Helen, I'm
already under pressure

with a rampant squirrel
problem at work.

We cannot keep this
vile creature here.

- We have to keep him!

This is the first time my father

has found value
in anything I do.

You don't know what it was
like growing up with him.

- Lemonade?

It's all dolphins and
doilies with you, isn't it?

Homework?

It's all rainbows and
leprechauns with you, isn't it?

College?

It's all polka dots and
unicorns with you, isn't it?

- That thing is the
pickax I can use

to hack my way into
my father's heart.

(Gutterball retching)

He does that.

It may be a hairball,
it may be an egg.

I'm not sure.

- I hear paprika works as a
natural squirrel repellent

but that could upset
their stomachs.

Oh, I'll add peppermint,
that's soothing.

Helen, I thought
you were supposed

to be down at your
pet adoption stand.

- It's okay, Bliss and
Ubuntu are covering it.

- But it's your group.

- I'll be there
as soon as I can.

Gutterball's milk is
on the counter, Dad.

Warmed up just like you asked.

- Wait, is this one of those

plastic bottles
with all the BPA?

I can't use this.

Get a glass one,
it has to be glass!

- Hey, why don't we lock
Gutterball in the bathroom

and then you and I
can go shopping for
that stuff together?

- Sorry, I promised Gutty
we'd watch the game.

♪ People let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person ♪
- Yes!

♪ Who loves me till the end ♪
- Yes.

♪ People let me tell you
'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

- I'm gonna get ya,
I'm gonna get ya!

- Get me, get me!

♪ Whether we're
talking man to man ♪

- Whoopsie daisy!

- Gutterball's flying, whee!

(Gutterball hissing)

- Careful!

You like facing
forward, don't you?

(Che sniffing)

(dramatic music)

(raccoon growling)

(Gutterball growls)

- Oh, god.

Che, Che, here boy.

You know, a vegan dog has no
chance to save that squirrel

or protect himself
against those carnivores.

In fact, since
Gutterball is staying,

I'll just take you to
work where it's safe.

(Gutterball retching)

- Hold him.

- Okay, but I can't adopt
him, I work all day.

- No backsies!

(horn honking)

(kitten meows)

- And I was like, "Are
you making me choose

"between my cats and you?"

And he's all like, "Ma'am,
just sign for the package."

- (chuckles) That's
a good story.

Wish my mom had
shown up to hear it.

- We've only got an hour
to goof on all the losers

taking their lunch
break at the food court.

Okay, so here's the guy in
front of me in line yesterday.

Oh, I'd like a slice
of pizza, please.

(all laughing)

All right, let's move.

- (sighs) I miss everything.

- Well, I hope my paprika potion

will nonviolently urge
the squirrels off campus.

It may be a while.

Here's an organic soy
bone to pass the time.

(Che whines)

(playful music)

(squirrel squeaking)

(Che crunching)

(squirrels squeaking)

- I placed a cat.

- You placed it with another
cat, that doesn't count.

Where were you?

- I've been helping
your grandfather

with the child he never had.

I begged him to put a
diaper on Gutterball

but oh no, he'll
lose his dignity.

I feel like Cinderella
cleaning up after that beast!

- Helen, you're losing
sight of what matters.

The pet rescue placed
zero pets today.

- Gutterball is sick.

- Well, maybe it
was that third beer

you gave him this morning.

- It's not that, he
needs to be in bed.

Are your sheets clean?

- Oh, no, no, you are not
bringing that ill creature

anywhere near the family bed.

- Gerald's right,
if Gutty's sick

we should take him to the vet

and get him a
checkup right away.

I'll grab my coat and purse
and meet you in the car.

- The vet?

You're actually going to pay
someone to keep it alive?

- Of course not, from that smell

it must be rotting
from the inside out.

The vet will take one look
and put him out of his misery

and we'll be out of our misery.

- Hang in there my
little Gutter Butter.

- Do you need to
put it to sleep,

you know for
humaneness and such?

Must be like a thousand
years old in cat years.

- Oh, this is no cat.

- She's a dog?

- Oh, it's not a she.

- But Gutterball's
got no jimmy-wimmy.

I've looked!

- Well you would have had
to have peeled back the.

I really would rather
not go into it.

See, this is not a sick dog.

This is a very healthy
trifulfula vulgaris.

It's actually an endangered
marsupial species

native to the Tamil region
of Sri Lanka, quite rare.

- Aha, he's a pure breed, right?

- Oh, that's for certain.

Nothing would breed
with this animal.

- I knew you were special!

- Let me get you some info.

- Hey, that's you!

- [Narrator] Trifulfula
vulgaris, or trivulg,

is a rarity in the
animal kingdom,

hated even by its own species.

Because of this
repugnancy, over the years

it has evolved a
unique mating ritual.

The male will
approach the female

which is marked by
its bright yellow tail

and extra gland sacs

(female trivulg hisses)

and emit a fast-acting
natural sedative.

- Like that poor frozen turkey.

- [Narrator] Soon the male
trivulg will non-consensually

date the female for up
to 17 hours at a time.

- Uh-uh-uh.

I knew he liked me.

Whoa, that stuff packs a punch.

- We can't keep him!

I mean, he's endangered,
so he's precious,

so we should, zoo, be
in a zoo of course!

- Oh, no zoo will
take a trivulg.

The Hong Kong Zoo tried once.

(whistles) Did not go well.

No, he's all yours.

The good news is that with
proper care and feeding,

these babies can live
for over 100 years,

and Gutterball
here is just a pup.

(Charlie laughing)

(Gerald grunting)

- What's it doing back here?

- He's an endangered trivulg

and he's going to
outlive all of us.

To celebrate, Dad's
throwing a party.

He went to buy a cake,
maybe rent a bouncy house.

- But if it's an
endangered animal,

doesn't it belong in the zoo?

- They won't take him,
nobody will take him!

Not the zoo, not Dad's
retirement village, no one!

- Well have you
tried craigslist?

Remember when I sold
all my old socks?

- I thought Gutterball was
gonna make my dad proud of me.

I thought he just had
trouble showing love,

but the truth is he just
can't show it to me.

- Well, not to make light of
your emotional starvation,

but can we just
focus on getting rid

of Gutterball right now?

I mean, it's not just
gonna ooze its way

into the wild and
out of our lives.

Can't we call somebody?

- Yes, and I know who.

Animals or Else.

- Animals or Else?

They're scary.

- Oh hell yeah, they're scary.

And they won't let
anything stand in the way

of preserving an
animal's natural dignity.

Wow, for an extremist
group that wants to be

under the radar they have a
pretty informative website.

Let's see, directions,
hours, contact us.

- Lift, turn, lift then turn!

(cat yowling)

- Say what you said to that
guy eating the pretzel.

- Hey, nice tie.

Better hurry up, don't
wanna be late for work.

(all laughing)

- Hey, that's my apron.

- I miss all the fun.

- Tonight I'm gonna
go soak in a jacuzzi

and hope I get pregnant.

- I called my dad and
told him Gutterball

would look great
in a birthday hat.

That should buy us some time

for Animals or Else to get here.

- Great, so what are you gonna

tell your dad when he gets home?

- I don't know, maybe
that it ran away.

(wistful music)

(Helen sighs)

- Are you okay?

Did he emit?

- I can't do it.

I can't do it to my dad.

- (sighs) Yes, you can.

Your dad loves that
horrid reeking creature

more than he loves you.

Hold onto that.

- I can't, he's so happy.

- But Animals or Else
are on their way.

You can't cross these people.

They're crazy!

(raccoon chittering)

- Do you think they
would be satisfied

with liberating a raccoon?

(razor buzzing)

This is working, right?

(doorbell rings)
(banging)

(Helen gasps)

(razor buzzing)

- So, you've really come around

since your little minstrel
show at One Earth.

- Yes, animals should
live like animals.

You make a very good point.

- And a very clear threat.

Whoa, looks like that trivulg
is getting tired of captivity.

(raccoon chittering)

- It worked!

- Ta-da!

Matching outfits!

Let's have the party outside
so everyone can see us.

- That might not be a good idea.

Gutterball shouldn't
be seen for a while.

- What the hell are
you babbling about?

- Some people just left.

They thought they were
taking Gutterball away.

They wanna release him to
his natural environment.

- Why would they think that?

Why would they even
know about Gutterball?

- I told them.

I wanted them to come
and take him away

because he's mean,
vicious, smelly,

and because I was jealous.

- Where is he?

- He's right here,
but you should know

that even though I fantasized

about him being
placed on a landmine,

Helen would not get rid of him.

- I can't trust you
people alone with my baby.

Oh, I wish you could
come live with me.

- Well, at least in 40 years,

we'll be too old to
smell that thing, too.

- And when we lose our eyesight
it won't look so disgusting.

Hm.

- What an adorable grandson.

- He's a keeper all right.

- But Gutterball, that
is such an unusual name.

- Well his parents
are crackheads, what
are you gonna do?

That's why I'll be
keeping him here.

- Do you think deep
down my dad appreciates

all that I went through for him?

- Sure.

Well, I guess this
is all for the best

until Animals or Else
discovers we gave them

a raccoon and
firebombs our house.

- This isn't really a
trivulg's natural environment...

- You know we couldn't afford
to fly it to Sri Lanka!

But this is a lot better
than living in shame.

- Oh! (chuckles)

- Yes, go, onward!

- You know what?

We are doing work
we can be proud of.

- Helen, I saw you on the
Animals or Else website.

I can't believe that
you're liberator

of the month, congratulations!

You have got to get me
in with Animals or Else.

- I don't know, the
movement is pretty full

but I'll put in a good word

for you if you prove
yourself worthy.

You can start by
cleaning those cages.

You guys have been working hard.

Since Margo's here,
why don't you take off?

- Yes!

Hey guys wait up, I
have a great idea!

You know who we should mock?

The mall masseuse.

- All right.
- Yeah!

- And the third time
I almost got engaged

I found out he was gay,

although he married
a woman a year later.

I guess it's all timing.

(Ubuntu giggles)

- Good work Gerald,
no one's gonna find

a squirrel graveyard
on campus, are they?

- Oh no, no, no, sir.

Just a little secret
potion ushered them along.

That soy bone is healthy
and filling, huh Che?

(Che groans)

(Che burps)