Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

(Che growling)

(dramatic music)

(squirrel screams)

(Che whimpers)

♪ Gonna shake hands around the world ♪

♪ Down by the riverside ♪

Sing with me, Ray.

♪ Down by the riverside ♪

♪ Down by ♪

You gotta do this, you gotta do this outside?

- Rainwater doesn't collect inside the house.

- Reduce, reuse, recycle.

- Gerald, I'm gonna need your help

setting up my pet adoption stand.

- Adoption?

I was adopted by you guys.

I wanna help.

- We're all going to help, Ubuntu.

I'll be right there after my meeting

with President Jensen at the college.

- I have a meeting, too.

It's an extracurricular think tank.

They're useless without me.

- Come on, Bliss.

- Oh, look who's coming up the drive

with a big sack of poison, your dad.

- I'm going to kill the raccoon I saw tramping around here.

Vicious beasts, carry rabies,

look like bandits with those black rings around their eyes.

- You can't go around killing wildlife at my house

while I'm at One Earth heading up a pet rescue group!

- (laughs) That's a waste of time.

- Dad, just leave the raccoon alone.

I'll pick up a have-a-heart trap.

- Pet rescue, have a heart?

It's all lollipops and moonbeams with you, isn't it?

- You know Charlie, maybe you should

think about adopting a pet.

They're very therapeutic for the elderly.

- Hm, I always wanted a thoroughbred.

Do those come in dog?

And not some vegan wuss like Che.

One that wins trophies and barks at immigrants.

- We're not peddling purebreds, we're placing rescues.

It's very important work.

- So your new cause is to take a pet no one wanted

and give it to someone else who doesn't want it.

Of all your useless ideas, this is your worst yet.

(Helen sighs)

(car whirring)

- Now it's your turn, you sing with me Charlie.

♪ Gonna shake hands around the world ♪

♪ Down by the riverside ♪

♪ Ain't gonna study war no more ♪

(upbeat tropical music)

(singers vocalizing)

♪ The Goode Family ♪

(dog barking)

(cats meowing)

- Nice shirt, hey you know what would go great with it?

Roscoe here!

Penny, this is important work, right?

- It better be.

This is supposed to take the place

of a husband and kids in my life.

(sighs) I could use a snack, you want anything, coffee?

- Black, three sugars.

(Roscoe barking)

What did you say, Roscoe?

You wanna go home with that nice man?

(Roscoe whining)

(squirrels squeaking)

- Yes the squirrels are annoying, but I try to imagine

how annoying we are to them.

- Yeah, but we don't chew through their electrical wires

and crap on my desk.

They gotta go.

- Now, you're not suggesting we kill them.

- Oh god no, you know my wife.

Margo and her animal rights friends would be all over me.

We have to get rid of them with no poison and no traps.

Oh, and no budget.

- Ah!

Oh my.

(dog barking)

- Well, no wonder there's no takers.

These cages are a mess

and Mitten's litter box needs scooping.

Ubuntu!

(upbeat music)

(pallet jack whirring)

- Pallet jack.

- Now Ubuntu, I know you love machinery

but you're not done scooping.

Bliss, a little help over here!

- [Bliss] Coming.

- So we're gonna hang out at the mall

and make fun of people that hang out at the mall.

- That sounds great, if I weren't stuck here.

- Oh, Helen, such an adorable, what is this, a bake sale?

- No Margo, it's a pet adoption.

You can tell by the sign that says

pet adoption and all the pets.

- Oh, I wish I had time for a hobby like that,

but the work I'm doing for animal welfare

is a little more important.

I'm the new regional managing director of SETA.

It's the premiere animal rights organization in the world.

- I know who they are.

- We're heading to Chicago to stage a protest

at the Japanese consulate.

I'm in charge of the rubber whale.

- You're organizing a protest?

I would love to go.

- We're full.

- The protest is full?

- Helen, I was waiting in line for soy cream

when I found some people that are

really into helping animals.

- Animals or Else?

Wow, I didn't even know there was a local chapter.

- We try to stay under the radar.

- I'm a regional director for SETA.

- How cute.

- Well if you want to join forces,

we could always use the help.

- With your slave auction?

- Pet adoption, not slave auction...

- Animals or Else doesn't rescue animals

so they can be placed into dehumanizing subjugation,

turned into tragic step-and-fetch-its.

We rescue them, give them back their dignity,

and allow them to live free in the wild,

the way nature intended.

- Well, I'm not sure how long Buttons here

would last in the wild.

- They say people don't have a natural predator.

Well, they must not know us.

- They are so violent.

I wonder if they would let me join.

- What the?

- Another dump and dash.

- Hello, honey.

Oh god, what stinks?

- I think it's that.

- What is it?

(growling)

- Whatever it is, its name is Gutterball?

- In my 16 years of placing pets I've never said this,

but let's tie it in a sack and throw it in the river.

- No, I came here to place pets, damn it.

Hey, how about a cuddly new playmate?

(Gutterball growling)

- Uh-oh.

- Cut him off at the juice bar!

(people screaming)

Oh, god.

It's okay, I got him!

Now who wants to take this little rascal home?

Dad!

What are you doing here?

- I was sitting around the condo with your mother

and I realized maybe I do need a pet.

- Really, and you came to me for help?

- Yeah, what the?

Now, what's this big guy's name?

- Oh Dad, I wouldn't.

- Gutterball, perfect!

- You like it?

(Charlie laughs)

It's one of my rescues.

So maybe I'm not so useless after all, huh?

- Maybe, can I keep it?

- What?

Well, sure!

Yeah, of course.

Gerald, look who's here to support my cause

and to make up for a lifetime

of his crippling negative comments.

That's right, my dad is adopting Gutterball.

You can take him home right now.

- Oh, they don't allow pets at my condo.

Can he bunk at your place?

That way I can come visit every day.

- That's really not possible because...

(gentle music)

(Gutterball chattering)

- That thing is so disgusting.

- Kill it!

- (sighs) Helen, I'm already under pressure

with a rampant squirrel problem at work.

We cannot keep this vile creature here.

- We have to keep him!

This is the first time my father

has found value in anything I do.

You don't know what it was like growing up with him.

- Lemonade?

It's all dolphins and doilies with you, isn't it?

Homework?

It's all rainbows and leprechauns with you, isn't it?

College?

It's all polka dots and unicorns with you, isn't it?

- That thing is the pickax I can use

to hack my way into my father's heart.

(Gutterball retching)

He does that.

It may be a hairball, it may be an egg.

I'm not sure.

- I hear paprika works as a natural squirrel repellent

but that could upset their stomachs.

Oh, I'll add peppermint, that's soothing.

Helen, I thought you were supposed

to be down at your pet adoption stand.

- It's okay, Bliss and Ubuntu are covering it.

- But it's your group.

- I'll be there as soon as I can.

Gutterball's milk is on the counter, Dad.

Warmed up just like you asked.

- Wait, is this one of those

plastic bottles with all the BPA?

I can't use this.

Get a glass one, it has to be glass!

- Hey, why don't we lock Gutterball in the bathroom

and then you and I can go shopping for that stuff together?

- Sorry, I promised Gutty we'd watch the game.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a warm hearted person ♪ - Yes!

♪ Who loves me till the end ♪ - Yes.

♪ People let me tell you 'bout my best friend ♪

♪ He's a one boy cuddly toy ♪

- I'm gonna get ya, I'm gonna get ya!

- Get me, get me!

♪ Whether we're talking man to man ♪

- Whoopsie daisy!

- Gutterball's flying, whee!

(Gutterball hissing)

- Careful!

You like facing forward, don't you?

(Che sniffing)

(dramatic music)

(raccoon growling)

(Gutterball growls)

- Oh, god.

Che, Che, here boy.

You know, a vegan dog has no chance to save that squirrel

or protect himself against those carnivores.

In fact, since Gutterball is staying,

I'll just take you to work where it's safe.

(Gutterball retching)

- Hold him.

- Okay, but I can't adopt him, I work all day.

- No backsies!

(horn honking)

(kitten meows)

- And I was like, "Are you making me choose

"between my cats and you?"

And he's all like, "Ma'am, just sign for the package."

- (chuckles) That's a good story.

Wish my mom had shown up to hear it.

- We've only got an hour to goof on all the losers

taking their lunch break at the food court.

Okay, so here's the guy in front of me in line yesterday.

Oh, I'd like a slice of pizza, please.

(all laughing)

All right, let's move.

- (sighs) I miss everything.

- Well, I hope my paprika potion

will nonviolently urge the squirrels off campus.

It may be a while.

Here's an organic soy bone to pass the time.

(Che whines)

(playful music)

(squirrel squeaking)

(Che crunching)

(squirrels squeaking)

- I placed a cat.

- You placed it with another cat, that doesn't count.

Where were you?

- I've been helping your grandfather

with the child he never had.

I begged him to put a diaper on Gutterball

but oh no, he'll lose his dignity.

I feel like Cinderella cleaning up after that beast!

- Helen, you're losing sight of what matters.

The pet rescue placed zero pets today.

- Gutterball is sick.

- Well, maybe it was that third beer

you gave him this morning.

- It's not that, he needs to be in bed.

Are your sheets clean?

- Oh, no, no, you are not bringing that ill creature

anywhere near the family bed.

- Gerald's right, if Gutty's sick

we should take him to the vet

and get him a checkup right away.

I'll grab my coat and purse and meet you in the car.

- The vet?

You're actually going to pay someone to keep it alive?

- Of course not, from that smell

it must be rotting from the inside out.

The vet will take one look and put him out of his misery

and we'll be out of our misery.

- Hang in there my little Gutter Butter.

- Do you need to put it to sleep,

you know for humaneness and such?

Must be like a thousand years old in cat years.

- Oh, this is no cat.

- She's a dog?

- Oh, it's not a she.

- But Gutterball's got no jimmy-wimmy.

I've looked!

- Well you would have had to have peeled back the.

I really would rather not go into it.

See, this is not a sick dog.

This is a very healthy trifulfula vulgaris.

It's actually an endangered marsupial species

native to the Tamil region of Sri Lanka, quite rare.

- Aha, he's a pure breed, right?

- Oh, that's for certain.

Nothing would breed with this animal.

- I knew you were special!

- Let me get you some info.

- Hey, that's you!

- [Narrator] Trifulfula vulgaris, or trivulg,

is a rarity in the animal kingdom,

hated even by its own species.

Because of this repugnancy, over the years

it has evolved a unique mating ritual.

The male will approach the female

which is marked by its bright yellow tail

and extra gland sacs

(female trivulg hisses)

and emit a fast-acting natural sedative.

- Like that poor frozen turkey.

- [Narrator] Soon the male trivulg will non-consensually

date the female for up to 17 hours at a time.

- Uh-uh-uh.

I knew he liked me.

Whoa, that stuff packs a punch.

- We can't keep him!

I mean, he's endangered, so he's precious,

so we should, zoo, be in a zoo of course!

- Oh, no zoo will take a trivulg.

The Hong Kong Zoo tried once.

(whistles) Did not go well.

No, he's all yours.

The good news is that with proper care and feeding,

these babies can live for over 100 years,

and Gutterball here is just a pup.

(Charlie laughing)

(Gerald grunting)

- What's it doing back here?

- He's an endangered trivulg

and he's going to outlive all of us.

To celebrate, Dad's throwing a party.

He went to buy a cake, maybe rent a bouncy house.

- But if it's an endangered animal,

doesn't it belong in the zoo?

- They won't take him, nobody will take him!

Not the zoo, not Dad's retirement village, no one!

- Well have you tried craigslist?

Remember when I sold all my old socks?

- I thought Gutterball was gonna make my dad proud of me.

I thought he just had trouble showing love,

but the truth is he just can't show it to me.

- Well, not to make light of your emotional starvation,

but can we just focus on getting rid

of Gutterball right now?

I mean, it's not just gonna ooze its way

into the wild and out of our lives.

Can't we call somebody?

- Yes, and I know who.

Animals or Else.

- Animals or Else?

They're scary.

- Oh hell yeah, they're scary.

And they won't let anything stand in the way

of preserving an animal's natural dignity.

Wow, for an extremist group that wants to be

under the radar they have a pretty informative website.

Let's see, directions, hours, contact us.

- Lift, turn, lift then turn!

(cat yowling)

- Say what you said to that guy eating the pretzel.

- Hey, nice tie.

Better hurry up, don't wanna be late for work.

(all laughing)

- Hey, that's my apron.

- I miss all the fun.

- Tonight I'm gonna go soak in a jacuzzi

and hope I get pregnant.

- I called my dad and told him Gutterball

would look great in a birthday hat.

That should buy us some time

for Animals or Else to get here.

- Great, so what are you gonna

tell your dad when he gets home?

- I don't know, maybe that it ran away.

(wistful music)

(Helen sighs)

- Are you okay?

Did he emit?

- I can't do it.

I can't do it to my dad.

- (sighs) Yes, you can.

Your dad loves that horrid reeking creature

more than he loves you.

Hold onto that.

- I can't, he's so happy.

- But Animals or Else are on their way.

You can't cross these people.

They're crazy!

(raccoon chittering)

- Do you think they would be satisfied

with liberating a raccoon?

(razor buzzing)

This is working, right?

(doorbell rings) (banging)

(Helen gasps)

(razor buzzing)

- So, you've really come around

since your little minstrel show at One Earth.

- Yes, animals should live like animals.

You make a very good point.

- And a very clear threat.

Whoa, looks like that trivulg is getting tired of captivity.

(raccoon chittering)

- It worked!

- Ta-da!

Matching outfits!

Let's have the party outside so everyone can see us.

- That might not be a good idea.

Gutterball shouldn't be seen for a while.

- What the hell are you babbling about?

- Some people just left.

They thought they were taking Gutterball away.

They wanna release him to his natural environment.

- Why would they think that?

Why would they even know about Gutterball?

- I told them.

I wanted them to come and take him away

because he's mean, vicious, smelly,

and because I was jealous.

- Where is he?

- He's right here, but you should know

that even though I fantasized

about him being placed on a landmine,

Helen would not get rid of him.

- I can't trust you people alone with my baby.

Oh, I wish you could come live with me.

- Well, at least in 40 years,

we'll be too old to smell that thing, too.

- And when we lose our eyesight it won't look so disgusting.

Hm.

- What an adorable grandson.

- He's a keeper all right.

- But Gutterball, that is such an unusual name.

- Well his parents are crackheads, what are you gonna do?

That's why I'll be keeping him here.

- Do you think deep down my dad appreciates

all that I went through for him?

- Sure.

Well, I guess this is all for the best

until Animals or Else discovers we gave them

a raccoon and firebombs our house.

- This isn't really a trivulg's natural environment...

- You know we couldn't afford to fly it to Sri Lanka!

But this is a lot better than living in shame.

- Oh! (chuckles)

- Yes, go, onward!

- You know what?

We are doing work we can be proud of.

- Helen, I saw you on the Animals or Else website.

I can't believe that you're liberator

of the month, congratulations!

You have got to get me in with Animals or Else.

- I don't know, the movement is pretty full

but I'll put in a good word

for you if you prove yourself worthy.

You can start by cleaning those cages.

You guys have been working hard.

Since Margo's here, why don't you take off?

- Yes!

Hey guys wait up, I have a great idea!

You know who we should mock?

The mall masseuse.

- All right. - Yeah!

- And the third time I almost got engaged

I found out he was gay,

although he married a woman a year later.

I guess it's all timing.

(Ubuntu giggles)

- Good work Gerald, no one's gonna find

a squirrel graveyard on campus, are they?

- Oh no, no, no, sir.

Just a little secret potion ushered them along.

That soy bone is healthy and filling, huh Che?

(Che groans)

(Che burps)