Original subtitles

[yelling]

Steve, this is the last time

I let you drive me To the debate finals.

It wasn't my fault We got a flat,

But whoever Left that bottle cap In the road.

It's no biggie.

We'll call a tow truck and be Home in a jiff and a half.

[people talking]

[silence]

Oh, please. Don't stop for us.

Go right on Spitting and guzzling.

Um, steve...

Can we go Somewhere else?

These guys Look rough.

Oh, nonsense.

These are just Hale and hearty men,

Unwinding after a day Of sweating on the docks

And singing sea ditties.

Oh, I love The missing tooth look.

Oh, nice tattoo,

But I don't believe There's a "K" In "Scorpion."

Excuse me, kind sir.

I'd like to use The phone

To make an urgent call.

[belches]

No!

Well, thanks for Thinking that over.

Let's go, steve.

But I promise you, sir,

My call shall not Exceed two minutes.

Surely you've No problem with that.

I'll assume That was an accident.

Oh, yeah, it was.

Let me apologize By buying you a drink.

Oh, well, Thank you.

A pelligrino Would be nice.

I was thinking More like a beer.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

I suppose In this establishment

That passes for humor.

Well, I'm going To the men's room

To ring out my boxers.

And when I return,

I expect an apology.

Where do you think You're going?

What's it to you?

Are you The hall monitor?

Steve, you're just Making it worse.

Yeah, and if I was you,

I'd listen to The little bimbo.

Bimbo?

Bimbo?

Nobody insults this lady

And gets away with it.

Apologize immediately.

Get lost.

Oh, that does it.

You've gone Way too far.

Yah!

He's going To feel that In the morning.

What, are you too stupid To know you're hurt?

I feel like A little game of Pass the nerd.

Me, too.

Yeah, me three.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Count me out.

Yah!

[urkel] Ooh, help! Ow! Ow!

Hey, dad.

Hey, son.

Wait a minute.

What you doing?

I just came to get My lucky jacket.

I met this fine girl Named charmaine At the bookstore.

She's waiting In the car for me.

But, edward--

Can't talk now. The motor's running.

And I'm talking about Charmaine's motor...

Not the car.

But, son,

We were supposed to Go bowling tonight.

Oh, I know, dad.

I was going to call, But when charmaine said,

"Well, hello there, sexy,"

My mind went blank.

But--

Thanks for understanding, dad.

Next time.

Yeah, but...

See ya!

Yeah, sure.

Waldo, why were you In my kitchen?

Because that's where The food is.

Have you seen eddie?

You just missed him.

He just left with Some girl named charmaine.

We were supposed To shoot pool.

This kills My whole day.

Night.

Boy, where does The time go?

Waahhh.

Hey, steve.

You look better.

Well, I certainly Don't feel better.

I've never been More ticked off In my whole life.

Well...

Ooh...

Well, why don't you Just calm down

And take a deep breath?

What good's That going to do?

Aah!

Oh, I'm sorry, Apple jacks.

It's just that

It's...

Uhh.

Aah!

Ow.

It's just that...

I've never been More humiliated

In my life!

But guys have Beat you up before.

Girls have Beat you up before.

But no one's ever Insulted you before.

That beau-hunk jack Just sullied your name,

And I couldn't Defend you.

But you tried.

For about a second.

Wait a minute.

Hold the pickles.

Hold the lettuce.

Ahh.

I just Thought of a way

To make that Big hairy ape jack Apologize to you.

You must've Fallen on your head Pretty hard.

Nay, nay.

I've got A secret weapon--

My transformation Chamber.

You'll turn into stefan?

No, no, no, no, no.

Stefan's a lover, Not a fighter.

I'm going to dip into My celebrity Hair collection.

Your what?

My celebrity Hair collection.

Why, I've got hair Of all the greats--

Churchill, gandhi, Mel tormé.

I'm going to get The dna code Of someone macho,

Then mix A gene-altering Emotion

And become a lean,

Mean,

Fighting machine.

Ah ha ha ha ha!

You don't Have to do this.

Oh, yes, I do.

Why, they owe you An apology.

And believe you me,

You're going to get it

When I saunter Back in there as...

Bruce lee.

Whaa!

Ahh!

Whaa!

Ooh!

Aah!

Boards don't hit back.

Is he great or what?

Um, steve...

Shh.

Not while I'm pouring.

Is that boss sauce?

Uh-uh.

Boss sauce Turns me into Stefan urkelle.

This is bruce juice.

Now, hold this, babe,

And I'll be back In a karate chop.

[bells and sirens wailing]

[gong]

Whaa!

Boards don't hit back.

I'm all ready for The game, mr. Winslow.

I'm wearing Three pairs of underwear.

Waldo, it's inside.

Of course, it's inside.

If I wore one outside That woud be stupid.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

I'm going to My first bulls game With your pa.

Oh, that's great.

I'll go, too. Let me throw these In the machine.

Oh, edward, I only have One extra ticket.

Oh, well, That's too bad.

Sorry, waldo.

No.

I asked waldo Days ago.

You and I Always go together.

Hey, it's okay, eddie.

You can have my ticket.

No. Waldo, You're going.

I left three Messages for you,

And you never Called back.

I assumed You were busy.

But, dad, you And I always go

To the bulls games Together.

But, son, You can't expect me To drop waldo

Just because You drifted in.

Now, come on.

We'll go next time.

Come on.

Yeah.

Right.

Next time.

Don't worry, eddie.

I'll try and have A terrible time.

That won't get The stains out.

Yeah. You got To use bleach.

I don't believe What just happened.

Dad took waldo To the game.

I hope they don't Cheer too hard.

I've got 50 bucks On the knicks.

No, grandma.

Dad took waldo Instead of me.

Can you believe that?

Yes.

Eddie, your father left Three messages for you,

And you never Called him back.

It's not fair.

Fair? Was it fair

That you stood Your father up For bowling?

And what about The car show Last saturday?

He waited for an hour.

Oh, no.

I forgot all about The car show.

Eddie, carl was Just about your age

When he lost His dad.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Carl and his father Planned on doing

A lot of things Together,

But they never Got the chance.

You never know How much time

You'll have Together.

So you have to make Every minute count.

Okay?

Yes, ma'am.

I love you.

I love you, too, grandma.

Steve, I told you.

You don't Have to do this.

Yes, I do.

These guys insulted you.

If they apologize,

There will be No fighting.

And if they Don't apologize?

It won't be pretty.

[people talking]

[silence]

Hey, hey, hey. Look who's back.

Well, well.

If it ain't The nerd

And his bodyguard.

You.

You are the one

Who called my friend A bimbo.

That is a disgusting And derogatory name.

I have come for An apology.

A what?

It's when You say you're sorry.

I know what it means.

Well...

Let's hear it.

Alright. I'm sorry.

She's not a bimbo.

She's a tramp.

Hey, let's leave Your mama Out of this.

Ooh eee! Ooh! Ooh!

Hey, I like 'em feisty.

She can stay, but you...

Get lost.

Big mistake, Goldilocks.

Whaa!

Whaa!

Whaa!

Hyah!

Get him!

Whaa!

Aah!

Whaa!

Aah! Oh!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Oh!

Whaa!

Uhh!

Get him, jack!

Yeah!

You are getting slow In your old age.

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Whaa!

Aah!

Whaa!

Whaa!

Whaa!

Hyah!

You got to get him!

Hyah!

Let's get him!

Cashews.

My favorite.

Hyah!

Hyah!

You're dead meat!

Oh...

That does it.

No more Mr. Nice guy.

Hyah!

No one messes with Laura winslow.

Hi, dad.

Oh, hey, son.

You still here?

Uh, yeah. Uh...

I had to wash some shirts A second time.

Lipstick stains.

Uh, dad, How was the game?

Oh, you know.

Just average.

Nothing exciting.

What was the score?

Oh, it was uh...

The bulls 121, The knicks 120 overtime.

You got a basketball.

Oh, yeah.

Scottie pippen Handed it to me

After the winning shot.

Dad.

Yeah?

[sigh]

I wish I could've Gone with you.

Well, I wish you Could've gone too, son.

Yeah, but I really Screwed up this time.

You did?

You mean you are Actually admitting

That you screwed up?

Yeah.

And I also screwed up When I didn't make it For bowling.

Typical me.

Some fine babe Came along, and...

You got bumped To second place.

Well...

That's okay, son.

No, it's not, dad.

You're my father,

And I can't think of One time in my life

Where you ever Bumped me To second place.

I've really been Thinking about it, dad,

And I'm going to stop Taking you for granted.

Thank you, son.

Thank you.

Hey...

What do you say Next saturday We go fishing?

Hey, I'm there.

Oh, great.

I love you, dad.

I love you, too.

My boy.

Laura, Beating up those guys

Was a terrible mistake.

I didn't Go down there Just for you.

I went there for me, Too.

I wanted revenge.

I thought It'd taste sweet.

But I was wrong.

I guess you did Lower yourself To their level.

It's the bigger man Who can walk away.

I'm very proud of you, Steve.

Thanks, laura.

Well, I just Wanted to tell you The fabulous news.

Steve urkel is back!

Swell.

Yep.

Bruce lee is Gone from me.

Wha-da!

Ow!

Boards do hit back.