Original subtitles

Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Ohh.

I think that Knocked something loose.

Ahh.

Steve, what are You doing here?

Sneezing, wheezing, And oozing, big guy.

Ah-choo!

Why don't You go home

And spread Your germs?

It's lonely over there.

My parents went To get airline tickets

For the annual Urkel family reunion.

Can you picture Over 100 urkels

Gathered together In one house?

Please. Not before I eat.

Say, that's a...

Good-looking sammich.

Thanks.

Would you like half?

No, thanks.

I'll just sit here And watch you enjoy.

Ah...Ah...Ah...Ah...

Ooh, ooh.

False alarm.

Ah...Ah...Ah...Ah...

Ah...

Oh, oh.

Nope, went away.

Are you sure?

Huh? Yes.

Positive?

Eat, eat.

Ah-choo!

Here, steve. It's all yours.

Are you kidding? You touched it.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Hello, father.

How's the best dad In the whole wide world?

Wooga! Wooga! Wooga!

Ding ding ding ding Ding ding ding ding!

What's that?

That's My early-warning system.

It goes off When my kids want money.

How'd you know?

Well...

First it was Your syrupy compliment,

Then it was Your phony hug.

Dad, I need $75.

An unexpected Expense has come up.

Oh, edward, Edward, edward...

What unexpected expense Is it this time?

The electric bill.

[whistles]

They really blindsided You with that one.

Edward, how many times Have I told you--

Dad, I don't want To hear lecture Number 12,000, okay?

Well, then don't Ask me for money 12,000 times, okay?

If you don't want To give me the money, Just say so.

Stop making me feel Like a little kid.

Well, edward, Then stop acting Like a little kid.

You have to Budget your money.

You have To plan ahead.

Do me a favor--

Come up with some new stuff When you criticize me.

That "Plan ahead" Noise is getting old.

So is your asking me For money.

Your ious are Propping up the low End of the sofa.

Here you go, honey.

Your sweatpants Are still in the dryer.

Thanks, mom.

Did you use That fabric softener?

Yeah, it's springtime fresh.

Aha!

What, aha?

Harriette, you did His laundry for him. Why?

He's my son, I'm his mother,

And in case you Aren't aware,

That makes us Fairly close.

Harriette, I'm trying To teach edward

About being responsible.

He should be doing His own laundry.

Oh. You mean the way His father does His own laundry?

Okay.

Edward, I'm going To do you a favor.

You are? Mm-hmm.

I am not going To give you the $75.

That's a favor?

Yep. That Will teach you To be self-reliant.

You're going to deal With this problem On your own

Instead of running home To your moms and pops. Got that?

I got it, alright.

Thanks for the help, dad.

So, ma, which one Should I wear For the debate?

Well...

I kinda like the grey one.

The grey one. Yeah.

Many people would Say the grey,

But the red Is much better color.

It draws the eye And exudes confidence.

I think, It's plainly obvious

That there's only One correct answer here.

And that has To be the red one.

You're good.

You've got that Debate in the bag.

Da-dun-dun-dun,

Da-dun-dun-dun,

Da-dun-dun-dun,

Da-dun-dun-da!

Hear ye, hear ye,

Let it be known That carl winslow

Has been chosen to attend The national symposium On dna identification.

That's great!

Yeah. When you going?

I leave for detroit This weekend.

Yeah, but you're Supposed to come

To my debate This weekend.

Oh. Sweetheart, I'm sorry.

I tried to get a flight out The same night,

But there Were none available.

I'll go To the next debate.

Dad, this is The city finals.

There Is no next one.

Carl, this was important To laura.

You promised her You'd go.

I know,

But I'm a lieutenant now.

I'm expected To attend These conferences.

I know, I know,

But it's a shame.

She was really counting On you.

Hi-de-ho, big guy.

Great news--

A megadose of antioxidants Has banished my flu.

Swell, steve. Yep.

Now I won't get A nasty ear infection

When I fly to detroit.

Detroit?

You're flying To detroit?

Yeah. Detroit...

Motor city.

Motown.

I'm going To my family reunion This weekend.

Oh, no.

Oh, god.

Oh, no, no, No, no, no.

W-what's the matter?

Well, I'm flying To detroit.

What airline?

Oh, I'm chartering A plane.

How come?

I'm banned from All commercial airlines.

You are?

Oh, yes.

It all stems From an unfortunate incident

That occurred on a flight From chicago to denver

That involved me, A faulty pet carrier, And a wolverine.

I received a nasty gash On my forehead.

From the wolverine?

No, from The flight attendant.

I kept trying To tell her

That the wolverine Would let go Of her ankle

As soon As his ears popped.

Well, She kept bopping me

Over the head With the tray table

Over and over and over

And...

You're taking A charter flight.

That means...

You can come and go When you want.

Abso-tootle-lutely.

Hey, what Are you thinking?

[sniff sniff]

I smell Your brain burning.

I could cash in My airline ticket,

Go with you,

And be back in time For laura's debate.

Hey, we could be Plane pals.

Well, there's a good And bad to everything.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. Fine, fine.

[bump bump]

Are you sure?

You look green Around the gills.

I'm fine!

You got to barf?

No!

Why can't you Keep this plane steady?

Sorry. Lots Of turbulence today.

Oh.

Prune juice?

Would you please...

Good. More for me.

Oh!

Steve! Steve!

I'm sorry about that.

No problem, Winslow.

That's funny.

I don't remember Telling you my name.

You don't recognize me, Do you?

No, I don't. Sorry.

I'm tony the ferret!

Tony the ferret?

That's right, You weasel!

Hey, you two Know each other

And have Woodland-creature Nicknames?

When you busted me, You ruined my life.

I spent 15 years In prison!

I've been Following you.

When I found out About this charter,

I chloroformed The pilot And stole the plane.

I hope you're not thinking About doing anything crazy.

Crazy?

I wouldn't dream of Doing something crazy.

Ha ha ha!

We're in Big trouble.

Winslow, you and Your annoying friend

Are about to die.

Die? Die?

Know how to fly A plane?

No! No!

Good.

Hey, tony! Wait!

Hey! Give me That parachute!

[carl] Tony!

Aah!

Steve!

Come on.

Let go of the door!

Let go of the door!

Ha ha ha ha!

Get in the plane!

Aah!

Aah!

Well...

We could have Been killed.

Hey, we still can.

I can't believe our pilot Jumped out of the plane.

He sure did. I have half a mind

To report him To the faa.

Alright. Alright Alright.

We just have To keep calm.

Don't panic.

Right.

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

I can't breathe. Get off.

Uhh! Uhh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

[gasping for breath]

I'm sorry.

I guess my knee Hit the steering thingy.

Ohh.

Carl, you're a trained Police officer.

I'd feel better If you flew this baby.

Yeah, so would I.

Come on.

Okay.

Wait.

Wait.

Go over that way.

Let me just put My foot over...

Alright, alright, Now what?

Okay, well...

First We'll check out The control panel.

Okay.

I'll go over all These instruments,

And you use The radio.

Okay.

[music plays]

Hey, that's a good idea.

This is relaxing.

Not that radio!

This one!

Hello, tower.

Do you read me? Over.

Yeah, this is The lake bluff Control tower.

We read you. Over.

Carl, I got the tower.

Okay. Talk to them.

Roger dodger, big guy.

Alright. Tower, Here's the skinny--

We're up the creek Without a paddle.

Well, actually,

We're up in the sky Without a pilot.

Why use a metaphor?

Oh, gee. Now,

Do either of you Have flying experience?

Does 12 times On the dumbo ride count?

I don't think so.

Look, I've got you On radar.

Now, here's What I want you to do--

Gently give the left peddle A little pressure,

Then turn the wheel A little to the left.

You're doing it, Big guy! You're turning!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Oh, no!

Well, that's Sort of good.

I'm trying to get you Headed toward the airport.

We don't get many crash--

I mean, Emergency landings here.

Well, you're doing great.

Just hold her straight And level,

And I'll be back with you. Don't go anywhere. Ha ha.

You know, carl,

It's funny.

When I woke up This morning,

I had no idea This might be My last day on earth.

Yeah, steve, me neither.

If I had known,

I would have ordered An extra bear claw.

I would have tried To kiss laura.

Ha! She would Have killed you.

What the heck?

I'm going to die anyway.

Do you think We're going to make it?

I sure hope so, steve.

And if we do,

There are going to be Some changes in my life.

Like what?

Well, from now on, My family comes first.

I should have stayed At home with laura.

You're right.

I should have stayed At home with laura, too.

Guys, it's me again.

It's time to get you Into your pattern altitude.

What you need to do Is decrease the power.

You do that by easing back On the throttle.

Well, where's that?

Well, it's the one Marked "Throttle."

Okay, now, this Is very important--

Now, listen Very carefully--

You must be sure To do the right...

[static]

Or else you'll die.

Okay, keep your nose up.

How do I do that?

Gently pull back On the wheel.

Okay, looking good.

Find the lever For the flaps.

It's on the right side Of the control panel.

Got it.

Oops. Oh, boy. Drifting right.

Don't want to do that.

Little left rudder, Left rudder.

Now put down Your landing gear.

Where's that?

It's the switch Marked "Landing gear."

Okay, hold her steady.

You're heading Straight for the runway.

Oh! You can Do this, big guy.

You're doing great.

We're almost-- We're almost...

Down!

You did it! You did it!

Hi, honey. Hi.

Boy! Lingerie Gets skimpier every year.

Look, at that one.

Must be So uncomfortable.

Not really.

Hi, grandma.

[mother winslow] Hi, sugar.

Hi, mom. Hi, baby.

Did you...

Get money For your Electric bill?

Nope.

My paycheck doesn't come Till the end of the week.

They're gonna turn off The power tomorrow.

What about waldo? Could you borrow The money from him?

No. He foolishly blew His money on the gas bill.

Eddie, when you Left here,

We set up A budget.

You were Supposed To stick to it.

And I did...

Until I met veronica.

And if you Saw veronica...

Well, You'd understand.

You've got to get Your priorities Straight.

You've got to learn To spend your money

On what's most Important first.

I thought I did.

But I learned my lesson! I'm sorry!

Can I have the money, Please?

Look, eddie, Eddie, eddie...

Your father Already said no,

And now You're trying me

'cause you think I'm an easy mark,

But for once, It's just not Going to work.

Bye, baby.

Bye, mom.

Eddie...

How much did you Say you needed?

$75. Where am I Going to get that?

From the bank Of mother winslow.

What?

Mm-hmm.

I want you To take this.

You're Giving me cash?

Poker winnings.

Grandma, Are you sure?

Mom and dad Already said no.

Honey, that's their job.

They're your parents.

They've got to be stern, Teach you discipline.

I still don't understand Why you're giving me The money.

Because I want to.

You see, parents Have to say no,

But grandparents Get to say yes.

How can I Ever thank you?

By painting my living room This saturday.

Two coats.

Okay, now let's bring her Back to level, mr. Urkel.

You're doing quite well.

Oh. Thanks, teach.

You know, I'm Taking these lessons

Because The last time I flew,

The pilot Jumped out.

Can you Believe that?

Of course, My pal carl Landed the plane,

So I made it To the urkel reunion In time

To see my cousin Festus urkel

Play feelings On jelly jars.

You know, He fills them

With tapioca pudding

To get those warm, Dulcet tones.

Boy, was it fun.

What Really topped it off

Was when Grandma urkel Kept time

By slapping The excess flesh Under her chin.

Hey! Where are you going?

Wait! Hey!

What...

You know, this joke Is really getting old.

[music plays]