Original subtitles

Welcome to my villa, the sanctuary of love, where my

best bestie Terry and I binge every minute of every single reality dating

The only place where even the loveless can feel L -O -V -E.

X on the mind.

Shelter of passion.

I'd have your baby. The list of the Lord's perfect shows goes on.

We've watched three different reality dating shows in one single day.

We do everything together.

It's not weird when you're bestie.

60 episodes in 24 hours. It's easy.

When you're watching your favorite couple.

Like my breathtaking Sienna and AJ.

It's meant to be.

It's meant to be.

Whose true loyalty and love for each other is unmatched.

I'm surrounded by the love of you.

My 2 .4 million followers.

Or my sassy and spicy Quincy and Zion.

It's like no other couple you've ever watched.

Quincy and Zion break up and get back together more times than LL Cool J licks

his lips in five minutes. Quincy and Zion.

Hashtag unbreakable bond.

Together forever.

What I said in those confessions, that's not true.

Producers don't operate. Of course, our absolute fave, Hugh and Lexi. You've

never seen a cuter pair than Hugh and Lexi. How about I buy this expansion

for us?

You can come over, you figure out these new rules, and I'm going to even give

you a free brick on your first game.

We could not still be talking about the one and only time you beat me. It's like

they take a bullet to one another.

I swear, the good Lord created both of them just so they could be together and

give little old me some hope for myself.

Little miracle.

Proving that love is real and will last forever and ever.

It has to last forever.

Because I couldn't live in a world if it didn't. Please say yes.

Please say yes.

Please freaking say yes!

Say yes.

I didn't say yes right now!

Now!

Yes!

Every single one of us has a soulmate.

It doesn't matter who you are.

I was lucky enough to find mine.

But tragically, he was snatched away from me.

I was devastated to lose my one and only chance at love, but I would never let

that happen again.

Never. Ever.

Bitch, where's my bubbly? This just in. Reality show stars Sienna S and AJ, as

well as Quincy and Zion, have broken up for real this time.

America's favorite couple... What did we do to deserve this?

Uh -uh. Uh -uh.

Lexi and Hugh, yeah, they have to still be together. Oh, my goodness. They have

to. Come on, come on. Oh, my goodness.

Lexi's last post.

Hugh only liked it.

No, no playful sarcasm, no witty quip?

Even on Hugh's down days, he always answers with triple heart eyes. Does he

always answer with at least triple heart eyes?

Yes, even on his down days, triple heart eyes.

All right, hold on. What?

Hugh's last post.

Uh -huh.

Two days ago.

Uh -huh.

Lexi did not even like it.

Uh -huh.

Or it's post -reported!

Yes, good afternoon.

It's time to attack the day.

Now, girl, you know these breakups have literally torn me to shreds as well, but

you have been in here hibernating an entire week, so I think you've mourned

enough. I will never stop mourning the loss of true love.

I know, I know.

I won't live in a world where the perfect, beautiful, romantic love on TV

doesn't even exist.

Shut your mouth. Rubbish. Of course it exists.

You have a pillow that says love is love. Hello?

Think about it, Ter.

Think about these people. They're lovable and beautiful and charming. If

can't work for them, how's it supposed to work for us?

Especially me.

Especially you.

Is love even real if these three perfect relationships can't work?

Well, maybe they still can.

What do you want?

Pizza delivery.

Do I look like I eat pizza, Fave?

Can you at least come out and talk?

Hugh?

Hugh, what's happening? Where the hell are we? No clue. I just remember walking

to my car, and I was clocked in.

your personal digital assistant.

Welcome to the retreat.

The purpose of this retreat is to help you restart your beautiful love story.

As part of your social development, I will first need you to announce your

for your partner.

Welcome to your second chance.

Lexi?

I've never stopped loving you.

Oh!

It's opening!

It's opening!

I still love you, too.

Sienna, I can see myself... You've got to be kidding me.

...maybe being able to fall in love with you.

Okay.

Yeah, absolutely. I love you, AJ, so much.

Actually, I'm falling in love with you.

All right.

Zion and Quincy, you're the last ones.

Say you love each other.

I can never mean it. You can stay in these rooms forever.

They're the love of my life.

He's the love of my life.

From Shelter of Passion?

You guys act on the mind?

What the hell is going on here?

Help! Please! Someone help!

Hey, look!

Wait, wait, wait.

This is just like that old MTV show, Womb Raiders.

I think we've all just been kidnapped from the newest reality show. This is

just part of the game.

Yes, I'm gay.

Great. We're trapped.

Like a true crime reality dating crossover thing?

Sounds trendy.

In high budget? You think it's a streamer?

Are you kidding me right now? I am not getting voted off this show. What the

hell is this place?

I don't know.

And who's coming up with these jobs?

Apparently these kidnappers also think my sexual history is more important than

my PhD.

In medicine.

Is that better or worse than...

Feeling the old -ass Uncle Dad's love.

Lexi, you know I meant what I said back in those pods, right?

What? You didn't just say you loved me to get one step closer to escaping?

No.

Well, escaping should be our main focus.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

So, like, obviously I watched all of Lexi and Hugh, but I'm wondering...

Like, who are you?

Just figuring we should get to know each other and all.

I'm Zion, and this is... Quincy. There is one season out of all of

these cute little dating reality programs that feature queer people.

Of course, that's the one season everyone skips.

I promise that the first thing I do when I get out of here is watch your gay

season. Queer season.

I'm non -binary.

He's bi -slash -pan, so...

Totally. I mean, who doesn't identify as those things these days?

And Kendall.

Don't any of you care about finding a way out of here?

And now, introducing your beloved host, your one and only, please welcome,

Kristen!

Is this real? Is this real, Luffy?

Yes, queen!

Oh, even the laundry in person.

AJ! So good to see you.

You! Look how fit you are!

What any lucky girl would do to knock the hell out of you.

Locked up tight, Lex. All right, this is not good.

I know, right? It's wonderful.

We have an infinity pool, day beds, and a whole outdoor gym for your very, very

important rep.

We're never getting out of here.

I'm going to kill this bitch.

With my favorite of all time, my pride and joy, from Hugh and Lexi's season.

Is that Al Bowen at all?

My favorite episode ever.

There we go. There we go. You all right? Yeah, you best not try that kind of

shit again.

It's okay, boo -boo.

See, Terry here has a big, black, sexy... Hugh,

I don't think I'm... I've never seen a real gun on a reality dating show

That is pretty legit, am I right?

Okay, now that you've met Tear Bear here, the cutest guy with a gun, and my

bestie in the whole wide world.

Stop it. You are the best bestie. No, you are. No, you are. You are. You are.

You are.

No, you are. You are. You are. You are.

All this drugging and kidnapping and locking you in a room thing can appear a

tad bit melodramatic. I understand that.

But can we be real for a minute?

We're all reality TV show people here, right? So we can tolerate some

manufactured melodrama.

You're a triple crown psycho bitch.

We understand that. You know, you could be a little bit upset, but... We tried

to invite you all here the easy way.

We sent packages to all your publicists.

We DM'd you on all your socials. Oh, but we knew we had to act fast.

So none of you would get into any other relationships.

What do you want from us?

Why did you kidnap us? Why are we in this house?

It's not a house.

This is a villa. It's a villa.

Is it money?

Is that why you drugged us?

Lexi, you better be right.

Now, we know that you were the sweet and lovable virgin of your season, but look

not that ass just a bit, huh? I mean, it's a little too tight.

A little tight. A little tight.

Astro glide.

Upstairs. Yeah, uh -huh. See, that's your problem. You can be too untrusting.

Preach.

We all have issues.

Believe it or not, I was an ugly, break -faith 15 -year -old who chickened out

of kissing Andy Wentworth at the 10th grade holdout.

I really like taking that kiss.

But we can get through all of this together.

And your love showed us that we too can be loved. Yes.

But then?

Oh, tell them. All your beautiful love stories, they were perfect. They

crumbled. And with it, our hope.

And all because it's meaningless.

Trust.

Honesty.

Lust.

Jealousy.

Resentment.

Oh, and secrets.

But that's okay. That's why we're here.

To make our broken hearts whole again.

Thanks to us, we'll repair your relationships and rekindle your

story. No matter what.

The love that we see on TV is real, impossible.

That's why you all are here.

Paradise Attire. I forgot to get Paradise Attire. Let me go get you

Attire.

What?

Can I just say, sorry, a little teasing thing, you know?

I feel super, super lucky to be in your presence. Like, you have no idea. I'm

like, oh, my God, they're here.

So, look, so I was engaged, right?

Devin, love of my life. She passed away recently. A bit tragic, but you inspired

our passion for fitness. And you completely inspired her to take her

mind and body to a whole other level that I find... Shirts off!

Bikinis on!

Lexi, your favorite shade of seafoam green, of course. And Sienna, polka dots

like the walls in your childhood room. And fellas, This is your outfit.

Bottom line, people, is that we just have to get back to the basics, okay?

Simple, unadulterated human contact.

Express yourself.

Explore each other intimately.

Remember that body you first fell in love with.

Communicate that love. Do the paint.

I'm just still not totally getting the premise of this show.

Like there's guns, but there's also pain.

For once, I hope these editors cannot just make me like the dumbass dude.

Would you touch him like seven other women are competing for his attention?

The whole world saw you swoop up on Becky P and Elizabeth.

Now, show us that sienna fervor.

All right.

Yes, yes.

That fierce sienna fervor.

Do you see the camera, sir?

Yeah, they're right up there.

Hey, this might be fun.

Lex, I gotta be honest with you. This whole innocent virgin thing, it gets

after three episodes.

Show your man, win him back by showing the sexiness that you got. Come on.

Lexi, we all know that you have sexiness all down inside you.

So bring that shit up.

Good.

Passion, people.

Show me some passion.

Are you talking not about passion?

Look,

you don't have to do anything.

I'm going to do everything I can to protect you.

I can protect myself, you know.

You're the strongest woman I know.

Matter of fact, you need to be the one protecting me.

Just because I broke up with you doesn't mean I won't always care about you.

You're supposed to be exploring yourself through the paint. Through the paint.

Oh, oh.

Zion finger -painted my penis on my back, didn't they? You people are

ridiculous. Please.

Please, show us the same respect.

You would show a nerdy woman labeled a relationship expert.

I'm sorry, people.

Am I not resonating with you all? I mean, do I have to explain every

detail of courtship?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell.

Breathe, breathe, breathe. Come on, breathe it in. Come on, suck that air.

it. Suck the air.

There it is.

Good job.

Screaming is just a temporary band -aid on a deeper emotional reaction.

Screaming does nothing but get you forcefully kicked out of prom in front

only man you've ever loved.

Okay, so it could just be me, but I'm... You may be starting to think that

this is not a reality dating show.

Then I definitely need my phone back.

Like, right now.

Okay, listen up.

We understand.

Stay one.

You haven't had a chance to fall back in love again yet. But you will soon.

You just need to loosen up and get more comfortable.

And we have just the idea.

We're going to have a shindig.

It will send shockwaves throughout the villa. Come on, Barry.

Cindy.

Cindy.

Cindy.

Picking it back by the poolside.

Yeah, you know I'm down for a good time.

And you ain't got to think twice. Get ready, it's the time of your life.

Yeah, go ahead, girl. Yeah, work it. Work it like a mid -episode montage.

Champagne, champagne, champagne.

I need some champagne.

Do you not have a dance party every single episode of every single day for

entire freaking summer?

What? What?

Listen, I think you can speak for all of us when I say we just need some time

with our phones.

So why don't we just go back in the house?

It's a villa, Sienna. I told you that it's a villa. I have an ocean.

Totally. My point, Kristen, my girl, is that...

I'm pretty good at social media stalking.

And if you give me my phone back and the villa, I can track down that guy you

said you had a crush on.

What was his name again?

Andy Whitworth.

Like maybe that's where we put our efforts because frankly, I don't see any

the six of us getting back together.

Stop the bleeding.

No, no. My earrings.

My earrings. Can we get a first aid kit?

Dance is what I get? It's a romantic dance party?

At some point, someone's going to start showing me that love is real.

Terry.

Guys. Guys, my earrings.

Guys,

my earrings. We need help.

So I'm thinking about this whole no ear thing.

Maybe it could be my new brand.

Like, Sympathy factor alone will easily get me like another million.

Maybe I'll even get my own show.

What do you think?

If we don't get up out this house, you're not going to have no dating show

network ever.

It's obvious we up against some top flight, high tech security system.

got to be a security mainframe.

AJ, can you please just leave this to me for the smart people?

Like, if this was Are You The One, Hugh would be the dude with the math charts,

and you'd be the stubborn idiot choosing the wrong match each week. Okay, I can

do math charts just because our show tried to depict me as a... Come on, y

For real, do y 'all ever stop bickering? We need a plan to get to the mainframe,

and then we can dismantle the security system. Stop!

What?

Uh... Nothing better than being able to watch couples be intimate in the

bedroom.

Wish we had more of that on our season, Hugh.

We could all take inspiration from that.

Okay.

Forget escape.

The real goal should be falling back in love.

Are you out of your mind?

We're dealing with some crazy ass bitch. Shut up, AJ.

You don't get to tell me what to do just because you're the old guy.

I'm 33.

That's not old. I'm just trying to get you to stop talking shit.

About who, Kristen?

Quiet!

Okay?

We love Kristen.

Oh.

Got it.

If we have an elimination, I'm still voting you off first thing.

Yeah, me too.

Not the horniest group, are they?

Hmm.

My dear, you know that I think that you're the best, right?

Most lovable person.

Ever. Right?

Right. I don't know how to say this.

I don't know. I thought we were going to try to, I don't know, not cut any

contestants' ears off.

Excuse me?

Yeah.

Yeah, see, I know that you've worked really hard on putting this thing

and coming up with all these games.

It's super, super frustrating like they're not falling back in love again

you know? Oh, okay.

Because for a second there, it sounded like you didn't care about love.

Like you didn't care about the fate of romance.

Like all you cared about was some pointless, ugly ear?

No. No.

You know what it is?

It's just that when we talked, you know, when we agreed to bring him here, you

know, we talked and I'm...

Like, I don't remember where you said, hey, Terrence, do you, I don't know, you

want to be an accessory?

You want to go to jail?

I don't remember that. You don't know that at all. As a matter of fact, I

remember you promising me that we were going to do no permanent damage. You do

not tell me what I have or have not promised. You know I just want to make

triggers, Terrence.

Okay, look.

Anything that's happened to them should be motivation.

Thank you.

Someone promised me a French tip pedicure.

Good night.

Okay. My bad.

Of course.

I'm thinking red tips just for funsies.

You okay?

She's only gonna get more violent.

She's watching us from everywhere.

What are we gonna do?

Listen here.

You remember that last game of baton we played?

The one when I finally beat you?

You cannot be pregnant. Let it begin right now.

I'm not just talking about that. I have more to say. I promise.

Even though I was the glorious winner, the real truth is...

You played one of the best games I've ever seen, ever.

You didn't give up.

That's my point.

I've never seen anyone in my life, without a single brick, put up such a

Like, damn.

That's sexy, right?

It makes you the most determined person I know.

You're going to find your strategy sooner or later.

And that's time you're going to win.

Unlike last time.

Who missed me?

When I won.

I have an idea.

I'm going to the bathroom.

I have a stomachache.

Make sure the curtains be pushed.

Lost keys. That was quite a... Definitely top five, for sure.

I'll never forget the first time they showed up at home. The way they looked

each other.

And who could forget their first make -out fest at the bonfire? They were

practically ripping each other's clothes off. I've never seen so much sexiness.

Nothing could top A .J. in the end. Remember when A .J. threw himself out

car and jumped over the fence?

Ran right past the producers and in one fell swoop, hopped on the back of

Sienna's horse?

If love was real four years ago, it still can be today. That's all I'm gonna

say.

That's a long time to be taking a dump.

Where is she?

I think you're out of wet wipes.

Watching you.

Corbin, fentanyl. Yeah. What is that?

It causes instant seizures and then death.

It's used primarily to tranquilize oversized animals.

Or a reality dating show couple was freshly kidnapped.

Well, the good news is, I feel like I found the security mainframe to the

home. Look at you, climbing through the air vents like an action hero.

I think you're starting to enjoy this.

It's like a real -life game.

You might actually win.

Today. You are going to separate into three challenges specifically designed

each couple.

I suggest you take these challenges very seriously.

You don't want to piss off Kristen.

You know, when you get to know her, she's really a sweetheart.

Not to mention a great friend.

You might want to invite her to some of your reunion parties sometime.

Oh, my God. It's her.

Gotta go.

What?

Louie? I don't know.

Louie.

Oh,

my God.

Is that the asshole you kissed in the club?

Hey, Mac.

What would a beach resort be without one of your past lovers coming back to test

your relationship mid -season?

If the other shows think it's helpful, so do we.

So your next challenge is to eliminate the interloper.

And prove that no one can get between you.

Your next challenge is in the Tiki Shack of Secrets.

To finally come clean and forgive each other.

Your next challenge is a classic trust exercise.

A truth booth of sorts.

To decide if Hugh is loyal once and for all.

Your challenges begin now.

What's going on?

What? It's not so bad.

It smells like almonds.

Almonds?

It's actually hydrogen cyanide. And at this rate, we'll be dead in less than

minutes. What?

Kristen, are you sure all this is a good idea?

Hey, what if instead we send them on dinner dates?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, some nice clothes and mood lighting and fake food they'll

never eat. There ain't one show on TV that doesn't trauma bond their

into love.

Hmm?

Have you seen every episode of X on the Mind?

Okay.

Well, then at least no permanent damage, right?

Mm -hmm.

Refill, will you, babe?

Yeah, of course.

Help!

What do you want me to do?

I don't know.

That thing is pointed right at my chest, and I cannot get a bruised boot. Do you

have any idea how much these cost?

Ah!

AJ, you get us out. You're the one hooked up to the lie detector test. I

clue why I'm hooked up to a lie detector test.

I can't forgive you if you don't tell the truth.

No.

Help!

Now what?

It's a puzzle.

An escape room.

There, there. Get on the platform. Go.

Okay.

Go, go, go.

This crazy bitch wants us to saw through this rope and watch Mac plunge into his

death? No, not happening. I didn't know you cared so much about the douchebag

who vampires your neck every time we break up.

I'm not killing him.

It's like a prisoner's dilemma.

One of us has to stay on the platform for the door to stay open.

So only one of us can run out and survive?

If you will not saw Mac to his death, we will have no choice but to shock you.

I

couldn't

care less.

I'll kill Mac.

Mac is a good person. He's a good relationship trespasser.

You bastard!

Tell the truth!

About what?

Did you cheat on me?

It's more complicated than that.

Okay? We weren't getting along for a while, and... We were allowing

each other to see other people.

Do you forgive AJ?

I never gave you permission to see anyone.

No, I don't forgive him.

Oh, my God!

No ear and completely deformed boobs.

Tell the truth! Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't in a green.

I have an idea.

Okay.

Jump off.

Okay. Now go.

Wait, wait, wait. No, wait. What about you? I'm going to figure it out, okay?

You go.

Why should I go? You should go. I'm not going to leave without you. I'm trying

to save your life.

Lexi, go.

I cheated on you.

Sienna, do you forgive him?

Yes. Yes.

Come on.

Come on. Yeah, fine.

I forgive him. But wouldn't you like to know who he cheated on you with?

Yeah. Yeah, actually.

I would.

The robe. No!

I can't do it.

I'm not going to kill anyone.

Saul!

I'm not killing anyone.

Why are you choosing him over us?

No. There will never be an us!

No, damn it! I've got to do every damn thing myself!

What time does it get to that?

Okay,

come on, people. Hurry up. Finish your sounds. It's okay. Come on, come on.

Show your left. Show your left.

Who'd you have sex with, AJ?

I promise you, you don't want to know.

Tell me.

Your mom.

I banged your mom during the hometown visit.

What are you doing?

I'm not leaving without you.

I love you.

I love you too.

Nice work, both of you. You figured out that loyalty and love for each other

will prevail in any situation.

I can't choose you.

People just, they're not, they're not meant to be together.

And we will never be together.

What the hell?

I don't know.

I don't think you can kill the queer people first anymore. Just that.

I, wait, please.

You got me ass burned.

Oh, honey.

Didn't mean to scare you.

I meant to kill you.

Our

first

elimination.

You know what? I think I want some pineapple juice.

I'm going to get me some pineapple juice. You want some pineapple juice?

Christian, this... This wasn't supposed to be a part of eliminations.

Excuse me?

Kristen, I loved them.

I mean, come on.

Quincy, Zion, what is wrong with you?

Okay, I'm not going to be a part of this anymore.

I'm done.

Terry!

If Chris Harrison can be replaced, so can you.

You were a scrawny preteen being bullied for your butt -ugly pimple face that

made even your own mother and your Uncle Larry vomit.

You remember your Uncle Larry? Look at you. I said, don't do that, Uncle Larry.

It's me!

It's me!

Who was by your side?

Me. Only me.

You remember when you were scared, metrosexual, in the Marines?

Being bullied by all those manly men?

Because you decided to stay up all night binging, are you the one?

Who'd you call?

Who you gonna call? Not Ghostbusters. You called me.

I have always been the only person by your side.

Devin was there before, too. We're not talking about Devin. For the first time

in my life, we're talking about me.

I have always been the only one by your side, and the least I deserve is for you

to be by my side.

fight for love.

I am doing what I have to do to get at least one of these couples reunited.

I already lost one couple. Terry, this is what we decided to do. This is what

promised. We are fighting for love.

Don't you want that?

Yes.

I know you do. You love love like I love love, don't you?

You know. will make you feel better.

Pineapple juice.

In a golden season finale chalice. Come on, let's go.

Let's go. Here we go.

Come on.

Damn. What the hell happened to y 'all?

AJ had sex with my mother.

Well, technically it wasn't traditional sex.

It was primarily backdoor.

I'm just keeping it 100.

Well, I'm just happy everyone is okay.

So did you two have the pleasure of confirming all the reasons why you broke

too?

Not really, actually.

Where are those two super trashy toxic peeps?

Clearly, you never had any chance of winning anything.

Harry, what's going on?

I know torturing us and hurting us could not have been part of your plan, but I

know you went through a lot of pain after losing Devin, and it resulted in

codependency with Kristen, but you don't have to torture me. I'm not torturing

you!

Look, this is just supposed to be some harmless games.

Today marks a very, very sad day for me.

A year ago today, my fiance, Devin, passed.

Came completely out of the blue.

Okay?

And Kristen and I, we just need to believe that love,

love is possible again.

Exactly right, Terry.

We need something to celebrate.

Only the best, Rose, in our season finale gold challenge.

Perry, please do us the honors for serving us.

Now that you have successfully completed your truth booth and shack of secrets,

you are now one step closer to

being your perfect matches.

And, oh, I have a whole speech in here.

If you feel you have your perfect matches, then lock it. Oh.

Oh, shit. Oh, my gosh.

He's bleeding.

That's rude.

Is it Zion?

How embarrassing.

Terry. Oh, my God. What did he just do?

dinosaur has worse time and then a commercial break lock all of them in the

i gotta take care of harold take it easy help me come on sorry sorry

terry please what do we do come on please i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

please oh great so what the hell are we supposed to do now

unless you got something that might work but we need to hurry get up

I am trying to save the future of the world's last two greatest couples. What

you want? Our date. I'm here to pick you up. Remember?

I said I'd come tonight. Listen, Harold, your forgetfulness is in overdrive.

There is no date. There never was one, never will be.

Don't you want to take a chance on love?

I did.

But there's only one man in the world for me.

And I've come to accept that without him, I can now share the love of my

favorite TV stars.

But you, Harold, you're not Andy.

nor a TV star. Well, actually, back in 1965, I applied to be on the dating

See, back then, we didn't have no reality TV, just game shows on the

networks. I could have been a TV star.

A TV star.

The room is literally just down the hall.

Follow me.

Hi, Izzy. You up?

Yeah, no, no. I, like, don't really know how to say this.

But, yeah, I'm going to have a little bit of trouble climbing up there

well, earlier, both my nuts, they

sort of exploded.

I can help you. Come on. Are you serious?

I got you. Thank you. Come here. Give me a hug.

Oh.

Yeah, you open.

Hey, to the left.

All right. Uh -huh. We got the vent. We gotta get to the vent. Oh, yeah, yeah,

yeah.

No, no.

Hard to know you don't understand, so let me be very clear.

I am never, ever, ever going anywhere, not a vilch, cracking nowhere with

you, player, pops, whatever, even if my very life depended on it.

Oh, all right.

I can take a hint.

Let's just order in then, hmm?

Goodbye.

Not sure how much time we have, so I just say unplug the whole thing. No, no,

no, no. That can only make things worse for us.

A hard shutdown could cause severe hard drive corruption issues.

Might even lock the whole security system in place.

Learn that first year studying stuff.

Studying what stuff?

Software engineering.

You're a software engineer?

Uh, yeah, I tried to tell you guys earlier, but you just kept saying let

smart people make the math charts.

I thought you were a professional surfing enthusiast.

Nah, the producers just said it'd be better for the edit if I fit the, quote,

California bro character.

Okay, I'm gathering the IP address and signature information to auto -run a

of factory -set passwords.

It's gonna take a minute.

Well, hurry up. We've got five minutes, Hop.

Why don't you do that?

Let's. We gotta go find Weber. Let's go.

We're gonna hit somewhere.

There'll be something.

YouTube.

Could you be any slower? Sixty more seconds. I'm almost through the system.

Okay.

She's been stalking us.

That ain't all she done.

Oh, this is crazy.

How long has she been standing there?

Ever since the first day I saw you in pre -algebra, I've loved you.

I mean, I know I wasn't attractive enough for you in high school, but for

past 15 years, I've loved you.

I mean, I've reconfigured my whole life for you. I started a multi -million

dollar flower -sealing business just for you.

I've made myself perfect for you. I got a nose job, and I replaced two missing

teeth, and I'm getting eye surgery next month.

So, Andy Wentworth, can we spend the rest of our lives together?

Hey, wait.

You're the one who stabbed Lisa Miller in the eye at prom.

Okay, that's enough. That's you.

Okay,

all right.

Hey, it's not that you weren't attractive enough for me in high school.

You thought I was attractive?

Oh, my God!

Clearly I wasn't straightforward enough back then, but...

We hardly said two words to each other. I was a little shy, yeah.

You seemed interesting.

Oh, you think I'm interesting?

No.

Kristen, you don't have to change anything about yourself.

Not your look or your career.

It's not about any of those things.

It's just about you.

I'm not into you.

I could never be into you.

And I know you think some big gesture of love could somehow win me over, but it

can't now.

Then it can't ever.

Ouch.

That's just the fake romantic shit you see on those reality dating shows.

It's not real life.

Say goodbye, buddy.

You see how this is starting to make sense?

From villain origin stories.

Andy Whitworth.

Age 33.

School teacher dies.

Unexplained sudden seizure.

Holy shit, my phone!

And I've got 2300 notifications.

Okay, call 911.

I will, I will. I just need you to super quickly respond to these follow -up

requests, okay? Super quick. Deanna, call someone.

Or at least post that we're in trouble. We're doing it.

Will you go online and like my post?

Okay.

We're in.

You know what? Down. Let's go.

Why are you only so confessional, Terry?

What?

Mother of God.

No means no, Harold.

How did this security system get dismantled?

Like you know it's fake.

This is all... They made me say this for good TV.

How do I know they also didn't convince you to choose me?

We also made for good TV.

Forget it.

Doesn't matter.

I was dumb to think these shows could ever foster real relationships.

beam and unlock the entire freaking house.

I'm not the one reactivating the system.

Let's check the front. Come on.

Oh, my God.

You're worse than a reality show villain they won't eliminate.

Just when I thought we were all falling back in love again.

I don't think you get it, asshole.

AJ and I are never...

ever getting back together.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

You know, the only reason I ever signed up for the dumb show was for the

followers.

AJ and I were never in love.

I just wanted to be an influencer.

AJ!

violence okay i'm not taking part in any more violence look aj and sienna they

never loved each other ask aj yourself he'll tell you aj why is it that you

with sienna the whole season honestly so i wouldn't get eliminated like wouldn't

you pretend to date a girl so you could stay in paradise for the rest of the

summer it's just a situation

You'd like to get shot?

Cool.

It's not my carpet.

That one's better.

You are off the rails. You are worse than an eliminated chick in a black SUV.

I'm not. Shoot him again, okay? Everybody knows a gunshot to the

nothing. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. What if you want to do a reunion special?

I didn't think about that.

No gunshots this time. They were.

We gotta go.

This is the second time in 30 minutes you have messed up. You are making more

mistakes than a man on Euro Island.

Mm -hmm.

Christian, I can't be a part of this. Okay, I can't be a part of this. What's

with the love?

Romanticism and passion.

We find Lexi and Hugh or we're going to prison.

You do know there's no endless streaming in prison.

Do you want to miss the next Vanessa and Nick show?

Well then, help me cover the evidence.

Because if I go down, you go down.

And I need to clean up my face.

I'm trying.

Hey, hey, what are you two... Don't interrupt him. Do we?

Ooh.

Oh, that's not the boom -boom room?

We thought we locked the door. We didn't lock the door?

There's no boom -boom room in the villa. Not in the villa.

He... He meant the fantasy suite.

Yeah, we thought this was the fantasy suite.

This is way fancier and more elaborate than a cheap boom -boom room.

I think it's all your generous efforts. You and I were just feeling really,

really... Horny? Yep.

Horny. Hey, look, we just wanted to hook up before the matchmaking ceremony.

Hey,

hey, hey.

What is that, sweet Lex?

Oh, this?

It's for us.

For... For Hugh and I. For the sex. Sex.

Look, we way more kinkier than they made us out to be.

You know, BDSM? That's not suitable for television.

BDSM?

With a virgin?

Mm -hmm.

Well, you know what Nick and Vanessa always say.

It's always helpful if you try a new partner.

Kristen. You can't join, Terry.

Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt.

Listen, you want to see this?

What?

She tagged her location.

This girl is so annoying in person.

Exactly. In any minute, we'll have all of her 2 .4 million followers here

unannounced. Oh, Christ's sake! You know what? Put them in the basement, and

I'll go bury the body. No, no, no.

Why don't you leave us here? Yeah, we swear. We ain't gonna go nowhere.

No, the basement is better, okay?

It'll just be for a few weeks. A couple of months tops, all right?

This has to blow over. It'll fly by quicker than your virginity. Ah!

Wait, we'll never survive that. Yeah, I don't want to die. How are we gonna...

Enough! Enough! Enough!

Look, I'm not going to hurt you, all right?

But I'm also not going to prison without any streaming.

I'm here there finally, finally, doing another season of Are You The One? Oof.

I'm not going to miss it.

Move out. Let's go.

Move out. I knew you wasn't no damn virgin.

Come on, let's go.

Listen, Terry.

Move. We know you're a good person.

And we know a lot of what's going on. Shut up. Shut up. What do you believe?

you don't know me. Let's go. We know you well enough to know you have a large

capacity to love and that there's been only one person to truly recognize that.

You found your soulmate in Devin, Terry.

You know how many people search their entire lives for that and never find it?

You found it.

Look, we know her death has been difficult.

But think about what she's... Shut up, please!

Shut up! I do not have the mental bandwidth to deal with this today.

Let's go.

Devin died a year ago today. Thank you.

So you can honor Devin and her memory. Hey, shut up!

Enough of the Devin talk.

I'm already having a hard enough time getting the image of her seizing the

out of my brain.

Fentanyl. Yeah. What is that? It causes instant seizures and then death.

It was the pills, Terry. What?

Devin must have taken them before the seizures. She didn't take any pills.

Okay? She didn't have anything besides a rosé.

I said I'm not talking about it.

We need something to celebrate.

Only the best.

Rosé. In our season finale gold shop.

It was Kristen's rosé.

Kristen poured Devin that vinyl glass of rosé, didn't she?

Look.

I found these pills prescribed on the day of her death.

They were crushed into Devin's cold season finale chalice, thus causing a

seizure and death.

Check the date they were prescribed and who they're prescribed to.

Devin was murdered by... Oh, look at her.

We're pretending that we saw an 80 -50 true crime show.

It's not true, right?

Really? Really, Terry?

I loved Devin just as much as you did.

How did Andy Whitworth die?

Think about it.

Does she dare mention Andy Whitworth's name?

Kristen, did you do this?

Tell the truth, Kristen. Tell the truth. What are you going to do? Lock me up in

the shack of secrets, huh?

You poisoned the love of my life?

She was not the love of your life.

You know nothing about love.

That relationship was all based on your dumb fitness passion and a sex. A lot of

sex. You know you was... A lot of sex. It was not about true love, not about

dedication, not about friendship.

Nothing that you and I have, Terry.

The only thing that that perfectly fit, sexy, size 3 woman did was steal you

away from me.

She was my soulmate, Kristen.

And you were jealous of that.

Yeah, you're right.

But the bitch is dead now.

You monster!

I didn't mean it. Whoa, you shot me. I didn't mean it.

Grandma, don't roll over in that brain.

Say hi to Uncle Larry.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

This whole thing was never about the show.

No.

This was never about contestants or me or even love.

Chris.

This was about you.

I'm sorry.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, you poor, empty bitch.

Yes, you're never going to find love. Stop it. You know why?

Love comes from the inside.

And you're empty.

And you're incapable of it.

You don't know what I'm capable of, Terry.

You suck, you piece of shit.

Look at what y 'all gave me, too.

You made me shoot my best friend.

Do you know how hard it is to find a friend?

But now, I have two new best friends, don't I?

Yeah. Yes, I do.

Security. Security, come.

One, four, three.

One, two, three.

Come on.

Off to the basement you go.

Mind your head.

We have the only villa that have stairs that lead up to the basement.

Get on up there, you two.

See what I was trying to do with the play. I mean, it's like shabby chic meet

the back alleys of West Hollywood.

So make yourselves at home.

If you need anything, just give me a holler.

Silly me.

This whole place is soundproof, so I can't hear you.

But I'll visit.

Wait.

Kristen.

We forgot to say thank you.

Excuse me?

We know how much hard work you put into this.

And we know how much you actually care about us.

And it's working.

Yeah, it really is. And since the day I met Lex, I knew we would be together for

the rest of our lives.

Oh, my God.

Until that last game of Pioneer of Baton.

What happened?

Lexi, you remember what happened in that last game of Pioneer of Baton, right?

Mm -hmm.

Lexi lost that game. What?

She didn't get a single brick.

All game.

Not surprised.

And then she showed me her fierce spirit.

And I never loved her more.

Oh, my God.

But that's until I met you, Kristen.

What?

You know, you showed me how to love.

I showed you?

You did.

I did?

Yes. Just let alone me?

Bring it in.

Finally did something right. Oh, my God. Bring it in.

Bring it in.

So satisfying.

Talking about.

You two are here for the wrong reason. How about Chinese food then? I know this

great little place down there.

Thank

you.

Got it.

are so adorable.

But I think it's time for the final elimination.

Hugh! Hugh!

Are you okay?

How romantic is that?

You are such a gentleman taking that bullet for Lexi the way you did. See,

you're the winner that America deserves.

Put your girlfriend on the other hand.

Get the hell out of here!

Get the hell out of here!

Bitch!

You!

You one fancy virgin!

more of your feisty side during your season. That would have been some good

Oh, girl.

Let's see why you do this to me.

I've always only been nice to you.

I always thought that you and you were always good together.

I gave you guys hope.

And I thought that you and him could convince me that love was possible for

anybody. I mean, it didn't matter.

The sex list?

The true love is not real. The true love is only manufactured by TV producers.

As they say, before every commercial breaks.

In the most dramatic, shocking episode ever.

I bought this new expansion.

You come over.

Learn these new rules with me.

And I give you two free bricks on our first game.

Dinner, too?

Preferably, uh, with tails.

You want me to throw in a trip for two? Island on Paradise, too?

Is that what you need to make the deal?

I think I could use a break from any sort of...

Paradise Island for a while.

I forgot.

I couldn't settle for two extra brick spaces, though.

You better.

I'd like to tell you, tell you, do what you want to do.

Talking at a table, a table for two.

You can't quite find the words, find another way to tell.

Show each other something, we've got to work.

If you want, if you want me to.

Terry, what can we watch next?

Oh, he's dead.

Thank you.