Original subtitles

He's at the 10!

He's at the 5!

He's at the--

Concession stand!

Mom, come on.

I'm emmitt smith. I just scored a touchdown.

Yeah, but I'm Calling it back For holding.

[blows whistle]

Holding?

Honey, that was Upstairs.

[purring]

Oh, honey, You look great!

Thank you.

I'm the... Purrrfect catwoman.

Meow.

Hi, guys. Hi, guys.

Siamese twins. What a great costume!

Thank you. Thank you.

Eddie, what if you Meet a pretty girl?

[rip] No problem, dad.

Ahh, the magic Of velcro.

Hey!

* ah ah ah ah Ah ah ah ah ah **

Ahh.

Hey, mom, What are you?

I'm a flapper. This is what they wore In the 1920s.

Yeah, back when She was little.

Let's move it before All the candy's gone.

Okay grab your bag.

Whoa!

What?

Aw! Oh!

Uh-oh. Thunderstorm. Uh-oh. Thunderstorm.

Maybe it'll clear up.

You ever think about Paying your electric Bill, mr. Winslow?

Well, so much for Trick-or-treating.

Aw, come on, mom.

We can still go.

No way, richie. It's pouring.

And there's A blackout.

Only a crazy fool Would be out on a Night like tonight.

Trick or treat. Whoa!

I rest my case.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these Gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Steve, what are You doing out

In weather Like this?

Getting wet.

Ha ha ha ha!

[snorts]

So who are you Supposed to be?

Well, Isn't it obvious?

Sam donaldson.

Gee, if we can't Go out,

This is going to be The worst halloween ever.

Oh, sweetie.

There's more To halloween than Trick or treating.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's play "Pass the ghost story."

Cool.

How does it work?

Well, I start a ghost story

And when I get to a really Scary or exciting part

I pass it to someone else.

Sounds like fun.

I'll start.

[thunder]

It was a dark And stormy night--

Hoo hoo hah hah hah--

In a creepy old castle.

This castle was the home

Of the tall, dark,

Handsome, fearless,

And dynamic Count von winslow.

The count was very popular.

In fact, the peasants All worshipped him.

[peasants in monotone] Yay, count.

We worship you.

The count was also The world's Greatest swordsman.

[buzzing]

[buzzing stops]

And then,

Something incredible Happened.

Take it, harriet!

Uh...Uh...Uh...

The count's wife, The countess,

She came down The stairs.

[wolf whistle] [wolf whistle]

She was not only A knockout,

She was the woman Who ran the castle,

The brains Of the family.

Brains of the family?

Hey, I'm running This whole castle By myself!

The frankensteins Have help.

I should have Married a doctor.

And the peasants Loved her, too.

[peasants in monotone] Yay, countess.

We love you, too.

The most frightening thing Was the fact

That count von winslow And his wife

Were both...

Vampires!

Yes, the von winslows Were vampires,

The undead.

The thing That kept them nourished

Was blood!

Suddenly...

A bat flew into the room.

Hi, fangsters!

Well, mother, How good it is To see you.

Thank you, sugar veins.

Can you stay For dinner?

Oh, no. I've got A hot date.

I'm seeing A younger man.

Oh, really?

He couldn't be A day over 400.

Have fun, mother.

I always do.

Now, keep My coffin warm.

Hah hah hah hah Hah hah hah!

Take it, eddie.

[eddie] All of a sudden, Down the stairs

Came the von winslow's Incredibly handsome

Teen heartthrob son.

Like many teenagers, He rebelled,

And he refused To be a vampire.

Son...I don't Understand you.

You don't roam Around at night.

You don't terrorize The townspeople.

And you don't use Your torture chamber.

Dad, what makes you Happy

Doesn't necessarily Make me happy.

Oh, this modern-day Thinking.

They were going to Argue some more,

But then suddenly There was a knock At the door.

[knock knock knock]

Someone's at the door.

[eddie] Take it, steve.

[steve] Standing there Was sir steven,

The royal duke of urkel,

The world's richest, Handsomest,

And most eligible bachelor.

Hello.

So sorry To bother you,

But I'm Sir steven,

The royal Duke of urkel.

My carriage broke.

Can I stay the night?

Of course.

We'd love To have you For dinner.

Oh, why thank you.

Now, what about My horse?

He won't fit At the table.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

[count] Hah hah hah hah hah.

I'll fix Your carriage for you.

Why, thank you.

And then I'll test-drive it Into town.

My, what a lovely home You have.

I simply love How you've mixed

The 10th century stuff With the modern.

Well, I must admit

I stole some ideas From better homes And dungeons.

Whoop.

Ah...

Didst I do that?

Oh...

I love the boar head.

Thank you.

Must have been Running awfully fast

To go through The wall like that.

Heh heh heh.

[snorts]

I'll have someone...

Show you your room.

[scream]

[steve] Then who should Appear but...

Kick it, waldo!

[waldo] Well, the guy who Answered the bell

Was their faithful Butler valdo.

Ah, valdo,

There you are. Where have you Been all day?

Doing my laundry. I ran my socks Through the ringer.

Next time, I'll take them Off first.

Valdo, would you please Show our guest his room?

You got it.

What time is dinner?

It depends on How long it takes us

To find a victim.

I mean, a chicken.

You can go now.

No, I can't.

Why not?

You're standing On my foot.

Oh.

[waldo] Take it, laura.

[laura] The royal duke

Checked out the room.

He looked under the bed.

He looked out The window.

Then he played a song On his armpit.

Then...

He hung his cape On the wall.

Whoa, mama!

Who are you?

I'm laura, A simple peasant girl.

I've been chained To this wall For three weeks,

And I'm Completely helpless.

Helpless?

What happens next?

Well...

Laura, the lovely Sweet peasant girl

Explained to sir steven, The royal duke of urkel,

How she wound up chained To a castle wall.

My carriage Broke down,

And I was invited To stay the night-- Three weeks ago!

Don't you just hate it When that happens?

Those carriage mechanics Tell you one day,

And three weeks later, You're still waiting On the same part.

No, no, you fool.

I'm their prisoner. They're vampires!

Ooh!

Whatever you do, Don't drink the wine.

Why, is it a bad year?

No. They'll drug you, Suck out all your blood,

And then mess up Your hair!

Ah!

Our guest.

Did you find everything Alright in your room?

Oh, yes.

I found everything...

Alright.

[rachel] Okay, now it's my turn.

Just then,

The countess' sister Entered the room...

Her younger sister.

She was a sultry vixen

With a pair of fangs That could knock A man's eyes out.

She worked in town As a torch singer,

And the peasants Loved her.

* blue moon... **

Hey!

Stop that racket!

Mmm.

I'm in the mood For some...

Wine.

Wine?

Here's the wine.

That will be all, Valdo.

Be careful. This is the one With the drugs in it.

Sir steven,

Do you like This painting

We just recently Plundered?

Oh, yes. It's lovely.

But I much prefer The painting on...

That wall.

Tell me, sir steven,

Do they have armor

Like that... In your country?

Oh, yes.

We do.

But I've never Seen swords

Like the ones You have on...

That wall!

Enough of this Foolishness!

I am thirsty for blood.

And it's happy hour!

Well...

You won't be smiling...

When you taste My sword.

It's only fair To warn you...

I'm a superb Swordsman.

Well, I happen to be

The greatest swordsman In the world.

Watch.

Ha! You missed.

[blows]

Not bad.

But take a gander At this.

Enough of these Tricks.

Tricks are for kids.

Thrust and parry!

Law firms don't scare me!

Haaahhh!

Aah!

Ha!

Ha!

Whoa-oh.

You need fencing lessons.

And you could use A breath mint.

Wow.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You lose.

You wrong!

Ahh!

Ah...Yes!

It's brie...With garlic!

And vampires don't like Garlic, do they?

Huh, huh, huh? No!

No, no, no!

Haaaah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

But What a pity...

You lost track Of time!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

It's dawn!

Sayonara, Bloodsuckers!

[coughing]

Alright. Let me see.

Don't drink the wine. Check.

Kill the vampires. Check.

Save the girl. Ah!

On my way.

The count is down For the count.

Oh, sir steven,

My hero!

I love you, I love you, I love you!

Did I just say that?

You sure did, sweetums.

I'm telling The story now.

Come to papa!

Oh, you're still Chained up, aren't you?

Come to papa!

I'm just a simple Peasant girl.

Be gentle.

[steve] And so...

Sir steven prevailed.

He won the fair lady,

And he vanquished The vampires...

Or did he?

And the lovely laura

Got married And had four boys

And two ghouls.

Ha ha ha ha!

[snorts]

Hey, you guys, It stopped raining.

You can do Some trick or treating.

No way. Can we tell Another ghost story?

Sure.

I'll start.

It was a sunny day When grandma came To visit her family.

Hey, that's not scary.

Oh, yeah? You haven't Seen my grandma.

Aah! Oh! Aah!