Original subtitles

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, doctor.

Can I see?

Steal it, did you? No, I bought it. Made good money.

Maybe. It's all pretty old stuff.

It's antique.

Who's that?

My brother.

Brantley.

It's Beamer.

Call him Beamer because he's psychic.

Oh, yeah? Beamer?

Yeah, he talks to animals, too.

That's quite a talent.

Maybe he touches you. I don't know everything he ever did, so watch

He talk to people?

Not too much.

Voodoo bullshit.

Look, how about this vacuum cleaner?

You can clean up your shop with it.

I don't want to clean it up.

And you're going to be happy with that. Yeah, I'm sure.

40 bucks.

30 bucks.

20. 20, and I'm not going to argue.

Done. Beamer!

Come and grab this man's brand new vacuum cleaner.

You're not going to regret this. Yeah, right.

Mankind was designed for accomplishment.

Endowed with the seeds of greatness.

Man is engineered for success.

Opportunity lies with the individual.

You're impressed, aren't you?

Yes, I am, but... But you're wondering what this beauty costs, am I right?

Yes, exactly.

Well, I'm sure that you can see that a complete home maintenance system such as

this is a fairly expensive proposition.

Oh, yes.

I want you to tell me what you think the price is. Don't be shy.

Well, I... Let's add it up.

Now, here is your state -of -the -art, in your traditional vacuum cleaner,

Say $800.

Floor polisher, another three. Rug shampoo, another five.

Air compressor, $900 minimum.

$2 ,500 total.

Oh, that's much too much for me.

What would you say if I told you I could give you the complete package for $1

,500? You'd jump at it, wouldn't you?

Well, that's a very good price, but I... I'm just kidding, Mrs. Henderson. I

can't sell it to you for that.

It did sound a little too good to be true. No, but I could give it to you for

thousand.

Well, that's splendid, but I still don't... Believe me, Mrs. Henderson, I

sell it to you for that either.

Well, now, Bobby, I think you're playing with me.

I'm sorry. I'm just in a terrific humor today.

Anyway, no, I can't sell it to you for a thousand.

I can't sell you this $2 ,500 package for a thousand or $1 ,500 or even $2

The price is actually $7 .99.

Now, I think for that amount, you'd be prepared to go ahead with this

investment, am I right?

I'm sorry, Bobby.

I would, really, but it's just a little too much for me right now.

You like this machine, don't you, Mrs. Henderson? Oh, I like it, but it's just

little too much for me to spend. And right now, I have a very small pension,

see.

You'd like to have one, though. If you could afford it, I mean. If I could

afford it, I'd love to have one.

You're a very good salesman.

If I could show you how you could afford it, you'd jump at it, wouldn't you?

I suppose, but there's no way... Could I use your phone for a second?

Hello, Mr. Hickman?

Yes, this is Bobby Barnaby calling.

I'm fine, sir. How are you?

Good, good, good.

Sir, I'm over at Mrs. Henderson's this afternoon.

And, yes, yes, she's very impressed with the machine, sir.

Yes, she'd love to own one.

Well, sir, the problem is, is that, well, she just feels it's a little bit

much for her to spend at the moment.

Uh -huh.

Well... Sir, I was just wondering if we could possibly make an exception in her

case.

Yes, I know that, sir.

Well, it's just that her pension is very, very small.

She's a very, very nice lady, sir.

You could.

That's wonderful, sir.

Thank you very, very much. We're both very pleased.

Thank you.

Thank you very much. My best to your family.

Right. I'll see you at the club tomorrow night.

Okay. Right -o.

Right -o. Bye -bye.

Great news, Mrs. Henderson.

My boss took 15 % off the total price.

I mean, this is incredible because I can assure you this has never happened in

the history of Calvin Industries as we know it.

15 %? It's a miracle.

Hey, there's nothing to stop us now, huh?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You can get everything in life you want

if you help enough other people get what they want.

You can get everything you want in life if you help enough other people get what

they want.

Stop counting time.

Start making time count.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

you'll recall we discussed the consequences of a poor self -image.

You have seen that a low level of self -esteem can paralyze your career and

cripple your earning potential.

You have confronted negativism face -to -face and told him, No thank you, sir. I

believe in myself.

Having forsaken the negative, you are now prepared to take the positive into

your heart.

Cradle it there as you would a puppy or a small child.

You are learning the rules to the game of life.

Life, like any game, has winners and losers.

People who accomplish their goals and people who fail.

And what is the simple difference between accomplishment and failure?

The right mental attitude.

The right mental attitude.

Are you playing the game of life without any goals? You are with the score.

How you doing, Deb?

Super good, Bobby. How you doing?

Any better, I'd be all right. You got a visitor. He's waiting inside.

Go right out. Give me the best you got. I am hot today.

Good morning. It's a great day at Calvin Industries.

You Mr. Barnaby?

If I'm not, he owes me money.

So you are Mr.

Barnaby?

I don't think I've had the pleasure. Hi, I'm Lucas Henderson.

You sold my grandmother a vacuum cleaner yesterday.

Your grandmother is?

Lucille Henderson.

Yes, of course, Lucille.

Fantastic lady. Your grandson?

That's great. I'll tell you what, I'm really racing against my agenda today,

why don't we make an appointment for later in the week? That way we'll have

time to chat. Just give me a call. My grandmother can't keep the vacuum

Lucas, the Calvin is hardly what I call a vacuum cleaner.

It's a complete home maintenance system.

Anyway, we'll pick it up right here. Mr. Barnaby, whatever it is, my... Please,

call me Bobby. My grandmother can't afford it.

I see. And what seems to be the problem? There's no problem, really. My

grandmother supports herself on a very small pension plan. I understand and

appreciate your concern, Lucas.

In fact, it was my concern.

I wasn't sure your grandmother should invest in the system.

She loved it. She wanted it badly. But I wasn't sure.

but after a detailed examination of her finances, we worked out a nice,

convenient payment plan, which worked out very, very nicely. Payment plan?

Payment plan. That way your grandmother can spread her payments over three

years.

I hope that puts your mind at ease. Listen, I really got to go. If you've

any questions at all, don't hesitate, just give me a call. Okay, look, Mr.

Barnaby, I just want you to take the machine back today, okay?

You understand?

Really.

Lucas, she's very fond of that machine.

I contacted the bank. She has three days to cancel the contract. So I suggest

you take it back today. I understand. All right? Three days.

I understand.

If you could just tell me pretty nicely what the problem is. I'm not your

salesman. I just want you to take the machine back.

That's all.

What a ball buster.

I'm sorry, buddy. That was really super terrible.

Can't happen.

I need Henderson for that contest. She put me over the top. That's a trip to

Atlantic City. Just walked out the door.

Can't happen. Can't. You don't drown if you fall in the water.

You only drown if you stay there.

That's not... Almost doesn't buy anything in the game of life.

There is no commission on a sale you almost make.

Or fun in a trip that you almost take.

The immutable laws of the universe positively state man

reaps what he sows.

Sow hard, play hard.

I understand and appreciate what you're saying, Lucille.

Lucas just has your best interests at heart.

I feel terrible about the whole thing.

I'm just disappointed.

Really disappointed.

I'm sorry, Bobby.

I'm sorry, Bobby.

I'm sorry too, Lucille.

I look at you now and I see that you want something.

I do the best that I can to get that for you.

If not, I'm not doing my job.

You see that, don't you?

tried to bring happiness to people.

I'm sure you have.

Right now, right now, I can see how unhappy you are,

and it's breaking my heart. It's tearing me up inside.

I mean, you can see that, can't you, Lucille?

You don't see it yourself, no.

I came back here

To take this machine back.

But I am slowly realizing that I just... I can't do that.

It wouldn't be fair to you.

I wouldn't be doing my job. I wouldn't be bringing you happiness.

I mean, you do realize that, don't you, Lucille?

Now, Bobby, Lucas... Lucas is a wonderful man.

But we can't let him run our lives now, can we?

We're talking about you now.

You, Lucille Henderson.

Floppy, I'm sorry. It is your happiness we're talking about.

If you're unhappy, then I'm unhappy.

What we send out always comes back to us. If I stand in the valley and shout,

you should be happy.

Do you know what I hear?

An echo telling me, you should be happy.

Life is an echo.

Go ahead.

Shout, you should be happy.

Do it, Lucille. You should be happy.

Come on. Come on. Do it with me.

You should be happy.

You should be happy.

You should be happy.

You should be happy. Say it with me.

Say it with me, Lucille.

Thank you very much for the tea, Mrs. Henderson.

I'm glad we had a chance to straighten things out.

And don't forget.

If you have any problems with the machine whatsoever, you just call and

come running.

Here, I'll give you my card.

Just remember, you're part of the family now.

Have a good day.

You should be happy! You should be happy!

Prama? Prama?

Yes, just one moment, please. Hold the line.

All looking good, Bobby.

Stuffing myself with a piece of life. Save some for the rest of us.

Good afternoon. It's a great day at Calvin Industries.

Pinch me, Mr. Trump. I'm dreaming.

Congrats, man.

You should have seen me yesterday. It was genius.

I hate to admit it, but it's true.

Good pitch, huh? This pitch was perfection.

I must have closed her in at least 15 different ways. Two and a half hours.

I admit there was a moment when I thought to myself this wasn't going to

But at that second, I knew I had her because it wasn't me talking.

Well, I could really use some of that.

Ah, cheer up, Stan. You're slumping. It happens. I've been down that road

before. Look at me now.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, I'm right. I'm right. Oh, she was tough.

I'm still sweating.

Did she give you a tough time?

I was there for two and a half hours. I mean, we're talking Fraser Ali here, you

know? But I didn't go for the decision, huh?

Knockout! Boom!

swept on a brow from honest labor, is like a glistening star in the galaxy of

life.

True satisfaction can only be derived from effort expended in a quest for a

and worthy ideal.

Success is easy when you believe.

Failure is merely the path of least resistance.

You see nothing.

What are you doing?

Hi.

Get out of here now.

No, not now.

What do you want? You want money? I want you to get your ass out of here. Why?

What are you going to do?

Okay. You want to stay in there?

Fine.

If you came to talk about what we discussed yesterday

morning, your handling of this situation is very unprofessional.

I can't stay here.

Now, if you want to make an appointment, that's fine.

Otherwise, I'm going to have to call the police. We haven't talked yet.

Okay, now sit over there!

Sit down.

Violence will not accomplish anything. I know.

Sit down.

Obviously you're upset.

And I can appreciate that.

If you just tell me what your problems are, then maybe we can resolve our

difference. Okay, look.

If you don't stop pretending that you don't know what this is about, I'm going

to bash your head in. All right?

Now tell me what happened.

Just tell me what happened. I saw your grandmother earlier today.

And she convinced me to keep the machine there.

I mean, isn't that what she said?

No. She didn't say anything.

You know why?

She's dead.

Neil passed away. Yeah, you didn't know that?

No.

I swear to God, Lucas, she was fine when I left her.

You got to do a lot better than that.

I sold her.

Sold, not killed.

What can I do to make you believe me? I don't know.

My word is all I have.

You want to know something?

You remind me of every single thing that I hate.

Okay. Hey, let's talk.

Let's talk about that.

Huh? I mean, we're both sensitive, intelligent people.

You didn't come here to hit me over the head with a golf club. Yeah, I did.

That's exactly what I came here for. Okay, okay, okay, okay. If you just tell

precisely what it is you want, then I can help you. You want to know precisely

what it is I want from you? Okay.

I want you to convince me why I shouldn't do this thing.

Okay? Okay. And quickly.

Is that precise enough for you?

No bullshit. No bullshit, Lucas.

No bullshit.

Here it is.

Okay?

I'm sick of it. I'm tired of it.

It came to me to take the machine back.

Look, I sell for a living.

If I packed it in every time somebody said no, I'd be flat broke.

Sure, I gave you the runaround.

I'm trained to do it. That's the way it is, like it or not.

I pressured your grandmother into keeping the machine.

I'm being very honest with you here. I hope you know that.

I convinced her to keep a vacuum cleaner that she...

You're right. She probably couldn't afford it.

90 % of the people that I sell to can't afford it. But that's my job. That's

what I have to do.

If I could find another job, I would, but I can't.

Don't you think I know what they say about salesmen?

Huh?

I feel ashamed. I'm disgusted.

I needed her.

I needed her sail for a contest.

I won a trip to Atlantic City.

I'm so ashamed.

I only hope to God.

That it wasn't me that caused her death.

There it is.

I'm so sick of this goddamn job.

I hate it.

It's very good.

Yeah, you're a good salesman.

Huh?

That's great.

But you know what?

I still feel like I should hurt you.

I don't know why I feel like I should hurt you, you know what I mean?

I know.

You depressed the hell out of me.

What do you call that?

I'm really sorry about your grandmother. Sorry, your speech.

What do you call that?

Lucas, I meant every word I said.

Yeah?

I'm a successful businessman.

Sincerity is the fiber of my being.

You're a good salesman.

Who is that?

I had a dream in which I had achieved all of the goals that I'd set for

Sure, those goals included a lot of money, a beautiful home, a

German automobile, all of the material accoutrements of success.

What I remember most about that dream is the way I felt about myself.

I felt good.

And I woke up and I swore to myself that I would do the right thing.

I would respond to the dreams that God gave me.

Well, today, the dream is a reality.

I have responded.

It's taken years to develop the right mental

attitude.

Negative thinking, negative action and reaction to the stock and trade of Mr.

and Mrs.

Mediocrity.

You are so fortunate to live in a land where one can get anything they really

want, provided they take the necessary steps.

What is the world's most deadly disease?

Not cancer.

It is the hardening of the attitudes.

Once I was sick.

Make your own commercials with this little baby.

Gee, it's got to be 50 years old. Does it work?

It's a piece of history.

Not interesting.

Solid iron through and through.

You don't make them like this anymore.

You can sell it in a second.

It's hot.

It's not hot hot. I mean, it's legal.

How much?

For you, 25 bucks and I'll help you carry it inside.

Justine, and I'll watch you carry it.

Beamer!

You got a hangover?

I know this is difficult for you, Mike, and I'm sure you don't feel much like

talking right now. I can understand that, but you...

Are you listening?

You're going to have to eventually.

I knew your father. I worked with him.

Michael? Mickey. And I know you know my dad because we met.

It was a long time ago. You came over once.

I was just a kid. You forgot.

I remember.

Dad's birthday.

You brought a bottle of, no offense, cheap white wine which you and dad

Talked cock.

Mom liked you. Said you should come more often.

You got a good memory.

Have you seen your mom?

I saw her before I came over here.

You didn't talk with her?

Look, I know you know I'm going through a difficult time.

Not bullshit around here. Mom's in shock. We didn't chat.

Sorry. It's okay.

Mike. Mickey. Sorry.

I'm sure that you can see we don't have a lot of choices here. We need to know

the story, and you're going to have to tell it.

Dad drowned.

I'm talking about the circumstances.

You found him, right?

Well, it was pretty chaotic.

Mom was flipping out.

Everything was moving in slow motion.

I was watching a movie. Did you try and revive him?

I know what that is.

What did you do?

Well, naturally I've been instilled with a deep veneration for law enforcement.

So I called the cops.

Just like that, 911?

Yes.

Does it bother you that your father was a cop?

I'm profiteering.

Always.

Thank you.

You got an education on you there, son.

I don't mean to annoy you.

Don't let it bother you.

All right.

Was your father acting strangely? Did he seem... Melancholy?

Depressed? Yeah.

He missed a lot of work?

I know that.

Uh -huh.

Why is that, do you think?

Are you asking me if I think he killed himself?

Policemen do that, right? And, um, inventive.

How do you drown yourself in that?

Determination?

More properly, I think, inspiration.

Touché. French, right?

Well, I'm glad we can joke about it.

I understand that your grandmother passed away recently.

Yes. Do you see any potential correlation there between that and your

depression? Of course.

They were close?

Biologically.

Are you going to help me out here or what?

I'm sorry.

Defense mechanism.

I understand.

Were they close?

Were.

That's her last touch with her in the last few years.

Did you see her before she died?

We flew down there.

Mom couldn't go, so she asked me to go with him.

Flew down there to see her.

She's pretty sick by then. We all knew.

Dad hadn't seen her for a year and a half.

I hope she's awake.

If she's sleeping, I don't want to get her up.

She knows we're coming.

Anyway, if she's sleeping, just let her sleep.

We can always just look in the back of the room.

Don't worry about it.

I'm sorry you can't come in right now.

We're here to see you.

Are you relative?

Yeah.

She passed away a few minutes ago.

We didn't stay long.

Dad seemed sort of funny about the whole thing.

Hurt.

Guilty, probably.

Didn't say much on the flight home.

Would you like a drink or something?

Okay. Comfortable?

So that's when you first noticed the change in his behavior?

Change?

Depression.

There's that word again.

Normal reaction, wouldn't you say?

So then you'd say he took it well?

Normally?

He at first seemed okay?

Yes, he seemed okay.

You guys must be exhausted.

I slept a little on the plane.

Are you getting any sleep, Ken?

No.

Maybe you should...

Think about taking a couple of days off.

Lily?

I've been talking to your father.

I think we're all just a little bit uptight here.

That's exactly it.

Uptight.

We're all just a little bit uptight.

You two are like a goddamn club.

Spare me your conciliatory shit, dear. Just calm down.

I feel guilty, all right?

I deserve it.

So just tell me that, sweetheart.

I'd rather buy myself disgust, you bitch.

You deserve it.

Why did you take him to the doctor?

How'd you know that?

We ask people questions, they answer.

Job has its privileges.

Why did you take him to the doctor?

Tom thought he was sick.

Sick how?

I'm not a specialist.

Why don't you ask the specialist?

I did.

So why ask me?

I want your perspective.

He didn't seem himself.

What do you mean?

I don't know. He just seemed a bit disengaged.

He was usually very even keeled.

He was a very strong man.

Amen.

What's going on?

I don't know. He came home an hour ago and he started this.

I can hear you now.

What is this?

Nothing. But you can tell by the music.

Anything wrong with that?

This is not an improvement.

Well, at least it's funny.

I called the station.

He hasn't been to work.

What, all day?

Since you guys got back.

He gets up every morning, gets dressed, and goes to I don't know where.

He carries a gun, for God's sake.

Do you hear this music?

Mom, I don't think he's dangerous.

A match made in heaven. A marriage that isn't dangerous.

How'd you get him to go to the doctor?

He agreed to it.

Did he know that something was wrong? He did.

What'd the doctor say?

Stress. Gave him a prescription.

What did you think?

I was more worried about Mom.

Really? Yeah. I thought she was overreacting.

As it turns out, she wasn't.

Where are we going with all this?

Well, we have to make sure that all the pieces fit together. We're doing an

autopsy now, doing some tests on the water, that kind of thing. But with your

education, I'm sure you know that.

Oh, an investigation.

I'm having a hard time believing that your father put his head under the water

and took a deep breath.

Is there a problem, officer?

Tired? A little.

I'm okay.

Good. I just want to say again how much we appreciate your help.

It's no trouble.

You took your father to see some other doctors?

Yes.

Neurologists and some more psychiatrists.

And? Pet scans, cat scans, EEGs, x -rays, you name it.

And?

What does this have to do with drowning?

I don't know yet.

I need a wife to drown.

If you say so.

Why did you take him to see other doctors? Why do I get the feeling you

answer to all these questions?

Not all.

It was an episode, I guess you'd call it.

Psychological episode?

You're bullshitting again. If you know we took him to a doctor, then you also

know it wasn't a proctologist.

I should know better.

Yes, psychological.

Mom was worried.

You?

Yeah, I was worried.

Good morning.

Hi.

We look alike, don't we?

Yeah, I guess so.

You were conceived in there, you know.

Where?

We used to take all our baths together, me and your mother.

We weren't much older than you were now.

I can still imagine what it looked like, crashing around in there.

And suddenly, you were with us.

Come on, Mickey, we gotta get going.

No pain, no fanfare.

It's because... Sorry, Mom.

I understand.

Shortly after that, your father got worse.

And his condition deteriorated.

In what way?

I know that you took off school.

Your mother quit teaching.

Got to a point where she couldn't do it alone.

You're a good son.

Are you going to eat that, Kenneth?

You have to eat something.

You haven't had anything for days.

If you don't eat it yourself, I'm going to feed you.

Mom.

Why don't you just eat the soup, Nat?

You're cleaning it up, pal.

Little bastard!

Little bastard!

Little bastard!

After that, he got a lot worse? You answer that.

He got a lot worse.

It was a kind of... I guess you'd call it a hysteria.

Right?

I couldn't really pass that sort of a judgment.

Judge, you haven't heard my plea yet.

Mom?

Mom?

Mom? I need some help here.

Quiet. Go with your father.

I'm away.

Who are you?

I said, who the hell are you?

Stop it.

Mickey. Go upstairs.

I'll be up in a minute. You be quiet. Hear what she said. You woke me up.

Shut up. I don't understand anything here. I don't recognize anything here.

You took my gun. I want it back.

Shut up. Mickey, go up to your room. I want my gun back.

Who the hell are you people?

If I had my gun, I'd shoot you both in the stomach. Bang, bang.

Shut up, Mickey.

Asshole.

Take another step and I'll kill this bitch. Help me God. Let me go.

God damn it. Let me go. One more.

One more.

Let go of me.

Let go of me. God damn it.

Did you think about having him committed?

No.

Why not?

Got a problem calling the statement.

Is that it?

Some things are family Why

don't you just hit me over the head with this It's a telephone

book I don't see any telephone

I'd like to get back to when you found the body.

What time would that be?

Do I have to answer that question?

You don't have to answer anything

240, 245.

You called us first or the ambulance?

You first.

And we got there in about 20 minutes?

About that. The ambulance?

At the same time.

Why was your father taking a bath in the middle of the afternoon?

Made a mess of himself. We put him in there.

How long would he have been alone?

10, 15 minutes.

You left him alone that long?

It's hard to adjust to thinking of your own father as a child.

So the last time you saw your father was earliest, say, 225?

Yes. How long would he have been alone then? About two minutes. Look, you'd

us both a lot of time if you got to the point.

Well, the water is pretty warm.

Given the volume of the tub, you should be able to calculate pretty easily how

fast the water temperature dropped.

I can see that you're a cop's son, and you're absolutely right.

Excuse me.

Nicky, I'm going down to check the autopsy report. You want something to

No.

Just a cigarette, maybe.

I won't be long.

Mom, open!

Open!

Open!

Were you afraid?

Empathy daily.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

We're almost finished now.

Job well done.

Just a few more details.

It's this water temperature thing I can't quite figure out.

It was a hot bath.

I'd say so.

Look, I'm not stupid.

I know what you've been trying to get at for the past hour. Don't bullshit me. I

told you that.

Yes, you did.

It's just that all the pieces don't quite fit together perfectly.

Detective, when it all comes together, what do you have?

A picture.

Shit.

What?

A tub full of orange juice.

There's orange juice in the tub. No,

nobody is going to understand this, Mom.

We have to calm down. Calm down.

Calm down, all right?

We found some little things.

But judging from your story, he'd gotten pretty violent.

He marked himself up too, huh?

Wouldn't surprise me.

And the water.

Well, no big deal.

the water that we found in your father's lungs had traces of urine in it like he

peed in the tub which given his state is understandable

but the water that we took from the tub

didn't show any urine

So either he drowned someplace else, or you changed the water.

Did you change the water, Mickey?

Why would you do a thing like that?

I'd like to see my mother now, please.

How are you feeling?

It's going to be okay.

You have the right to remain silent.

Well, nothing else I want to hear.

Except for maybe the TV.

You have an eye for quality.

But I can't let this thing go for less than 50 bucks. And don't try to talk me

down because I'm deciding.

Does it work?

She's a pig.

We'll plug it in.

Let's do it.

If it works, I'll give you 40. If it doesn't, give me 10.

Five, maybe.

Fire it up, Beamer.

No, that's just the antenna.

It's not even turned on.

The cord's no good.

I got some more in the truck. There's nothing wrong with the cord.

Seema, adjust the antenna, will you?

It's not even on.

Oh, baby!

Don José del Coronado.

Last week, you were... Jane.

You know that was against the rules.

Like hell.

Look, don't make me embarrass you by getting the book. Use your common sense.

know what I'm talking about. Get the book, then. Go ahead.

Forget it. Just go ahead. Cheat.

What are you doing?

I had double.

And if you're all doubles again, you're in jail. No, it's my second.

And that's number three, jail.

It's after the third.

What's the point? Really, I mean, what's the goddamn point?

I need to change it. To what?

I don't know.

Something good. Some war shit.

Waking time.

We're working on it.

Yeah, it's here.

What's so strange?

I don't know.

If I'm awake, then I am.

What's the big deal?

You knew that when you married.

Well, whenever I call there, nobody can find you.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, you come in 7 a .m., fresh as a daisy. How do I know you're not

playing night nursery with some asshole?

You tell me.

I knew it.

What? I goddamn well knew it. Knew what?

She's lying.

Who? Who? Julia.

She's lying? Yeah.

About what?

About what?

What else?

You don't get it, do you?

Get what?

No. She's seeing somebody.

Julia?

Our Julia. Julia.

Your wife. My wife. She's seeing somebody.

Stupid. I can tell.

What? She told you?

Yeah, she just told me on the phone.

I can just tell. It's in her voice, you know.

Something... Something suspicious.

Oh.

Suspicious? I'm very sensitive to it. Like what?

Like this isn't the first time I felt it either.

Before we were married, I had it a few times.

Had what?

This feeling.

What time is it?

I don't know.

Craig, put that down.

What, you're afraid of guns?

Yes. Yes, I am.

You've never killed anything in your whole life, have you?

No, I haven't.

Come hunting with me sometime.

Teach you a thing or two.

About killing?

About living.

I have to go soon.

What, you have somewhere to go?

Got a rendezvous?

Dentist, maybe?

Fix it.

Oh, use the thing.

Just once.

And I swear I'll show... Pay attention to what you're doing, for Christ's sake.

It doesn't work. What do you want?

I want to know who he is.

That's not too much to ask.

Just who he is and when I can rip his heart out.

Could be you, for all I know.

Oh, that's worse.

It's not gonna get any better.

I always sort of thought it might be you.

I had a few clues. Is it?

What? You.

Oh, yeah. Yes, it is.

You make jokes. I don't. I'm serious.

I asked you a question.

It's pissing me off.

Don't.

Yeah? Or no?

Look, stop it. I'm gonna smash this stupid thing. Go ahead. No, just stop

won't have to. Go ahead. Really. I dare you.

Don't fall.

I was kidding.

Kidding, there's a difference.

It's a lot.

It's brand new.

Julia bought it for me on her honeymoon. Wait.

Out of hell with it.

Europe, who needs it?

Yeah, well, you come in 7 a .m., fresh today. How do I know you're not playing

Night Nurse, you dumbass?

You tell me.

What's up?

Double dare.

Me against you.

Are you serious?

No, I'm joking. I just feel like having this conversation with you.

I don't get it.

Sure you do.

A test.

A test?

That's right.

Of what?

500 bucks.

Chow down? Each.

No problem.

Come on.

Okay, yeah.

$1 ,000 for the first one, $200 each for the other two.

Come on, don't be a wimp. It's not that bad. I know that.

It's just that I hate seafood.

Okay, then, shut up. Give me the $1 ,000.

Are you kidding?

You have to swallow it. I know, right?

Fun,

huh?

Right.

This too?

Everything.

This is humiliating. Why?

Okay.

And the rest?

No, I'm getting stupid.

I have to go home soon. Why? You late for your date?

No, I just want to go home, that's all.

You giving up?

I win.

There.

Happy?

Now it's on.

No. No, I've gotten this far. That's far enough.

That's the deal, pal.

Hey, you're gonna sing.

No way.

Did you hear that?

What? Shh.

Craig, I think my wife's home. What?

Julia's home. She's home.

Julia's home. What? That's impossible.

Quick, get in the closet. What? Get in the goddamn closet.

What?

Are you there?

Hey, I can't open the door.

Little queen in the closet.

Hey, what did you mean there, impossible?

Come on, let me out.

When I said Julia was home, you said impossible. Let me out, now!

Let me out. I mean, how would you know that it was impossible for my wife to be

home? Please, she's at work.

What time does she finish?

Okay, I have to get out of here right now. The game is tied. Really.

And? It was just a reflex.

I don't know, I didn't mean anything.

Please, I'm starting to feel sick.

Uh -uh.

You tell the truth, and then, and only then, will I let you out. Let me out,

bastard! No way!

Okay, no, stop! Let me out of here!

Did you touch my wife? What?

Did you fuck my wife? Let me out of here right now!

Did you fuck my wife?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me out of here!

Let me the fuck out of here!

What?

What's the matter, pal?

You're not leaving, are you?

What's that? I didn't hear you. I didn't say anything.

I hope that doesn't mean we can't still be friends, does it?

I mean, you being my wife, boyfriend and all.

Come on.

Let's make up.

No hard feelings, okay?

What do you say, huh?

Okay, man.

Do I look stupid to you, John?

Hmm?

Do I?

I must look pretty stupid to you, yes?

Here's my question.

I have a question, and here is what it is.

Are you ready?

Okay.

Wait.

Where, John, do you get the balls to do this to me?

Where?

That's my question.

Where did you get the balls, and can I have some, please?

You're paranoid.

Everyone keeps telling me that.

Why does everyone keep telling me that?

Turn around and somebody tell me that.

We'll wait through time.

Oh, that's right.

Sorry, I forgot.

You came to play.

Right, pal?

That's what it's all about, pal.

I'll drink to that.

Cheers. Now here's the rules.

Please make sure that you obey the rules.

There's just no point in playing the game if you don't follow them.

I agree.

Now I'm gonna pour this real slow into here.

All you have to do is just sit there.

Got it?

Oh, I forgot.

There's a bonus.

Don't you want to hear what it is?

I'm going to take a drink.

Every time you say the following.

I will not sleep with my friend's wife.

Okay?

I will not sleep with my friend's wife.

Got it?

Oh, I forgot there's another thing.

If the bottle is empty and you're still alive, you can kill me.

I will not sleep with my friend's wife.

I will not sleep with my friend's wife.

A few more times and you'll make me.

I will not sleep with my friend's wife.

I will not sleep with my... I will not sleep with my friend. I'm begging!

Gee. You gutless bastard.

Sorry, really.

You gutless bastard.

You aren't even sure, are you?

Are you?

You were bluffing, weren't you?

I got a big surprise for you. I did it.

Imagine it.

Me.

Julia. Your wife.

In bed.

I did it.

I did it a hundred times.

I did it yesterday. Shut up! No! I did it!

Okay? Now we play for real.

Layer cards on the table.

Let the chips fall where they may. All that crap. Son of a bitch, I'll kill

No, no, no, no. You're done.

So, let's wrap this up, shall we?

Whatever you say.

Hmm.

Whatever I say.

Great.

No. It's very simple.

You're going to shoot your dog.

No way.

Come on, Bill. Come on.

Your dog.

Get your gun.

Get your gun.

Yeah, be real careful if I were you. That's okay.

You got a gun.

Turn around.

Come on.

Move!

Go ahead.

Kill it.

Come on, asshole. I dare you to shoot the fooch.

You got a hand, really?

Yeah, I mean, with all the noise the cops are gonna come and everything.

Okay.

Who's that?

Come on! Put him in front of the barrel!

Sick bastard, really.

I feel sorry for you.

No way, man.

No way, I'm not gonna do it.

Go ahead.

Kill me, I don't care.

Oh?

Okay.

We're going to see if that's true.

I'm going to count backwards from ten.

If during that time... Are you listening to me?

I said, are you listening to me? Yeah!

If during that time you shoot your dog, you'll live.

If, however, you're too gutless. And remember, huh? I dare you.

I'll kill you.

And the store.

Now blast them. Come on, let's see those doggy guts fly.

Ten. Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six. I'm not kidding.

Six.

Five.

Four. Three.

Two.

I'll kill you! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Kill me right now! Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Come on! I dare you to kill me.

Well?

I'm getting fewer.

You haven't got the guts.

I do.

And you don't. Not one of us. Wrong.

I guess that's... We'll have to find out.

Do you like junk?

I guess.

Anybody ever buy anything?

Sometimes.

I hate to see good stuff going down the drain.

I bet you've got a lot of nice stories, though, eh?

Junk is my life.