Original subtitles

Would you like Your picture taken?

Oh, not now, thank you.

Finding everything Satisfactory, miss?

More than satisfactory.

I've had A delicious dinner

In a beautiful Restaurant

With the handsomest Stud muffin

This side of paradise...

Steven q. Urkel.

Ooh. A mint.

Whoa!

Oh! Oh!

Aah! Fire!

Don't panic! I got it!

I'm on it!

Spray your legs.

And the bathroom needs More camphor cakes.

Hi, baby cakes.

A little food snafu.

But I took care of it.

Oh, steven you're so brave.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these Gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out o' every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Steven, you saved The restaurant.

You're a hero.

Well, hero is such an...

Appropriate word.

Well, you may Have extinguished Those flames,

But you've Only ignited mine.

Kiss me fast And kiss me hard.

Oh, m-myra.

Not right now.

What's wrong? Are you alright?

How can I say this?

I've been working In my laboratory for months.

I've finally perfected My transformation chamber.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes, donkey dimples!

By tomorrow night, Steve urkel will become...

Stefan urquelle forever.

Steven, we've been Over this before.

Why In heaven's galoshes

Would you want To change?

You're perfect Just the way you are.

Oh, thanks, myra.

I like me, too.

But the woman of my dreams Fell in love with stefan.

You mean laura "The cold-hearted Ice princess

"Who wouldn't know A good man

If he fell in her lap" Winslow?

I don't know about that,

But I'm steve "Got her name Tattooed on my heart" urkel.

So I guess that Makes me myra

"The old, Discarded dishrag,

"Singin' The lovesick blues,

Ain't got no man" Monkhouse.

Well, at least we know Who we all are.

Oh, myra, Try to understand.

You're a terrific lady,

But I've always loved laura,

And changing back To stefan urquelle

Is the only way I can get her.

But...

She's evil.

Laura and I were Meant to be together.

We're a team, a duo,

A pair, a match, an item.

I see.

So all I'm left with

Are shattered pieces Of my broken heart.

No. I...

Myra...

Picture?

Oh, yes.

Myra--myra, I've never Misled you.

I've always loved laura,

And I warned you that This might happen someday.

I know, but I was hoping I could change your mind

Or that laura would die.

Myra, we have lots Of happy memories,

And we'll always have This wonderful night To remember.

Pay up and get out, Fire boy.

Well, You just remember this--

Everyone else In this shallow world

Might love the suave And trendy Stefan urquelle,

My I, myra boutros Boutros monkhouse, Loved you,

Steven q. Urkel,

The real mccoy.

Myra. What have I done?

Myra, come back!

Oh!

Oh, I have to pay.

Oh, the tip, the tip.

Myra, wait, please! Oh!

Did I do that?

Uh, yes, I did. Goodbye.

Hi, guys. How'd the bowling go?

Terrific. Say hello To the thrill Of victory...

And the agony Of defeat.

Ha ha ha.

Mom, I did it. I finally beat dad.

That's because You have better Night vision than me.

It's pitch dark At that alley.

A bat couldn't see Those pins.

Oh, you're just upset

'cause I whipped Your butt.

And eddie Was wearing Rented shoes.

Hey, if they lit That place properly,

I could have bowled A 300 game.

Yeah, with better Lighting and a bazooka.

Come on, little guy. Let's get ready For dinner.

Yeah. We already heard These excuses

In the car.

Carl, you still want To see a movie tonight?

Sure. It will Help take my mind Off my brutal defeat.

Then look in the paper And see what's playing.

Oh, here's one We haven't seen yet,

"Spud."

That's speed.

Who can read this? The print's blurry.

That print's not blurry. I think you need glasses.

What? Me? That's ridiculous.

Oh! Then how do you explain

What happened this morning At breakfast?

What?

You poured orange juice

Over your corn flakes.

A man cuts down On his dairy products, And he gets flak.

You want to see This movie or not?

Sure. What time Does it start?

It'll start When we get there.

Now I add some Clorodioxicycline To my boss sauce.

What does that do?

It makes my dna reconfigure

In parallel Genetic structures.

Ooh.

Okay...

Now...

I add Some hydrotriboracyde.

Well, what Does that do?

It turns it a pretty blue.

Okay.

Alright. Now...

I pour my boss sauce in here,

And I'm ready To become stefan urquelle.

Ooh, baby, Come back to me.

My, aren't we eager.

Ahh.

Alright.

Stop!

In the name of love.

Myra, what's up, Badger cheeks?

Steven, don't do this. Don't leave me.

For the last time,

I can't live Without you.

Oh, sure you can.

I'm a proud woman, And I refuse to beg.

I'm sorry--

Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!

Off your knees, woman. Get up.

My mind's made up.

I'm going to step Inside that chamber

And keep stepping Into it every week.

Keep stepping into it?

Yes, a small Technical matter.

The effects only last For a week,

So I just hop in Every seven days For a recharge.

Can I at least Give you one Last kiss goodbye?

Well, but I...

Aah!

Uh...Remind me again

Why I'm changing back To stefan.

Time's a wasting.

No, don't! Don't!

I love you.

Myra, I've got a date With destiny. Now, step aside.

There's nothing you can do That will make me move.

Ha ha ha!

Stop it.

Bye. Okay.

[ding]

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.

Wake me, shake me, And break me,

But, baby, Don't forsake me.

[giggling]

You like this guy?

Girl, you're one Sick puppy.

Woof!

Well, hello, guys.

Hey. It's good To see you.

Oh, put that away, Man.

Well...

It's good To see you again, stefan.

It's great To be seen.

What do you think?

You look like You stepped

Off the cover Of g.Q. Magazine.

G.Q. Really?

Strut it, b.G.

Let me guess.

Giorgio armani.

Close. Sears.

Man, you look smooth.

If you stood next To denzel washington,

People would say, "Hey, there's carl winslow

And what's-his-name."

I like this guy.

Hold onto him.

Oh, I will.

Smooth. Smooth.

Hello, everyone.

[stefan] Oh, my.

Mom, you look Sensational.

Yes, I know.

Well, come on, Honey.

Our public awaits.

Well, let's not Disappoint them.

Oh, and listen. While we're gone,

Don't spend all night Kissing and groping.

I'll be A perfect gentleman.

I was talking To laura.

What are you having, carl?

A stroke from trying To read this menu.

It's just too dark In here.

Harriette, don't move.

You have a bug On your dress.

A what?

Carl, it's a broach!

Ooh!

We've been married A lot of years.

Carl, you're obviously Having a problem seeing.

I wish you'd break down And get glasses.

Harriette, I do not need glasses.

The bottle of wine You ordered, sir?

Thank you.

Excellent.

And if I may, sir,

I would like to commend you On your superb taste.

Hey, when I see something That I like,

I order it.

It's just not often A customer orders A $200 bottle of wine.

$200?

Uh, carl, I thought you Knew how expensive it was.

Well, I--I figured--

When I asked you Why you ordered it,

You said because It was a special occasion

And you're With a special lady.

Ha ha ha.

Well, I was probably Very sincere At the time.

Are we ready To order the entrees?

We'll need A few more minutes.

Carl, would you like me To read the menu to you?

Harriette, that Won't be necessary.

I am not a child.

I'm telling you, You need glasses.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Who can read In this stupid Dim light?

This place Charges enough,

Why can't they spring For some light bulbs?

Aah!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

I don't need glasses.

Another bottle Of your favorite wine, sir?

No.

Hey, grandma, How you doing?

I'm chillin' Like a villain.

Hey, dad.

Hi.

You want half Of my sandwich?

No, thanks.

No? Are you okay?

The last time you said no To a sandwich,

Nixon was president.

Mother...

I'm not in the mood.

I had a little mishap At dinner tonight.

Mishap? You almost burnt down

My favorite Four-star restaurant.

Carl, honey, Why don't you break down

And get some glasses?

I do not need glasses.

Oh. You think Far-sightedness

Is a sign of old age, right?

And if you were To get glasses,

You'd be admitting You're getting old.

No. That is--

Well, yeah.

Too bad you Can't pull a stefan.

A what?

Stefan urquelle Doesn't need glasses,

But when he Was steve urkel,

He couldn't see Without them.

That's right.

Sounds like What you need

Is a transformation Chamber.

Well, goodnight.

[indistinct chatter]

And the horse says,

"No. I left my wallet In the other pants."

Stefan, You're too much,

And I want To thank you

For letting me use Your transformation Chamber.

It's my pleasure, my man.

I got to warn you, though.

This will do more Than improve your eyesight.

This is a cool chamber.

Hey, chill, baby.

I'm already cool.

No, mr. Winslow, Don't!

Myra, what are you Doing here?

I tinkered With your--

What have you done?

Okay, I rewired Your chamber,

And instead Of cool,

It's set On nerd.

Hi-didilly-dee.

It's me.

Carl, is--is that you?

I sure hope so

'cause I'm wearing His underwear.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Oops.

I gave myself A wedgie.

Hee-hee! Hee-hee!