Original subtitles

What's the big Announcement, Grandma?

Steve Isn't here yet.

I called his house And his mom said he's In the shower, so go ahead.

Well, alright--

What's up, winslows?

Steve, did we get You outta the shower?

No, I got out myself.

So, what's The skinny?

Estelle and I Have set the date For our wedding.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Congratulations.

Grandma, Are you going To be a june bride?

Not exactly, honey.

We'd like to get hitched Sooner than that.

How much sooner?

In two weeks.

Hey! I already Had a shower.

Mother, it'll Take a miracle

To pull off a wedding In two weeks.

What's the rush? You're not in The family way, are you?

That would really Be a miracle.

The reason we're Moving fast

Is we have A terrific deal

On a honeymoon Cruise.

Ah. Great.

Where are You guys going?

Who cares? We'll be In the stateroom The whole time.

Mother!

Oh, loosen up, carl!

It's a caribbean cruise, And it leaves in two weeks.

Look, we don't Want a lot of fuss,

Just a simple Ceremony.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on. This is my mother We're talking about.

I want her wedding To be spectacular.

But, carl--

Mom, I want A big traditional Wedding for you--

Big church, reception At chez josephine's,

10-piece orchestra, The works.

We'll invite Everybody we know.

I'll be there!

On the other hand, We should draw The line somewhere.

Okay, you Can come, too.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these Gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Eight seconds left, And the hoyas and The blue devils are tied.

There's the inbound pass.

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

He shoots.

Swish! The hoyas win!

[cheering]

Get off me!

Did I do that?

Alright, sweetheart, Come on. Hi, guys.

Hi, mom and dad. Hey!

Okay, harriette, We've reserved the church For the wedding.

I've to call The caterers. And you Call the florist.

Carl, it's only been three days, And I'm exhausted already.

Hang in there, honey.

We'll relax The weekend After the wedding.

We are. Hm-mm.

Sergeant grunwald's Loaning us his cabin Up at lake waxahatchie

At a really good price.

How much? Free.

I like that price.

Goodness gracious!

I am shocked And dismayed.

What are you Talking about?

Your parents are Just now getting married.

Nah, man, My grandmother's Getting married.

Oh, my god.

It's worse Than I thought.

It's frightening.

Soon you'll Be able to vote.

Hey, yo! Einstein flash!

What is it, weasel?

Your parents will be Gone a whole weekend.

That means we Can get stupid!

We can?

Relax, waldo, You're already There.

Yeah.

No. We could Have a flier party.

What in the name Of my aunt anne Is a flier party?

You print Some fliers, Pass them around,

And charge 15 bucks to get in.

Even us?

No.

Duh!

We'll only Charge you 10.

Cool.

A flier party, I like that.

Me, too.

I have some doubts. Care to hear them?

No. No. No.

Uh, look, waldo, you Make up a thousand fliers.

But I'll get Writer's cramp.

Make one...

Then xerox it!

Oh...Cool.

I'll spread the word To all the honeys.

Guys, here's to A great party.

Do it! Do it! Do it!

Do it.

I like that.

Boy, that estelle Surely makes Some great gumbo.

Yup. Heh, heh.

Nobody cooks Like my mama.

I've been loving Her cooking for years.

Yeah, well It's obvious that Your not a picky eater.

What?

You look good.

Thank you.

Good news, fletcher.

The wedding plans Are right on schedule.

It's gonna be grand, The grandest, most Spectacular ceremony

That this neighborhood Has ever seen.

But it's not what Estelle and I want.

Fletcher, your job Is to say, "I do."

And my job is to find The most expensive way For you to say it.

But estelle and I want To keep things simple.

You know, fletcher,

You keep telling me What my mother wants.

Well, I had an idea--

I think I know A little bit better

Than you about what My own mother wants.

I just had an idea--

You see, because I am her son,

Her firstborn...

Her pumpkin-pooh.

Oh, well...

I was just saying Estelle wants a small, Simple ceremony.

Mother!

What is it, carl?

Fletcher here Seems to think

That I'm going overboard With the wedding.

He says that you two

Want a small, Simple ceremony.

That's right. Say what?

We tried to Tell you before,

But you Wouldn't listen.

Oh.

Oh, well, Well, uh...

I'm listening now.

Yeah, you--you two Are coming through Loud and clear.

You two go ahead And have your small, Simple ceremony.

You won't get any More interference From me...

Because I won't be there.

But--

Carl, the caterer called With a beverage And appetizer suggestion--

A nice chardonnay And liver pate.

Harriette, my mother Just informed me

That she wants A small, simple affair.

So please call The caterer back

And tell him It's kool-aid And cocktail weenies.

Carl, what happened?

I don't wanna Talk about it.

In fact, I'm washing my hands

Of this whole Wedding business.

Carl, we need to talk.

Oh, look who's here.

The no-frills bride.

He's all yours.

Carl. Yes?

Did you mean What you said--

That you won't attend

Your own mother's Wedding?

Mama...

I told you From the very beginning

That I wanna give You a big, Storybook wedding.

Why didn't you say Something then?

I thought When you found out How expensive it was,

You'd pull back A little.

Oh, no way. I want the best.

I don't care What it costs.

But these fancy Plans you're making

Will put a dent In your savings.

I know.

But why Would you do that?

Because you are My mother.

All of my life, You made sacrifices For me.

Mama, I can remember You scrimping And saving

Just to get The things That I wanted.

Mama...

Do you remember The time I wanted That new bike?

I was 10 years old.

It was red, Wasn't it?

That's right. A cherry red schwinn

With headlights, An electric horn,

And big western Saddlebags.

Oh, I remember.

Your best friend, Bobby johnson,

He had one, And you had To have one, too.

Yeah, but daddy Said we couldn't Afford one.

But you, took The money you'd saved For a new dress

For your High school reunion,

And you bought me That bike.

The store wanted $5.00 for delivery,

So I rode it home.

I bet the neighborhood Is still talking about

That wheelie you popped.

Oh, your face lit up When you saw that bike.

And that Meant more to me

Than all the dresses In the world.

I just remember That I kept thinking

That someday,

Somehow I was going To pay you back.

And I thought That this was Gonna be my chance--

A big, beautiful wedding To say thank you.

Oh, honey, you Don't have to say Thank you to me.

But I appreciate The appreciation.

Mama.

Oh, ma...

I'm sorry I got carried away.

You just tell me Exactly what you want,

And I'll make it Happen.

Well...

Let's see.

How about a nice Garden ceremony?

Yeah. Right here At the house.

Oh, a moonlit Wedding

Under the stars.

Oh, mama, That's a great idea.

Good!

Oh, I love you, ma.

And I love you, too,

My pumpkin-pooh.

I hate wearing This monkey suit.

Hey, dad, you want A stud to help you With your studs?

Sure I'll wait here While you go find one.

Come on help Me with this.

Come on, son.

You're gonna be late Even for your own wedding.

I want to save Some energy For my honeymoon.

Oh, hi, carl.

Hi, fletcher.

Carl, meet my father, William thomas.

Nice to Meet you, sir.

My friends call me Skippy.

Oh, okay, skippy.

This is my son Edward.

My friends Call me e-man.

Yeah. Yeah.

Carl, your mother Is a fine-looking lady.

Well, thank you, Sir.

Does she have An older sister?

Dad!

Carl.

Fletcher. Hello, steve.

Skippy.

Eddo, eddo, eddo!

The nuptials Have developed A slight...

Snafu.

What's wrong?

You remember Our flier party,

The one I am Totally against?

Yeah, what about it, steve?

Well, tell me again.

Refresh my memory.

When is that party Supposed to be?

Next saturday.

Wrong, Cummerbund breath!

Waldo put today's Date on the flier.

Right now you Have over a 100 Crazed teenagers

In your backyard Ready to boogie.

What? Steve!

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Pardon me. Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

Waldo! What's up?

How could you Messed this up!

Cut me some slack. I Only got the date Wrong on one flier.

My mom's the one Who really messed up.

She xeroxed it over And over and over And over and o--

Ver and over.

Eddo, eddo, easy.

Yeah, chill.

Observiate The bright side.

Bright side?

What bright side, Weasel?

Look at this--1,500 Dead presidents,

And the homeys Are still coming.

Well, this is My grandmother's Wedding, and--1,500?

No, weasel. This isn't right.

They are gonna Ruin everything, They got to go.

Come on, loosen up, Eduardo.

Look, I clued Everybody in.

We'll all stand here nice and Quiet

Until gramps And granny Make it legal,

Then we par-tay!

See? No problem.

Edward... Problem.

Ha ha. Edward, who are All these kids?

Oh.

Caterer Trainees.

Try again.

Oh! Uh, fletcher Has a bigger family Than we thought.

Why not try the truth?

Okay, dad.

Me and the guys Were gonna Have a party

Next saturday When you're Out of town,

But waldo put The wrong date On the fliers.

All these people Think the party Is tonight.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ohh...

Alright, right now We're gonna Have a wedding,

But directly after that, We're gonna have a funeral.

Dad, wait!

Steve, why are you Walking so slowly?

Because I want This moment To last forever.

[the wedding march plays]

Dearly beloved,

We're all gathered here This evening

To unite this man And this woman

In holy matrimony.

Who gives this woman away?

I do.

And by the way,

I wasn't too cool About fletcher in The beginning, but--

Excuse me.

It wasn't An essay question.

Sister crawford?

* inseparable *

* that's how We'll always be *

* inseparable *

* just you and me *

* it's so wonderful *

* to know you'll Always be around *

* me inseparable *

* that's how it is *

* inseparable *

* for the rest Of our years *

* it's so wonderful To know *

* you'll always be *

* around **

Fletcher thomas,

Do you take this woman To be your wife,

For richer or poorer,

In sickness And in health,

To love and honor

For as long as you Both shall live?

I do.

Estelle winslow,

Do you take this man To be your husband,

For richer or poorer,

In sickness And in health,

To love and honor

For as long as you Both shall live?

Sugar...

I sure do.

The ring, please.

What god has Joined together

Let no man Put asunder.

I now pronounce you Husband and wife.

You may kiss The bride.

Wooh wooh wooh wooh!

Edward.

Ha ha. Great wedding, Huh, dad?

You know, son,

If screwing up Ever became An olympic event,

You'd win the gold.

150 extra people

At what was Supposed to be a small Family affair.

Give me One good reason

Why I shouldn't Ground you for the rest of your Life.

Well, we took in $2,000, dad,

And we want you To have it.

I love you, son.

You're a fine Young man.

You'll be spending The month of may In your room,

But you're A fine young man.