Original subtitles

Okay ham.

Ham.

Cheese.

Cheese.

Mustard.

Mustard.

Bite.

Ha ha ha ha!

Bite!

Hi-dee-ho, neighbors!

Hi, uncle steve.

Get out.

Not until I show you My latest invention.

It's the most Revolutionary device Since the clapper.

The am/fm Urkelbrush.

The what?

The am/fm urkelbrush.

It's a combination Radio and toothbrush

So you can listen To the golden oldies

While you brush Your pearly whites.

Wow.

Get out.

Come on, carl.

Give her a try.

Come on.

Come on.

You're not going to Leave until I try that?

Uh-uh.

Pretty dull Just sitting there Brushing your teeth, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Not with the urkelbrush.

Now you can Brush to a beat.

[reggae music plays]

Let's try some Different music.

I'll hit The scan button.

[rock music plays]

[polka music plays]

This is sort of fun.

See, I told you.

[zap]

D-d-did-- D-d-did I do that?

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Come on, now!

Mom, dad, I've got big news.

Get lost! I've got Bigger news.

Eddie, nobody wants To hear about your First chest hair.

You just mad 'cause you have more Chest hairs than me.

[yelling]

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

Alright. Laura, you go first.

Okay.

Your daughter has hit A benchmark in her life.

I signed up for my psats.

If I get a high score In this tests,

I might get a scholarship To harvard!

Oh, laura, honey, That's great!

For the next two weeks, All I'm going to do is study.

No tv, no dates, no friends No fun whatsoever.

How's that different From your normal life?

Peasant.

Alright, edward.

Now, what's your Big announcement?

Check this out.

Your son Edward winslow

Is being Recruited by A major university.

What?

Coach westfield Called me Into his office.

A recruiter came All the way down here Just to meet me!

Really?

What school?

Illinois occidental University.

Wow! I.O.U.!

Yeah.

Congratulations, eddie.

Thanks, mom.

Oh, son! I am very, Very proud of you.

Hey! And that's just The beginning!

You'll be a starter Your freshman year.

And your junior year,

You'll lead your team To the sweet 16.

And your Senior year,

Uh-huh.

You'll--you'll Win the ncaa Championship!

And be declared the Most valuable player In the game!

And you'll get Drafted by the bulls

At the highest salary in The history of the game!

Maybe I'll even Get endorsements!

Oh, dozens!

Air winslow Sneakers!

Eddie winslow Jelly jars!

Whoa, whoa, Whoa, guys! Time out.

Eddie, does this School have a good Scholastic reputation?

I don't know. I mean, they got Books and stuff.

Harriette, It's fairly obvious.

If they didn't Have scholastics,

They couldn't Call it a college.

Son, when you become Rich and famous,

You're going to have To have an agent.

Why?

Well, when you're making Gobs of money,

Someone's Supposed to take A big chunk of it.

Can't you do that, dad?

I love you, son.

Mr. Mccabe, what's the Enrollment at illinois Occidental university?

That's a very Perceptive question, carl. I have no idea.

But we have one of the top Basketball programs Around. And eddie?

Yes, sir.

We want you.

Alright! Alright!

Uh, sir. Yes.

Did you go to I.O.U.?

I sure did, On a sumo wrestling Scholarship.

That's a joke folks. Recruiting humor.

Excuse me, mr. Mccabe.

Uh, just call me wayne, Hamriette.

That's harriette, Dwayne.

That's wayne.

By the way, That's a lovely hairdo You're sporting.

Thank you, wayne.

I take it basketball

Isn't the only Reason students Go to your school.

Of course, not. I.O.U. Offers a terrific Educational program

If eddie chooses to take Advantage of it.

What do you mean, If he chooses?

Our professors are Very big fans of The basketball program.

What are they going To do, flunk a power Forward because he forgot

To read silas marner? Come on.

This sounds like A fine college, dad.

Made up your mind?

I sure have. I.O.U., here I come.

Alright!

Alright. Yeah!

[wayne] See you on The quadrangle.

[knock on door]

[carl] Laura.

Laura, honey,

Didn't you Hear me knock?

Sorry. I guess I was Concentrating too hard.

You should Have knocked.

Laura...

You know, you look A little, you know...

You look a little Horrible.

I think you're Studying too hard.

You can't Study too hard.

Where's steve? I thought he was Helping you.

He was. He wimped out After only 12 hours.

What a wuss.

When is the last time You got some rest?

I don't know. What day is this?

Laura, I am really Worried about you.

You must be exhausted.

No, I'm like that Little bunny on tv--

I just keep going And going and going And going and going--

Stop, stop, stop.

You're going To bed. Come on.

Dad, I can't. I have To go to the library.

Laura, no way. Sleep first.

Dad, this isn't fair.

I have to study!

Not until You've had some rest.

Dad, you're exacerbating The problem

Instead of ameliorating it.

I am...Not.

But just to be sure,

I'm going downstairs To check the dictionary.

Yoo-hoody-hoo!

Steve?

Yep. I rendezvoused With mr. Sandman,

And now I'm as Fresh as a daisy.

Whoa!

I'm fine. Ready to go To the library?

Yeah, let's go.

Whoa!

What's the matter?

Well, nothing, sweetums.

You just remind me Of a movie star.

Oh? Who?

Freddy krueger.

Ooh. I look that bad?

Why don't you lie down And catch a few zs?

You sound Like my father.

Oh?

Yeah, he said I can't Go to the library

Until I get some sleep.

You should have told me!

I nearly violated A direct big guy order!

What my father doesn't Know won't hurt him.

I have to study. Are you coming with me or not?

Negatory! I will not help You destroy your health.

I'm going, and I want you to keep Your mouth shut.

Uh-uh. I'm squealing, baby.

There's nothing On god's green earth

That's going to stop me.

Please, stevie?

Okay

[knock on door]

[carl] Laura.

[high voice] Just a minute.

Come in.

Laura...

Did I wake you, Sweetheart?

Mm-hmm.

Well, good.

Ow!

What's the matter?

[mumbling]

You're still Mad at me, huh?

That's why you're not Looking at me.

Uh-huh.

Sweetheart, is there Something wrong?

You sound kind of nasal.

Cold.

You are cold Or you have a cold?

Uh-huh.

I see. You're still A little punchy.

I must be a little Punchy, too.

Because for A second there

I thought you Sounded like steve.

Heh heh heh. [snort snort]

Listen, sweetheart,

I know you think I'm Being unreasonable,

But you Need your rest.

Someday you'll thank me.

Uh-huh.

I love you, Sweetheart.

Uh-huh.

Come on, Give us a kiss.

Come on. Give your Old dad a kiss.

Close your eyes.

Come on. You don't Look that bad.

Please?

Okay

Night, honey.

Sweet dreams...

And get some chapstick.

[eddie] Here I come, dad!

Guys, can I see you For a sec?

Oh, mom, The game's not over.

It's over 'cause I'm over.

I want you To meet somebody.

Sam massey, this is My husband carl.

Hi. How you doing?

And my son Eddie.

Nice to meet you, Eddie.

Sam massey... Why does that ring a bell?

They used to call me Sam the slam.

Oh, yes.

I saw you on tv once.

You made a 3-point shot At the buzzer

To beat georgetown.

Yeah. I got lucky.

That wasn't luck. It takes more

Than luck to score 38 points in one game.

40 points, But who's counting?

You were one Of the best college Players that season.

Come on, sit down.

Yeah. What happened to you?

Eddie!

That's okay.

That's the reason I'm here.

Your mother told me about Your offer at I.O.U.

And asked me to Give you some tips.

Great!

Hey, harriette,

How do you know Sam the slam?

I met him at The supermarket.

Sam's my favorite checker.

Thanks.

Checker?

Yep. Just promoted-- From bagger.

Oh.

Well, I guess I thought that...

Somebody with A college education

Would be doing something A little...Different.

I never graduated.

Oh! Why not?

Well, that 3-point shot Against georgetown

Was the highlight Of my career.

Turned out to be The last game I ever played.

How come?

The following week,

I shattered My right knee.

In practice?

No.

In the shower.

It's okay to sing in there But not wise to dance.

Couldn't the doctors Fix you up?

They tried.

I had four operations Over the next two years,

But this baby Was never the same.

Gee, sam, That's tough.

Yeah.

One day I'm a big star And next, I'm mr. Nobody.

My professors Had been giving me A free ride.

When I got hurt, They expected me To earn good grades.

You know what? I could barely read.

Did you flunk out?

Almost as fast As I used to Drive the lane.

I'm back in school now,

But I sure lost A lot of time.

You know, son...

The thought of you Getting injured

Never entered My mind.

Aw, dad...

Just because Sam got hurt

Doesn't mean I will.

Well, that's true.

And I sincerely Hope you don't.

In fact, let's say you Beat the odds

And make it into the pros.

Are you aware the average Nba career is four years?

Four years? I'd be retired by 26!

And then What are you going to do

With the rest Of your life?

We're not going to Let you move back in.

Now, look, eddie...

I.O.U. Is a good school.

But all the compliments They're giving you

Will disappear the second They don't need you.

So pick a major And work hard at it.

Think of basketball As the icing on the cake.

Thanks, sam.

I'll do that.

You must be hot stuff On the court.

Well, I've been Known to defy The laws of gravity.

You care to show me Your moves, spaceman?

Let's kick it.

Oh ho ho.

What? What?

I better study hard.

Wasn't it nice of sam To talk to eddie?

Oh, come on, Mrs. Winslow.

You know he wasn't Just talking to eddie.

He was talking To me, too, right?

Well, maybe a little.

I don't know. I guess I got caught up in the Excitement of my son's future,

That I lost sight Of his future.

Laura, are you okay?

No.

What's wrong?

I snuck out and went To the library.

You disobeyed me?

What do you have to Say for yourself?

I can't remember The atomic weight Of titanium!

What?

I knew it this Morning, but...

Now it's just...

Gone!

Laura, you need To sit down.

Oh, my god!

What's the matter?

I thought I was Sitting down!

Sweetheart, Take it easy.

Everything's Going to be okay

No, it isn't.

I'm going to Flunk the test.

I won't get into harvard And I won't get Into any school!

You're putting Too much pressure On yourself.

You're having an Emotional breakdown.

It's terrific to have goals And work hard to achieve them,

But you need balance In your life.

You need to Have fun, too.

Yes, sweetheart. Once you get some rest, You'll feel refreshed,

And then you'll remember Everything that you studied.

Then you'll Take that test,

And no matter What your score is, We'll be proud of you.

Even if I don't get Into harvard? Won't you be disappointed

No way.

You've always done Your best. That's all We can ask for.

Thanks. I love you guys.

We love you, too.

I'll make you a sandwich Before you go to bed.

You know, carl, It's funny.

Laura always Studies too hard,

And eddie Doesn't study enough.

How can they Be so different?

I guess they're as Different as you and me.

Carl, Look at her.

She's fast asleep.

My little princess.

You know, carl...

She's not So little anymore.

She's growing up To be a young woman.

I bet she's going To be very successful.

Yeah.

You know something, Honey?

Eddie and laura May be different,

But there's one thing They have in common.

What's that?

They are Both good kids.

That's true.

And that makes us Successful.

Hey.

What's the matter? Wait a minute.

If laura snuck out To the library...

Who kissed me?

Carl, what are you Talking about?

I was up in laura's room,

And there was somebody Underneath the covers

That sounded a lot like...

Steve!

Oh, boy!

Ooh.

Behold, My sleeping beauty.

Why, here's My golden opportunity

To steal a kiss.

Don't even Think about it.

What a woman.

You!

Whoa-oh!

You!