Original subtitles

Hey, harriette. Put down those coupons.

Eddie and laura Finally gave me

That language tape They've promised us.

Great. We're going To be a bilingual family.

[laura] Daddy mac...

A good-looking guy.

Daddy mac... Daddy mac...

A good-looking guy. A good-looking guy.

[eddie] Fly honey...

A good-looking girl.

Fly honey... Fly honey...

A good-looking girl. A good-looking girl.

[laura] Yo, let's kick it With the homeys...

Hey, let's relax With our friends.

[stops tape]

You know, This is amazing.

This is a whole Different language.

Yep.

And when we learn it,

We'll be able To talk with our kids.

Ready for more, Fly honey?

Let's kick it, daddy mac.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

[snoring]

Uncle carl...

[muttering]

Uncle carl?

[muttering]

Uncle carl!

Aah!

Oh!

Oh...Richie!

Morning, uncle carl.

You knocked The wind out of me.

Sorry. I had To wake you up

'cause I made you Breakfast in bed.

Oh! That's very thoughtful.

Hey, it's the least I could do

For the best uncle In the entire Whole universe.

Wow.

Here. Fresh Orange juice.

I squeezed it Myself.

What's the matter, Did you get a pit?

Hmm. Just...

One.

Two.

Look, I made you eggs...

Toast, and oatmeal.

You're after something, Young man, aren't you?

See, there's this hot New video game

Called Super space donkeys.

I need that game, Uncle carl.

Have you asked Your mother for it?

No. She's hip to the old Breakfast in bed trick.

Well, okay, I'll have a talk with her

And see how she feels About that particular game.

Thanks, uncle carl.

Ow!

What's the matter?

I got a loose tooth.

It hurts when I chew Anything harder Than pudding.

Open up. Let's take a look.

Ooh, yeah. That baby's almost Ready to come out.

Mom says all my teeth Will fall out.

She's right.

Sometimes things Need to fall out

To make room for new ones.

You must be getting A lot of new hair

'cause there's Plenty of room up there.

That's cute.

Ha ha ha!

But enough about me.

You know, once We pull that tooth,

We'll put it Under your pillow,

And the tooth fairy Will bring you money.

If you lose enough teeth,

You'll be able To buy your video game.

What do you mean, Pull my tooth?

Well, rich, That permanent tooth's All ready to come in.

It'll grow in crooked

Unless we get rid Of that baby tooth.

Let's see if it Falls out by itself.

Well, okay. We can wait For a while,

But not too long.

Deal?

Deal. Okay.

[telephone rings]

[ring]

Hello?

[sobbing]

Maxine, what's The matter?

Laura, the most Humiliating thing

Happened to me today.

Let me guess.

You only had Enough lipstick To do one lip.

This is serious, laura.

Oh, sorry.

Does this have Anything to do With roger?

You mean that stuck-up, Conniving,

Jehri-curl-plastic-cap- Wearing jerk?

Yeah, him.

I've lost him, laura!

My baby's gone!

Maxine, hold on. Somebody's calling On the other line.

Hello?

Guten abend, Mein liebchen.

What do you want, Steve?

I just got back From yodeling class.

I couldn't wait To share my latest yodel.

Steve.

Yo-de-lay hee-hoo!

Yo-de-lay hee-hoo!

* yo-de-lay yo-de-lay Yo-de-lay dee-hoo, My love *

Ha ha ha!

[snorts]

Hang on. Maxine's On the other line,

And she's in the Middle of a crisis.

[sobbing]

Maxine, please, Just calm down

And tell me What happened.

Okay...

Here I go.

You know how I've Been loaning roger money

So he can fix up His car?

Hey, I tried To warn you.

I said, "Maxine...

"Be careful, 'cause As soon as that fool

"Gets his car Fixed up,

He's going To dump you."

Yeah. You told me A hundred times.

Mm-hmm. So what happened?

As soon as that fool Got his car fixed up, He dumped me!

What a worm.

Hang on.

Steve?

Yes, my sultry strudel.

I can't Talk right now.

Maxine's A basket case.

Roger just Dumped her.

Oh, no!

He must have finished Fixing up his car.

You got it.

Well, you go Soothe your ailing friend,

My bodacious bratwurst.

[ringing]

Speak to me.

Hey, eddo, It's me, urk man.

Uh, steve....

I'm on my remote Phone,

And you're not Coming in Very clear.

Try calling back Next week.

Never mind. I'll come Talk to you in person.

Good news. You're Coming in loud And clear now.

What's up?

Listen, I've got Some juicy gossip

That you didn't Hear from me.

Comprende, compadre?

Out with it, steve.

I got calories To burn Before I sleep.

Roger dumped max.

No! Yep.

He must have Finished fixing up His car.

Yep.

Poor maxine. She always picks The losers.

Listen, I got to go.

I'm going to spread The news to all my friends.

Come to think of it,

You are all my friends.

In that case, Mission accomplished.

Auf wiedersehen.

Oh...

[telephone rings]

[ring]

[ring]

[ring]

[ring]

What's up?

Waldo!

Ha ha ha!

Yo, waldo!

Eddie?

Is that you?

Talk louder.

Waldo...

Check the receiver.

Is it upside down?

What's up?

Big news, buddy.

Roger and maxine Are incommunicado.

Wow.

Is that in mexico?

No. They're not Speaking to each other.

Roger dumped her.

He left her in mexico?

They're not in mexico.

They broke up.

Here's your chance, man!

I don't want to Go to mexico.

Waldo.

Didn't you tell me You had a big crush On maxine?

Hey, that's a secret.

That's between you, Me, and the wet cement I wrote it in.

I know that. All I'm saying

Is you like maxine, And now she's available.

So make your move, man.

Get real. Maxine Is drop-dead gorgeous.

She'd never go out with A chucklehead like me.

You'll never know Unless you try.

Then I'll never know.

It'd hurt me bad If she shot me down.

Hold on, waldo. Incoming call.

Speak to me.

Hey. Eddo?

Urk man again.

I've got laura On the other line,

And she wants me To warn you

Not to blab About what happened

Between roger and maxine.

Don't worry. I won't.

Anymore.

What?

I told waldo 'cause he's got A thing for maxine.

I'm trying to convince Him to ask her out.

Ach, du lieber. Hang on.

Sweet'ums, guess what.

What?

Waldo likes maxine.

He wants to date her, But he's too chicken to ask.

You're kidding!

I never kid When it comes to...

L'amour.

Steve, stay On the line.

Maxine?

Yeah?

Major scoop.

Roger wrecked his car?

No.

Waldo likes you.

Waldo?

Yeah.

Waldo faldo?

Yeah.

Waldo geraldo faldo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Would you ever Consider going out With him?

I don't know.

Maybe.

If he asked--

Hold on.

Steve, maxine said

She might go out With him.

Eddo, maxine says She'll go out with waldo.

Yo, waldo, maxine says

She can't wait To go out with you.

Really?

When?

When?

When?

When?

I don't know.

Maybe...Tomorrow?

Tomorrow night. A movie.

Tomorrow night. A movie.

Pick her up at 7:00.

Tomorrow night. A movie.

Pick her up at 7:00. Bring flowers and candy.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Carl.

Hmm?

What are you doing?

Tying a string Around this doorknob.

It's time to pull Richie's tooth.

Oh, carl.

Don't do this.

Well, why not?

I pulled eddie's teeth This way.

Right and until He was 12,

He screamed Whenever he heard A door slam.

Richie's tooth Needs to come out.

I know, But he's scared.

Can't we find A less traumatic way To do this?

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk...

Tsk!

What?

You are doing it Again, harriette.

You are doing it Again.

Doing what, carl?

You're behaving Like a mother.

And what's that Supposed to mean?

You're being Overprotective.

Harriette, have you Learned nothing

From the tragedy Of the sea lion?

Don't start with me, carl.

The massive female Sea lion...

Lies on a remote beach

Contentedly nursing Her pups.

Without warning,

A sea gull makes A darting dive!

The mama sea lion Rolls her blubbery Tonnage

Over onto her pups.

Disappointed, The gull wings away...

But the mama sea lion Heaves her humongous Belly

Off of her young.

But alas...

It is too late.

The pups...

Have been Mother smothered.

Carl...

Yes?

Take a long Look at me...

And then a long Look at you.

Who's more likely To smother something?

You better Get back out here

When I think Of a snappy comeback.

Richie!

What's up, uncle carl?

It's time To pull that tooth.

Bye! Uh-uh-uh.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

I'm going to use a very simple Method my father used on me.

What method?

Take a seat right here On this piano bench.

Nuh-uh.

Okay. I'll tell you what.

I'll demonstrate The whole thing For you, okay?

Now, first I want you To notice

That the front door Is open.

See? And around the doorknob

Is a piece Of string attached.

See?

So?

So you'll be sitting Right there

On the piano bench, Like this.

See?

Now, on the other end Of the string,

Is a little slipknot.

See? We'll just Slide the slipknot Over your tooth

Just like this.

See?

Then what? Well--

Hi, big guy.

Did I do that?

[telephone rings]

Hello.

Hi, laura.

I was just thinking About you.

Have a good time With waldo?

It was a date I'll never forget it.

Tell me everything, Every single detail.

Okay.

[telephone rings]

What's up?

Waldo?

Yeah. What's up?

You said You'd call me

As soon as you Got home from your date With maxine.

Yeah, but I wanted To shave first.

You're supposed to shave Before you go on a date.

Thanks a lot, Mr. "Too late now."

Just tell me About your date.

Okay. I didn't Want to be late.

When I Rang the doorbell, It was exactly 7:00.

Good for you.

Unfortunately, It wasn't Maxine's house.

It belonged to some Cranky old man

Who didn't like Being interrupted.

It took me Five minutes

To pry his pit bull Off my butt.

Whoo!

Oh, man.

Hey, I didn't Lose my cool.

I just used The old noggin.

What did you do?

I drove Around the block Honking my horn

And screaming Her name.

Good thinking.

Hang on, waldo. Incoming call.

Speak to me.

Eddo? Urk man.

Steve, I'm busy.

Me, too,

But counting Rat chromosomes Is tedious work,

And I needed A break.

Goodbye, steve.

And wait, wait, wait.

Have you heard From waldo?

My bug collection Isn't the only thing On pins and needles.

He's on The other line now.

He was telling me About his date With maxine

When I was rudely Interrupted.

You'll call me And tell me What happened,

Right?

Uh, yeah, absolutely. Bye.

[humming Camptown races]

Hello.

Hey, babycakes.

Steve, I'm busy.

Okay. Okay. I just want to know

Have you heard From maxine?

I'm dying to know How her date With waldo went.

I'm on the other line With her right now.

You'll call me And tell me What happened, right?

Oh, uh-huh, sure. Absolutely. Bye.

Maxine, I'm back.

Where was I?

Waldo was Honking his horn

And screaming Your name.

Suddenly, maxine runs Out of the house.

She jumps into my truck And says,

"Shut up. Floor it Before the neighbors Kill us."

Great. What movie Did y'all see?

Waldo said he was dying To see malcolm 10.

Malcolm 10?

Yeah, don't you know Your roman numerals?

Malcolm x Ismalcolm 10.

So, what happened After the movie?

It must've rained, because When we left the theater,

We had to cross A big mud puddle.

Don't tell me He fell in.

I put my jacket Over the puddle.

So maxine's feet Wouldn't get all muddy.

Ah, nice move. Very gallant.

Then he picked up The jacket

And wrapped it Around my shoulders.

Mud all over Your dress?

Mud all over her dress.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Man, disaster big-time.

I started To get mad,

But then waldo Did the strangest thing.

What did he do?

I sat in the puddle So we could match.

Yo, I'll bet That made her Feel a lot better.

It's weird,

But somehow it actually Made me feel better,

And that's when He kissed me.

Get out!

Yep, I just took general aim At her face,

Closed my eyes, And fired with both lips.

Got her smack On the cheek.

Get out!

Laura, every guy I've ever gone out with

Tried to take Advantage of me,

But not waldo.

I always thought He was so dense,

But there's A lot more to him Than I thought.

He's really sweet, And I like him a lot.

Do you think That's crazy?

No, That's not crazy. That's terrific.

Eddie, maxine's the first girl I've dated

Who doesn't make fun When I mess up.

I kind of think She likes me.

I'm crazy about her.

I almost Didn't ask her out.

You see? Sometimes You just got to Go for it.

Laura, thanks for listening To my troubles.

You're a good friend.

Don't mention it. You're always there For me.

Eddie, I appreciate your Help and advice.

I'm lucky to have A buddy like you.

Ah, forget it. Takes one to know one.

Well, well, Goodnight. Goodnight. Well, well, Goodnight. Goodnight.

No, I've four brothers And three sisters.

I'm the only child.

But do you have any pets?

A dog, a cat,

And somethin' That lives behind The refrigerator.

We don't know what it is, But we call it bob.

Something told me You like animals.

Waldo, don't you think It's weird?

I mean, we've known Each other for years

And we never thought About goin' out together.

Actually, I did.

I thought About it a lot.

But let me tell you,

Thankin' ain't my thing.

[high-pitched voice] Steven!

It is 3:27 a.M.

Why aren't you In bed?

Eddie and laura promised To call me back.

It would be rude of me To miss their call, mom.