Original subtitles

Thank you.

Otherwise known as Gangster Granny.

But how?

When she's dead?

I miss you so much, Gran.

I brought you your favorite cabbages.

You certainly love those.

Oh, hello, Isha.

I remember your gran's famous cabbage soup only too well.

Need to blow off something chronic.

Shoes are quack like a duck.

I miss her so much. Oh, don't.

You've set me off as well.

Hello.

What's your name?

I come here once a week to see my husband.

He passed away ten years ago.

Gets lonely.

I wish I'd been more like your gran.

She always had a twinkle in her eye.

As if she was up to some mischief.

Why don't I come over tomorrow?

Do you like mormons?

Yes, of course. Oh, would you take a look at my sister too?

Of course, it would be a pleasure.

Okay. Now, from your house.

You'll need to get the number 73 bus. Oh, no. Granny left me wheels and a

And I made a few modifications.

That might just happen.

So listen, he sticks with your madam.

Or she might just leave.

Get down with the trumpet.

Get down with the trumpet.

Get down with the trumpet.

Get down with the trumpet.

Get down with the trumpet.

Taking after your grandmother, eh?

Enjoy your joyride, Benjamin Herbert.

While you can.

Aha!

Ben!

My favourite customer.

A bag of your finest mariamints, please, Raj.

Excellent choice, sir.

It has been a good harvest this year.

I saved you the latest plumbers weekly.

Wow, free stock. Cool.

And a pull -out poster of Wembley Stadium's new sprinkler system?

Oh, mega.

What's that?

The mask of Tutankhamen has been stolen.

Tut. And again, tut.

King Toot.

Wow, can I see?

Sadly, there is no browsing.

The thief snatched it in the dead of night, leaving just one clue.

What? Meow.

Spelled out in scribble letters.

You don't think this could have been the work of the black cat?

No, it can't have been. Can't it now?

Oh, no.

Aha, Mr. Parker.

In my bottom five favorite customers.

This theft has all the hallmarks of your old partner in crime, the silver

-haired menace known as your grandmother.

But Granny's gone.

And where were you last night, Benjamin Herbert?

In bed.

Doing what exactly?

Sleeping. Any witnesses?

Yes, actually. I always sleep in front of an audience.

Always sleep in front.

Quite the comedian, aren't we, Benjamin Herbert?

Well, I... I'm watching you.

Very closely.

Move this before somebody has an accident.

I could have had an eye out.

Postbox. Always that.

What's postbox?

Oh, hello, dear.

Sorry I didn't see you come in.

I was in another world.

The magical world of ballroom. Oh, me and your mother have some rather

news.

We've been... We've been accepted for the International Ballroom

You two?

You don't sound so surprised. You're representing England. The Outer Hebrides

your mother did lie a tiny bit on the application for.

And we're going to be dancing in front of someone super special.

Her Majesty the Queen.

Big ballroom fan, apparently. Oh, and even more exciting, guess who is

Don't know.

Then your mother would like you to guess.

Ant and Dec.

Flamio!

Oh, you wonderful man.

If you slobber over him, he'll get soggy.

I did warn you. I'm going to go read my plumber's weekly.

No, not yet.

We haven't told you the best part.

Drumroll.

Ding.

It's this Saturday night and we have bought you a front row ticket.

Early Christmas present.

I... Told the vicar I'd fix the church boiler that day.

Oh.

Teenage boys should not be interested in boilers.

They should be interested in ballroom dancing.

The quick step, the foxtrot, the cha -cha -cha -cha.

One too many chars?

Oh, yeah.

Plumbing only leads in one direction, and that's down the drain.

Oh. See what I did there?

I'm very drove by what you're loving for, isn't it?

Come on.

Music maestro we need to practice our winners routine Things

are

not good gran getting so bad now that I'm talking to a picture

You see, there's a new black cat, and I'm getting the blame.

I really need your help.

You would know what to do about that rotten old nosy parker.

And there she is.

Evil incarnate.

And the reason for this emergency meeting of the neighbourhood watch lower

toddle branch.

The international jewel thief known as... Biscuits?

What do you mean, biscuits?

Are there any?

Don't interrupt!

The international jewel thief known as the Black Cat.

Lock her up and throw away the key.

She's passed, dear.

Oh, when, dear?

A while ago, dear.

May she rest in peace.

There are usually biscuits.

I will break out the biscuits in good time.

If she's passed, what are we talking about her for?

Because this gangster granny had a protégé, the most dangerous criminal

mastermind the world has ever known.

This moon -faced boy is the new Black Cat.

Ben is a good boy.

He fixed my washing machine for free.

Well, casing the joint will rob you blind, no doubt.

Did he steal my biscuits?

No!

Here are your blasted biscuits. And before you ask, I'm saving the chocolate

ones. Cool.

Now, for the rest of you, cancel your cruises.

Put down your puzzlers.

Banish the bingo.

We cannot rest until we have caught him in the act.

For who knows where or when.

The black cat will strike again.

A tragedy.

What? Now they've stolen the World Cup.

What a fuss over nothing.

The World Cup.

It's hardly the strictly glitter ball.

The only clue the thief left behind was the word purr in Scrabble letters.

The Black Cat.

But it can't have been.

How do you know?

I don't.

I, uh, I said I'd go and visit Isha today.

Granny's pal.

Uh, have you ever considered getting a friend your own age?

No.

He likes older women like his dad.

Okay.

Press the sprout cake.

There you go.

Just a sliver of wafer thing's fine.

You were telling me about the thefts.

At both crime scenes, the thief left scrabble letters with words connected to

cats.

Oh, almost forgot the parsnip custard.

You're really spoiling me.

I bought a bunch of books when the library closed down.

There must be one somewhere on the mouth of Tutankhamen and the World Cup.

They're arranged by topic, colour and spine damage.

Try next to the red medium damage cookbooks.

Oh, I found one.

That's great.

Oh, and here's one on ancient Egypt.

Why don't you borrow them to look for clues?

Now it's getting really weird.

Did that postbox used to be there?

Not unless my mind's playing tricks on me.

Don't let him get away!

Come on, Millicent, you can do it!

Give yourself a chance! Or we'll force -feed you stewed rhubarb until you've

come first!

Oh, I could murder a rhubarb crumble.

You can't run from the law forever!

It wasn't me, Mr. Parker.

I swear, I'm innocent.

Oh, your grandmother taught you well, Benjamin, or shall I call you the Black

Cat? I'm not the Black Cat! You've even got an old dead -away car!

We're getting going.

Keep up! Keep up!

Loads be profiting progress.

Arrest that boy!

Lock him up and throw away the prison!

It's been a lovely outing. Will there be sandwiches?

No, I told you. If you wanted to eat, you'd have to make your own packed

hear ourselves tango. Just what is going on here then? This boy is an arch

criminal. I can't believe it. Don't. It's not true.

He's stolen the mask of Tutankhamun and the World Cup.

We caught him red -handed.

Look at the books that link him to the crime.

Go on. Go on. I took them because I wanted to do some detective work.

Find out who really did it.

Very convenient.

This boy is Britain's most wanted.

A black hat.

One under three. I'm not the black hat.

Ben, just tell these nice people where you've hidden the mask of Tutankhamun

that football thing of me.

What cap?

That. I can't because I don't have them.

Right, that's it. You're grounded.

Perhaps a spell in the cells will jog your memory.

You can't arrest him. I certainly can.

No, but it's dealt with. It's Grandin.

I'm afraid Grandin does no legal status, madam.

Well, it should.

How about we put him on the naughty step?

Again, not an official punishment.

The very naughty step?

Benjamin Herbert, I've placed you under arrest for theft.

Come on.

Anything you say can be nadi blah, so and so and so and so, etc. You know the

rest. Come on. Mum!

Dad!

Uncuff him right now, or I'll write a very stern letter to someone or other.

Neighbourhood watchers, I give you the night off.

You can all binge watch pointless.

Nothing is going to be stolen tonight.

You have framed an innocent boy.

Out of my way, you buffoon. Never.

You'll have to run me down.

As you wish.

Oh! Oh, it's back! It's back!

In fairness, Mike, you did ask him to run you over.

Hello.

Um...

What are you in for?

I am a child.

Aren't you joking?

I am

an old lady.

There you go, Buster. That should flush much better now.

Cheers, Ben.

You're a lifesaver.

So, Black Cat, how did you steal the Queen's wax figure when you were locked

here, eh? I didn't. That's how.

I couldn't sleep.

Ben was up all night telling me a bedtime story about a little puppy who

stuck in a u -bed.

Is it better yet? No, it's not better yet. The doctor said I'd broken every

in me foot.

But darling, it's the internationals tonight and there's nobody to take your

place. Then we'll just have to pull out.

Pull out?

Pull out?

But what about my Flavio?

He will be devastated if I'm not there.

I'm sure he'll get over the disappointment.

Oh.

Stay there.

I couldn't move if I wanted to.

Release my son this instant.

Mrs Herbert, Ben has been accused of some very serious crimes. And what

do you have? Well, that depends on your definition of evidence. But Mr Parker

said he did it.

I am taking part in an international dance competition this evening and I'm

short of a parent.

Now, you let my Ben out right now or you can rumble with me tonight on stage at

the Palladium.

Which is it to be?

I'll get the keys.

But one more whiff of trouble from your lad, I'll have him straight back in the

slammer.

I've thrown you out of jail, Ben. It's the very least you could do. I am not

done. Dancing with my own mum. I'm 14.

It's super weird.

Why can't Dad do it? Mr Parker ran over me dancing foot.

Ben, you have to do this. Please. I am begging you.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Why not?

I'm grounded.

He's got a point. We can't make exceptions.

After careful consideration, your father and I have decided that the grounding

period is now over.

Have we? Yes.

We've got a lot of work to do on our routine.

OK, sure, but right now I've got to go. No, no, no, we're competing tonight. We

have to rehearse. Yeah, but I'm your son, so I have natural talent for dance,

just like you.

That is a good point.

No, no, wait, hey! Where are you off to?

What's more important than dancing with your own mother? It's every young boy's

dream. I'm going to look for clues to clear my name.

Stop right there.

What have you got in your hand?

Nothing. Didn't look like nothing.

Open it.

The other one.

Both together.

What do we have here?

And if you look in your shoe, you'll find... Nothing!

Oi! You little... Another bowl of broccoli trifle? Oh,

no, no, no, no, no. But the first three bowls were perfection.

Now, whoever this black cat is, I think they're playing a game. Why are they

leaving clues?

It's like they want to get caught.

That's odd.

What's odd?

Just a moment.

Look at my scrabble tiles.

Boxed down to plastic.

Now, look at the ones you found.

What's the difference?

They're slightly different colours.

And not plastic.

They're made of bone china.

I didn't even know they made bone china scrabble pieces. Nor did I. But I think

this gives you your first major clue, Ben.

Who would own a bone china scrabble set?

There you are!

We have been frantic!

Why?

The internationals kick off in an hour, but I... No buts, Ben. We need to leave

right now. Like a second ago.

Two seconds, three seconds. But I have a clue. I need to find the real black

cat. Priorities, Ben.

Come on.

Oh, I just need to get me crutches. There isn't time.

Looking good by love.

Oh, she's the greatest

dancer. Wait, whoa, oh, whoa.

OMG,

Flavio. It's me, Linda.

We met before.

I don't suppose you remember me?

Don't remember?

You are the monster who gave me mouth to mouth.

Well, if you're referring to me acting quickly to save your life, then yes,

was I.

Do you like my nails, Flavio?

I hadn't done them specially for you.

I love Flavio.

If I only had another finger, I could have included the O.

What do you think?

I think you need to stay as far away from Flavio as possible.

Don't talk, don't even look at Flavio.

Any funny business tonight?

And Flavia will have you barred from ballroom dancing forever.

Oh.

Well, how about that?

Flavia remembered me.

You never said we'd have to dress like this.

I wanted to keep the Titanic theme as a nice surprise.

And you look a very dashing outfit.

That's just interesting.

Proud father and husband coming through.

Thank you. Excuse me.

Sorry, sorry.

What a wonderful contestant, ladies and gentlemen.

Your royal, majestical majesty, Arnis.

I'm hoping you enjoy that very much.

Our next contestant, representing the Outer Hebrides, they are a mother and a

son partnership.

Bravo! Standing ovation encore!

Sit down, you fool!

They haven't danced yet!

Please, a small smattering of applause for two dancers that, as much as we

may try, we are never going to forget.

The Airbirds!

Still quite a bit for Sol to go.

Buttercum!

We met one night at the Tower of London.

I was with my gran and we were trying to steal your crown jewels.

You kindly pardoned us and I really need your help again now.

Your Majesty?

Your Queenina?

You're a wax figure?

Who are you?

Please, I need to talk to you.

Who are you?

Hey!

Why is this? James Bond?

Please, before they get away.

Right you are, guv.

That'll be 12 .70, please, young man.

I'm so sorry we don't carry money in the secret service.

What? Oi! Come back here! Oi!

What do you have for dinner?

Beef, obviously.

Beef? Beef.

No!

Who is that?

Your Majesty?

It was you?

Who, may I ask, are you?

It's me, Ben.

I met you right here one night with my gran.

Oh, yes, I remember.

You tried to steal the crown jewels.

You're back for another attempt.

No, I followed you here. I found your wax figure.

Trash. That was the perfect alibi.

The world would think I was at the Palladium all night.

They think it was me that stole everything.

No.

One will have to consider carefully what to do.

Ma 'am?

Oh, shush, no. I'm thinking. No, it's just you're holding dynamite.

Oh, yes.

So one is.

Fiddlesticks.

It won't go on.

What can we do?

We can't throw it out of the window.

What about the beef eaters? What about the baby raven?

I have an idea.

That was a big one.

How did you know about this privy?

It was Toil of the Week in Plumber's Weekly.

I must get a subscription.

Toodlepip. Hey, wait.

I'm not going yet. You've got some explaining to do.

Does one?

Why is Her Majesty the Queen stealing her own crown jewels?

Well, when I met your granny, I realized I had never done...

Anything as daring as that in all my life.

I mean, it's wonderful being queen, but one never ever gets a chance to do

anything in the least bit naughty.

And so I suppose I get it for the thrill. You became the black cat?

The new gangster granny?

Yes.

You stole the mask of Tutankhamun and the World Cup. I prefer the word

They're in my rucksack.

It weighs a ton.

Oh, I bet.

One doesn't want to keep them.

But with the nation's police force on high alert, it's becoming rather tricky

return them.

Maybe I could help.

Oh, splendid, Ben.

Perhaps your granny could help, too.

Oh,

Ben, I am so sorry.

Yeah, I've been lost without her.

The queen of Egypt, is she up asleep?

All grannies do.

It's a rule.

Who's going there?

No, wait. Follow me.

No,

the... Dance competition didn't go as well as we'd hoped.

She did bring shame on the outer Hebrides.

Yeah,

he did unfairly put all the blame on Ben.

Where on earth is he?

I don't know.

He's not here, is he?

Certainly something one doesn't do very often.

We need to go somewhere safe where we can make a plan.

My place is swarming with guards.

Can we go to yours?

Oh, I'm in disgrace with my folks for breaking Flavio Flavioli's bottom.

Oh, such a lovely bottom, too.

Like a perfectly ripe peach.

We need someone we can trust.

I know where to go.

I've never been on a bus before.

It's so exciting.

Do they always stop by those little dicks? Well, they're called bus dogs,

yeah. Right, this is our destination.

Raj is news.

Raj!

Raj!

Ben!

Can you let us in, please?

Who is that with you?

Hello. Hello.

Welcome,

my most majestical majesty. My number one favorite customer of all time.

Thank you.

Now, I do declare this shop open.

Oh, I'm so sorry. It's a force of habit.

Welcome.

Oh, sweet.

Help yourself, Your Majesty.

Everything is price -marked. One would pay, but sadly, one never carries cash.

Let that woman out of here before she eats all my stock.

We're in trouble. Big trouble.

I stole the mask of Tutankhamun and the World Cup.

She borrowed them and we need to put them back.

Are you the Black Cat? The chisel?

Gangster Queenie.

I think as long as we have Ben to help, we can return the loot.

Wembley first, then the museum.

What about your wax figure?

Oh, drat.

Well, I forgot.

The one from Madame Tussauds? It was her alibi, but it's still in the royal box

at the Palladium.

Aha! Sounds like a job for the Rad Movies.

Thank you, Rod. You're the best.

Right, let's go.

Oh, this is worse.

Don't mind if one does.

We need to get to Wembley.

Are we getting another bus?

Actually, I've got my own wheel. Just round the corner.

Now we've got you.

These biscuits are stale.

How do we get in? Last time I landed on the pitch with my hang glider.

I've got an idea.

Plumbing based.

Wembley Stadium has a brand new sprinkler system, and according to

Weekly, there's a maintenance hatch near here that leads straight to the stadium

tunnel. But where's the hatch?

I think you might be standing on it.

Oh.

Come on.

You're very brave.

One is only old once.

England! And Scotland!

Wales! Northern Ireland!

And all the nations of the Commonwealth!

Come on!

Her Majesty the Queen scores the winning goal!

Now you're mad.

Come on.

Ben,

would you like to hold the World Cup before one puts it back?

Nah, I'm not bothered about football.

We need to go. Now. Come on.

That's right.

Good as new. Well, well, well.

It is I, Mr Parker, your friendly neighbourhood watch leader.

You're both under citizen's arrest.

I knew you'd return to the scene of the crime like

a kitten returning to its litter tray.

Don't think you can get away.

It's a fair cop.

One is the guilty party, but the boy is innocent.

Arrest me and not him.

Your Majesty.

Can it really be you?

Yes. And I'm ready to do my time.

One has never been in jail before.

Is it fun?

I can't arrest the Queen.

I will.

Lock her up!

Would anyone like a crisp?

I brought them from home. I definitely didn't take them from the museum cafe

over there.

Can we get back to the matter in hand?

Perhaps Her Majesty was just borrowing the things.

Yes.

For regal purposes.

And we can say that I, Mr Parker of Lower Toddle, found the mask in a skip

and returned it.

Thank you, Mr Parker.

And in recognition of all you have done for neighborhood watching, I would like

to bestow a knighthood on you for services to nosy parkering.

Are you sure that's wise?

I don't want to encourage him.

Fetch me a sword.

This is the greatest day of my life.

Ah.

The sword of Tiberius, no less.

Thanks.

Kneel.

Thank you, ma 'am.

You're too kind, ma 'am.

I hope I'm not grovelling, ma 'am.

Just a little bit.

Now, arise.

Step up.

Thank you.

And now I'd like to make a short speech. Sorry, Mr Parker, there is no time.

Sure, Parker. We have to get to Madame Tussauds to meet Raj before it opens.

I would like to thank all you old folk.

For all you do for our nation.

If it was up to me, I'd lock you up and throw away the key.

Charged.

New wax figure delivery.

Who is it?

Madonna. Get her in quick, please. We're about to open.

There.

Blast and bother.

What? One has to go on to another engagement.

One can't possibly go to the state opening of Parliament dressed as the

man.

This would look very fetching on you.

It does.

We could swap.

Everybody, please turn round.

Everybody, please turn back.

That's quick.

One has to be a quick dresser in this game.

Oh, Ben.

This has been the most thrilling night of my life.

And it's all thanks to you. It's been the most thrilling night of my life,

Well, not forgetting the night that me and my gran stole your jewels.

If it hadn't been for your grandmother, we would never have met.

She was a remarkable lady.

She was.

I loved her so much.

Oh, Ben.

You still love your granny, and you always will.

And she will be with you forever.

Enough.

Thanks. We grannies know these things.

Here.

They're already open. And it's so conspicuous.

What to do?

Pretend you're a wax figure.

Oh.

Archie, who's the queen?

Old Mary England.

I need a selfie to show the folks back home. Me too.

She's much older than she looks on TV.

So wrinkly.

How dare you?

It spoke.

Say one more rude thing and I will order the invasion of America. Just one of

our new talking wax figures.

Yeah, very realistic.

A bit too realistic if you ask me.

Right this way, Robo Queen.

Farewell, then.

And Mr. Raj.

We couldn't have done it without you. You're welcome back to my shop anytime.

With appropriate money, of course.

Thank you.

Well, back to the day job.

Taxi!

Buckingham Palace, please.

Thought you'd say that.

Open your match.

Big fan, by the way. I've got all your stamps.

Oh.

So you are... We're in the Secret Service.

Ben, you better be off home.

After what happened with Flavio and his bottom injury, my parents must be

furious with me.

They'll be worried sick about you, Ben.

They love you.

Raj knows it.

My little guardian angel.

You've been looking out for me wherever I go.

My Benny!

I was so worried about you. I didn't know what happened to you.

I didn't sleep a wink all night.

And I only dozed off for seven or eight hours at most.

Why didn't you come home?

I thought you'd be mad at me because I let you down so badly with the dancing.

Oh, Ben, look, we...

We shouldn't be making you ballroom dance.

It's not your thing.

Plumbing's your passion.

Yeah, we mean it this time.

We want you to be the best plum man there is.

It's plumber, but thanks.

Oh, and I think Flavio's going to be OK.

If he needs a transplant, I offered one of your father's buttocks.

You did what?

Oh, and Mum, Dad, I hope you don't mind, but we've just adopted a cat.

Help!

Oh, come in, you.

Come on, don't you come missing like that again.

What kind of valve do you use on larger pipes?

Butterfly.

Correct.

You're doing very well, Ben.

Most none of us have got a single question right.

Oh, what time is it?

Open the fruit jellies. It's time for our queenie. Come on.

I often feel that our lives have been mapped out for us, as if the accident of

our birth dictated that we follow one path.

Sometimes, whoever we are, we need to break out

and follow our dreams.

I'm going to have another look at that dripping tap.

The Queen's right, Ben.

Granny? All you've got to do is follow your dreams.

Like we did.

I miss you so much, Granny.

I know.

But I'll always be by your side, Ben.

Promise?

I promise.

Thank you so much for having me over for Christmas. I would have been on my own.

Oh, Aisha, you're welcome any time.

Well, no, not tomorrow.

As we've got these cousins coming over and they eat us out of house and home.

Oh, Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Come on.

Well,

Aisha, I, uh, better get you home.

Um, uh, of course you feel like an adventure.

What?

Yes, please. I've never had an adventure.

Where are we going to go?

Wherever your heart takes you.

Well then, Ben, let's burn some rubber.

And follow our dream.

My dream is to be a ballroom dancer.

Thanks to the Queen's magic touch, Flavio's buttock is healed.

Now, let the burn up at its lower.

El torero es un personaje con gran imaginación.