Original subtitles

Can I borrow him?

Oh, please. You can steal him. Really? Just a minute.

A minute? Make it 20.

Whoops! No.

Whoops, there's a rock there. I know.

Who knew?

I did, so I saw it.

Okay,

I get it. You don't want me. I get it. Just go along with it, okay?

Okay. You're drunk.

About what?

Meet me on the other side of that hill.

Five minutes.

I'll be waiting.

Oh,

God,

are you kidding me?

Here?

That's what the man said.

Where?

I don't know. Just pick one.

I'm so sorry. No worries.

No, I wasn't looking where I was going. Hang on one sec.

That's fine. Thanks. All right. Good.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Yeah,

I am.

Just fucking stop and listen to me for one second.

God, you'd be such a chick most of the time.

Meaning? Meaning stop being such a fucking bitch.

Solid advice, thank you. Yeah, it is solid advice, actually. And if you stop

thinking with that little baby twat between your legs, maybe you'd give that

girl a chance.

Don't stand so close to me, first of all. Did you hear what I said? You're

inches in front of my face.

Moldy Mole likes you. What the fuck are you going to do about it? You know what?

Probably nothing, okay?

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

She has a mole.

Yeah. A fat, juicy, potentially hairy mole on her clitoris. You know what?

Call me a caveman if that scares the shit out of you. You are a caveman.

not that shallow, John.

You know, 300 -foot giants scare the fuck out of me, but I would fucking

up in that moist little fucking canoe and do my fucking shit if it was as hot

Cammy.

You know?

Yeah. So fucking take that with a grain of salt.

So while we await the final hammer to fall from the sky, which will finally

reflect how we've adapted in the face of terror, In the nine months since we

first heard of the asteroid, where there was once riotous anger amongst the

population, now remains a quiet state of sporia.

Well, it's been no bed of roses, but it's a lot safer than it was for a while

there.

Disappointed. Man, I wanted my apocalypse setting, you know? I wanted

Max and have a badass car and save chicks.

And, you know, that lasted for like a day, and that was it.

How ironic would it be to have come so far only to have the asteroid miss the

planet?

We could all be so lucky.

But no, I will not be your saviour, and I bring you no good fortune.

The asteroid will not miss the planet, and we will not all miraculously

So, five days now.

Five days to right your wrongs.

Or five days to wrong your rights.

So I ask you, which will you choose now that judgment day is upon you?

This one goes out to all you lovers out there.

All you lovers with no lovers to love.

And all you loners with only yourselves to love.

Do it, do it, fuck!

Hey, haven't seen you in 20 years.

Don't get fucked up by an asteroid.

Hey, Jacqueline. How you doing?

I've been looking for you since you touched my dick.

This is ridiculous.

No, no, no, no, no.

Nothing, I'm... No, go back to the gate!

All right.

Back to the gate!

I'm not on it. Go!

I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to scare you. I'm just looking for Jacqueline

Byrne. Does she still live here?

Who wants to know?

Um, John, John Parsons.

Uh... Hi.

What's your deal?

I'm sorry, did you not recognize me? No, I don't.

Well, we used to live on the same street. We were neighbors like 20 years

20 years ago? I was five.

I don't remember my eighth birthday.

I don't remember you.

Don't you remember, do you remember Doheny?

You know, someone already came and took all of our money and stuff and

everything.

There's nothing here for you.

You know what?

It's better this way.

It's better this way because, you know, I should probably die alone.

And, you know what? I'll jerk off while I'm dying. That's what I'll do. Fuck

girls. I don't need a fucking girl.

Hit by an asteroid will boot them all over my head.

Baby, can I have a smoke?

Fuck off. I smoke pole.

Hey, we're all gonna die soon. Why don't you go home and pray or something?

Two, that's it?

Is it wheat?

No, it's white.

Then you get two pills.

Now beat it, rodent. You're lame.

Fucking time, Hank.

Ow, my fucking nuts.

Sand everywhere. Stop, woman.

So this is where families come to die, or what? Oh, yeah. It's my church group.

I didn't know you went to church. Who else can make more money on a Sunday?

Touché. Here's the shit you asked me for. Oh, great.

These are all girls' clothes?

Oh, yeah. It's all leftover from Davey.

I thought you guys weren't talking anymore.

Well, we're not. That's how come you get all our clothes.

Listen. I'm so fucking angry.

Jesus. There were three of them. Three little fucking cocksuckers. None of them

even old enough to buy liquor. They took everything.

Please don't tell me they took your weed. Oh, yeah, of course. They took my

goddamn clothes, books, shoes, everything.

Fuck.

Do you remember my friend Katie?

Drunk Katie, remember her? Yes, yeah. These little bastards roofied her one

night. One day, they're eating lunchables.

Next thing you know, Drunk Katie is getting teabagged on YouTube.

That's marvelous.

Plenty of riots out on the street today, so if you're on the road... Ask

yourself, why the hell am I driving?

With gas prices at over $70 a gallon, why are you driving?

Coming straight to you from the promised land, this is Sister Stuffy Boots, here

to bring a little spunk to your last days.

To a quick death.

Well... Why are you here?

Uh... Okay, look, I... I'm not

trying to be a dick.

You know, I never tried to be a dick. I am... I'm here to...

See you.

See someone you could fuck, you mean?

Well... No, no, that's completely fair.

I know.

Well, then be serious with me for a change.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Why?

Because...

You know why. Yeah, I want to hear you say it.

Come on, say it with me now. I don't deserve you, Tammy, because I am an

asshole. And I apologize for years of leading you on.

And I apologize for duct taping you to the school seal that one time when we

were 13.

That was a double -dog. And, oh, I am especially sorry for spreading nasty

rumors about a certain part of your body.

came to see you.

But after what? I mean, how many other girls probably said no before it came to

this?

Oh, jeez.

Oh, that's so depressing.

I must write pretty goddamn low on your list then.

What an eye -opener. I really didn't see that one coming.

You know, I could have had any guy that I wanted.

except for you.

Now why is that, I wonder?

I don't know.

So where do you want to do it?

Do you have any fetish or bondage issues you want to try out?

No.

No.

Here's how it's going to go.

I'm on top.

You're the bitch on the bottom.

You do what I say, when I say it.

You don't come until I have.

And... I want you to call me Molly Mole the entire time.

I'm sorry.

Call you Molly Mole?

Yes, asshole.

Molly Mole.

You can't be kidding me. Do you really think I have an inch -wide mole on my

clitoris?

I've never heard that before.

Not everybody in high school is going to believe that story, but you're the only

one who still wouldn't fuck me this entire time.

I'm the only one?

So,

do you?

Do I what?

Have a mole?

Yeah, you want to see it?

Maybe I should just let you wonder.

Yeah, I mean, a mole on my clit would be pretty gross, I would imagine.

Gross enough to make somebody not like me for whatever reason.

I mean, if it were a small mole on my face, you could potentially get over

but a big, hairy, juicy motherfucker

on my clitoris.

I guess those kinds of people might have a different view of me should they

discover there's no mall.

Unless that's why you really came over here.

To settle some bets.

Which is it?

Never thought that Molina... I'm never gonna enjoy this little box room.

I don't care.

You wanna fit?

Moment of truth.

Afraid you're gonna find something under there?

I don't really think this is working.

It probably will.

All aboard.

Everybody on the board train.

Now boarding.

I can do it.

Fuck!

Hi,

John.

What is this?

I'm going to give you the opportunity of a lifetime.

Do you want one of those?

Yes and no.

And what if I say no?

You don't have the guts to say no.

You're quite sad.

You don't even have the willpower to make these last few days easier on

yourself.

Or others.

But I do.

And I can do it for you.

So you can say no, but I don't think you will.

Do I know you?

Yes.

Or no.

Um, sure.

Good.

Now kiss me.

Kiss what?

I can't grant your wishes unless you kiss me. It's all part of it.

Hmm?

All done.

Is that it?

I thought I was supposed to get wishes or something.

Oh, my God.

What did you do to me?

What does it feel like I did?

Are you fucking with me?

Please, get me to do something.

All right.

I wish that this whole world would burn faster than it already is.

But I can keep this body once.

Think you can handle that?

Actually, John, you already made your wishes, don't you remember?

And half the fun for you will be finding out exactly what you wasted those

wishes on.

Look, most everything's been in motion since yesterday. I just wanted to

personally inform you.

Oh, do yourself a favor and find a nice place to lie down.

Wait.

What are you doing?

You'll be fine.

And John?

It's just my job.

Nothing personal.

Hey. Hey.

Where have you been?

Oh, pretty much here all night.

Okay, I get it. You don't want me, okay? I get it. Just don't run with it, okay?

Okay.

Hmm.

I'm in Jacqueline's body.

Holy shit!

Yeah, I'm gonna kick my dick up in there. Fuck off!

Dick is back.

It's a zinger out there today, y 'all, with temperatures in the next few days

soaring all the way up to the you -know -what. So bust out that AC and start

jacking up those liquor stores because we're in for a hot one.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy those hot summer nights.

fuck is that? Hey! Hey! Who the fuck is that?

Oh my god!

Who are you?

Oh my god, you look like me. You look like me!

What are you gonna do to me?

Look just like me.

It's okay.

It's okay. Just calm down.

What the fuck is that? Calm down. It is not that bad. Not that bad? I have a

dick. We will figure something out.

Oh, my God.

I have hair in my tits.

I don't even have tits. It will be fine. It's not going to be fine. I'm picking

a fucking circus in my pants. Bitch, kill!

Why do I have a fucking penis?

Fucking bitches.

Oh, my God, Hank, you're so fucking annoying. Why are we here? Why are we

Why are we here? Why are we here? Why are we here?

Oh, you're such a twirl!

Listen.

I'm walking along.

Three o 'clock in the morning. All of a sudden, I'm in the middle of nowhere

from the sky.

This falls right in front of my face.

Maybe it was an asteroid.

You know what? Why don't you get fucking serious, okay?

Five minutes later, I'm walking along.

Second one.

Where's this guy right in front of my face? Does this fucking story have a

plausible ending? Yes, I'm not even in the good part yet, okay? I'm not even in

the good part. You know what?

Fuck you. I was walking by a tall building.

Whatever.

What was inside?

How long?

Have you been buying weed for me? A long time. What is it? It makes hot and

worthless drugs. Beat them hands down.

Give me your hand.

No, I can't get fucked up right now. I've got to drive to Palm Springs.

Palm Springs? Oh, that's fucking brilliant. Yeah. Why don't you go right

middle of the asteroid? Exactly. I don't want to fucking stay here and have my

fucking face melt off. Thank you very much. Just think the size of Australia.

It's not going to matter where you are in the fucking country. You're going to

get hit anyway. And John didn't come home last night. Well, that's my

And he's not answering his fucking phone. Just shut the fuck up. I can't

fucked up right now, all right?

Back this shit off.

I took only 15 minutes of his life, don't you? I don't think so.

All I'm saying is that if you don't take one, you're going to regret it. But

it's not really my issue, so... Just give me one. You're such a child.

This is a female.

Oh, no.

I don't have any scars. I don't... I don't... You don't have any scars, do

You think someone cut us open and switched our brains?

Really? A brain transplant? I think it's a bit hasty to cut to that conclusion.

What the fuck else could it be? We didn't just switch bodies.

I can't believe I have a penis now.

Come on. Time to go.

Hey,

Renee. Wake up. Time to go, sweetie.

Your phone?

Where's that coming from?

Dude! Dude, where have you been?

Okay, listen.

Hey, if something really serious has happened, I need your help.

Yeah, no shit, asshole. Put John back on the phone.

Just talk to my brother, dude. Find out where he is. Hello?

John? Jesus Christ, where the fuck have you been, man? The fucking world is

falling apart out here. Everyone is leaving town.

I don't know. Talk to Jacqueline. Bye. Talk to Jacqueline? I don't want to talk

to Jacqueline. I want to talk to you. Where are you?

We're on the boat.

What boat?

What do you mean, what boat? Our boat, asshole. Your boat?

All right, all right. I'll meet you there in five minutes. Meet me in the

parking lot.

Don't fucking move.

John, get in the front seat. Jacqueline, get in the back. Let's go.

I don't know what the rush is. Where are you going, dude? I said get in the

front seat. Come on. Okay, fine. I guess get in the front. Come on. Are we going

without you? Go, go, go. How is this parrot's head?

Just push her over. She'll never know.

What the fuck?

Slow down.

Where on earth have you been, bro? I've been calling you all morning.

Hello, I'm talking to you.

Where are we going?

Are you not going to talk to me, bro?

Seriously?

We're driving down to Palm Springs.

Why? Why are we going to Palm Springs?

Palm Springs?

I'm not going to Palm Springs. The epicenter? No. First of all, the big old

hurry is there's a motherfucking giant destroying our town. I really cannot go.

No one is pulling over, bro. What are you on?

Hank, come on. What is the rush?

All right, listen to me very clearly. You don't want to stay here.

Period.

A giant humanoid attacking Southern California, the military has launched a

-scale effort to contain the beast, setting up camps across the deserts near

Palm Springs down through Yuma.

Yet doubt still remains. Does the beast even exist?

We hit the streets for your answers.

What are your thoughts on the reports of a giant terrorizing Southern

California? It's a great special effect.

I mean, like, what ever happened to those guys who, like, stole a bunch of

because they were going to blow the earth up?

Come on, this is Hollywood's last gasp at attention.

Missing nukes.

Asteroid. Giant. It's just kind of. You got bigger problems.

In Palm Springs?

Yes! Good!

And you brought me here.

The world's falling apart, Renee. What were they supposed to do?

We meet in San Clemente?

Who was in the car?

John! In San Clemente's friend or something.

And my pillow?

Throw it on the table!

We meet there.

Dude.

Totally think we're the only people left in Palm... spring.

Oh. You're not Hank.

Where is he?

Oh. I never could've think so hard.

You know... I think this might be a first.

For Najan?

Yeah.

His only.

He doesn't look familiar to me.

He does, really?

I'm hooked up. I don't know.

That's the kind of guy you hook up with?

Shit.

Fuck, he looks like a pretty awesome dude.

You should totally hit that up.

No.

It's way too girly.

You know what? If you're here to bitch me out, I'm really not in the mood.

I'm not here to fight, man.

Good.

You saw a giant?

Yes.

Oh, and incidentally, John, I've had sex.

With Moley Mole. What? Actually, Renee and I both together had sex with Moley

Mole. Okay, how... Just before a giant fish just saw. It was awesome. You would

have loved it. So how on earth did you get a chance to have sex with Moley

Stop barking in my ear, Jacqueline. No, get back here.

You brought it up. So answer my question.

Hey!

Hey!

What does he mean by that?

You had sex with Moley Mole too?

Listen, I don't think sex is the best way to describe what happened.

Okay, then could someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here?

Ugh.

And as if the asteroid weren't enough, now we're in for some more trouble in

River City.

It seems that now we might be simmering in a nuclear fire, should the itchy

trigger fingers.

be as touchy as they're bragging to be.

It kind of makes you wish you'd taken things a little bit more seriously when

you had the chance, doesn't it?

Okay.

Indulge me.

But tell me this.

What happened to Heek?

when he was 10.

I know for a fact that only John, Hank, their mother, and

myself would know this.

What did their mother have to do with his penis?

She had to burn a tick out of his foreskin.

Are you for real?

Duh. I mean, you actually... You changed?

But you still have a penis, right?

What happened?

Really? You choose now to believe me?

This is fucking incredible. I mean, you must be fucking stoked. No, dude. I'm

fucking depressed, man.

Okay, I'm going to die here with you people. I don't even have a fucking

Seriously? Yeah.

This makes me so sad.

Are you fucking serious?

Yeah. Do you realize the power you have?

Sit the fuck down.

What, I wouldn't give to switch bodies with someone and have a cock for a day?

I would be out drinking and fucking and fucking and drinking. I'd be

masturbating the fucking shit out of myself.

So if you have a fucking vagina, bro, use it. Okay, really?

Could you not make this about sex?

an amazing opportunity for you to be a woman for a day and just experience what

sex is like. Can you imagine going back to a man and knowing how to please a

woman? No men know how to please women. I mean, come on.

And this is about me and my life because I'm not going to die with a bunch of

sorry, uptight assholes. Now get the fuck inside that house and rub one out.

Any better yet?

Stay right here.

Don't start with me.

You don't believe me? You don't believe me. Try it.

Go into the bathroom and do not come out until you have.

And by the way, get your shit together and stop the pining.

Take it! Go to the bathroom now!

Take it!

I know about Venus.

Hi, I'm Renee.

You're my new hero.

Maybe I...

I said get up.

I don't want to go inside.

Fuck off.

You ruined my last two days on this rock. I'll rip your fucking dick off and

mushroom stamp you to the motherfucking stone age.

Show me how it's done.

Now

come to mama.

Dance for me.

I got nothing.

I said dance for me.

Just move those hips.

What, all that testosterone makes you a little pussy now?

You're being ridiculous.

You are. Let's go.

Wow. You've got one day left on this earth.

What are you going to do with it?

Listen.

Don't fuck me.

I don't get it.

They look like aspirin.

There's absolutely no food in this fridge.

I'm starving.

So, these pills feel like having sex.

How is that even possible?

I don't know.

Try one.

I'm kind of afraid to.

I don't get it. I don't. It doesn't make... So who's a molly mole?

Just some girl.

Is she famous?

No. Just a girl I know.

So this pill feels like sex with your friend.

How's it even possible that somebody could make a pill out of somebody?

You sure it's definitely her? Oh, I'm sure.

I'm sure it's her. And if Hank says it's her too, then... What is going on?

I'm really sorry for getting you involved in all this.

I'm, uh... actually kind of glad you did.

Um... You should try one of these male pills.

Why? What does this feel like?

I don't know.

Ask Blondie over there.

Yeah,

I'm not quite sure how I feel about her.

Yeah? Why?

I just keep catching her looking at me.

Looking at you?

When? Like, every five seconds.

Come on.

Oh, shit.

What?

What are you guys doing?

The water's awesome.

Hmm.

Have you tried one yet?

No, I haven't.

Hmm. Are these males or females?

Uh, females.

Oh.

What's she doing?

She took a male pill, right?

You know, there are rarely male advances that I can't stand.

But the feeling of your eyes on my ass is definitely one of them.

Whatcha doing?

Testing a theory.

Yeah, what's that?

Rick? What?

Do you have to stare?

Yes.

What are you trying to do?

I want to take the spell.

So just take the thing.

You're the dirtiest fucking pervert in the world.

I just have a... It's not that. I just want to try it.

Perfect. Renee.

Just... She's right here.

Hi. I need you to do me a favor.

Experiment. Take this pill, please.

Right now? Yes, take it. Why? Just take it. It's a male pill.

Just take it. No. Please? No.

I told him everything you told me.

And? The whole situation.

Yeah, what? Let me guess. You don't believe me. Look, one way or another,

taking this pill. No.

Yeah. I don't think so.

Jackie.

Jackie.

Jackie! I'm not taking it. Wait, what's going on?

He's going out on the mail to his daughter.

Oh, yeah? Who?

Johnny. Tell me if these little pills are my little brother.

Okay. Holy shit.

Don't you think she would have told us if that was the case?

I hadn't had a male pill since then, Clement. Until now.

Okay, Hank.

You really need to consider the option that what I'm telling you is the actual

truth, okay?

I'm John.

Do I need to spell that out for you? And if what you're saying about the pills

is true and knowing my life these past couple days, I'm sure it is, I am not

going to take a pill of myself.

You're really starting to piss me off. Hank, I can't take this.

Well, I can't give it to my little brother, all right? I need more than

Renee's word. I need confirmation.

Funny to you, but funny?

That's definitely a junk pill.

I need a drink.

No.

Okay, think about this.

No, everything, okay? All of it. The pill.

Moley mole, Jackie and I switching bodies, I mean everything.

I'm sorry, can I help you with something?

You're fucking crazy, right?

Yeah. Okay, but why?

What the fuck? That's what I don't understand.

Why me? Why?

What the fuck do you want from me? Okay, but what would you say?

You know, I want a confirmation we were all going to hell, and it's been

confirmed. You still don't believe Jackie and I switch bodies, do you? Fuck

Asshole. This mad crazy shit, this is plain fucking stupid. Ow!

God!

Ow! Get the mosquito off of me!

Fucking little bitch!

You're worthless, brother!

Fuck this noise!

Why the fuck does my last job deserve that to be with you motherfuckers?

Why did you ever hunt down this ugly cooter? Fuck you! Where the fuck are you

gonna go now, huh? Forget you guys!

Night.

Hold still.

What's on your mind?

Stop it.

That was a pretty ballsy stunt you pulled in there.

I try.

Well, I don't really see the need to fight the day before we all die.

You don't strike me as a very happy person.

Whatever gave you that idea?

Well, do you have a girlfriend?

No. Why not?

I don't know.

What about Callie?

Cammy? Moe Moe.

Why not?

It's a long story.

So why not?

I don't know.

Okay?

Dire fear of settling down?

Oh, and obviously because I'm paranoid of moles.

Actually, I'm pretty sure Hank made that rumor up about Molly Mole.

What about Jacqueline?

Mystery of the unknown.

But then someone comes in and says, hey, look, here's an asteroid.

Doesn't even matter anyway.

We should have brought Cammy.

She wouldn't have come.

Hey, you guys, get in here.

We are at our greatest loss.

I think I found something.

Our final transmission, we were lucky to have recovered.

You can see from the footage the devastation is...

I

want to wish you all well.

These are our final tapes.

May God have mercy on all of us.

And... Godspeed.

It was terrible!

people like it was nothing i saw people dying

there's one girl that's it man it's just i

don't even know how to describe it oh mind -blowing

John, get in here.

Oh, great.

What?

Where's John?

Found something today.

Yeah, what?

I think it might cheer you up.

Try me.

Now don't get too excited.

It's just a loner.

Really? But she's in good condition. Dude, I don't have the patience for you

tonight. I'm sorry. I'm going to bed.

Come back. Come back.

Grumpy.

Come here.

I'm sorry. I have a real surprise for you.

And it waits in the other room.

Ladies first.

Vaginas first.

This is your great surprise? The two of you sitting here ready to cornhole me?

Just sit down.

I'm going to have sex with Jackie tonight.

And I think you should join us.

Convenient. For you who doesn't have to fuck yourself.

You agreed to this?

Hmm?

I'm drunk.

Oh.

Kiss me.

Are you a little more relaxed now?

Yeah.

Good.

Come with me.

Gus?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Take your time.

If you want to hype it up, if you want to fabricate it.

Scrolling through the camera, looking for a friend.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer, but not quite.

Does it have a name? Yeah, yeah. I call it some 300 -foot asshole stepped on my

mom's house.

Ooh, I like it. When do you get to hear it?

As soon as I'm done writing it.

And that will be when exactly?

In like one minute.

Not much else to treat you to on this final day of Earth.

It's about eight hours now. Eight hours until sundown when it's supposed to

happen. We're located right at the heart of the Big Mama.

X marks the spot just outside of Palm Springs.

So, if you're one of the ten or so remaining people in this town, why not

down and join us?

We're just five miles into the desert. Take the Joel's Road south to its end

walk the rest of the way, if you must.

The road will end, but your journey will not.

You almost ready, Jim? Yeah, baby, hit me one last time.

The end is near, my friends, but we will be with you all day long until that

last moment.

This song goes out to Vion.

My boy became a man last night.

Take it away, Jim.

Come on, guys, get up!

Guys, up!

We gotta go.

Where? Like, out of bed.

Where are you going?

Dude, come on. Bear with me.

This is our last day alive. We don't have time to bear with you.

Okay, Jacqueline, do me a favor and just bear with me.

Okay?

He's really going out there.

What brought this on?

That's just stupid.

Where else are we going to go?

Come on!

It's a brilliant idea not to bring water.

Hey, Plus.

Yeah, seriously.

Jacqueline! Wait up!

Hey!

You know, we can't go on much further like this. You've got to plan for these

kind of heights. So go back if you're not interested. Stop being a goddamn

child, okay?

You haven't even told us where it is you think you're going, or do you even

know? Hey, where are we going?

I want to know.

A building. It could be a building.

Dude, are you fucking kidding me? You know what, Hank?

Stop telling me what I can and cannot do. Stop acting like a pissy little

God, you are such an asshole. Eat a dick, Jacqueline. Fuck off. You know

It's a shame you didn't drown back in the 80s when I buried you in the sand.

Hey, save it, Hank. She has no idea where the fuck she's taking us. Shut

mouth and take a goddamn pill.

Rene, did you bring those stupid pills? I'm not taking any goddamn pills.

You're gonna fucking shut your mouth and take a goddamn pill.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, that's just great.

That's great. It's starting to come down already. Keep walking.

Get back! Get back!

Get back!

Get back!

Get back!

Get back! Get back! Get back! Get back! Get back! Get back!

Get back!

Get

back!

Looks like you got about five and a half hours left. You're on your own now.

Love.

Hi. I can't really just see some people. Hello there.

Hey, I'm really sorry, but I... Hey!

No!

We've got some people.

Where are they? Bring them in.

Really?

What are you doing here?

Radio. Uh -huh.

You're doing radio here.

Uh -huh.

Alright.

Do you guys have any water?

Where the fuck did you get water?

I found a tent.

And so it's not too long now until we're all toast.

What's the point in rushing, I say?

What's done is done.

So for all you lovers, haters, sinners, and God -fearing types, why not just sit

back, relax, and enjoy the show?

It's the end of the world. You might as well enjoy it.

Because it only comes once, and you may never see it again.

I'd almost forgotten what other humans looked like.

We've been broadcasting our location out here for weeks. Seriously? You guys

broadcast out here?

Every day.

Last station alive.

Why?

How do you get a signal or whatever?

We have a dish up on the hill.

Oh.

You were on the boat.

I'm sorry?

That was you.

I meet a lot of people. You wouldn't be the first.

So you're responsible for this. I mean, you were on the boat last night. You

were on the radio this morning. You dedicated a song in my honor.

Dedicated a song?

That's what we do.

You congratulated me on becoming a man.

A man.

Look, I'm sorry. I've got a lot of work to do. No, no, we're not going anywhere.

No, it's cool, dude. It's totally cool. No, take back my wishes. I don't know

what you mean.

Really? I don't even believe this.

Is this even connected to anything?

John. What about this? No?

Not even plugged in? Is anything not even a complete fucking lie? No, put

down. What the fuck?

I think she's coming back.

Take back my wishes! I don't know what you're talking about. No, see, you know

exactly what I'm talking about. Come on, let's go!

How about, I wish I could escape this fucking pathetic body?

Does that ring a bell? Or maybe I wish this whole, I don't know, goddamn world

would grow as fast as it already is? That sounds familiar because it

looks like it outside. I mean, I guess I wish for a surprise.

You know I can?

Yeah. You know I can. Yeah. What is it I can do exactly?

You. You can take back my wishes. Good.

Have you learned nothing or have I wasted my time on you?

Thanks, you did it!

Who the fuck is the giant?

Dude.

What, you think Cammy was the giant?

Cammy was the giant!

Dude, what the fuck, moley mole?

Well, what about the asteroid?

You here to threaten me again?

Yeah, but you... You're right, John.

I did it.

I reversed all of your wishes. But the asteroid, that wasn't my doing.

That, you have to deal with.

Who are you? They were all your wishes, John.

I just followed through.

So how do you think you do?

It's about to get very hot.

That's it.

I think that's it.

Right. Fuck it then.

Right, Cammy?

Fuck it all!

Are

you

okay?

I stepped on so many people.

I don't know. I thought I was dreaming.

What the fuck is going on?

Look.

Cheer up.

I'm sure you did hundreds of people a favor.

I'd rather be crushed instantaneously than killed by an asteroid.

Oh, my...

I'm sorry, that was a bad joke.

Bad joke.

I swear I wasn't trying to follow you out here or anything. I don't even

know how I got here.

Well, logic hasn't exactly been a sweet selling point.

So I think you're okay.

Everything's been a little... off.

I'm sorry we have left.

How much?

I'm glad you're here.

Yeah, right. Sure you are.

Yeah, I know.

But...

You guys think that the impact of the blast will launch the Chinese into

Yeah, I think that's exactly what's going to happen, Hank. Can we die in

silence, please?

I was a Scientologist for a week once.

Stacey made me join.

I think it's the only thing I never told you.

Dude.

God, did you guys just see that?

Nah.

All right.

I was the one who took a dump on your Legos.

Legos? I mean, I know Mom told you that it was Fifi, but it was me. What the

fuck? I've always felt, like, really guilty about it. You ruined my

Did you realize that? Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

That was a stupid thing to shit on.

Shut up!

Chuck and I had sex with John last night.

What?

Motherfucker, really?

We were going to invite you, but I was afraid you were going to shit on us.

you!

Fuck!

I don't have a mole.

What? Yeah, I made it up.

Hey, the stupid name and everything.

Bullshit. Why?

Because I wanted my mom to transfer me to another middle school. I figured that

the teachers would tell her, then she'd, you know, pull me out of class all

horrified.

Why did you do that?

Because I asked some boy out, and he said no to me in front of half the

Nice. Good going, bro. No wonder you both are fucked up.

I think it's starting to hit.

Watch.

Guess this is it.

Yep.

Do you have to do that right in front of us? Oh, I'm trying to focus.

Any second now.

I think it missed.

It missed.

Don't get my hopes up.

I think we're going to live, dude.

John, it's the nukes!

It's only the nukes!

It's only the nukes, dude!

That was the asteroid? No, they launched the nukes! Look!

It's just the nukes! It's just the nukes?

We're gonna live, man!

Yeah!

Eat a dick, asteroid!

Yeah! Isn't this bad?

No, it's not bad. We're going to live. Yeah, but I mean... But what? We're

to live, people.

It's only the nukes. We are going to live.

I love it!

I'm just not getting anything.

I wonder what's going on.

I have no reception.

Broadcasting from Palm Springs once again. Turn it off, I can't hear you.

from the apocalypse.

What a nightmare that was, huh?

Yeah. Nukes in the skies everywhere tonight.

Everywhere but here?

Mm -hmm. So unless you're a fan of the two -headed baby, your best bet, avoid

everywhere else.

So, no apocalypse today. Not this time around.

Just the promise of a very, very long winter.

So yes, you've been spared another day on this rock.

And yes, it's time to bust out that board and pull those skis out of storage

hit the soon -to -be slopes.

I got mine ready.

She's joking, right? So we've started the night out in fine form.

At this point, you might as well smile.

You know who you are.

If I die in...