Original subtitles

Hey, guys. You busy?

Uh, no, honey. We--we were just reading.

Ha ha.

Lipreading.

What's up?

You probably Don't remember,

I told you about the midwest Cheerleading championships

In omaha.

It's coming up This weekend,

So can I go?

You can go.

Dad, come on! I'm not a baby--

What did you say?

You can go.

I can go? As in, "I can go?"

Sweetheart, your mom And I talked about this,

And we decided That you're old enough

And mature enough To be trusted.

Thanks, you guys. You guys are the best.

- I love you. - I love you.

I love you, I love you.

And I thought She'd be happy.

You know, carl, I was just thinking.

This weekend, Laura's going To be in omaha,

Richie's sleeping Over at little g.'s,

Eddie's got His own apartment Now.

Yeah, you're right.

We're going To be all alone.

Yeah.

You know What that means?

Mm-hmm. We can go bowling.

I'm just kidding, Sweetheart.

It's going to be one Of those romantic nights,

Like we had Before the kids were born.

Buon giorno!

Hey, hey, hey.

I got us some pizza With sardines.

And look--

They're so fresh, They're still moving.

Ugh. Ugh.

More for me.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Ah, there she is,

My cheerleading, Hotel-staying, plane-taking,

Sightseeing-the-bright- Lights-of-omaha baby.

Did you come To say goodbye?

Yes.

Then say it And go.

Well, not Until I present you

With my lucky barf bag.

I've used it 20 times,

And it just keeps Bouncing back for more.

Thanks. That's So thoughtful.

You know, laura,

It's not just you That's going.

You're taking The heart and soul And hopes and dreams

Of every muskrat, Past and present.

I'll do my best.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Allow me to be Your one-stop bellhop.

Aah!

[squealing]

This is Going to be A great weekend.

Got your Pom-poms?

Packed and ready To go.

Hey, laura.

Gary.

Menteer, what are you Doing here?

I thought I'd help laura With her luggage.

Oh, luggage, eh?

Well, what if Your girlfriend heather...

Knew you were Helping laura With her luggage?

Heather and I broke up.

What? You what?

We broke up, we broke up.

Well, let's pow-wow Mano-a-mano.

You girls just, Uh, dish.

Why would you Break up with heather?

She's a real looker,

And I'm sure her teeth Will straighten out eventually.

No, it's over.

So, wait a minute,

You're On the rebound,

And you're going To omaha

With nubile Cheerleaders?

Yeah.

So this luggage thing

Is just a thinly Veiled attempt

To lock lips With laura?

What do you care? You're going steady With myra.

True, true,

But just because Myra's wearing My science-club pin

Doesn't mean I'd bail out On a friend.

Thanks for sharing. See ya.

You got everything?

If you'll Take my bags,

I'll carry My makeup case.

You wear makeup?

Sometimes.

You don't need to.

Ooh. Ooh.

Mmm, mmm.

Gary's looking good, girls.

Yes, and I think He's interested In you.

Really?

He asked us A million questions About you.

He wants to sit Next to you On the plane.

That's the oldest Trick in the book.

A little turbulence And he's in your lap.

Fine by me.

And if gary makes a move, I'm not budging.

Steve, will you Stop gasping?

You're sucking up All the oxygen.

Well, laura, maybe you ought To reconsider this journey.

You know, omaha Is prone to attacks

By plagues Of vicious locusts.

Hey, sweetheart, You all set to go?

- yeah. - we'll miss you.

No, you won't. She's decided not to go.

Sweetheart, Call us when you Get there.

Okay.

Couldn't you hear? Omaha's closed for the weekend.

Thanks, mom.

- thanks, dad. - bye, baby.

No, no. Laura, Don't go.

You're making A big mistake!

You've got To stop her!

Why?

Laura and gary are Interested in each other.

We know. Gary's a nice guy.

Oh, such naivete.

Your unsullied daughter is off

To an exotic cornbelt city With a pretty boy.

God only knows What could happen.

Steve, You are overreacting.

And you're Not reacting at all.

Look, We trust laura.

Well, stop that.

Bye-bye, steve.

But, carl...

Carl...

Am I the only one Who sees the obvious here?

I have to go to omaha

And stop Whatever might start.

But first, I have To get ice for my nose.

I don't know About this.

I do.

Maxine's going To the cheerleading Championship in omaha,

And I'm going to be there.

But mailing yourself?

How else am I supposed To get there, smarty-pants?

I know this might Sound a little silly,

But why not Take an airplane?

Too expensive.

How much is This shipping company Charging you?

50 bucks. I dropped a few pounds.

W-waldo...

Uh, what about your...

Biological needs?

Hey, leave my sex life Out of this.

Okay, eddie...

Seal me, deal me, And wheel me.

Got it?

Ow!

What's wrong?

I sat On my crockpot.

Now, put your head--

Look out.

Control 1--1, 2!

I say we...

We'll take control! Hey, hey!

Say what? Say what?

'cause we hold that soul!

Vanderbilt is The best school around

So check us out 'cause we will be In your town!

Those vanderbilt muskrats Will knock you Off your feet! Uhh!

We are magicians And a team you Can't beat! Hey, hey!

Say what?

We'll take control! Hey, hey!

Say what? Say what?

'cause we hold that soul!

[cheering]

Let's call it a day

We need to get ready For that party..

Yeah, and laura needs To get ready for gary.

Out.

Can I plop on your bed Until the rollaway gets here?

Plop Your heart out.

So what's up With you and gary?

Nothing.

We had a long talk.

We got a lot in common.

Don't commit too soon. This place is jammed With good-looking guys.

I can't imagine Finding

A more perfect guy Than gary.

[knock on door]

Maybe that's mr. Perfect.

Howdy-doody, My cutie beauty.

Aah!

[knock knock]

Thank god I got here in time.

I raced up here In my isetta.

I even drag raced a jogger

And darn near beat her.

Steve, why are you here?

To protect you From a cad

Who's been eyeing Your pom-poms.

You mean gary?

No, richard simmons. Of course, I mean gary.

I'm just here For cheerleading.

This has nothing To do with romance.

Flowers For laura winslow.

Thank you.

Who are they from?

They're from...

Gary. Gary.

Oh, p-lease.

I can hear your hormones Bubbling from over here.

Come on. We're going home Right now.

I see you want To think about it.

What's going on in here?

What are you Doing here?

This is The women's floor,

And you're a man...

Kind of.

Actually, I was helping The little lasses

Fine-tune their routine.

Rah! Rah! Sis boom bah!

Come on, team! No faux pas!

Whoo-hoo!

Try this--

1, 2, 3, 4,

Get your booty Out the door!

Your cheer is better,

But, then again, You're a professional.

Come on.

Ow! Owie! Ooh!

Owie! Owie! Owie! Owie!

Laura, Keep yourself pure.

Your wedding night Will mean more.

Ow!

Here's a good one.

Ha ha ha.

* drifting On a memory *

* ain't no place I'd rather be *

* than with you *

* loving you **

Ooh, sing it, handsome.

Oh, stop that.

I was good, huh?

You're not just good...

You're great.

Ha ha.

May I have This dance?

Well, seeing as how You're the only sexy dude In the house...

[telephone rings]

Hold that pucker.

Hello.

Hi, carl. It's me, steve,

And I've got The worst possible news.

You're Coming home?

No.

Gary sent laura flowers.

Oh, my god! Arrest him.

My thoughts exactly,

But omaha p.D. Said it wasn't a felony.

Steve, are you Spying on laura Again?

Not really.

My room just happens To be directly above hers,

So I might happen to hear What's going on down there.

I wouldn't call it spying.

Wait a minute.

I think I hear something.

Steve?

Hello?

Your hair Is soft and shiny.

He said her hair Is soft and shiny.

Your teeth Are pearly white.

He said her teeth Are pearly white.

Your breath is as sweet As a spring breeze.

He said her breath Is sweet and spring breezy.

That's what you'll say To your dog

After you feed him Benny's biscuits.

Never mind, carl. False alarm.

Steve, For the last time,

I trust laura.

Now, please, Leave her alone.

Better yet, Leave me alone.

But, carl--

Goodbye.

Carl, don't! Don't! Don't...

Hang up.

Now, where were we?

Your hair Is soft and shiny.

Your teeth Are pearly white.

Ooh, your breath Is sweet

Like a spring breeze.

Oh, carl.

[knock knock]

Hi.

Gary, what are you doing here?

Boys aren't allowed On this floor.

I thought we were going To the party together.

We are, but we were Supposed to meet there.

A true gentleman always Picks up his date.

Well, come on in...

Just for a minute.

You look Absolutely gorgeous.

You look very handsome.

I wanted to look My best for you.

You succeeded, except You're missing a button.

My heart Was pounding so hard

At the thought Of seeing you,

It just popped off.

Really?

Actually, it got caught In the door.

I like the first reason better.

- do you have the button? - yeah.

I'll sew it back on For you.

Wow. Beautiful and domestic.

Good thing This hotel gives you A free sewing kit.

And those bottles Of shampoo, too.

Yeah, and the...

Cream rinse.

[knock on door]

- get in the bathroom. - I'm there.

I finally got Your rollaway.

Oh, great. Just put it over there.

You know what?

Of all the Cheerleaders here,

You are The prettiest one.

And of all The bellhops here,

You've got The best taste.

I'm in the shower.

We got to get To the party.

I'll finish sewing Your button on.

Let me see.

This is kind of nice.

What is?

Us being alone.

We've never Actually been alone.

We're always on the bus, At practice,

Or with the other kids.

This is kind of nice.

[gary] You know, laura...

I've been wanting To ask you out For months.

Really?

I've been wanting you To ask me out for months, too.

See? We have a lot in common.

Okay, buddy! Drop those lips!

Steve!

Don't worry, laura. I'll save you.

Just let me Out of here.

Whoa!

Steve, what were you Doing in there?

You lie down for one minute To take a nap,

And some overzealous bellhop--

You were spying on me.

Well, thank goodness Somebody was.

Look what's Going on here.

Laura was Just helping me.

Oh, really?

It looked More like you were Helping yourself.

Goodbye, steve.

No. I'm not Going anywhere.

Steve, you followed me to omaha.

Crawled into a rollaway, And snuck into my room.

What's your point?

I want you to go.

But-- Go!

Alright.

But before I leave,

I want to Give you something To think about--

There are two people

Sitting by the fireplace In chicago--

Big guy and mrs. Big guy.

Oh, you remember Them, don't you?

Yes, but--

The only reason They let you come On this trip

Is because They trust you.

They trust you.

Enough said.

Bet you can't do that.

I thought He'd never leave.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Are you sure?

I know steve urkel Is annoying,

But what he said is right,

I'm glad he showed up When he did

Because I forgot something.

What's that?

My parents trust me,

And when they ask What I did this weekend,

I don't want To have to lie.

We haven't done anything.

And I want To keep it that way.

Look, gary, I really like you,

But we're alone In a hotel room.

Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe we should take This thing a little slower.

I think that's A good idea.

Laura winslow, There's a party tonight.

I'd be honored If you'd meet me there.

Why don't you Walk me there.

Deal.

[doorbell rings]

Excuse me while I kill Someone at the door.

May I help you?

Yeah. This 263 elm?

Yeah.

Sign here.

They sent it back.

A little problem With the address.

"Maxine's room, The big hotel, Nebraska."

We need slightly More info than that, huh?

Have a nice evening.

What's this?

I don't know.

Surprise.

Hey, what are you guys Doing in omaha?

Wow. You took The whole house with you.