Original subtitles

Okay, everybody!

It's time for The third annual Scariest pumpkin contest.

And this year our esteemed Judges are carl winslow...

Yay! Whoo! Yay!

And steve urkel!

Well, I'm proud To be included

In this family's charming Pagan ceremony.

I would have been a contestant

But my pumpkin was stolen from Me by a five year old.

And she had a mean left hook.

Okay, let the Contest begin! Hit that, baby.

[richie] The first pumpkin

Was carved by me And my mom.

Ohh! Ooh! Ooh!

[judy] The next pumpkin

Was carved by me And my mom.

Ooh! Wow! Ooh!

[laura] And the last pumpkin

Was carved by Me and eddie.

Ahh! Aah! Ahh!

[carl] Well, there's Your winner.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Good morning. Good morning.

Okay, I'm late. Get off my back!

Hey, sis. What was the name Of your charm school, again?

I'm sorry. I didn't Sleep again last night.

Honey, that's the Third night in a row.

Maybe you should Call a doctor.

Carl, he'll just say get some Sleep and charge us 100 bucks.

I just want you to be ready

To rock 'n' roll At the policeman's Halloween bash tomorrow.

You know how they look forward To us

Getting on top of the table And doing the famous Winslow rumba.

* ba da da da da **

Carl, the only person That looks forward To that is you.

You didn't notice Last year,

But they pulled Their guns on us.

Rachel, you may have To carry the rumba Banner this year.

Can't, carl. I'm taking richie Trick or treating.

No, you're not. I'm going with eddie.

What?

Yeah, you promised me A long time ago.

Remember the time I loaned you $2.00?

Oh! I'm sorry. I forgot All about that.

Waldo and I Are going

To darryl jackson's Halloween party.

Oh.

Yo, richmeister!

Yeah?

Be ready by 6:00, okay?

Alright! Thanks, eddie.

[snoring]

Carl?

Carl?

Carl!

Aah!

What?

Honey, are you awake?

Well, I am now.

Good. Let's chat.

Chat?

Chat? Oh, I see.

You can't sleep, So I can't sleep, Either, right?

I knew You'd understand.

Steve, is that you?

Well, it ain't The tooth fairy.

Oh, it's official. This is the night From hell.

Hey, big guy.

Greetings, mother Of the woman I love.

Steve, what are You doing here?

Well, my motion sensor Device was triggered.

So I came over To investigate.

Motion sensor Device?

It's a doohickey I cooked up

To keep track Of my favorite family.

By the way, carl

There hasn't Been much motion In this room lately.

Well, I've been Having this back Problem, okay?

Every couple of months It goes out on me--

Why am I explaining To you? Go home, steve!

No, no, wait, steve. You can stay.

What? What?

Carl, I can't sleep.

I need somebody To talk to.

Ah, insomnia.

Harriette, he's Getting the chair.

My dear old dad

Has had considerable Experience with That affliction.

Really?

Why, he didn't sleep From 1966 to 1976.

A whole decade?

Well, he put the time To good use, though.

He learned to speak 12 foreign languages

Wrote three operas And riddled the entire

Osman family On a walnut.

Steve

Do these things really Happen to your family?

Or are you merely trying to Gradually drive me insane?

No, every word is The gospel truth.

But this story Has a happy ending.

In 1977, my father found A surefire remedy For insomnia.

Ooh, tell me.

He listens to Relaxation tapes.

His favorite is...

Sounds of the Amazon rain forest.

Ooh, I bet That is relaxing.

Yeah.

Chain saws, bulldozers, Animals shrieking In terror

As they run For their lives.

Get out!

Oh, I'm just kidding.

A little Ecosystem humor.

Hee hee hee! [snorts]

Actually, it's The gentle sounds Of wind and rain.

Very soothing.

Steve, where can I Buy this tape?

Oh, I'll make you a copy And bring it over.

Oh, thank you, steve.

Now, what can I Get for you, carl?

Some oysters?

Vitamin e?

A copy of bolero?

Go home.

But, carl--

Go home.

Why, if you'll--

Go home! Go home! Go home!

I don't have To take this.

I'm going home.

[doorbell rings]

Trick or treat!

Ha ha ha ha.

So nice of you to drop by.

Here's a lollipop.

Some gum.

And a nice juicy spider!

Aah!

Ha ha ha ha.

Got 'em.

Hey, spiderman. Ready to go?

I was born ready.

I'm in candy overdrive.

[doorbell rings]

Trick or treat!

What's up, waldo?

How'd you Know it was me?

Lucky guess.

Hey, guys.

Care to ride Up the nile on my barge?

Hey, miss crawford,

In this light You look exactly Like...Cleopatra.

Who are you supposed to be?

Shirley temple Black.

Andale! Andale! Andale!

Sergeant garcia,

Unhand that maiden!

You dare Say no to zorro?

Oops!

Sorry, senorita.

Wow! Zorro! Can I have Your autograph?

Waldo, it's me-- Carl winslow.

Dude, your dad Is zorro.

Come on, let's go party So we can boogie all night.

Richie.

You have a great time Trick or treating, okay?

Don't worry, I will.

I'm gonna be with My best bud eddie.

Okay

[doorbell rings]

More trick or treaters.

Ooh, jump back.

Hi.

Right back at you.

Could you help me?

Wonder no more. Eddie winslow At your service.

I'm angela.

And I'm glad.

Thank you.

I'm going to a party At the jackson's

But I can't Find it.

Oh, you see, That's because

It's a difficult House to find.

No, it isn't. It's right Across the--

Perhaps I should Escort you personally,

Just to make sure You're safe.

Thanks so much.

See I'm a friend Of a friend.

And I won't know Anyone there.

Of course you will. You'll know me.

Now put yourself In park,

But keep That motor running.

Guys, look at her.

She's drop-dead gorgeous.

I don't know why You're so impressed.

For god's sake, man, Your father is zorro.

Change your plans, Waldo.

You take richie Trick or treating.

Eddie, you Promised to take me.

I know, richie, but you'll Have just as much fun

With your uncle waldo.

The guy thinks Your father is zorro.

And besides I want To be with you.

I know, richie,

But I'll make it Up to you. I promise.

[imitating dracula] Come with me Into the night,

My little mistress Of the dark.

Ready to go, Richie?

I guess.

Steve--

Ribbet.

Steve--

Ribbet.

One more ribbet and I'm having frog legs For dinner.

I love you!

I love you all!

I love you!

I love you all!

I love you! I love you all!

Oh, I love you!

Ribbet! Steve--

Stop that!

Tell you what sweetums.

Let's make the fairy tale Come true.

Kiss this homely frog, Turning him into A handsome prince.

I'm not Kissing a frog.

Oh, come on, Help out a horny toad.

We're back.

Where's eddie?

He went to a party.

He ducked out On richie?

Yeah, big time.

Richie, did you Have a fun time Trick or treating?

I had a blast!

But who's richie?

Excuse me.

Who are you?

I'm tommy wong.

Oh, this is Just peachy.

Waldo, you Brought back The wong kid.

Hello, darryl. This Is waldo geraldo faldo.

Is eddie winslow there?

You know, zorro's kid.

Well, tell him To haul it home now.

Waldo, how could you Make such a mistake?

I don't know.

Wait a minute.

I remember a woman With a kid dressed Like spiderman.

There was something Different about her.

Might she have been Chinese?

Yeah. Yeah.

That's it.

Yo, this better Be good.

I was about To sink my teeth Into angela's neck.

Who's this?

Uh, this is tommy.

You see, waldo Left with richie,

But he came back With tommy.

Oh, yeah?

Well, then, Where's richie?

Ah!

That's what We don't know!

Whoa, chill!

Waldo, man, you really Messed up this time.

This is the dumbest thing You've ever done.

Hey, you left a Small kid with me,

And you Calling me dumb?

Look, eddie, we're Just wasting time.

Richie could Be all alone.

The poor kid's probably Scared to death.

[car pulls Into driveway]

Your folks are home. We got to think fast.

Stop thinking, waldo. You'll hurt yourself.

They're Going to kill me. I'm dead meat.

Eddie, just chill out.

We'll put the mask Back on tommy.

And the first chance we get, We'll look for richie.

Give me A break.

Come on, rachel.

It wouldn't have Killed you to dance With lieutenant murtagh.

Carl, the man came Dressed as a sofa.

He asked All the women to Stretch out on him.

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Alright, What happened?

What?

Nothing happened.

Richie...

Did you have fun Trick or treating?

Oh, he had A great time.

Well, let's get You out of This costume--

No, he's fine.

Fine, fine.

We came back For a pit stop.

And we're Back out now.

Hello?

Oh, we're Out of candy.

No, I think there's Been a little mix-up.

Why, whatever Do you mean?

Well, isn't that My son?

Oh, please, I know my own son.

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh!

Richie!

I'm shocked.

Eddie...

How could you?

I don't know.

He doesn't know.

Don't hand us that!

You left my son With waldo?

How could you?

I don't know.

He doesn't know.

Don't hand us that!

Eddie, what you Did was so...

Irresponsible.

I mean, luckily, it had A happy ending,

It could have been Tragic.

I know, aunt rachel And I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

He's sorry.

Don't hand us that!

But don't you guys think Part of the blame

Is due to the enormous Popularity of spiderman?

I'll just--

Carl! Carl! Carl, calm down.

He let his hormones Overpower his good judgment.

Harriette, That's no excuse.

Young man, you are in For major punishment.

It's so major, It hasn't even been Invented yet.

But when I think of it, It's gonna be so awful

That saddam hussein Will say, "Whoa, carl, Lighten up!"

Go ahead, dad. I--I got it coming.

Get in that kitchen And talk to richie.

He's a very hurt Little boy right now.

Yes, ma'am.

And, mom, um...

You were right About my hormones

Overpowering My good judgment.

You see, at my age, I'm kind of heavy On the hormones

And light on The good judgment.

Don't hand us that!

Hey, richmeister.

Okay

Can I talk to You a second?

Why don't you Get waldo to do it?

Ouch.

I guess I Deserve that, huh?

I'm sorry, man.

I really let you down.

Eddie?

Yeah?

Don't you like me?

What, are you kidding?

You're my best bud.

Best buds don't Dump you for a girl.

Hey, rich...

Do you remember when last week We were at the mall,

And you saw that red bike At the toy store window?

Yeah, the 10-speed With the electric horn?

I wanted that baby The second I saw it.

That's how I felt When I saw angela.

Really? Wouldn't you Rather have a bike?

Not anymore,

And someday You won't either.

Wow, that's scary.

Well, I'll tell you What was scary.

When I came home and Found out you were gone.

Boy, I was real scared.

Really?

Well, yeah.

I mean, I was afraid

Something terrible Might have happened to you.

You were really worried?

Well, of course, richie.

You see, I--I Don't just like you...

I love you, little guy.

Alright.

Best buds, again?

Best buds.

Listen, if we hurry,

We can still get in some trick Or treating. Up for it?

I sure am.

So, did you get much Candy with waldo?

Are you kidding?

He threw eggs at houses, And then rang the doorbell.

We spent The whole night running.

Well...

That's waldo.

[sounds of The rain forest plays]

You know, harriette,

That tapeisrelaxing.

Yes.

Remind me to...

To thank steve For making me a copy.

Okay

[telephone rings]

Urkel here. I'm hot, you're not.

Oh, hi, waldo.

Oh, not much.

Just making a relaxation tape For harriette winslow.

Yeah, she still has That insomnia problem.

Poor woman's eyes Look like a road map.

Well, of course That would help,

But carl claims To have back problems.