Original subtitles

Myra...

Why are we stopping?

I don't know.

Oh, my.

We're out of gas. I'm such a Ninny.

Hey, wait..

Isn't this...

Paradise bluff?

I suppose it is.

Well, this is the bluff.

Now let me show you Why they call it...

Paradise.

Ohh!

Wow, mama!

[sighs] [sighs]

Oh, steven.

Oh, laura.

What?

Did you say "Laura"?

Uh, me?

Oh, no.

I--I--I said...

I said...Flora.

Yes. Flora.

Look at all The pretty flora.

I don't believe this.

I work my cute Little buns off

To save enough money To buy my own car

So we could have A romantic evening Together,

And what's my reward?

You whisper Another woman's name.

Well, I'm sorry, uh...

Myra.

Look, steven,

We've been driving down The highway of love now

For quite a while.

And what a dandy Drive it's been.

Yes.

But we're still Stuck in first gear.

So?

So, it's time We shifted into second.

I'm not satisfied With this relationship.

But I already told you.

I'm willing to date you While I'm in love with laura.

Eegads, what more Do you want, woman?

I want an emotional Commitment.

I want to wear Your science club pin.

[gasps]

But beetle butt...

That would mean We're going steady.

Yes, it would.

I want to know Where we're going With this, steven.

I want to go steady,

And I want An answer soon.

Well...

Okay, good.

I'll go home And think about it.

Well, while you're Thinking about it,

Remember this.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Oh, ma, You know we got To hurry up.

You know yearly sales Only come once a year.

Boy, you're sharp.

You got our ammunition?

I never leave home Without it.

We're armed And dangerous.

Hey, hey.

Ooh, wait. Wait a sec.

There's some Barbecue recipes In this magazine

I want Carl to read.

Good. Dad needs all The help he can get.

Burgers and weenies. Weenies and burgers.

Let's face it.

The man's in a rut.

Well, maybe This'll give him Some new ideas.

Hmm.

There's A love test in here.

You filled it out?

No.

I got that magazine From mildred

At the beauty shop.

Wow.

Mildred's husband Scored a 10.

Good for him.

Not really.

They're scoring On 1-100.

Hey, guys. Where are you two off to?

[harriette] Shopping.

Again?

You just went Last spring.

Ohh.

I turned down a page On an article For you to read.

Okay, I'll take a look at it.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

[door closes]

Hmm.

Hey.

"Rate your mate."

"Is your partner A good lover?"

Hey, harriette Filled out a quiz

About our love life.

Well...

I think I'll take A little look-see.

Ahh.

"If your husband's Sex drive

"Were a mode Of transportation,

"It would be...

A--a ferrari..."

Mmm.

"B--a moped...

C--a skateboard."

Ha ha ha. A skateboard.

Ha ha.

Hey.

She marked "C."

Hello, scott.

Hiya, scott!

Hello, scott.

Oh, did you see me coming?

No, but I wouldn't mind Seeing you leaving.

Heh heh!

[snort snort]

Hey, baby.

You're all gussied up.

I don't remember Us having a date.

We don't. I'm going out With scott baker.

Boy, it's A topsy-turvy world.

I'm going out With myra,

And I'm In love with you,

And you're going Out with scott,

And you're In love with me.

But I'm not in love with you.

Semantics.

Is there some reason You're here?

Well...

How can I put this Delicately?

Myra can't get enough of That sweet urkel stuff.

Ohh.

Well, she's given me An ultimatum.

Either we go steady,

Or she's packing up Her lemonade stand And moving on.

Well, steve,

You and myra have been Seeing each other for Over a year, right?

I think that's A fair request.

Oh, I know. I know.

But I just don't know.

Well, what don't you know?

Well...

What if I go steady with myra

And you fall in love With me the next day?

Well, there's no way That's ever going to happen.

Just covering my booty.

[sighs]

Look, steve,

You know what your life's Been like with myra.

Can you picture it Without her?

Hmm.

I'll have to Chew on that.

Can you chew on that At home?

Good idea.

Wow.

What A beautiful view.

We can see All the way to The slaughterhouse.

Steven, Have you given any thought To what we talked about?

You know, Us going steady?

Well, yes.

In fact,

I'm so confused,

I asked laura For advice.

Laura.

What did the she-devil say?

Well, that she-devil Is on your side.

I've always liked laura.

Actually, myra,

Laura had something Very interesting to say.

She asked if I could Picture my life Without you.

Well, can you?

No.

Oh, goody.

Not so fast.

I also don't know if I can picture my life Without laura.

That tramp.

I'm sorry, myra, but...

I'm going to Need more time.

I see.

Well, then take me home.

Oh, but lizard lips.

Take me home now.

But...

[engine starts]

Ooh!

Uh-oh.

I hope we're not Too close to the edge.

Ohh!

Ohh!

Oh, we're pretty darn close.

Steven, I think we're in trouble.

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Big trouble.

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

We're going to die!

No, no, no, no.

We're going To be okay.

Ohh!

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

We're going to die!

Ohh!

What am I saying?

We've--we've Got to stay calm.

- right. - okay, listen.

The only way Out of here

Is through The sunroof.

Boy, am I glad I paid the extra 4 bucks

For that sunroof.

You go first.

No, no. You go first.

Your brain is A national treasure.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's always Ladies first.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'll shift my weight To the back.

Ooh, hoo-hoo!

Aah. Agh.

Okay.

Go for it.

Ooh, myra!

My face! My face!

Ohh! Ohh!

Okay.

I'm safe, steven.

Hurry!

I got to get My lucky yo-yo.

Whaa!

I got it!

Aah!

Aah!

Whoa!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Okay. Careful.

Okay.

[panting]

Okay.

Careful.

Whoo!

[crash]

Whoo!

[clatter]

Oh, steven.

Oh, myra.

You saved my life.

You're my knight In shining suspenders.

Myra...

When I was In that car,

My life Flashed before me.

It was short and In black and white.

Was I in it?

Yes.

But so was laura.

I saw her rejecting me Over and over again.

And I realized Something.

I can spend My whole life

Chasing a dream.

Or I can let A dream catch me.

Are you saying what I hope you're saying?

Yes.

Myra...

Would you Do me the honor

Of wearing My science club pin?

Do you mean Go steady?

Yes, indeedy, sweetie.

Pin me, baby.

Whoo!

Here.

You better do it.

Oh, steven, I'm the happiest Kitty in the yarn shop.

Mother winslow...

You got a second?

I have that, And hopefully some more.

You know carl Better than anybody,

And he doesn't take Criticism too well.

I need a diplomatic way Of telling him that His barbecuing needs help.

Well, you got To talk to him,

Because his burgers Are whack.

You want to Talk to him?

Uh-uh.

You married him.

He's your baby now.

[sighs]

What's the matter, sugar?

Did you miss The ice cream truck again?

- mom.. - hmm?

Harriette took A "Rate your mate" test In that magazine.

I took the same test.

Fletcher got a 98.

What did you get?

Numbers aren't important, Mother.

But...

Well, I...

Mom, I think that harriette Is disappointed in me.

Then you've got To talk to her.

Don't keep it Bottled up.

That's the worst thing You can do, love.

- thank you, mom. - love you.

Hello, harriette.

Hi, carl.

Harriette, I think that We need to talk.

Yeah.

I want to talk to you About something, too.

Okay, but I'll start.

Sweetheart...

I...

Read your Magazine article.

If you had a problem, Why didn't you come to me?

Oh, carl.

I'm sorry.

I was just trying To be helpful.

I thought It might be fun

To try something A little different.

Oh, so you're saying That I'm boring.

Not you, Just your technique.

Harriette.

Well, what's the big deal?

I talked it over with laura, And she agrees.

You talked it over With laura?

Sure. She's part Of the family.

Carl, it's just that You do the same thing Over and over...

All summer long...

Every single saturday.

Well, excuse me,

But I think once a week Is pretty darned good,

Considering My back problem.

And besides,

You can help, You know.

Well, I would, But you always Want to be in control.

I thought maybe if You got your act together,

We could invite The neighbors over.

Invite the neighbors over?

Well, why not?

It's not like It's a big secret.

They know What we doing.

They doing The same thing,

Only better.

Just how do you know that?

Because marge Gave ted the article,

And he's cooking Up a storm.

You should taste His burgers.

What's that Supposed to mean?

What I said.

You should Taste his burgers When he barbecues.

Barbecue?

We're talking about Barbecue here?

Yeah.

What did you think We were talking about?

Heh.

I thought that We were talking about...

This.

"Rate your mate."

I didn't fill this out.

My hairdresser did.

I borrowed this From the beauty shop.

I wanted you to look at Barbecue recipes.

"I'm going to Tell laura."

"Invite the neighbors."

Harriette...

Ohh.

Carl, if I had Done that quiz,

Your score would've Shot off the charts.

Really?

Yeah.

Thanks, harriette.

A man likes to hear that Every now and then.

What-- What we have to do

Is shift our weight To the back of the car.

Good thinking.

Hey, how'd that Get in there?

Give me that.