Original subtitles

A bit of bubbly, My sweet?

Let it flow.

Harriette, How long has it been

Since we've had Casa de winslow To ourselves?

Let's just Put it this way...

A democrat Was president.

Howdy-doody, Winslows!

Aah!

Steve.

How ya doing, Big guy?

Go home.

Go home now!

I can't. I've got big news.

I just completed A 100-hour trumpet course,

And boy, Are my lips tired.

Heh heh heh! [snort snort]

Steve, can we talk,

Man to pest?

Talk away, big guy.

Well, you see,

The wife and I, we...

We're lonely For each other.

Oh.

Oh.

Ohhh!

You dog, you.

Ooooh!

Ooooh!

Oooh--ow!

Well, say no more, Officer don juan.

Let me serenade You two lovebirds

With my special Rendition of...

The lonely bull.

[song played Very well]

*** *** ***

*** *** ***

[high-pitched note]

Oh.

Did I do that?

* it's a rare condition *

* this day and age *

* to read any good news *

* on the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition *

* of the grand design *

* some people say *

* is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see *

* is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love *

* of the family **

Go home, steve.

Why?

You shattered An expensive bottle of wine.

No offense, carl, But I saw the label.

The chateau Stop-and-shop?

Oh, come on.

Go home! Go home! Go home!

I don't have To take this.

I'm going home.

Harriette, Look at this mess.

I have had it.

Carl, calm down.

I won't calm down.

That kid is the bane Of my existence.

He waltzes in like He owns the place,

And always with Some ridiculous greeting.

"Hi-de-ho, neighbors!"

"Howdy doody, winslows!"

"Rise and shine, Big guy!" grr!

Carl, take it easy.

I can't.

Harriette, That kid--

Whoa.

Carl, what's wrong?

I don't know. I'm dizzy.

Sit down, carl.

Whoa.

Breathe deep.

Wow, this doesn't Make sense.

I always feel great After I kick steve out.

I'm calling The doctor.

No, no!

I, uh...

I'm feeling Better already.

Promise me you'll see Dr. Van lowe tomorrow.

I will, sweetheart. First thing tomorrow.

Now come to papa, mama.

Laura, my pet.

* I'm too sexy For my shirt *

* too sexy for my pants *

* too sexy for my shoes *

* I'm too Sexy for my cat *

* too sexy for my bugs *

Steve...

* on the catwalk *

* on the catwalk *

* I shake my little tush On the catwalk *

* on the catwalk *

* on the cat-- **

Steve!

Yes, my succulent Sweetie?

You're not too sexy For anything. Bye.

Wait. Where are your Pretty toes taking you?

To the mall, and The answer is no.

What was the question?

Can I go to The mall with you?

Sure, baby, Let's go.

* I'm *

* too sexy for my shirt *

* too sexy for my clothes *

* too sexy For my friends *

* and, uh--ha **

Not bad for an amateur.

Eddie, your favorite sister

Needs a ride In her big brother's car.

Well, why didn't judy Ask me herself?

Very funny. I meant me.

Not having a car Is whack.

The next guy with wheels Who asks me out

Will be My new steady.

Hmm.

Hi, everybody.

Hey, carl.

Carl, I've been Thinking about you.

Did you See the doctor?

Yep. I'm fine.

You are? What did he say?

He said my blood pressure Is a scooch too high.

How high is a scooch?

160 over 98.

[gasps]

Is that high?

Not if you're A flying wallenda.

I'm fine. Really.

You see, whenever I lose my cool,

My blood pressure Goes sky-high.

I simply have to Control my temper.

That's gonna be tough.

Are you saying

That I have No self-control?

Carl, calm down.

Oh. Popped off A little.

Heh heh heh.

Can't do that anymore.

Carl, you need to learn Stress management.

I'm way ahead of you.

I picked up This little booklet

At the doctor's.

It's called Stress busters.

Does it have Good tips?

Yeah, and here's The best one.

Whenever I get angry, I recite this poem

That calms me down.

"Three-two-one. One-two-three.

What the heck Is bothering me?"

Ah, see? Cool as a cucumber.

Come on. Come on.

What's going on?

Steve has A surprise for you.

Oh, no.

Did he sculpt my likeness Out of compost again?

No, but this Will give you

Just as many nightmares.

Hey, baby, Goin' my way?

Steve, how much Was this thing?

My uncle cecil Gave me 5o bucks To take it away.

He was using it As a laundry hamper.

Wait a minute.

I've seen this thing Before.

You have?

This is the car

The clowns get out of At the circus.

Hey!

There's a clown In it now!

That was so funny I forgot to laugh.

Seriously, steve, Who makes this car--

Tonka?

Hardly.

It's a bmw. A beemer, babe.

A 196o isetta.

Isetta?

That's what isetta.

Heh heh! [snort snort]

Bye.

Not so fast, missy.

Now, you said The next guy with wheels

Who asked you out Would be your boy-toy.

Well, this is the toy, And I'm your boy.

Steve, you don't know How to drive.

I'll learn.

Steve, you had 2o accidents last year

Just walking.

She's right, But in my defense,

Four of those walkers Had been drinking.

Steve, kids at school Think you're a nerd.

Well, actually all the kids.

This car's only gonna Reinforce that rep.

I don't care, I don't.

This car is one of a kind. And so am I.

And you've gotta Teach me how to drive.

I'd rather slow dance With a pitbull.

Why?

You're the clumsiest Person I know.

An accident waiting to happen.

And god knows, I don't wanna die

In something that Looks like that!

Yowser, big guy.

Go home, steve.

Hi, estelle, My bodacious belle.

Hello, steve.

I heard You got a car.

Yes, indeedy. It's a real beauty.

In fact, I'm here To ask carl a favor.

Will you teach me How to drive?

Steve...

Ask your parents To teach you.

I can't. They have A car phobia.

Why? I was born in one.

Steve, can't you Take driver's ed?

Nope. It's the middle Of the semester.

Please, carl? Teach me, big guy.

Mold me into A motor man.

Do it, honey. Look at that face.

Look at it!

Mother, You know how I get

When I'm around steve. I just wanna throw things.

It'll be atest To see if you can teach him

Without losing Your temper, honey.

Steve...

Promise that You'll try hard

Not to irritate me.

I promise. Let's go, big guy.

Shabby workmanship. Next time Look for that union label.

Carl, come on.

Steve--

[snickering]

Heh heh heh.

[muffled laughter]

Heh heh heh!

Hehhh hehhhh! Ha ha ha ha!

[snort snort]

Hoo hoo ha ha ha!

What are we Laughing at, big guy?

Your car. Ha ha har har!

Ha haaa!

[louder] Ha ha ha ha ha!

Sorry.

Now, could we Concentrate

On teaching,

If you don't mind?

Do you get in Or put it on?

Ha ha har har!

I break me up, I tell ya.

I'm sorry. But...

How do you get In this thing?

There's no door.

Aha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Okay, get it out!

Get it all out!

Hey, hey.

Watch out, now.

Watch where You're sticking That thing.

Okay. Ow! Oww! Oww!

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Okay. Let's go over Some basics here.

You got your ignition,

Your turn signal, Your gear shift--

Wait a minute. Where's your speedometer?

There isn't one.

My uncle put in This chalkboard

So you can write How fast you think You're going.

Alright.

Just put the key in And start the engine.

[grinding noise]

[chugging]

Listen to that Tiger growl.

Sounds more like A gerbil.

The next step is--

I can't believe I'm behind the wheel

Of my very own car!

Steve, Calm down, steve.

I can't, carl. I'm too excited.

I'm in Urkel overdrive!

Yesterday I was a nerd.

Today I'm a nerd They can't catch On foot!

Hang on, carl, We're off!

Steve, wait a minute--

Aah! Steve, wait! Ste-e-e-e-ve!

Did I do that?

It wasn't termites.

Don't worry, Big guy.

I'll get us Out of here.

Steve, wait! No, no! Steve!

Ow! I'm sorry.

Ow! Ow! Sorry. Sorry.

Steve, wait! Grrrr!

Open this door!

Grrrr! Grrrr!

Let me out of this car!

Carl. Carl.

Oh, no.

Oh...

Look...

Ooh! Argh.

Steve,

Look what you've done.

You have creamed My garage door.

Easy, big guy. Temper, temper.

Three-two-one.

One-two-three.

What the heck Is bothering me?

Three-two-one.

One-two-three.

What the heck Is bothering me?

Three-two-one!

One-two-three!

What the heck Is bothering me?

Finally.

Almost lost it there.

Complete control now.

Heh heh heh.

I think that's Enough for today.

Three-two-one.

One-two-three.

What the heck Is bothering me?

You!

Aah!

You're what's bothering me!

Every time I turn around,

You just do this!

When I get my hands on you-- Open this door!

If I can just--

Help! Help!

Let me just get My hand in there!

Let me get in there!

Help! Help! Help!

[horn honking]

Help! Help!

Hel-l-l-l-p!

You activated the air bag!

If I ever get My hands on you--

Whoa.

Whoa. Oh. Oh.

Steve. Oh.

Carl? Carl?

Wha-what's The matter, big guy?

I'm dizzy.

Take it easy. I'll get help.

Yeah. Yeah. Get help.

I'm sorry, carl.

I'm so sorry.

Steve, Could you excuse us For a moment?

I'd like to speak To my husband alone.

Sure. I'll find your daughter.

I can't wait to tell her

That I'm a few Driving lessons away

From driving miss laura!

Heh heh heh--ooph.

Carl, I just Got off the phone

With dr. Van lowe.

Oh?

He told me A few things

I found very Interesting.

Like what?

He gave you a list Of things to do

To lower your Blood pressure.

Is that right?

There could Have been a list.

Reduce your salt intake,

Start a low-fat, Low-cholesterol diet,

Exercise every day.

That stupid One-two-three poem Wasn't even on the list!

The booklet Was in the waiting room.

It was keeping The coffee table level.

Carl, why did you ignore The doctor's advice?

Oh, come on, harriette.

No salt, no doughnuts, Lots of exercise.

My life will Be a living hell.

At least You'd be living.

I know.

Carl, you may not Worry about your health,

But I do. So does your family.

But the stuff The doc wants me to do

Is a real pain.

I'll tell you what Gives me a pain, carl...

The thought of living Without you.

Oh, harriette.

Carl, we have a lot To look forward to.

I want both of us

To watch our children Get married

And have children Of their own.

It would be nice To have some grandkids.

Yeah.

We're a team, carl.

Let's do Everything we can

To keep this team Together.

You're right, Sweetheart.

You know,

Robert browning Said it best.

"Grow old along with me.

The best is yet to be."

I love you, carl.

I love you, too, Harriette.