Original subtitles

"Carlos looked longingly Into her deep blue eyes,

"Wondering what mysteries Lay behind them.

"Noticing her figure,

He didn't care."

[urkel] * I'm on my way To the winslow house *

* doo-dah, doo-dah *

* might catch laura In a see-through blouse *

* all the doo-dah day **

Oh.

I see you've been Waiting for me, my pet.

What do you want, Steve?

I bear bad news.

You have a twin?

No. I'm going to be Out of town for a week,

And I know how You'll miss me,

So I brought you These.

What is it?

The revolutionary Urkel virtual Reality helmet.

Patent pending.

How nice. Bye.

Yep, all you do Is place this baby

On your nifty noggin,

And it'll be like I never left.

Oh, well, gee. Thanks, steve.

Whenever I miss you, I'll be sure To use it.

Well...

I must be off.

You poor thing.

A week without me Will seem like... Like a...

Vacation?

Oh... You're so strong.

So long, sweetums.

Wow!

This is great!

Hey, a desert island!

Wow!

Surprise!

Steve, what are you Doing here?

We're trapped together On a desert island, My pet.

Let's celebrate Our bliss

With a big, Juicy kiss.

No, get--

No, get--no, no, no!

No, no!

Aah!

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Hey, guys.

Whoo!

Oh!

How do you like My new dress?

It's beautiful.

Rachel, That is hot.

Well, I love it, too,

But $300 Is a lot of money.

$300?

I didn't pay that much For harriette's Engagement ring.

I paid more!

So you think I spent too much?

No! You only go Around once in life.

And you already past Halfway.

Give yourself a break.

You have the right To pamper yourself.

You really think I should keep it?

Absolutely.

And it will look Great on me When I borrow it.

Yeah, it will. But you'll never Leave the house.

Hey, urkel, The kiddie pool's Outside.

Oh, that's pretty Clever, ricky,

For a third-year Senior.

Ooh. Ooh.

[whistle blows]

Leave the nerd Alone.

Okay, men.

Welcome to Swim class 101.

I'm your teacher, Mr. Nutting--

That's two ts, Like in pudding.

Okay, men.

[tweet]

Hit the pool.

Uh...You're not In the pool.

I can't swim.

What?

I can't swim.

You can't swim?

[laughter]

Could you say it A little louder?

I don't think They heard you In wyoming.

Take that off. You sound ridiculous.

Alright, Alright.

[still nasal] Is that better?

Look, don't worry.

I am going to Teach you how to swim.

Get in the water.

Do I have to?

Aah!

What's the matter?

It's cold!

[laughter]

Get in the water.

Okay, men.

To get an idea Of your aquatic skills,

I want every man to swim Freestyle

To the end Of the pool.

[tweet]

Go!

Sink...Or swim!

Look,

If you let go Of the side Of the pool,

Maybe--just maybe-- You could float.

Float?

Float.

Let go. Come on.

Come on.

There you go.

Aah!

Whah!

Urkel, grab hold Of the pole!

Come on, come on!

Come on. Here you go.

Grab hold. There you go.

No, urkel!

Here you go! Come on!

Here you go! Come on, come on.

Are you okay?

You alright?

Yeah.

Look, I think I'd save us both A lot of time

If I just Transferred Out of this class.

Okay.

Oh, bless you.

But you won't Graduate.

What? Say what?

P.E. Is a requirement For graduation.

If you don't pass, You can't graduate.

But--but I-- I'll never learn How to swim.

Then I guess You'll never graduate.

Mom, I made The roller blade Hockey team!

Yeah. It's the meanest, Roughest, toughest team In the league.

Which team?

The guppies!

Ooh! That is Wonderful, sweetie.

I need $150.

Richie needs a helmet, Pads, a jersey,

And a new Hockey stick.

I'm not sure I can Afford all that.

Oh.

Hey, don't Worry about it.

Mommy Will find a way.

You will get That hockey Equipment.

Thanks, mom! You're the best!

So are you, My sweet.

Well, I guess it's Back to the store For you.

Congratulations, Rich, my man.

You'll make A great guppy.

I better get going.

It's about the time

When waldo locks himself Out of the apartment.

Later, homey.

Peace.

[sighs]

Ahhhh...

Alright, steve. What is it?

Oh, nothing.

* you're lookin' At a very sad guy *

* doo-dah, doo-dah *

* I'm so sad, I just might cry *

* all The doo-dah day *

* boo hoo hoo Hoo hoo *

* boo hoo hoo hoo *

[hic]

Okay, steve. * hoo-- **

What is The problem?

If I don't pass Swim class,

I won't graduate.

Why won't you pass?

I can't swim.

Oh. That is A problem.

Oh, no.

No. You're not Asking me to--

Would you teach me?

Oh, you asked me!

Please, carl, please!

Why don't you ask Your dad?

No way. The only time My dad lets me In the water

Is when we go Shark fishing.

I'm sorry, steve,

But I'm too busy With work, home,

And all the other Places I have to go.

I see.

You do realize, Of course,

That if I don't Graduate,

I won't go away...

To m.I.T.

And if I don't Go away...

To m.I.T.,

Then I stay here...

With y-o-u.

Tomorrow morning. 9 a.M.

Oh, bless you, Big guy!

Okay, steve. In the pool.

Well, truth be told, Big guy,

Graduating From high school

Is actually Highly overrated.

Steve, There's no shame In feeling fear,

But you've got to Face that fear.

Look it in the eye And laugh at it.

Hee hee ha ha.

I don't want to Do this.

Steve, you begged me To teach you How to swim.

I know, but I forgot How evil water was.

If you don't get in, I might as well leave.

Okay, okay, okay

That's it.

Come on.

Come on.

That's it. Come on.

Ahh.

Now, see?

[whimpering]

Okay now, breathing While swimming

Can cause the most Anxiety for novices.

Are you familiar with The freestyle stroke?

Oh, yes. The freestyle's Beginnings

Go back thousands Of years.

An ancient egyptian Wall relief

Shows soldiers Of ramses ii

Using an Over-the-arm stroke

To pursue their Enemies across The brontes river

More than 3,000 years ago.

I know about it. I just can't do it.

In the freestyle,

You use your arms, Your legs, and your feet

To propel yourself Through the water.

To inhale, you turn Your head to the side,

And you exhale Underwater.

Oh, so you mean

I get to make Neato motorboat Noises?

Brrrrrrr!

Brrrrrrr--

Your boat just Ran out of gas.

Now, watch me, okay?

Okay now you try.

Well...

Okey-dokey.

But hold me up So I don't... Well, you know.

Okay no problem.

Okay okay okay okay

Alright. I got you.

Now practice Your freestyle.

That's it. Keep going.

Keep going. Don't flail.

Don't flail. Find your rhythm.

That's it.

Now I'm going to Let you go.

No, no!

I've got you.

It's going to be A long day.

Sorry for The inconvenience.

You shouldn't Have any problem With this one.

Have a nice day.

Hi, harriette.

Hi, rachel. What are you Doing here?

The dress was Too expensive.

Had to return it So I can get hockey Equipment for richie.

That's too bad. This dress looks Great on you.

Yeah.

Oops.

Zipper got Caught.

Okay careful. Here.

There we go.

Okay okay

Maybe I'll luck out, And it'll go On sale soon.

Wait a minute. What's that?

What?

Rachel, I can't take This dress back. It's torn.

Ooh...Harriette! You must have done that

When you caught it In that zipper.

No way. It wouldn't Have caused a tear That big.

That's not where It got caught.

Well, I didn't do it.

The tear didn't Get there by itself.

This is ridiculous! I want my money back Right now!

Rachel, my decision Is final.

Go.

Go?

There are people Waiting in line.

I don't care. Let them wait!

I will not be Taken advantage of!

What is going on?

I will tell you What is going on.

She won't take My dress back.

She thinks I damaged It on purpose

To get My money back.

Help!

I'm going under!

Steve, Just stand up.

We're in The shallow end.

Oh, carl, I'll never learn this.

Let's quit.

No way!

Maybe we started Too advanced.

Instead of learning The stroke,

Maybe you should Learn the dog paddle First.

The dog paddle

Is an easy way Of staying afloat.

Observe.

Well, it's easy for you.

You're a natural-born Buoy.

Just try it.

Hey, I'm Dog paddling!

I'm dog Paddling!

That's great, steve. Keep paddling.

I can't believe it. I'm not sinking!

You're doing great, Steve.

You're dog paddling In the deep end.

What? The deep end?

Oh, lord! Oh, l--

Aah!

Aah!

I've got you.

Oh, thanks.

You might want to Put these back on.

What? Give me those!

Somebody pass me A bagel, please.

And I didn't put The hole in it.

I know you didn't.

You only put holes In expensive Dresses.

You take that back!

I didn't take that dress Back. I'm not taking That back!

Oh, you going to Take it back!

Stop it!

What is it, richie?

I ripped the dress.

You what?

I was playing hockey In the living room,

And I Accidentally hit it With my stick.

Honey, you should Have told me that.

I was going to,

Right after I graduated High school.

I'm sorry.

I think someone else

Owes someone an apology.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Oh, rachel. I'm sorry.

I shouldn't Have accused you

Of trying to Cheat the store Out of money.

And I'm sorry I buried your Favorite purse.

You what?

Where's a pen? I'll draw you a map.

Okay first Go out the back. Take three steps...

Hey. How's The swimming going?

Swimming? Huh.

It's more like Choreographed sinking.

Let's see.

I flunk swimming...

I don't graduate.

I don't get in m.I.T. Or any other college.

I can't get A good job,

And I end up Selling my car for cheese.

[splash]

Steve, help me!

What?

Oh--somebody!

Somebody help--help!

Goddess overboard!

Big guy, carl!

Carl!

Oh...Oh!

Wait. Wait, laura! Here I come.

Aah!

Get your arms up. Arms up.

My hero.

Oh...That was So scary.

For a moment there, I thought you were a--

Hey, wait a minute.

You can swim.

Yes. And now, So can you.

Yeah...You're right.

I'm not afraid Of the water anymore.

Hey, Congratulations, Steve.

Ha ha ha.

Honey, You were great.

Hey, I smell A conspiracy.

Well, steve, I had to think Of some way

For you to forget Your fear of water

And go with Your gut instinct.

Wow! Now I'll Graduate...

Because of My beautiful gal

And my big boss pal.

Thank you both

From the bottom of My little urkel heart.

Oh, laura.

Oh--oh! Oh, big guy.

Carl, you should Be more careful.

This deck is slippery.

[blue danube waltz plays]