Original subtitles

Laura.

Yeah?

This is going to be The best junior prom ever.

Why? Because of The romantic theme?

No, because I'm going with you.

Oh, jimmy.

Hey, laura, how come There's no leaning Tower of pizza?

That's pisa, waldo.

And it's in italy.

Yeah, and our theme Is paris in springtime.

So change the theme.

Make it paris in italy.

Work with me, people.

Hi-dee-ho, promsters.

Hey, look who's here-- Steve jerkel.

Oh, that's clever.

Steve, what the heck Is this thing?

Oh, this is The steven q. Urkel

Turbo confetti cannon, Patent pending.

This thing looks stupid.

I know, it's shiny. What you see is your reflection.

Now, picture this--

The lights dim

As the band Begins to play

A slow, Romantic song...

And, yes, It's the last dance.

Now, do we break This magic moment

To grab a wad Of confetti?

No, sir.

Why, we merely Flip this switch

For a gentle poof Of confetti.

Did I do that?

Aah!

Come here!

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Laura and I were shopping All afternoon.

We hit every store In the mall.

I think we finally found The perfect prom dress.

May I present Miss laura winslow.

Wow.

Oh, look At my beautiful Granddaughter.

You really like it?

Oh, sweetheart, I love it.

You look like A million bucks.

Actually, you're close.

What?

What?

What does she mean By that, harriette?

What does she mean?

Well, carl, this is A quality dress.

You can't put a price On quality.

Well, The store did.

And they wouldn't Let you out The front door

Unless you paid That price.

Now, how much Quality, harriette?

$387.

Ooh!

Okay, laura, go upstairs And put on the other dress.

Okay, ma.

Other dress? There's another dress?

Mama, there's Another dress.

I heard, carl.

Uh, how--how much is The other dress, harriette?

$150.

Oh, 150. That's a nice number,

Nice round number.

Don't be such A cheapskate.

Well, I just don't believe In wasting money.

Oh, they couldn't pry Your wallet open

With the jaws Of life.

What do you think, daddy?

Now, that's A prom dress.

You don't think It's too revealing?

No!

Harriette, this is what The kids are wearing These days.

Get with it. Loosen up.

I don't know, carl. $150 is a lot of money.

Well, it's a lot less Than $387,

And besides,

There's nothing too good For my baby girl.

Thanks, daddy.

I love you.

Yes! Ma, your plan worked.

Yep!

Now, take that Other dress back

And put it in your Aunt rachel's closet.

Hey, eddie, Who are you taking To the prom?

Gloria hilton.

Whoa, she's fly.

But then, She's kind of a flirt.

Oh, please, waldo.

Maybe she used to flirt With the boys,

But she's goin' To the prom with a man.

Make up your mind.

Is she goin' With you or man?

Forget it.

Look, are you taking maxine To the prom?

Hey, is the bear Catholic?

How are things going With maxine?

Not so good. Her dog's got worms.

No, I meant How are things going Between you two?

Fine. I'm not Going to stop Petting him

Just because He got worms.

Man, my head hurts.

Look, let's get back To the prom.

Does weasel Have a date yet?

Yep. I set him up With my sister Quesadilla.

You know, waldo,

I've been meaning To ask you this For a long time.

How did your sister Get a name like quesadilla?

She was born In taco bell.

It was either Quesadilla

Or burrito grande.

And that's A stupid name.

Look, I really think You're making a big mistake

By setting Your sister up With weasel.

How come?

Well, you know How weasel is.

[imitating weasel] Yo, baby!

You lookin' fine, Sweet thing.

I can make you Real happy.

You really think weasel Would try something With my sister?

Well, in the famous words Of ray charles,

Uh-huh.

Well, what Should I do?

Well, if I were you, And I'm glad I'm not.

I'd keep A close eye on weasel At the prom.

Right. I'm going to Be on him

Like ketchup On spaghetti.

My mom's A lousy cook.

Hello, my bodacious Bookworm.

Steve, I already have A date to the prom.

Okay.

Did you say okay?

Yep.

You're not going to Whine and moan And complain

That I should Go with you?

Been there. Done that. Moved on.

Oh.

Laura, I need your advice On a very delicate Situation.

Steve, If this involves Your colon again,

Just see a doctor.

No.

It concerns myra.

Oh, how are you two Lovebirds getting along?

Very well. In fact, too well.

She's been dropping Subtle hints

She'd like me To take her To the prom.

Steve, myra's A beautiful, Intelligent girl,

And not only that,

And this is the part That proves there's A god,

She actually likes you.

Go ahead and Take her to the prom.

Well, I can't.

Myra goes to A different school,

And the lovely lass Has no idea

That I have A reputation as...

A nerd.

Why, she thinks I'm "A" number one, Peachy-keen.

She calls me Her little adonis In suspenders.

That's cute.

Frightening, But cute.

Look, steve, Don't worry.

When you walk Into that prom

With a pretty girl Like myra On your arm,

Those kids Are gonna see you In a different light.

Hmm...I hadn't thought Of that.

Well, Think about it.

Laura, you're terrific.

You turned This little sad sack

Into a glad bag.

Anytime, steve.

Thanks, laura.

I'll invite The little vixen Forthwith.

Steve.

Yes, my pet?

This may sound A little strange,

But in some kind Of warped way,

I actually miss you Asking me out.

You know, In some bizarre way,

I actually miss Hearing you say no.

Laura, will you go to The prom with me?

No.

Ah...

[knock on door]

Hi.

Jerkel, what are you Doing here?

I'll ask the questions, Noodle-noggin.

What are you doing here?

I came to see laura.

There she is. You've seen her. Now beat it.

No, you beat it.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

Lucky for you I'm leaving.

Grrr!

Man, he gets Under my skin.

Oh, come on, He's harmless.

But he's always Hanging around you.

I don't like that.

Relax, jimmy. It's no big deal.

Now you came over here to study. Let's just study.

Forget it.

I can't concentrate.

I really like you, laura,

But when you Hang out with him,

It makes me look bad.

If you want me, You have to dump The nerd.

* I know you know Just what I mean *

* so don't just walk up On me *

* there's a time And there's a place *

* where we can talk About it *

* 'cause I don't Want to be disgraced *

* with all your Screams and shoutin' *

* here we go *

* here we go again *

* goin' through The same thing *

* here we go *

* don't wanna play The same game *

* here we go again *

* here we go *

* goin' through The same thing *

* here we go *

* don't wanna play The same game *

* well, not again *

* I don't wanna Go through it **

- hey, waldo. - what's up?

I don't believe this.

Portrait is playing At our junior prom. Yep.

How did we ever Get them?

Simple. One of them Is my cousin.

Really? Which one?

I can't tell you.

He'll do anything I want

As long as I promise Not to reveal we're related.

Yo, yo, yo. The weasel's On the loose.

Now the party's A party,

Know what I'm saying?

What's up, man?

A word with you, weasel.

Excuse me, Quesadilla.

Don't be long, baby.

I want to shake My booty.

I want to Shake it, too.

Look, man, I love My sister.

And if you do anything To besmirch her Reputation,

I'll be forced To defend her honor.

Oh, yeah, how are you Going to do that?

I'll get back To you.

Hey, listen, everybody!

Steve urkel's coming.

[moaning]

He's got a date!

Huh? Huh?

Ahem. Steve,

Uh, we seem to be The center of attention.

Oh, really?

I hadn't noticed.

Steven, everyone Is staring at me.

Why, of course.

They've never seen Such stunning beauty.

Oh, steven, You're so sweet.

* yeah, yeah *

* baby *

* oh, no *

* hear me out *

* for love *

* and open up *

* yes, I look In your mirror *

* I see the pain inside *

* it's so funny how *

* hearts never lie *

* the memories Of your lovin'... **

Yoo-hoo! Laura!

Oh, my god.

What are you guys Doing here?

Hi, honey.

Well, I missed my prom,

So I decided To bring your mom To this one.

Oh, I'm just kidding. See, we both had to Work late

And we realized we didn't Get a photograph Of our beautiful daughter

In her prom dress.

Honey, too much blush.

Ma, ma.

Oh, this is great.

Hey, a little space, ace.

Waldo, why are you Bugging us?

'cause you're my sister,

And the way I figure it, That makes me your brother.

And I don't want him To take advantage of you.

Hey, I'm a big girl. I can take care Of myself.

Besides, weasel's A gentleman.

He respects me.

Really?

Well, smack me hard And call me stupid.

Hi, steve.

Laura, that dress--

Why, you found The only gown

That could Complement your Natural beauty.

Thanks, steve.

And it minimizes Your butt, too.

You're too kind.

So, having fun?

I guess. How about you?

Laura, You were right.

Everyone's Real impressed that I'm out with myra.

I'm glad.

Laura.

Yeah?

I thought We settled this.

Settled what?

I told you To stop hanging out With the nerd.

Now, come on. I want to dance.

I'm sorry, jimmy, But we can't dance.

Why not?

Because I'm about To break your legs.

What?

Nobody tells me Who I can And cannot see.

I'm my own woman. I can make my own Decisions.

But, baby--

I'm not your baby.

Look, steve urkel May be annoying,

But he's Always treated me With respect,

And that's why he Has a date tonight,

And as of right now, You don't.

What a woman!

Laura!

Laura!

My goodness, I can't believe How fast the evening's gone.

Yes, and in a moment They'll be calling For the last dance.

That's where I'll Have a small task To perform.

Oh? Task?

Well, they put me In charge of releasing The confetti.

When I got to thinking,

Confetti Is so passe.

Very.

So what did you Come up with?

A remote control Balloon drop.

Oh, steve, show me.

Wow!

Hey, you know, You fellas have Real potential.

If you keep practicing,

You might amount To something someday.

Hey, guys.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

What's up?

Aha!

So you must be Waldo's cousin.

And now, You magnificent muskrats,

It's time for a moment

You'll all remember The rest of your lives,

The last dance.

Yeah.

* don't be afraid Of what you feel *

* lady tonight's The night **

That's my cue.

Are you ready For some magic?

Do it.

Ooh... Ooh... Ooh...

* I'll make it worth Your while *

* we can go All the way... **

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Did I do that?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Well, you don't Have to yell.

Hi, laura. Still wet, my pet?

No, just a little damp.

I just Wanted to make sure You didn't drown.

No, I climbed Onto the eiffel tower

As it floated by.

Boy, I really Outdid myself This time, laura.

I wiped out The entire Junior prom.

It could have happened To anybody.

No, it only could have Happened to you.

Laura, put what Happened tonight In a bottle

And cork it.

It was Vintage urkel.

I guess I gave you Some bad advice.

Myra must have been Pretty upset with you.

No, actually, She wasn't.

She just gave me A peck on the cheek

And said, "Don't you worry, Stevie-poo.

Even einstein Had setbacks."

So everything's okay?

Peachy-keen.

Listen, the reason Why I stopped by

Is, well...

I'm sorry About jimmy,

But I want to Thank you

For standing up For me.

Hey, I stood up for myself.

So it was Just a matter Of principle...

That's right.

And had nothing To do whatsoever

With the possibility

That you Care about me In any way?

That's right.

Not even The slightest little Teensy-weensy

Itsy-bitsy bit?

Well--

Stop there. I'll take it.

How about a hug?

Two seconds?