Original subtitles

Well, howdy-howdy-how.

My, oh, my-de-oh.

Get out-de-oh.

Why are you All gussied up?

I'm going out With lamont drake.

Does his Parole officer know?

Heh heh heh. [snort]

Cute.

Look, I don't want you Scaring him off,

So make like a bakery truck And haul buns.

Gotcha.

I'm the invisible man.

Hey. Wait a minute.

I think you got A loose thread there.

Let me just...

[doorbell chimes]

Ooh.

Uh, well, uh...Don't Just stand there.

There's your date.

Aaagh!

Good idea. I think I should leave.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

"Tutti frutti Crunch."

Lots of little kids At home, huh?

Just one big one.

Gangway.

Gangway. Full cart.

Oh. A sale On prune juice.

Did I do that?

Oh, big guy, And not-so-big gal.

What a pleasant Co-inky-dink.

Oh, I'm thrilled.

Well, hey there.

Kitty bitties Cat food.

Send in 20 labels,

They'll give you A free toy

For your puddy tat.

Yeah. That's why I'm buying it.

Officer, I just saw a guy In the meat department

Stuff a chicken Under his shirt.

I guess I should Check it out.

Be careful.

What's he going to do, Hit me with a rump roast?

That'll be 67.41.

Oh. I'll pop For the penny.

Thanks, steve.

Alright!

Attention, shoppers!

Give me All your cash.

You, too.

You, hand over Your purse.

Why, this Is an outrage!

That's An anniversary gift.

Shut up!

And give me Your cash!

I'm beginning To think

You don't even Have a cat.

Come on, Fork it over!

What are you doing?

My hand is stuck.

Oh! Ow!

Ooh.

Ooph!

Harriette, What's going on?

Are you alright?

This man tried To rob us.

What?

He saved our lives.

Who? He did?

The kid's a hero.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess-- I guess I am.

What did general Douglas macarthur say

When he left The philippines?

I'm hungry.

No.

He said, "I shall return."

No. I'm hungry. How about you?

I thought You'd never ask.

I shall return.

Ahh.

Hey, ma!

I need help With my laun--

Dry.

Hoo-hoo.

I'm sorry.

I must have The wrong house,

'cause nobody as beautiful As you lives here.

You must be eddie.

No, no, no. Don't move.

I don't want to forget The way you looked

When I first saw you.

Yeah. You're Definitely eddie.

I thought I knew All laura's friends.

I'm greta.

Well, hey, greta. How come we never met?

I've been away In boarding school.

But by whining, I convinced my dad

To let me go To public school My senior year.

Hmm. Well, this calls For a celebration,

And it just so happens

That I'm free This saturday.

Couldn't Get a date, huh?

I'd love to go Out with you.

Then it's a date, Baby.

[doorbell chimes]

That must be my dad. He's picking me up.

Hi. I'm dave mcclure.

I'm here to pick up My daughter.

Oh, hi, precious.

Hi, daddy.

Oh, man.

You're The dave l. Mcclure,

Owner of all 52 mighty weenies?

53. I just opened Another one.

Oh, man!

The genie of weenies...

Here in my house.

I manage store 31. I'm eddie winslow.

Never heard of you.

Daddy, Eddie and I

Are going out Saturday night.

If that's okay With you, sir.

Oh, that's-- That's fine.

I'm going to say Goodbye to laura.

Don't be too long, Precious.

Okay.

Listen, kid,

That's my one And only daughter.

She's the most Important person In the world to me.

Lay a hand on her, And you're fired.

Is that clear?

As a bright And sunny day.

Whoo.

Harriette, would you Listen to this?

"According To eyewitnesses,

"Joey lotofsky's Brother ricky

"Distracted A gullible officer

"While joey held up Alicia's market.

"When asked why He didn't respond,

"The officer replied,

I was frisking a guy For chickens."

Oh, honey, Don't feel bad.

The important thing Is that everyone's okay.

Mr. Winslow, we have To talk to you Right away.

Come in.

Well, what's going on?

My stevie's life Is in danger.

What is it?

I think I noticed someone

Looking through My bedroom window Last night.

I don't do that Anymore.

Then I noticed A suspicious car Following me.

What made you think It was suspicious?

It tried To run me over.

Well, it might have Been an accident.

Uh-uh. It backed up And tried again.

Plus there's One more tiny clue

That someone's After me.

"Dear nerd, you got My brother busted.

"When I catch you,

I'm going To kill you dead."

Now, if that's Not a clue,

My name isn't myra Boutros-boutros Monkhouse.

Carl, you've got To do something.

You're right.

I'll call wilson At major crimes unit.

Oh, I'm So scared.

What would I do without My little chia pet?

Now, now, Bunny breath.

You're my cheri amour,

The pretty little boy That I adore.

You're the one My heart beats for.

* how-- **

Uh! I think We got the point.

We've got good news,

And we've Got bad news.

What's the good news?

Until ricky Lotofsky's caught,

Steve's going To be guarded Around the clock.

What's the bad news?

I'm one Of the guards.

That club Was slammin'.

I don't mean To complain,

But, during The slow dances,

You could've Held me closer.

We were plenty close.

Eddie, a waitress Walked between us.

I'm sorry.

I'm just trying To be a gentleman.

How am I doing?

You're doin' fine.

You're a little uptight. You need to relax.

Alright. I'll try.

I have a confession To make.

From the moment I saw your lips,

I knew I had to kiss them.

Heh heh.

Oh...

These old things?

Mm-hmm.

Ooh hoo-hoo.

Well, What's wrong?

Nothing.

I just believe In taking things slowly.

Yeah, right.

Ohh, yeah, baby.

[sigh]

Ooh...

No, no, no, no!

Greta, no!

What's the rush?

Eddie, I've been in An all-girls school For three years.

I want to make up For lost time.

Greta, no.

I'm not That kind of guy.

I'm more than just A handsome face

With a great bod.

I'm a real person

With real feelings.

And besides,

You'll respect me more If we wait.

You're right.

You're right.

Let's just see How long...

You can wait.

[whimpering]

Oh, you'll love This next bird call.

It's a loon.

Okay, okay.

Trrrilll!

Trrrilll!

Trrrilll!

You know, it's An endangered species.

I can see why.

[knock on door]

Hey, miller. Shift change.

Yes!

Hold on.

He is all yours.

Don't rub it in.

So, how's that cold Of yours?

Lousy.

Go home, Get some rest.

Rest? I got Six kids at home.

I'll see you later.

Not if I see you first.

Hey, big guy,

Have any luck finding That thug lotofsky?

Uh, no, steve, I'm afraid not.

Oh.

Well, thanks For guarding me, Anyway, big guy.

Mm-hmm.

Say, aren't lieutenants Too high in rank

For this kind Of duty?

No, we're not.

You sure?

Trust me. I looked it up.

Hey, nice gifts.

Oh, yes. Yes.

This is from Principal shimata.

"Dear steve,

Take all the time Away from school You need."

Boy, he just Loves me.

So, what'll it be?

Chess? Backgammon? Tiddlywinks?

No, thanks.

Pick-up sticks? Pinochle? Sorry?

Steve, I...

I don't feel like Playing any games Right now.

Well, what's wrong?

Nothing.

Come on, big guy.

Whenever I have a problem I come straight to you.

If you don't feel You can do the same

Then I feel There's a friend.

Okay.

Steve...

I have Lost my edge.

I mean, it's over.

My cop sense Is gone.

I don't understand.

Well, because of me,

You and harriette Were put in danger.

How could I fall For a line like,

"There's somebody Stealing chickens"?

I guess I'm getting Too old for this.

Oh, nonsense.

You're a hip-hop, Tip-top cop.

You always have been And always will be.

I don't know, steve.

I just don't know.

Well, don't you worry.

I'm going To cheer you up.

What are you doing?

Making a funny face.

Now I'm even More depressed.

Ah. I know a trick.

It always Works for me.

[beating A calypso rhythm]

* day-o *

* day-o *

* daylight come *

* an' me wan' Go home *

Steve.

* work all night For a drink of rum *

* daylight come *

* an' me wan' Go home *

Steve.

* stack banana till The morning come *

* daylight come *

* an' me wan' Go home *

* day *

* me say day, Me say day *

* me say day, Me say day *

* me say day-- **

Would you please Just stop it!

Is a day, is a day.

Whew.

Hahh!

Is it just me, Or is it hot in here?

No, it's not Just you.

It is hot in here,

And I'm on fire.

Excuse me.

Daddy, what are you Doing here?

Apparently arriving In the nick of time.

Get in the car.

But, daddy--

Get in the car.

No. What?

I said no.

Very well.

I warned you not To put any moves On my daughter.

You're fired!

What? You heard me,

And I'm going to check Your time cards, too.

You can't fire him.

He didn't put moves on me. I put moves on him.

All my life, You've told me What to do.

You wouldn't let me date. You gave me a curfew.

You shut me away In an all-girls school.

Well, I'm tired of it.

I did all those things Because I love you.

With all due respect, sir, I have to agree.

You are just a tad Overprotective.

You're fired.

What are you Still doing here?

This is My parents' house.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. Right.

Daddy,

You're holding on Too tight.

Instead of getting Closer to me,

You're Pushing me away.

Precious, you...

You have been gone For a long time.

Maybe we should sit down And have a serious talk.

I'd like that.

You know What I'd like?

What?

My job back.

You got it.

Great.

You know What I want?

To see you again.

You got it.

Come on. Let's go home and have That talk.

Eddie, I had a really Good time tonight.

Cool.

Well, now that I know It's okay for me To see you again,

There's something I'd like to give you.

What's that?

This.

[sighing]

Let me go, myra.

My lips are numb.

[knock on door]

Shift change.

Miller, is that you?

Right.

[coughing]

Hey.

That cold Sounds worse.

Yeah, it is.

Steve.

Steve.

Huh?

Officer miller's Here.

I'll see you Tonight.

Oh, okay.

Alright.

See you later!

[muffled] Okay.

Aughhh!

You're not Officer miller.

Bingo. You win The grand prize, kid.

So, you want to squeal On my brother, huh?

I'll give you something To squeal about.

Hey. You sneezed On that thing.

Tell you what-- Today's "Victim's choice."

How you want to die?

I can throw you Out the window,

Drown you in the sink, Or blow your brains out.

Can we possibly Add old age?

No. Please. Please.

[knock on door]

[carl] Hey, miller!

I forgot something.

[muffled] What?

Here's the 50 I owe you.

I'll slip it Under the door.

Wow! Primo punch, Big guy.

Steve, are you okay?

Yeah, but--

But how'd you know Something was wrong?

First of all, I didn't Hear you singing day-o.

Second, when I said Goodbye to miller,

I said, "See you later." He said "Okay."

So?

Steve, I've known Miller for years.

Every time We see each other,

I say "See you later."

He says, "Not if I See you first."

Holy moly!

You got all that From one word?

Oh, big guy,

You haven't Lost your edge.

You're still A great cop.

Wow, steve, I... Guess you're right.

I still Got the stuff, huh?

Hello? Principal shimata? I just wanted to call

And let you know They caught the bad guys.

I'll be returning To school tomorrow.

[dial tone]

Hello? Hello?

Well, that's funny.

The line went dead.

Hello, mom?

It's me--steve.

Urkel.

Your son.

And guess what. I'm coming home.

[dial tone]

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hotel operator? This is steve urkel.

[dial tone]