Original subtitles

Please, steve, No more farm animal Impressions.

Okay, sugar pants.

I'll find somebody Else to entertain.

Hi, big guy.

Hello, steve.

Hey, want to hear My impression of A chicken yodeling?

No.

Buck-buck-buck-buck Buck-buck-buck-buck

Yodel-hay-hee-hoo.

I'm warning you. I'm in no mood for this.

Well, que pasa, Hombre grande?

Eddie is an hour Past his curfew,

And it's A school night.

I don't blame you For being perturbed.

Why, my father Always says,

"Curfews are like Prostate exams--

Unpleasant But necessary."

Do you have A curfew?

Oh, my, yes! Why, my curfew was Written in stone

And strictly Enforced by both Of my parents.

Oh, good. It's midnight.

I'm allowed to Go home now.

[theme music]

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

[theme music]

Shh.

Come on, eddie. I'm hungry. Give me a sandwich.

No, waldo. I can't.

Hey, wait a minute Why're we whispering?

I'm late. Don't you have a curfew?

Nah. I'm lucky. My parents don't Care about me.

What about you, waldo, You got a curfew?

No.

But I had A hamster once.

Edward!

Hi, dad. Sorry we woke you.

We been hangin' out Down here since 10:58.

Oh, really? Yeah.

No, we weren't. We just got here.

Thank you, waldo.

No prob, bob.

You're in big trouble, Mister. Major trouble.

Um, excuse me, But in edward's Defense, mr. Winslow,

It's my fault That he violated his curfew.

Oh?

He completely Lost track of time

Watching me Moon meter maids.

I don't believe we've met.

Oh, oh, alex park, sir.

But hey, my friends Call me weasel

Weasel.

Yeah, like, pop goes the..

Say goodnight to your Little friends, edward.

I'll be over on The couch making out your will.

Ooh. Ooh.

Goodnight, dad. Wrong.

Edward...Son.

Your curfew Is 11:00...

Not 11:30, Not 11:45,

And certainly not 12:22.

Come on, dad, I'm a senior in high school.

An 11:00 curfew Is ridiculous.

Well, maybe You're right.

Let's say We change it to...

10:30.

What? That's crazy.

Wanna try for 10:00?

Come one, dad, I got to have a social life.

Social life?

You call mooning Meter maids a social life?

I didn't do that.

I would never do A thing like that.

I just find it Hilarious watching Other people do it.

Well, edward, it is completely Inappropriate behavior,

I don't want you Associated with it in any way.

Go to Your room, young man.

You're treating me Like a kid, dad.

And you embarrassed me In front of my friends.

Oh, well, pardon me! I'm sorry that I embarrassed you

In front of a guy Named weasel--

A guy who flashes His fanny

At feminine Law enforcement officers.

Guys, guys! The whole neighborhood Can hear you.

What's going on?

Your son Is grounded, That's what.

What? You heard me.

You're grounded For one month.

A month? Just for being late?

That and your Snotty attitude.

Mom, say something.

I want both of you To calm down.

Oh, sure. Take his side.

Edward, You messed up.

You're gonna have to Suffer the consequences.

Oh, man, all you do is nag me, Criticize me and put me down

I'm sick and tired of it, dad, I'm not taking it anymore.

You are. You may not like it, But you'll take it.

Oh, no, I don't.

Excuse me?

I'm moving out!

You don't mean that. Oh, yes, I do!

Edward, you're Not going anywhere.

Oh, yes, I am! I can't wait to Get out of this prison!

Eddie, are you still Upset with your father?

Yes, grandma. He's being totally Unreasonable.

I can't wait To find my own Apartment.

Eddie, I know You're frustrated,

But this is Your father's house.

He's got a lot of rules And regulations.

But there's one thing You've got to admit.

What's that?

You can't beat The rent.

She's right, you know.

You can't find A studio apartment For under 400 a month.

One-bedrooms Start at 525.

How come you know So much about prices?

I think about Getting my own place

Every time Steve drops by.

I've absolutely Had it!

Ugh!

[muttering]

Well, What's the matter?

My father Has forbidden me

From doing any further Scientific experiments.

Why, that's like Telling the fat boys

To skip The second helpings.

Just calm down And tell us What happened.

I was working On a project

I hope to sell To the military--

High explosives Cleverly disguised To look like food.

Sounds like a winner. Oh, it is.

You could wipe out a platoon With a single meat loaf.

Anywho, I stored Some egg-grenades In the fridge.

Dad went to Make himself an omelet

And blew himself Into the garage.

And he got upset Over a little Thing like that?

Can you believe it?

He says my inventing days Are over.

Well, steven q. Urkel Won't stand for it.

What you Gonna do?

I'm getting A place of my own.

We'll see How cocky he is

Without my rent Check every month.

From now on, This puppy's a lone wolf.

Yeah.

A lone wolf.

Owoooooh!

Grrr.

Steve...

Bud...

Pal.

Why are you Kissing up to me, eddo?

Well, it just So happens

I've also been Thinking of Leaving the nest.

You mean... We could be roomies?

Why not? If we combine our cash, We could get a fresh pad.

Eddo, I can only afford About 300 a month.

No problem. We'll look for something In the 310-320 range.

This apartment Hasn't been rented For some time.

We've been waiting for The right tenants to come along.

Oh, I see. You're guys are perfect.

Sign here. Sure.

Hold it. Hold it.

Perhaps we Should see the Apartment first?

Well, I guess We could do it That way.

Here we go.

So...Nice, huh?

325 a month. I need first month, Last month,

And a security Deposit.

We only have Enough for first month.

Deal. Sign here.

Not so fast.

I assume if anything Goes wrong with The apartment,

You will handle The situation personally?

No way! I got a guy With a pot belly

And a lot of tools Who takes care Of that stuff for me.

I live way out In the suburbs

In a really nice house.

Hey, steve, look.

Bunk beds.

Yeah. Sign here.

Hold it, eddo.

Are you sure about this? Come on, steve.

We've looked all day, This is the only place We can afford

Where the cockroaches Don't outnumber the tenants!

Well... I guess it'll do.

Here you go.

And...

Here's your money.

Yes!

Bye.

Color me curious, Eddo, but...

Why is such a nice, Inexpensive Apartment vacant?

[rumbling]

That el train May be a clue.

[instrumentalmusic]

* I'm too sexy For my shirt *

* too sexy For my clothes *

* too sexy For my friend *

* on the catwalk, On the catwalk *

* I shake my little tush On the catwalk **

Yo, roomie.

Hey, buddy. What's up?

I've just made Scientific history, Eddo.

What do you mean?

I've done some Genetic engineering

And developed A single-cell organism With high intelligence.

Take a gander.

Ugh!

Startling, isn't it?

Steve, don't Let them escape.

Yeah. You're right.

Can you imagine Those babies crawling Around in your lunch meat?

[rumbling]

Oh, uh, what is this?

Ah! This is my Latest invention.

Environmental Furniture.

You're looking at A chair upholstered With sod.

That's pretty neat.

You know what I like to call it? A lawn chair.

[laughing And snorting]

Hey. This is Kind of comfortable.

You might Want to get up. I just dusted for slugs.

So, did you leave The groceries

Down in the car?

Groceries?

Well, yeah, eddo. I gave you a shopping list.

You promised You'd stop at the store.

I know, steve. I ran into Cheryl hudson.

I took her To dinner and a movie.

So you squandered Our money on a hottie?

I wouldn't say Squandered.

It was more of An investment.

Yeah, an investment In our hunger.

Eddo, I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day.

Steve, will you Stop whining?

Here. Have some Celery.

No!

Oh, no, no, no!

Hit the deck!

What was that?

I told you I was doing Important work

With explosive Vegetables!

You just wasted A perfectly good Celery bomb.

Look, steve,

I don't want to Get into an argument With you.

It's late. Let's get Some rest. Okay?

Okay.

Goodnight, baby.

Goodnight, baby.

Now, there's A real woman.

[hums rock-a-bye, baby]

[instrumental music]

Now, eddo, Did you remember To set the alarm?

Mm-hmm.

Good. What time Did you set it for?

[lisps] 7:00.

What?

7:00.

Why are you talking So strangely?

I can't understand A word--

Whoa!

What in sam hill Is that thing?

Thith is a dental brace.

You see, I have A slight overbite.

Aha.

Pleath don't tease me Or make sarcastic comments.

I--I'm very senthitive.

Oh.

Far be it for me To mock anyone

With a medical Affliction.

Oh, fanks.

Oh, but one thing. What's that?

We'd get much better Reception if you sat On the tv.

You're dead meat, Misther!

No, no, no!

Don't make me Use this apple!

[knock on door]

Who the heck Would visit us?

Beats me.

Hello, steve.

Hi, big guy. Long time no see.

Hello, edward.

Father.

Well, come on in. Come on in

What are you doing In our neck of the woods?

Well, I was working The night shift, and--

Nice little place You got here.

It's not that little,

And it's a great place.

[rumbling]

Real close To the el train.

I see what you mean.

Edward, your mother baked A cake and asked me To bring it to you.

No, thanks. I'm not hungry. I had a big dinner.

[pants]

[growls and grunts]

Steve, give me--

Rrr!

Steve, Give me the c--

Rrr!

So, how are you And the pastry king Getting along?

Great. Just great.

I should have moved When I was 10.

Oh, I see.

So, how's mom?

Your mother is fine,

Just fine.

Look, ed--

What is this?

It's our new Lawn chair.

Well, it needs watering.

So, what's new?

Well...Ahem. What's new?

I bought myself A snow blower.

That figures. I begged you For years to buy a snow blower.

I didn't have to. I had you.

Look, edward,

Next wednesday Is judy's birthday,

And we're going to have A party at the house for her

Judy the family Would like to see you you there.

What about you? Well, it's your decision.

Okay, fine. Okay, so long.

So long. Wait a second, carl.

Eddie winslow, You're my best friend,

And I've always Looked up to you.

But right now You're acting like A horse's patoot.

What?

That man is your father.

The same blood That courses through His veins

Flows through yours.

I know.

Do you think he came All the way over

To bring you a dry, Inedible cake?

I think not.

Am I right, carl?

Well, uh...

He was offering you An olive branch

In his own awkward, Portly way.

Listen...

You winslows Are proud, proud men.

But right now Your pride is Keeping you apart.

He started it.

I'm not the one Who waltzed in to the house

An hour and half late.

Hold it! There you go again!

Eddie? What?

Do you love Your father?

Come on, man! I don't have--

Just answer The question!

Do you love this man?

Yeah.

Carl...Tell your son How you feel.

Well, I miss him.

Don't tell me.

He's right there.

Edward, I miss you.

Well, I miss you, Too, dad.

Son...

The house just hasn't Been the same without you.

You know...

Last night I woke up In the middle of the night,

And I went into Your room.

I got kind of Misty eyed.

You miss me that much?

That, and... I got a whiff

Of one of your Dirty gym socks.

Son...

I'm sorry That I yelled at you.

No, dad, It was my fault.

I shouldn't have Come home late.

Edward...

I love you with all Of my heart.

I love you, too, dad.

Oh.

Look, um....

It's entirely Up to you,

But I would like it very much If you came home tomorrow.

No, I don't Think so, dad.

Well, suit yourself.

Can I come home Tonight?

You got it.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

I shouldn't have Brought him home.

There's nothin' Left for me.

Um, mom, I sure Missed your cooking.

Remember, son, No matter where you go

Or how far you travel

Nobody microwaves Like your mom.

Eddie, was steve's parents happy That he was back home?

Oh, no, ma'am, they had to Kick out their new tennant.

I wonder where laura is, It's not like her to be late.

Steve, you have sunk To a new low.

You begged me to come over To help you move out of here,

But you really brought Me here to get a kiss.

Well, that's true, Sweetums,

But don't you think You're overreacting Just a tad?

Well...

No.

Now, laura...

Laura, hello?

Anybody?

Get me out of-- [rumbling]

Whoa!

[rumbling]

[instrumental music]