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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,460 ♪ When love ♪ 2 00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:07,798 ♪ Breaks up ♪ 3 00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:12,136 ♪ When the dawn light ♪ 4 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:15,514 ♪ Wakes up ♪ 5 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:21,520 ♪ A new life is born ♪ 6 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:29,778 ♪ Somehow I had to make this final... ♪ 7 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,406 Wait, wait! 8 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,449 Oh... 9 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:36,243 ♪ Now ♪ 10 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:49,339 ♪ I wake up ♪ 11 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,508 ♪ Feel just fine ♪ 12 00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:54,678 ♪ Your face ♪ 13 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:56,180 ♪ Fills my mind ♪ 14 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:59,308 ♪ I get religion quick ♪ 15 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,435 ♪ It's looking divine ♪ 16 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:05,439 ♪ Honey, you're touching something ♪ 17 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,607 ♪ You're touching me ♪ 18 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,150 ♪ I'm under your thumb ♪ 19 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,443 ♪ Under your spell ♪ 20 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,529 One, two, three. 21 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:14,990 ♪ If I could only reach you ♪ 22 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:17,659 ♪ If I could make you smile ♪ 23 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,370 ♪ If I could only reach you ♪ 24 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:24,208 ♪ That would really be a breakthrough ♪ 25 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,798 ♪ If I could only reach you ♪ 26 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,550 ♪ If I could make you smile ♪ 27 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:36,678 ♪ If I could only reach you ♪ 28 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:39,139 ♪ That would really be a breakthrough ♪ 29 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,517 ♪ If I could only reach you 30 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,353 ♪ If I could make you smile ♪ 31 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,897 ♪ If I could only reach you ♪ 32 00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:50,943 ♪ That would really be a breakthrough ♪ 33 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:01,870 Oh, my goodness. 34 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,413 Do not adjust your TV sets. 35 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:04,540 Yes, this is late night. 36 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,667 And yes, I am a woman. 37 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,837 Actually, actually, if you don't mind, 38 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,672 I'd love for you to go into your TV settings 39 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:15,467 and adjust the smoothing level all the way to a hundred. 40 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,969 Isn't that better? 41 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,220 I am Deborah Vance. 42 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,599 Thank you. 43 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,602 I tried being a late-night host way back in the 1970s, 44 00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:28,689 but that didn't work out. 45 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:31,275 So this is my second act. 46 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:35,155 - Whoo! - And, uh... thank you. 47 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,742 And second act... 48 00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:45,330 Is code... 49 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,793 For... 50 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:52,839 Excuse me. 51 00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:03,724 Hey. You OK? 52 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:04,808 It's... it's my chest. 53 00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:05,976 I'm having a heart attack. 54 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,769 Get the medic. 55 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,104 Deep breaths. - It's OK. 56 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:11,106 OK, stay calm. - Take a deep breath. 57 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,276 - I'm here. - Try to stay calm. 58 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,319 I'm going to take your vitals. 59 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,778 What did you have to eat today? 60 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,114 Uh, half a Greek yogurt and 10 almonds. 61 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,824 - 10 almonds? - OK, seven. 62 00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,159 But they were jumbo. 63 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,619 I think you're having a panic attack. 64 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:24,995 I'm not having a panic attack. 65 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,496 And I would know because I've never had one. 66 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,165 A panic attack can feel a lot like a heart attack. 67 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,499 He's heard. 68 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:30,834 He doesn't freak out all the time. 69 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:31,835 - OK. - You haven't eaten. 70 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:33,420 Don't talk about my eating. 71 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:34,922 Ladies, no talking about food at work. 72 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:36,673 If it's on the plate, it's off the menu. 73 00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:38,342 Now my hands are tingling. 74 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,093 Your heart rate is only slightly elevated, 75 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,595 so it does sound more like a panic attack 76 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,138 than it does a heart attack. 77 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,015 Let's find someplace you can lie down and get some fluids. 78 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,475 I'm in the middle of a monologue. 79 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,559 It's OK, Deborah. 80 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,560 This is a dress rehearsal. 81 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,811 That's what these are for. - Yeah. 82 00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:51,688 Get some rest. We've got two days. 83 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:52,689 It's fine. 84 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:55,525 OK. 85 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,070 - Release the audience. - Just breathe. 86 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,529 We'll find you someplace to rest. 87 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,406 OK. 88 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,616 Just take... take it easy. 89 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:03,951 You're gonna be OK. - OK. 90 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,786 Scared the shit out of me. 91 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,502 Hey. 92 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,836 Just checking on you. 93 00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:16,046 I'm fine. 94 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,422 OK. 95 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,717 Well, when I have panic attacks, it's helpful for me 96 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:24,054 to ground myself by naming things in the room, you know? 97 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:27,891 Couch, pillow, People's Choice Award. 98 00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,226 It wasn't a panic attack. 99 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,727 And that is a CableACE Award. 100 00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:32,020 OK. 101 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:33,230 Let's just lower the volume a little. 102 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,565 OK, it was not a panic attack, 103 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,317 just a little stage fright. 104 00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,194 Sta... what did you say? 105 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:40,237 Stage fright? 106 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,363 How dare you? 107 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,699 I have never had stage fright my entire career, 108 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,826 not even when I performed in front of Saddam Hussein. 109 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,911 And that was after I rejected his advances. 110 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,913 This was a cardiac issue. 111 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,039 OK. 112 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,749 Ladies, I don't want to have to introduce a volume jar, 113 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,126 but I can. - I was just trying to help. 114 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,544 I don't want your help. 115 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,753 This was all your fault. 116 00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,922 It's my fault you had a cardiac issue? 117 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,924 Yes, because we need a stronger opener. 118 00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:03,093 And your bad writing is killing me! 119 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,219 All right. 120 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,263 Guys, the beans are getting a little steamed in here. 121 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,765 So, Ava, why don't you give Deborah a break to rest, 122 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:11,560 and we'll return to this maybe never. 123 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,769 I don't know. 124 00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,104 Just... 125 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,857 Sure. 126 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:26,450 Lamp, tray, angry woman. 127 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,583 Oh, hey, Merrill. 128 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,418 Oh, hey. How's Deborah? 129 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,961 I think she's OK. 130 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,129 I think she's just a little overwhelmed. 131 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,881 And how is Eva doing? 132 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,799 Oh, Ava? Me? 133 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,926 - Sure. - Yeah, I'm good. 134 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,428 I'm so tired I keep walking into rooms 135 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,096 and not knowing why I came in. 136 00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:49,806 Yeah, I've been there. 137 00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:51,183 Hey, I've been meaning to say this. 138 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,851 It is such an honor working with you. 139 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,853 And I just don't want it to be weird because I 140 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,688 know you co-created "Letterman." 141 00:05:56,689 --> 00:06:00,150 And I'm obviously, like, younger, but... 142 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:03,195 Relax. I so would not want your job. 143 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,529 So much stress. 144 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,116 I don't want to call it hell on earth, but I mean, 145 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,451 it's a job for a lunatic. 146 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:10,827 - You know it. - Yeah. 147 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:11,995 That's right, yeah. 148 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,580 I am loving this gig. 149 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,124 I mean, I'm here Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... classic 150 00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:17,459 consulting producer sandwich. 151 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,337 Yeah, you got to be available for three-day weekends 152 00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,630 in both directions. 153 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,382 That's the bread part of the sandwich. 154 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,841 It sounds so nice. 155 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:26,009 And by the way, I'm gonna start bringing my dogs 156 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,552 whenever I feel like it. 157 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,347 So if you're allergic, stock up on Claritin. 158 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,057 - Oh, your... - Ciao 159 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,060 Ciao. 160 00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:37,396 Why'd I come in here? 161 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,480 Coffee. 162 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,148 I don't know. 163 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:42,025 I still think my armpits look too long. 164 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,944 Don't let me hear that negative talk. 165 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,487 You have beautiful armpits. 166 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,030 So how are you feeling? 167 00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:50,200 Fine and tired of people asking. 168 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,827 Totally. So am I. 169 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,037 Everybody needs to get over it, right? 170 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,539 So listen. 171 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,040 Tomorrow after the show, I made us an early reservation 172 00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,041 at Mother Wolf. 173 00:06:58,042 --> 00:06:59,042 You're gonna love it. 174 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:00,293 Well, it's the first show, so I 175 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,254 should probably eat dinner with the guests and with Winnie. 176 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:06,216 Oh, um, of course, as you should. 177 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,551 Famous people should eat with other famous people. 178 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,888 Next time. 179 00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,558 Come on. Smile, LuSaque. 180 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,185 You're prettier when you smile. 181 00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,854 - Winnie! - Hello. 182 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,856 I just wanted to check in on you after yesterday. 183 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:21,857 How are you feeling? 184 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,066 Oh, that is so sweet of you to ask. 185 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,151 No, no. 186 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,193 I'm fine, really. 187 00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:26,361 It's no big deal. 188 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:27,904 There's nothing to be ashamed of. 189 00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:29,281 But I did make you an appointment 190 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,074 with my cardiologist in Beverly Hills 191 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,243 this afternoon just to make sure you're in tip-top shape. 192 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,744 He's the best. 193 00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,746 A little handsy, but I think it means he cares. 194 00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,123 Oh, no. No, no, no, really. 195 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,208 Oh, you are so nice. But no, I'm fine. 196 00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,710 I'm not being nice. 197 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,253 I just spent a lot of money at the dealership, 198 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,088 and I want to make sure I didn't get a clunker. 199 00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:47,215 See you tomorrow. 200 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,263 - Good morning. - Hi. 201 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,389 Deborah Vance. I have an appointment. 202 00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,390 I'll let them know you're here. 203 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,058 Thank you. 204 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,439 Beverly Hills Cardiology. 205 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,733 Excuse me, Ms. Burnett, I don't know if you remember me. 206 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,485 Deborah Vance? - Of course. 207 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,695 We met at the opening of Planet Hollywood. 208 00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:09,905 How are you? - Yes. 209 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,406 Hi. I'm good, good. 210 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:12,407 Oh, boy. 211 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:13,700 I won't forget that night, though. 212 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,368 I got sick as a dog. 213 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,037 Never eat fish from a restaurant that has 214 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,955 Indiana Jones' whip on the wall. 215 00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:22,626 Well, you know, I am really happy for you. 216 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,420 It's about time a woman wore the suit. 217 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:26,963 Well, thank you. 218 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:28,173 Well, I... 219 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,258 I couldn't have done it without you. 220 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,843 - Oh. - No, your show... 221 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,803 I mean, when I was a little girl, 222 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:36,515 I would watch you do that. 223 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,807 And... and it did. 224 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,518 It made me feel like I could do that. 225 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,311 That's very sweet. 226 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:42,979 Pointed because you're highlighting 227 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,773 our age difference. - Well, I... 228 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,775 It's sweet. It's sweet. 229 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:53,782 Can I... can I ask you something? 230 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,700 Sure. 231 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:59,162 Did you ever get stage fright? 232 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,957 Yeah, I did at first. 233 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,667 You can't be getting stage fright. 234 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:06,169 You've been doing this almost as long as I have. 235 00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:12,008 Well, I mean, I never have until now. 236 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,843 Well, you know what they always used to say? 237 00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:16,513 You should picture your audience naked. 238 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:17,639 Right. 239 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,099 I know it's kind of creepy. 240 00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,851 And then, of course, when they get older, 241 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,019 it's even nauseating. 242 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,189 So... so that didn't work for me. 243 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:28,358 But you know what did? 244 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:31,820 I would pick one person in the audience, 245 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:35,865 and I would do the show just for them. 246 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,826 Hmm. 247 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,327 Yeah. 248 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,204 So what are you in for? 249 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,372 Oh, nothing. 250 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,374 I just think the doctor's a hunk. 251 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,834 Ms. Burnett? 252 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,252 Oh, yeah. 253 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,045 OK. 254 00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:50,589 Listen. 255 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,091 You're going to be wonderful. 256 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:54,551 You always are. 257 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,344 Thank you. 258 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:03,727 Except for that Lifetime movie you made in the '80s. 259 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:04,978 I didn't care for that. 260 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,398 Knock 'em dead, kiddo. 261 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:09,399 You ready? 262 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,692 OK. 263 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,827 Hey. 264 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,412 Hi. 265 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:23,538 Big day. 266 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,040 Mm-hmm. 267 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,208 I'm taking the writers to Bar Lubitsch 268 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,752 to watch the first show tonight. 269 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,587 Might be nice if you wanted to watch with, uh, them. 270 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,713 Well, I have dinner plans. 271 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,923 I'm gonna watch later at home. 272 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,592 Right. OK. 273 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:36,760 Well... 274 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:37,927 You know, we're not really supposed to speak 275 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,472 without Stacy present. 276 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,611 Excuse me. 277 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:57,614 Aren't you the girl I used to live with who had a very, 278 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,948 very dirty laptop screen? 279 00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:01,660 Josefina. 280 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,244 Oh. 281 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,622 Oh, you are starved for human touch. 282 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:06,790 Sorry. 283 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,083 That's OK. 284 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,584 It's been a tough couple weeks. 285 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,711 It's nice to see a familiar face. 286 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:14,130 I'm excited for the big show. 287 00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,757 I miss seeing you. 288 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,134 Why don't you come to the house for dinner? 289 00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:22,972 Oh, um, I'm not exactly welcome at the moment. 290 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,057 Oh. 291 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,433 But I miss you, too. 292 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,310 Are you liking LA? - Loving it. 293 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:30,647 Tonight, I am seeing "Wings of Desire" in 70 millimeter. 294 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:33,608 Los Angeles is really bringing out the cinephile in me. 295 00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,943 Hi, hey. 296 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,361 So good news. 297 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:39,030 Hurricane Irma has been downgraded to a tropical storm. 298 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,865 The bad news is, we can't do any of the hurricane 299 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,784 jokes we wrote anymore. - Shit. 300 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,828 Yeah, so we have some alts for you to look at. 301 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,121 You're busy. I'll let you go. 302 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,163 Sorry. 303 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,665 No, I want to go because this is stressful, 304 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,208 and I'm here to enjoy myself. 305 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,543 Bye-bye. 306 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:52,544 Right this way. 307 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,670 Come on. Would you do to her? 308 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,130 The raisin girl? 309 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,840 She looks kinky, beautiful breasts. 310 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,341 All right, don't. We're at the show. 311 00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:00,176 Triple hazelnut macchiato, Ms. Schaefer. 312 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,053 Ow! It's hot. 313 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,013 What the hell is this? I said ice. 314 00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,765 Ghiaccio! - OK, it's cool 315 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,183 I'll drink it. Thank you so much. 316 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:08,685 - Get out of here, Arnold! - I'm sorry. 317 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,520 What are you doing? 318 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:11,604 What? 319 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,857 We represent the head writer and the main talent. 320 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,443 We need to make sure that every single person in here 321 00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:19,195 knows that we have power from top to bottom. 322 00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:20,780 OK? So I went half-gorilla mode. 323 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,657 Who cares? - Half-gorilla mode? 324 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:25,618 Oh, you're gonna know when I go full-gorilla mode. 325 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,329 Look, because we represent the main talent, 326 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,707 we have to set an example and lead with love, all right? 327 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,208 It's really important. 328 00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:33,543 You manage your way. 329 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,669 I'll manage mine, OK? 330 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,087 I need ChapStick! 331 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,213 There she is. 332 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,715 I think goo-goo ga-ga's a little more accessible. 333 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,091 - Copy. - Thank you so much. 334 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,259 - I agree. - Sorry, guys, hi. 335 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,428 - Hello, head writer. - Hey, so listen. 336 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,054 We want to take you, our favorite client, 337 00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:46,681 out to dinner tonight to celebrate the show. 338 00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:47,932 Oh, shit. 339 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,142 Sorry, I'm taking the writers out. 340 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:50,602 I would invite you, but it's, like, a writers-only thing. 341 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,395 - Oh. - OK. 342 00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,439 Um, yeah, of course. 343 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,523 Yes, you should. 344 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,066 You take out your scribes. 345 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,234 Writers should be with other writers, you know? 346 00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,569 Like "Didion and Babitz." 347 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:00,904 They had their tension. 348 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,280 But I think at the end of the day, 349 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:03,907 they actually understood each other. 350 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,033 - Totally. - Yeah. 351 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,117 Totally. 352 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,660 I really should get back to the room though. 353 00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:09,037 Of course, of course. Have a great show. 354 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,705 OK. 355 00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,582 See, Jimmy, when you lead with love, 356 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,334 you give people the option to say no. 357 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,710 You mean consent? 358 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:16,878 Don't politicize everything. 359 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:17,879 Yawn. 360 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,589 So who's Diddy and Beeboo? 361 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,007 "Didion and Babitz." 362 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,092 I told you, read women. 363 00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:25,595 Can we get four to stand... or somebody 364 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,181 to stand in position? 365 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,267 So we got a great show tonight. 366 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,102 I think someone you know is on it... someone 367 00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,021 by the name of Deborah Vance. 368 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,899 This is a big deal! 369 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,609 This is the first episode 370 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,821 of "Late Night with Deborah Vance." 371 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,573 Deborah Vance, Deborah Vance. 372 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,788 They're ready. 373 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,462 OK, enough. 374 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,589 Everybody should be in your position. 375 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:02,674 Coming to stage now. 376 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,718 Give em hell, Deb. 377 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,766 Hey, Deborah, if you take your first step 378 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:15,436 on stage with your left foot, you'll have a better show. 379 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:16,980 You're crushing it. 380 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,567 Hey, Deb, can we get a quick pic for socials, please? 381 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,068 Perfect. 382 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:25,071 So my dad is up in heaven right now, looking down, 383 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,155 and he's so proud. 384 00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:27,323 Fuck 'em all, baby. 385 00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:28,324 Just... 386 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:30,493 Just have fun out there. 387 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,680 I just need to adjust your mic, Deb. 388 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:54,435 It's actually picking up your heartbeat. 389 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:56,853 There we go. 390 00:14:56,854 --> 00:15:02,943 For the very first time, your host, Deborah Vance. 391 00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,382 It's too much, too much. 392 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,351 All right, thank you. 393 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,230 Whoo! 394 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:43,608 Do not adjust your TVs. 395 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:44,901 Yes, this is late night. 396 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,403 And yes, I am a woman. 397 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:50,239 Actually, if you don't mind, I'd 398 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,075 love you to go into your TV settings 399 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:55,912 and adjust the smoothing level all the way up to a hundred. 400 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,038 There you go. 401 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,373 Isn't that better? 402 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,708 My name is Deborah Vance. 403 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:09,592 But... but... but some of you may know me as number 33 404 00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:14,389 on the 1998 "Maxim" list of Top 100 Showbiz Cougars. 405 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:18,893 I tried being a late-night host way back in the 1970s, 406 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,520 but it didn't work out. 407 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,439 So, you know, this is my second act. 408 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:29,862 Second act is... second act is code... 409 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:55,471 Second act is code for, "No one wanted to hire me for 40 years, 410 00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,632 but I refused to die until they gave me what I wanted." 411 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,860 But I am so excited to be here. 412 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,695 I've got big plans for the show. 413 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,530 My goal is to make this show feel 414 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:16,826 new, tight, shiny, refreshed, barely recognizable. 415 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,162 You know, like me after a face lift. 416 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,835 ♪ We love LA ♪ 417 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:29,589 ♪ We love it! ♪ 418 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,800 ♪ We love LA ♪ 419 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,344 ♪ We love it! ♪ 420 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,681 My good friend, Randy Newman, ladies and gentlemen. 421 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:43,603 - Welcome to LA, Deb. - Thank you. 422 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,687 Thank you. 423 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:45,855 We love LA. 424 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:46,856 We love all of you. 425 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:47,857 Thank you for joining us. 426 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,567 We are just getting started. 427 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,737 See you tomorrow night with Shaboozey and Nancy Pelosi. 428 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,078 That was fantastic. - Thank you. 429 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,370 I got us reservations at Poisson. 430 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:02,580 Oh, sorry. 431 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,749 No offense, but I don't like anybody watching me eat. 432 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,710 I haven't eaten in public since 1988. 433 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,046 Oh, OK. That's all right. 434 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,172 - I'm sorry. - I get it. 435 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,256 I get it. - Oh, good. 436 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,508 - Good to see you, baby. - Good to see you. 437 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:14,926 - Great show. - Oof. 438 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,719 Before you go, can we grab those affiliate shout outs? 439 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,845 Yeah, sure. 440 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,055 Great. 441 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:23,226 Amazing, amazing, amazing. 442 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,353 I got to run home and make sure my daughter's not trying 443 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,687 to drive to Target again. 444 00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:28,523 I'll see you at dinner? - Oh, of course. 445 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,025 Of course. - Great. 446 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,069 OK, ready? 447 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,195 Whenever you are. 448 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,156 Hey, Tulsa, Oklahoma, tune in at 11:30. 449 00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:39,909 I'll be waiting for you only on KOKA TV. 450 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,828 Hey, Spokane, Washington. - Hey. 451 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:42,912 Stick around after... 452 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,038 Should we head to the bar? 453 00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,248 For the premiere of... 454 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,917 Oh, um, I was gonna wait to see if Deborah wanted to talk. 455 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,335 Hey, Austin, Texas. How y'all doing? 456 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,753 But, um... 457 00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:51,921 You do everything big down there, and so do I. 458 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:54,132 Yeah, let's head out. 459 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,967 Don't go to bed just yet, Cincinnati. 460 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,595 There's a single blonde in your area who wants to talk to you. 461 00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:06,769 OK, party people, T-minus three hours till the first show airs. 462 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:07,937 - Oh. - Champagne. 463 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,313 - Oh. - Whoo. 464 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,773 Can I get anyone anything else? 465 00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:13,151 Yeah, do you guys do espresso martinis? 466 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,277 - Yeah. - OK. 467 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,778 Can I have one of those? 468 00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:16,904 Hold the liquor. 469 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,115 So just an espresso? 470 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,741 Yeah. A double, please. 471 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,285 - Can I get one, too? - Me, too. 472 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,745 OK, yeah, get whatever you guys want on me. 473 00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:26,539 Tab's open all night. 474 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:27,790 Wow. 475 00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,125 - Where's Melanie? - Oh. 476 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,418 - Oh, - Over there. 477 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,753 There. 478 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,757 Am I forcing you guys to be here? 479 00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:37,800 - No. - No. 480 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,135 No. 481 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,261 We want to watch the show, just 482 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,054 a little tired since we've been working late nights, 483 00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:43,764 like, the whole week. 484 00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:46,392 Well, only 198 shows left this year, so... 485 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,278 Why don't you guys go home and get some sleep? 486 00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,529 Yeah, you deserve it. 487 00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,822 You guys have been working so hard. 488 00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:02,200 You know how the show turned out. 489 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,327 - Are you sure? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 490 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,369 - All right. - Thank you. 491 00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,038 Bye. - Bye. 492 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,039 Have a good night. 493 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,165 See you tomorrow. 494 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,209 Melanie, we can go. 495 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,836 No, I'm having fun. 496 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,005 Yep. 497 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,131 Thank you. 498 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:18,926 Have a beautiful night. 499 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,679 We don't... we don't need those. 500 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,014 And I'll just close out the tab. 501 00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,350 - OK. - Thanks. 502 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:49,372 Hi, Winnie. 503 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,874 Hi, so my kid just threw up all over the place. 504 00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:53,042 Oh, no. 505 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:55,419 Yeah, that's what a hundred gummy worms will do. 506 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,587 He's so annoying. 507 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,005 Sorry, I can't make it. 508 00:20:58,006 --> 00:20:59,674 I'm sure you guys will have a blast without me. 509 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,509 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 510 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:02,760 No, we're gonna have a great time. 511 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,220 Thanks. - Rain check. 512 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:05,346 OK, Deb? 513 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:06,681 OK. 514 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,182 Bye. 515 00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:27,076 Have you eaten yet? 516 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:37,586 I just... I have no idea what to order. 517 00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:41,424 Well, you can never go wrong with quail. 518 00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:44,760 Is that what you... what you want me to get? 519 00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:46,762 Get whatever you want. 520 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:50,766 Well, you can never go wrong with quail. 521 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,909 Shit. 522 00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,453 Wait! I'm here. 523 00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,121 I'm here. I'm leaving. 524 00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:13,289 I'm leaving right now. 525 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:14,332 This lot's for customers only. 526 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:15,916 No, I... I am a customer. 527 00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:17,293 I'm... I'm going in right now. 528 00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,836 You just said you were leaving. 529 00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:19,962 Yeah, I'm leave... 530 00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:21,839 I'm leaving outside to go inside. 531 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:22,923 I'll bring you the receipt. 532 00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:25,134 Just wait. Just wait one second. 533 00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,469 - See you soon, Mr. Fish. - Hey. 534 00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:27,928 Hi. Sorry, can I please cut you? 535 00:22:27,929 --> 00:22:28,971 It's an emergency. - Whoa, sure. 536 00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:30,931 - OK, yeah. - Thank you, sorry. 537 00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:31,974 - Hi. - Hey, how's it going? 538 00:22:31,975 --> 00:22:33,059 I'll just take this. 539 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:34,477 Sure. One mini lube, $1.99. 540 00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:35,603 OK. 541 00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:36,604 Oh, there's a $15 card minimum. 542 00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:37,646 Shit. 543 00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:38,814 One. 544 00:22:38,815 --> 00:22:41,150 OK, two, four, six, two plus eight, 10. 545 00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:42,485 No. 546 00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:44,236 Could I get that big dildo? 547 00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,654 Thank you. Thank you. 548 00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:46,822 Can I get a receipt? 549 00:22:46,823 --> 00:22:49,325 Oh, we have a very strict no-returns policy. 550 00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:51,243 No, it's not for me. It's for the tow truck driver. 551 00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:52,495 Doesn't matter who the dildo is for. 552 00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:53,829 No, no, no, not... not the dildo. 553 00:22:53,830 --> 00:22:55,748 The receipt. - Oh. 554 00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:56,916 OK. 555 00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:58,626 So you're gonna want to use a water-based lube on that. 556 00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,002 Gotcha. 557 00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:01,629 A lot of people think silicone toys, silicone lube, 558 00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:02,713 right? - Right. 559 00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:04,131 Wrong. 560 00:23:04,132 --> 00:23:06,050 Silicone on silicone can actually create micro tears. 561 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:07,635 I'm not gonna be using any lube on this. 562 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:09,011 Oh, no. 563 00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:10,137 You're gonna want to use some lube. 564 00:23:10,138 --> 00:23:11,305 It's a lot bigger than it looks. 565 00:23:11,306 --> 00:23:12,515 OK, great. No problem. 566 00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:13,849 I'm gonna lube it up. 567 00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:15,184 Gonna put it all over there, slide it on, no problem. 568 00:23:15,185 --> 00:23:16,685 Can I... 569 00:23:16,686 --> 00:23:18,020 So that's a new transaction for the lube. 570 00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:19,021 No, I want to leave. Thank you. 571 00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:20,356 Sorry, gonna take that. Hey, thank you. 572 00:23:20,357 --> 00:23:21,857 Love your jacket. 573 00:23:21,858 --> 00:23:23,192 Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. 574 00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:26,862 I bought this. I bought this! 575 00:23:26,863 --> 00:23:28,698 Fuck. 576 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:32,034 And there you go. Thanks so much. 577 00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:33,369 - Thank you. - Thank you. 578 00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:34,537 - Yeah, good to see you. - You too. 579 00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:35,538 - You too. - All right. 580 00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:36,705 Hey, guys. 581 00:23:36,706 --> 00:23:38,207 It's me. I'm back. 582 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:40,042 They did tow... tow the car. 583 00:23:40,043 --> 00:23:41,377 I'd love to return this. 584 00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:43,379 I told you, we got a no-returns policy. 585 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:45,297 I know, but come on, man. 586 00:23:45,298 --> 00:23:46,715 It's been two minutes. 587 00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:47,967 You think I just went into the parking lot 588 00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:49,552 and shoved this inside me with the plastic 589 00:23:49,553 --> 00:23:51,220 still on and then came back in? 590 00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:53,722 It's happened. 591 00:23:53,723 --> 00:23:55,141 All right, whatever. 592 00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:56,725 Do you at least have a phone charger? 593 00:23:56,726 --> 00:23:58,894 My car got towed, and my phone's dying. 594 00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:00,229 I need to call an Uber. - Yeah. 595 00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:01,564 You have an Android? 596 00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:03,524 - No. - Oh. 597 00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:05,609 We can give you a ride to your car. 598 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,027 - Really? - Yeah. 599 00:24:07,028 --> 00:24:09,738 It sounds like you're having kind of a rough night. 600 00:24:09,739 --> 00:24:12,074 Thank you, thank you. 601 00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:13,409 I appreciate that. - Of course. 602 00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:15,077 Yeah, we're out this way. 603 00:24:15,078 --> 00:24:16,954 Hey. 604 00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:19,415 Water-based, on the house. 605 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:21,876 Thanks. 606 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:25,129 Anyway, so that's how Hitler knew he'd lost. 607 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,589 Oh, wow. 608 00:24:32,762 --> 00:24:35,097 Are you enjoying Los Angeles? 609 00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:37,516 It's... it's OK because it's... it's an adjustment, 610 00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:39,101 you know, being an LA gay. 611 00:24:39,102 --> 00:24:42,438 But you've been in Los Angeles with me many times. 612 00:24:42,439 --> 00:24:46,275 Yes, but then I was a gay in LA, not an LA gay, 613 00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:48,444 which is different. 614 00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:50,070 How so? 615 00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:53,115 Well, LA is more competitive than Vegas. 616 00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:56,452 I mean, Vegas is... is really competitive... probably more 617 00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:57,745 competitive than people think. 618 00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:01,290 But LA is... it's competitive. 619 00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:02,958 And by competitive, you mean... 620 00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:04,293 Muscles. 621 00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:05,503 Oh. 622 00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:06,670 Everyone has insane bodies, and I just 623 00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:07,963 don't know how they do it. 624 00:25:07,964 --> 00:25:09,131 I've been asking people what they eat. 625 00:25:09,132 --> 00:25:10,925 So you want to be bigger? 626 00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:13,677 I need an ass the size of a house. 627 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:15,095 Deborah, I... 628 00:25:15,096 --> 00:25:16,096 That's OK. 629 00:25:16,097 --> 00:25:17,264 - I am so sorry. - It's fine. 630 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:18,516 I just um... 631 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,727 I've never had alcohol before. 632 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:26,023 And then there's the problem of my hair. 633 00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:27,816 What? You have a great head of hair. 634 00:25:27,817 --> 00:25:29,151 No, my body hair. 635 00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:32,196 In my 20s, I lasered all the hair off my body. 636 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:33,197 All of it? 637 00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:35,991 Yeah, every last wisp. 638 00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:38,827 But now everyone wants hair everywhere. 639 00:25:38,828 --> 00:25:42,331 I just... I can't. 640 00:25:42,332 --> 00:25:45,459 It's just been hard for me as a hairless person. 641 00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:47,002 It's like, the only way to make friends here 642 00:25:47,003 --> 00:25:52,634 is a great body, hair, or a really famous friend. 643 00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:00,015 Deborah, do you want to maybe make 644 00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:01,517 one stop before you go home? 645 00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,143 I know this bar where people would 646 00:26:03,144 --> 00:26:05,187 lose their minds to see you. 647 00:26:05,188 --> 00:26:06,313 No. 648 00:26:06,314 --> 00:26:07,356 I really need to get home, but you go. 649 00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:09,316 Oh, it's still early. 650 00:26:09,317 --> 00:26:10,859 Look, five minutes. 651 00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:13,405 I mean, you might enjoy it, actually. 652 00:26:15,115 --> 00:26:17,032 - Oh, I don't know. - Come on. 653 00:26:17,033 --> 00:26:18,451 Give 'em a thrill. 654 00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:28,836 Hey, everyone. 655 00:26:28,837 --> 00:26:32,423 Look who brought Deborah Vance to the club. 656 00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:35,384 Damien Asada Agosto! 657 00:26:42,350 --> 00:26:43,392 ♪ Want my body ♪ 658 00:26:43,393 --> 00:26:45,686 ♪ But my body's much too much for your touch ♪ 659 00:26:45,687 --> 00:26:47,479 ♪ Think you're ready ♪ 660 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,565 ♪ You're not ready for the power of love ♪ 661 00:26:49,566 --> 00:26:51,650 ♪ Want my body ♪ 662 00:26:51,651 --> 00:26:53,527 ♪ But my body's got too lush for your stuff ♪ 663 00:26:53,528 --> 00:26:56,864 ♪ I already know you can't take the heat ♪ 664 00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:59,575 So now I'm allergic to shrimp. 665 00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:01,036 Right here is great. 666 00:27:05,081 --> 00:27:06,415 Thank you guys so much. 667 00:27:06,416 --> 00:27:07,583 That was so nice of you. 668 00:27:07,584 --> 00:27:08,584 Yeah. 669 00:27:08,585 --> 00:27:10,085 I wish I could repay you. 670 00:27:10,086 --> 00:27:11,962 How about you let us take you to dinner? 671 00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:13,255 - Like, both of you? - Yeah. 672 00:27:13,256 --> 00:27:14,256 Yeah. 673 00:27:14,257 --> 00:27:17,718 We'd love to take you out. 674 00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,887 OK, yes. 675 00:27:19,888 --> 00:27:21,138 Want my number? - Yeah. 676 00:27:21,139 --> 00:27:22,473 - Yeah. - Who should I give it to? 677 00:27:22,474 --> 00:27:24,476 Don't make me pick. - Here. 678 00:27:28,104 --> 00:27:30,272 Ava Daniels. 679 00:27:30,273 --> 00:27:31,482 Here you go. 680 00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:32,733 See you guys. - Bye. 681 00:27:32,734 --> 00:27:33,860 Bye. 682 00:27:36,863 --> 00:27:38,280 Thank you. 683 00:27:38,281 --> 00:27:41,408 Deborah, this really hot guy, Raul, 684 00:27:41,409 --> 00:27:43,578 just invited me to go home with him. 685 00:27:45,121 --> 00:27:46,038 Cute. 686 00:27:46,039 --> 00:27:47,122 I know, right? 687 00:27:47,123 --> 00:27:48,290 I guess you better go. 688 00:27:48,291 --> 00:27:49,375 Well, I'll walk you to the car. 689 00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:51,126 No, no, honey, I'm gonna stay a few more minutes. 690 00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:53,128 I mean, my future husband could be here. 691 00:27:53,129 --> 00:27:54,129 Oh. 692 00:27:54,130 --> 00:27:55,631 OK. Well, have fun. 693 00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:58,133 Yeah, you too. 694 00:27:58,134 --> 00:27:59,468 Ms. Vance? 695 00:27:59,469 --> 00:28:01,595 There's been a request for you in a cage. 696 00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:02,888 In a... in a cage? 697 00:28:02,889 --> 00:28:04,139 Please. 698 00:28:05,475 --> 00:28:07,893 Well, that could be fun. 699 00:28:07,894 --> 00:28:10,104 Sure, why not? 700 00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:21,865 - Deborah! - What? 701 00:28:21,866 --> 00:28:23,492 Deborah, you should do poppers. 702 00:28:23,493 --> 00:28:25,828 - What? - Poppers! 703 00:28:25,829 --> 00:28:28,831 ♪ Dance with me and then romance with me ♪ 704 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:33,794 Hello? 705 00:28:33,795 --> 00:28:35,838 Is this Ava Daniels? 706 00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,172 Yes. 707 00:28:37,173 --> 00:28:40,676 Is this Emily, my friend from the sex shop? 708 00:28:40,677 --> 00:28:42,010 Couldn't wait, could ya? 709 00:28:42,011 --> 00:28:43,345 Oh, uh, no. 710 00:28:43,346 --> 00:28:45,681 My name is Janine, and I'm calling from 711 00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:47,349 Cedars-Sinai emergency room. 712 00:28:47,350 --> 00:28:48,851 Oh, sorry. 713 00:28:48,852 --> 00:28:50,477 Ms. Vance has been hospitalized. 714 00:28:50,478 --> 00:28:51,979 Oh, my God. 715 00:28:51,980 --> 00:28:53,188 Is she OK? 716 00:28:53,189 --> 00:28:55,190 Is it her heart? Fuck. 717 00:28:55,191 --> 00:28:56,525 I didn't believe her. Fuck. 718 00:28:56,526 --> 00:28:57,776 She'll be OK, but we think you should 719 00:28:57,777 --> 00:28:58,861 come here if you're able to. 720 00:28:58,862 --> 00:29:00,362 I'll be right there. Thank you. 721 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:12,207 Room 162? 722 00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:13,793 Second door on the left. 723 00:29:19,215 --> 00:29:21,383 There you are. 724 00:29:21,384 --> 00:29:22,593 What are you doing here? 725 00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:23,927 Didn't you have them call me? 726 00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:26,054 No. 727 00:29:26,055 --> 00:29:30,684 Oh, I meant to update my emergency contact. 728 00:29:30,685 --> 00:29:32,187 Ah. 729 00:29:35,607 --> 00:29:36,690 Are you OK? 730 00:29:36,691 --> 00:29:38,442 They said you did poppers. 731 00:29:38,443 --> 00:29:41,737 They were non-consensually administered by a deranged fan. 732 00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:43,739 And I hit my head on a go-go cage. 733 00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:45,241 That old chestnut? 734 00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:51,997 Well, I'm glad you're OK. 735 00:29:51,998 --> 00:29:53,666 I was really worried. 736 00:29:56,961 --> 00:29:58,003 What time is it? 737 00:29:58,004 --> 00:29:59,254 11:18. 738 00:29:59,255 --> 00:30:00,255 Oh, shit. 739 00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:02,257 Shit, shit. 740 00:30:02,258 --> 00:30:03,258 Come on. 741 00:30:03,259 --> 00:30:05,886 Oh, no. Come on. 742 00:30:05,887 --> 00:30:07,262 Shit. Get a nurse. 743 00:30:07,263 --> 00:30:08,430 Nurse! 744 00:30:08,431 --> 00:30:09,598 Where's the call button? Get a nurse. 745 00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:10,849 No, there, hi. 746 00:30:10,850 --> 00:30:12,100 I need to be discharged. 747 00:30:12,101 --> 00:30:14,603 We need to keep you for observation a bit longer, 748 00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:15,938 so I can't send you home yet. 749 00:30:15,939 --> 00:30:17,064 No, but my first show is tonight, 750 00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:18,315 and this TV's not working. 751 00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:20,108 I need to watch it. - I'm sorry, ma'am. 752 00:30:20,109 --> 00:30:21,610 I'm the new late-night host. 753 00:30:21,611 --> 00:30:23,779 Ooh, I'm gonna get a psych check in here. 754 00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:24,822 No, no, no. It's OK. 755 00:30:24,823 --> 00:30:25,823 She's fine. 756 00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:27,491 I got it. 757 00:30:33,623 --> 00:30:36,124 Can you get up? 758 00:30:38,753 --> 00:30:40,462 Let's go. 759 00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:02,150 You know, when I was a little girl, 760 00:31:02,151 --> 00:31:05,279 I used to watch this show with my family. 761 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:09,408 I wanted this so badly for so long. 762 00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:10,409 Oh. 763 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:11,410 Unfortunately, my dad and mom both... 764 00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:13,620 - It's you. - Hi. 765 00:31:13,621 --> 00:31:16,790 But if my mother were alive today, I think she'd say, 766 00:31:16,791 --> 00:31:18,125 you're wearing that? 767 00:31:19,168 --> 00:31:22,671 She never liked women in pants. 768 00:31:22,672 --> 00:31:25,716 You know, when you get something in this industry, 769 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:27,843 you always have to wonder if you're just 770 00:31:27,844 --> 00:31:29,511 getting it for your looks. 771 00:31:29,512 --> 00:31:32,681 But I got this in my 70s, so I didn't have to wonder. 772 00:31:32,682 --> 00:31:36,059 I know I got it for my looks. 773 00:31:36,060 --> 00:31:38,979 I'm hotter than I've ever been, and I know for a fact, 774 00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:40,731 my breasts played a huge role. 775 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:47,321 But seriously, if you're a little girl, watching, 776 00:31:47,322 --> 00:31:49,364 you can do this, too. 777 00:31:49,365 --> 00:31:52,034 I'll keep the chair warm for you. 778 00:31:52,035 --> 00:31:53,368 All right, it's gonna be a great show. 779 00:31:53,369 --> 00:31:55,662 Let's have some fun! 780 00:31:55,663 --> 00:31:58,290 Congratulations. 781 00:31:58,291 --> 00:32:00,167 You too. 782 00:32:00,168 --> 00:32:01,543 Randy Newman is here! 783 00:32:01,544 --> 00:32:02,878 That was amazing. 784 00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:05,130 Thank you. 785 00:32:05,131 --> 00:32:08,383 The devil is real, and he lives inside me. 786 00:32:08,384 --> 00:32:10,345 Oh. 787 00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:14,389 A fan's a fan. 788 00:32:23,524 --> 00:32:27,027 ♪ It's nice to hear your voice again ♪ 789 00:32:27,028 --> 00:32:29,363 ♪ I've waited all day long ♪ 790 00:32:29,364 --> 00:32:31,031 ♪ Even wrote a song for you ♪ 791 00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:34,242 ♪ It's strange, the way you make me feel ♪ 792 00:32:34,243 --> 00:32:36,078 ♪ With just a word or two ♪ 793 00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:40,415 ♪ I'd like to do the same for you ♪ 794 00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:48,757 ♪ It's nice to hear you say "hello" ♪ 795 00:32:48,758 --> 00:32:50,759 ♪ And "How are things with you?" ♪ 796 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,177 ♪ "I love you" ♪ 797 00:32:52,178 --> 00:32:55,764 ♪ But very soon it's time to go ♪ 798 00:32:55,765 --> 00:32:57,432 ♪ An office job to do ♪ 799 00:32:57,433 --> 00:33:02,688 ♪ While I'm here writing songs for you ♪ 800 00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:06,942 ♪ Strange how a phone call can change your day ♪ 801 00:33:06,943 --> 00:33:08,610 ♪ Take you away ♪ 802 00:33:08,611 --> 00:33:13,907 ♪ Away from the feeling of being alone ♪ 803 00:33:13,908 --> 00:33:16,868 ♪ Bless the telephone ♪ 804 00:33:22,125 --> 00:33:25,627 ♪ It's nice, the way you say my name ♪ 805 00:33:25,628 --> 00:33:29,131 ♪ Not very fast or slow, just soft and low ♪ 806 00:33:29,132 --> 00:33:32,634 ♪ The same as when you tell me how you feel ♪ 807 00:33:32,635 --> 00:33:34,636 ♪ I feel the same way, too ♪ 808 00:33:34,637 --> 00:33:38,640 ♪ I'm very much in love with you ♪ 809 00:33:41,602 --> 00:33:46,106 ♪ I'm very much in love with you ♪55366

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