Original subtitles

[dance music playing]

Hi-de-ho, winslows.

Now, I know What you're thinking. You're thinking,

"Steve, why do you Have a stool glued To your gluteus?"

No...I was thinking,

"Carl, why not Just sell the house And move away?"

Hey.

Okay, steve. I'll bite.

Why are you Stuck to a stool?

Correction, my pet.

The stool Is stuck to me,

Thanks to my Latest invention.

It's a revolutionary Superglue--

Wacky tacky.

Patent pending.

Uh...

You accidentally...

Glued yourself To a stool?

Oh, please. Why, I mean, of all.. I would..

Yeah.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Oh, hi, mrs. Urkel.

Just a minute.

Steve, it's your mom.

What's up, roberta?

Mm-hmm...

Whoa.

Mm-hmm...

Uh-oh.

I'll be right there, Roberta.

Trouble at The urkel ranchero.

What's the matter?

Well, I made my wacky tacky In the bathtub.

Now I have to go Chisel out my mom.

[crash]

I'm okay.

No problemo.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Ah, crazy world We live in, Isn't it?

Crime, War, poverty...

Edward...

That's the sports page.

Oh...

Listen, dad,

I'm becoming An adult now and--

No, you can't Have a car. Why not?

And how'd you know This was about a car?

The problem is You're going To college next year.

And I can't afford To buy you a car And pay for school.

Oh, that's cool, dad. I've got The perfect solution.

Really?

I've decided To sacrifice college And go for the car.

Ah.

What's the matter, carl?

Harriette, is there anything That you're willing to sell?

You know, like an old table, Some knick knacks, A kidney.

Eddie told me He hit you up For a car.

He's bummed out But he understands.

Oh...

You know harriette,

When edward was born, I held him In my arms,

And I promised myself That I would give him

Everything that He ever needed.

And you have, carl. He has All the essentials--

Food, shelter, Nintendo.

But most important Of all,

He has lots of love.

But, harriette, The boy wants a car.

Now, I can relate To that.

I mean a car to A teenage boy means

Independence, freedom, Sex appeal.

I don't know, carl. You were pretty sexy On your moped.

Well, that's true,

But, sweetheart, I feel like I'm letting him down.

I can't Buy a new car.

I can't even afford To buy him A decent used one.

What about buying An old beat-up car?

What do you mean, A clunker?

Yeah and you and eddie Could work on it Together.

Well, I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It would be A great way for us To spend time together.

You know, Father and son, Side by side,

Up to our elbows In grease,

Working and sweating Till we Stink like hogs.

Oh, let him walk.

Thanks, honey.

Hey...

Putt-putt, putt-putt, Putt-putt, putt-putt.

How did a guy like me Ever end up With a genius like you?

I don't know. I guess I wasn't Paying attention.

Laura, wacky tacky Will bond anything--

Plastic, wood, stone, You name it.

Well, what would happen If I sprayed some On your lips?

My mouth would be Shut forever.

That's sick!

Laura, my little Gummy bear...

Why don't you and I Take in a flick?

Pucker up, steve. Oh...

Now, give me The glue. Oh!

Listen, Miss "Life is short,

And you ain't getting Any younger"...

If you think that you're Just gonna open this door One day,

And find The man of your dreams, Well, you're plumb crazy.

Who was that? No one.

Hi.

Would you like To buy some candy-- Why, yes. Yes, I would.

Excuse me, Excuse me. Excuse me.

But the lady has all The snack items she needs.

Now, begone, scamp.

Who are you?

Steve urkel. I'm her man.

He's not my man. He's my albatross.

She's very confused, And sugar will Only make it worse.

Won't you come in?

I'm laura winslow.

Ted curran.

Laura, You are beautiful.

Is that my heart pounding, Or am I still knocking On the door?

Oh, puh-lease--

Maybe it's My heart pounding.

Listen, I know we Just met,

But would you like To go out sometime?

No. She's not interested.

How's tonight? We'll catch a flick.

She doesn't Like flicks. I just asked her.

Sounds great.

Alright. Great, great.

Well, listen, now that We're friends, I can't sell you candy.

You can't? No, but, uh...

I can give you some.

"No, but I can Give you some."

See you tonight.

7:00. Be there.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Do that while I'm looking, bub.

Eddie. Eddie!

Big news.

I bought you a car.

Oh, dad! I love you!

C'mon. Let's go Check it out. C'mon.

Close your eyes.

Keep them closed.

Keep them closed.

Okay. Open them.

Son, she's all yours.

I picked this baby up At a police auction.

What do ya think? You got cheated.

You don't know How much I paid.

Did you give Them money? Yeah.

You got cheated.

Okay, I admit that She's not much To look at now,

But we're going To fix her up, You and me together.

Yes, sir... There is Nothing more reliable Than a police cruiser.

We don't need that.

Dad, I don't know How to restore a car.

Yeah, but that's The beauty of it.

I don't either,

But I bought Some books and manuals.

Now, we'll read them And use that knowledge

To restore this baby To showroom condition.

But, dad...

Son, Use your imagination.

Dad--

Picture this.

A big, Powerful machine...

Bright metallic paint Glistens in the sun...

A big, Bold racing stripe

Rips up one side And down the other.

You're almost blinded By sparkling alloy rims,

But you can't take Your eyes off of her

Because she's a beauty

Like no other car That you've ever seen.

Wow...

What's that sound I hear?

What's that sound?

What's that sound I hear?

Oh, Sounds like babes...

Lots of hot babes.

[girl's voice] Hi, eddie.

Oh, eddie...

What a nice car.

Can I have a ride?

Oh, no, eddie. No, you won't.

You promised me first.

Ladies...

Ladies, there's room For all of you.

You turn the key...

[imitates motor humming]

Hear that sound?

Yeah.

That's the sound Of 455 cubic inches... Of raw v-8 power,

Four barrel carbs, Twin chrome exhaust.

Man, this ride is hot!

You know, dad, I'm sold!

Sweetheart... You are going to be

The hottest car On the road!

[siren]

I think she Likes you, son.

Uh, steve. Ted's Going to be here Any minute.

Could you Sorta hurry?

Well, I certainly Hope you recognize

The irony In this situation.

What irony?

Oh, here I'm gluing together The broken pieces Of your shattered earring

So you can go out With another man,

But who Will glue together

The shattered pieces Of my broken heart?

Oh, steve...

Feeling guilty?

Was, But I'm over it.

Let's see. Here we go.

Here, just a Little more.

Okay.

Oh...

Oops, let me Brush that off.

St-steve! Steve, You couldn't!

Ow!

You wouldn't! Well.

Well, we're not...

Stuck.

Well, look...

Okay, okay.

Ouch!

Boy, this stuff Is strong!

Steve, Get the solvent.

Solvent?

Well, you know, I haven't Invented it yet,

But I do believe It's an idea Whose time has come.

Steve, ted will be here Any second.

Now, calm down. Maybe he'll be late.

[doorbell rings]

Then again...

Oh, god. What are we Going to do?

Quick! Act natural!

Steve, get off me!

Well, I-- Come in!

Get off me! Are you crazy?

Hi, ted.

Hi, laura.

Hello.

Hey, dude.

You're steve urkel, Right?

Yep, That's what it says On my underpants.

Won't you sit down?

Oh.

Welcome.

Laura, I thought We had a date tonight.

Ted, I have to...

Reschedule.

You--you see...

I...

I--I'm...

Grounded.

Really? For what?

Oh, well, I...

Killed a man.

Yeah.

What?

Laura, what's really Going on here?

Okay, here it is.

Steve invented A superglue...

Named wacky tacky...

And then he glued Himself to me.

Laura.

Look, wait a minute. What do I look like, An idiot?

Well...

That does it. I'm out of here.

Oh, ted, wait. I'm telling the truth.

Steve, say something.

I love you, Schnookums.

Eddie!

Hey!

Couldn't wait To get started, huh?

Yep, I don't blame you.

Just the two of us Working together.

Man, I get emotional Just thinking about it.

I'm all choked up, too.

Waldo...

Where's edward? He's putting air In a tire.

I blew up the first three, But then I got real dizzy And threw up in a hubcap.

Dad, how's It going? Great, son.

Let me help you With that. I got it.

Hey, I see waldo Horned in On our action today.

Oh, no, dad, I called him over.

I thought it'd be kinda fun Working on a car with him.

Oh, I see.

Well, I kind of thought That we'd work On it together.

Oh, well... I mean, um...

We can do that Sometime

If you really want.

Oh, well...

Yeah, You know, sure.

Whenever, whatever.

Waldo...

Can I speak to eddie In private?

Sure.

What's up, mom?

Hold this.

Ow!

What was that for, mama?

Edward, your father wanted To get you a car More than anything.

He couldn't Afford to spend Much money,

But he was willing To give you All the time.

I know, But waldo's my buddy And we're having fun.

Oh, I understand.

You hardly ever get a chance To spend time with waldo.

You're always so busy With your father.

Oh, mom.

Eddie, your father didn't Sleep a wink last night. And neither did I.

'cause he kept going on about How he was looking forward

To working with you On this car.

I didn't know that.

Eddie, you're gonna have A lot of friends In your life,

But you've only got One father.

You know, you're very lucky To have one who wants To spend time with you.

Hey, dad. Yeah, son?

Never thought I'd say this,

But we're done.

Yep, we did it.

Oh, I love her, dad.

She's incredible. Yes, sir.

This baby is...

Fine.

I know This was expensive.

Oh... Yes, it was.

But you know what, Dad?

I wouldn't have Missed any of this For the world.

Well...

Neither would I, son.

Oh...Man. I love you, dad.

Well, why don't You climb in, Take off

And go impress Some ladies?

Ladies can wait.

I got to go pick up My best friend.

[starts engine]

Hop in, dad.

Whoa. Hello, steve.

Hello, mama.

Why, if you look any Hotter I have to call The fire department.

Steve, I called you To tell you

I straightened things Out with ted,

And we're going To a movie tonight.

A date? That's right.

I've come up with a plan To make sure you don't Mess things up for me.

A plan?

Well, It better be good.

It is. Grab me a soda,

And I'll tell you All about it.

We'll just see About this.

You have to wake up Pretty early In the morning-- ooh.

Hey, my hand Seems to be stuck.

That's the plan.

Love that wacky tacky.

Goodnight, steve.

Laura, you--you...

Laura, you...

You're good.

Gee...Gee, It's dark in here.

Ooh...

Cheese!