Original subtitles

Unbelievable!

Do you know, they're Out there kissing again.

What is that, date Shipping out over seas?

Calm down, carl.

It's after mid-night. Do You know where your home is?

Carl.

Stop it! You're embarrassing her.

Besides, it's just A few smooches out On the front porch.

I think It's romantic.

Yeah. Well, I think It's dangerous.

At their age, a Few smooches can Get outta hand.

Mother get in Here this instant.

Goodnight, fletcher.

Sweet dreams, estelle.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Hi dee ho, luscious lips.

I'm ready For our date.

I brought you Fragrant flowers

And mouth-watering Candy.

Don't thank me now.

Wait till we get In my car.

Steve, we don't have A date tonight.

Oh, alright. I was bluffing.

I was hoping You'd think You forgot.

Steve, I think I'd remember going insane.

Now, I'm going To the movies With maxine.

And if you follow me In that little toy You call a car,

I'll stomp on it Like it's a paper cup.

Wow, mama!

I bet you could Do it, too, baby.

Hey, my best bud, eddo.

Well, It's saturday night.

Let's wail. Let's boogie.

Let's get down With our bad selves!

No can do. I'm going out With oneisha.

Again?

Steve, she's the girl I've waited my Whole life to find.

Oh, that's how it is With me and laura.

Yeah, except Oneisha's willing

To be seen with me In public.

Nitpicker.

[doorbell rings]

Oh.

Hi, oneisha.

Hi, eddie.

For you.

Oh, eddie, You're so thoughtful.

Oh, baby.

Wh--what? What? What?

Hey, hey, hey! Those are my--

Hey, I paid For those! $3.90...

Hi, eddie.

Oneisha.

Uh, steve, we're kind Of busy right now.

Well, this is urgent.

I have info you need To know pronto.

What is it?

Well, I can't say it In front of her.

Hey, you can say anything You have to say

In front of oneisha.

Okay, last night Waldo and I

Went to paul's pizza & pudding parlor,

And we saw oneisha And joey newman

Making out In the parking lot.

What? Whoa! Eddo, eddo, eddo!

That's a lie, right?

Uh...

No. It's the truth.

Eddo, I'm seeing dots.

Oh!

Oneisha, how could you Kiss me tonight

After you kiss some Other guy last night?

It wasn't easy.

It made me feel Kind of...

False.

Oh, man, I Don't believe this.

I loved you with all My heart and soul.

And you're A nice person, too.

Oneisha, You cheated on me.

We're through!

I don't ever Want to see you again.

Okay

I couldn't believe The thing went on.

It was just perfect.

Fletcher, you know, I didn't know you Played college football.

That was A long time ago.

They used to call me "Swivel hips."

Some of us still do.

Mother winslow,

Why don't we go In the kitchen And make some coffee.

Good idea.

I'll only be A moment, sugar.

Okay Okay

So?

So?

Nice restaurant.

Yep.

Great food.

Yep.

Yep.

How about That salad bar?

Hey! Yeah.

What's the matter, Carl?

You been giving me The cold shoulder All night.

Well...

Since you brought it up,

You know, I'm a little upset.

You had your arm Around my mother All night long.

I was merely Showing affection.

Affection?

I saw you two over By the salad bar.

You steamed up The sneeze guard.

It was just A little kiss.

You bent her backwards Into the food.

We'll be picking Baco-bits

Out of her hair For weeks.

Carl, your mother And I share

A strong passion For each other.

I'm sorry If that upsets you.

Alrighty.

Coffee will be ready In a minute.

Who wants dessert? Fletcher?

In a minute, darling.

Right now I have An early birthday Present for you.

How romantic. Can it, harriette.

Estelle, on our Very first date,

You said there was Something you always Wanted to do

But never got around to.

Well, you and I are Going to do it Together.

Oh, you mean...

Yep, we're going White-water rafting

Down the colorado river.

Oh, fletcher!

Ohh! What A great present.

Hold on, hold on. Hey, hey, hold on.

Wait a minute.

This is A one-day trip, isn't it?

No, this is A seven-day trip.

Yeah!

He's gonna be Shacking up With my mom.

[mumbling]

[grumbling]

Oh, carl, look, A postcard From your mother.

What she means she stopped Playing kissy-face Long enough to write?

Carl, could I offer you Some constructive Criticism?

Sure. You're a jackass.

Oh, well, now, That's constructive.

Carl, your mother's In love.

Fletcher makes her happy, But are you Happy for her?

No. You complain, You criticize and you poke fun.

You're hurting her, carl.

Hey, you don't Think I'm hurting?

I mean, every time I see mother With that fletcher

Reminds me of how Painful it was When I lost my dad.

Carl...

Honey, I understand that,

But your mother's Made a choice.

She wants your approval.

If you don't give it, You may lose her, too.

Only 90 braided chains Are left.

The perfect gift For the lady you love.

Hi dee ho, Couch spud.

Hi, steve.

Hey, waldo. What's up?

Eddo, put on Your glad rags

And throw on Some fine vines.

We're going To a par...Tay!

Thanks, steve. I'm not in the mood.

Hey, this is no Ordinary party.

This is Industrial strength--

Screaming stereo, Flashing lights,

Girls in tight dresses, Hubba-hubba, mega fun!

And three Kinds of dip.

Yeah. Thanks, But I'll pass.

It's a housewarming party For conway arbuckle.

He's moved into An apartment downtown.

No, thanks, guys.

Gosh darn it, Mr. Sad sack,

Stop being such A gloomy gus.

You're pathetic.

Well, guys, it's just that I miss oneisha so much.

Oh, come on, pal. No girl is worth All this suffering.

Ed, you're coming With us or else.

Or else what? You gonna drag me To the party?

Nope. We're too clever To use violence.

If you don't come To this party,

We're gonna sit Here with you All night long.

A macadamia nut, Waldo?

Ah, the hawaiian treat. Thank you ever so much.

But of course.

Oh, man!

Get out of here!

Are you sure? Uhh!

I'll go change my clothes.

[music plays]

[laughter]

There you are, eddo.

Waldo, he's out here On the fire escape.

Eddie, you're missing A great party.

I just wanted To get some fresh air.

But the cooper twins are Going to show everybody Where they're different.

You guys go ahead.

It's impossible For me to have fun Without oneisha.

I miss her too much.

Eddo...

You look sadder Than my parents

On the day I was born.

Yeah, snap out of it man.

Why don't you do What we faldos do When we're depressed.

What's that? We do the hokey-pokey.

* you put your Right hand in *

* you put your Right hand out *

* you put your Right hand in *

* and you shake It all about *

* you do The hokey-pokey

* and you turn Yourself around *

* that's what It's all about **

That's supposed To cheer me up?

Hey, I'm smiling.

Guys, listen, I never loved a girl

The way I loved Oneisha.

My heart is broken.

I feel so bad I can Barely think of A reason to go on at all.

* you put Your left arm in *

* you put Your left arm out *

* you put Your left arm in *

* and you shake it All about **

Come on. Eddo. Give it a shot.

* you do the hokey-pokey *

* and you turn Yourself around *

* that's what It's all abo-- **

Ah, what's that?

Aah!

Aah!

Oh! Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Oh, oh!

Get off me!

Help!

Somebody! Anybody!

Uh, gentlemen...

Yeah?

We're going to die! We're going to die!

No, we're not!

Steve--steve, We're not going to die.

Now, very carefully And very slowly,

Let's inch our way Back up to The window, okay?

No prob, bob. Okay, alright. Okay, move.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Oh!

Aah! Aah!

I take it back. We got a big prob, bob.

Come on.

We got you.

Alright. Ooh, ooh, okay

Alright.

Fair warning-- I may barf.

Look, don't panic, Steve.

Let's just climb To the top, okay?

Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Where's steve?

Oh, my god!

Steve! Steve!

What?

Can I have A little help here?

Aah! Oh, oh.

Now what?

We got to get This thing level.

I'm going to climb up To the other end.

Okay, steve...

When I yell go, you Hop into the window. Right.

And, waldo... Sir.

You go to the other End as a counterweight.

Cool.

Okay, steve... Go!

Aah!

Okay, waldo... What's up?

When I give you The word,

I want you to move Fast as you can And get into the window.

Go!

Is that the word?

Yes!

The word's yes?

Run!

I'm not waiting For you to decide Which word to use. I'm going.

Eddie. Yeah.

Next time you Get depressed,

Could you do it In a basement?

You know something, guys?

A few minutes ago I was out on That fire escape Feeling like my life was over.

I felt dead inside.

But I thought losing oneisha

Was the worst thing that Could have happened to me.

But when the fire escape Gave way, I realized Falling 15 stories

Was a lot worse.

I wanted to live.

Hi, eddie.

Oh, hi, oneisha.

Hi, joey.

Joey's upset.

A big metal ladder Landed on his New car.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I think The colorado river Got smaller today.

It did? Yup.

I swallowed Half of it.

Oh, fletcher.

This trip Is the nicest present

Anyone has ever Given to me.

I thought You might like it.

Well...

It's back To the real world tomorrow.

Yeah.

You know estelle,

When I think back At the best moments Of my life

For the past few years,

They're always with you.

Honey, I feel The same way.

That's why I want to make sure

Wonderful moments Like this never end.

Bear with me now. Uh-huh.

What you up to?

Estelle... Hmm?

I love you more Than words can say.

You can make me The happiest man In the world

If you'd consent To be my bride.

Estelle, Will you marry me?

Oh, fletcher.

Yes. I'll marry You, honey.

Ohh!

It's beautiful, Fletcher!

I thought We'd get a place Near our families.

That way, we Can visit them As often as we like.

Honey, you think Of everything!

Not quite.

I have no idea how I'm Going to get back up.

Take your time now.

That's it.

So sorry we're late.

Hello, Mother winslow. Hi, darling.

That airline almost lost My inflatable raft.

Fletcher, I'm glad you're back.

I've got something To say to you.

What's on your mind?

Well, I, uh...

I realize I haven't Been very nice to you lately.

Actually, I've never Been nice to you.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm!

But, uh...

While you were gone, I've done some thinking.

And I realize you're Very special to my mother.

And if you're special To her, then you Should be special to me.

Friends? Friends.

Oh, I'm so glad

You two are Getting along.

So am I.

Because, um...

Fletcher and I Are getting married.

Oh, mother winslow! Oh!

What?

Look out For the raft!

Oh, no! Oh!

Did I do that?

Honey, what a great meal.

I am crazy About meatball night.

Well, I'm bushed.

I just want to plop Down in front of the tube

And veg out.

Me, too.

Me, three. Me, four.

And me, five.

You know, pbs has A scintillating documentary

On how human health Can be enhanced by mucous.

Let's go out.

Where? Anywhere.

We'll decide In the car.

Come on we don't Wanna be late.

Oh, I wonder how they got The camera in there.