Original subtitles

You've got a dentist Appointment today,

I can't find My car keys.

Have you seen them?

Gosh, no, mom.

Oh, wait a minute, I was wrong.

Tomorrow's the dentist. Today we're Going to the zoo.

Maybe you left your keys In the fireplace

Behind the presto log!

You're right!

Wait a minute. I was right The first time.

Today is the dentist.

Tomorrow is the zoo.

Oh, mom, You tricked me bad.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother the blues With tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you *

* room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

I have an idea About the prom--

I think we should Definitely have one.

Oh, great idea. I love it.

Well, I guess that's it For new business.

No, I'd like to raise A few issues.

Steve urkel, Muskrat times.

Sorry I'm late,

But I got my tongue Stuck in the Printing press.

Well, go on.

Don't let me Interrupt you.

Go on, continue The meeting.

We need to elect A representative

To go to the next School board meeting.

What for?

For better lighting In the parking lot,

More heat In locker rooms,

And for bringing Handicap access Up to code.

Oh, lighten up.

Steve urkel, Muskrat times.

Question, please.

What is it?

Well, miss winslow Here

Has raised some Timely and Powerful issues.

My avid readers Want to know

What you, the student Council president, Intend to do.

Simple--I intend to ban you From all further meetings.

Censorship!

Expect a scathing Editorial.

Well, here's A fun announcement--

I'm running For another term

As student council President.

Would anyone Like to nominate me?

Oh! I nominate Cassie lynn nubbles.

I second That excellent idea.

Now, is there anyone Suicidal enough

To run against me?

No?

Well, okay.

This meeting is--

Excuse me.

Yes, beloved Principal shimata?

Cassie lynn, Elections are Like kissing.

It's much more Exciting

When two people Are involved.

Oh, absolutely!

Steve urkel, Muskrat times.

We know.

I want to Nominate somebody.

How about the lovely Laura winslow?

I second The nomination.

I'm not sure about this.

Laura, you're Bright, articulate,

And obviously care About your school.

Oh, ugh.

Personally, I think you'd Make a wonderful candidate.

Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Laura, if you Run against me,

You'll get creamed.

Oh, really?

I accept The nomination.

Alright!

This meeting is adjourned.

* happy days Are here again *

* the skies above Are clear again *

* we'll sing a song Of cheer again *

* happy days are-- *

Oof!

Don't worry, Laura doesn't Stand a chance.

What are you talking about? She's smart and popular.

You're right. She'll be tough to beat.

Let's not take Any chances.

Get some dirt on her.

Laura? She's too Goody-goody.

Oh, come on!

She hasn't cheated On a test, played hooky,

Or teased The football team?

No. You're the only one That does that stuff.

My car was Broken into.

Oh, my goodness!

My kid's bike was Stolen right off The front lawn!

In broad daylight!

Oh, no!

Last night, a strange man Pounded on my door

All night long.

What did you do?

I finally let him out.

You should've sent Him over here.

Mrs. Pudney. Mother.

This is serious.

Okay, folks,

As a veteran cop Of 18 years,

I'll certainly tell you

That crime is increasing All over this city.

You're right About that.

But what can we do?

We'll start A neighborhood Watch program.

Good idea.

That's exactly why I called You folks here tonight.

You see,

If we're going to form A neighborhood watch,

We must have a Neighborhood watch leader.

You're right.

Good idea.

And this leader...

Should have courage...

Oh, yes.

Wisdom...

Mm-hmm.

And charisma.

Yeah, That's right.

And a uniform.

Oh yeah.

So I humbly suggest that our Leader is none other than--

Harriette winslow.

That's right. Thank you.

Harriette winslow?

Harriette's perfect!

She's had Police training,

She works in security,

And she's the smartest Person I know.

Bernie...

You also know me.

What--what's your point?

Sit down, bernie.

You know, Harriette is the Perfect choice.

Now, what do you Think?

I'm a little Overwhelmed.

Come on!

Let's all go down To the wild boar

And toast Our new leader!

New leader!

Carl!

Carl, aren't you Coming?

How could you, Harriette?

How could I what?

I wanted to be The watch leader.

It was my idea for The neighborhood watch.

Carl...

I mean, I called the meeting.

I know, but--

You didn't stuff The celery, harriette.

I stuffed the celery.

Why don't you Stuff it now, carl?

Oh, that's so funny.

That's a scream, Harriette.

What will you do When you realize

You can't handle The job?

I can handle the job.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! What carl?

Okay, suppose you were Attacked by a big thug

And he just keeps Coming at you.

What you going to Do, harriette, huh,

Miss neighborhood watch Leader?

Stop it, carl.

What you going to do?

I'll do this, carl!

Ooh! Aah! Aah!

[whistling A catcall]

Stop whistling At my woman.

Sleazoid, move it, Move it!

You get me dirt On that winslow witch?

Sorry, but she's Squeaky clean.

Oh, what a bore.

Laura, when you get Elected president,

Can I be Your first man?

Steve--

Whoa!

Whoa! My goodness!

You know, I could hold you Like this forever.

You got one more second.

Ooh...

Ah...

Oh!

Oh...

Time's up.

Look, becky sue, Poor laura has Worked so hard,

And now she'll have to Drop out of the race.

What?

We just got hot photos Of you being romanced

By the prince Of passion here.

But she Just slipped,

And I caught her, That's all.

Becky sue, we should Put those pictures In the school paper!

Oh, we couldn't Do that.

Everybody would Think that laura's

In love With steve urkel,

And no one Would vote for her.

But I told you,

I just caught her, That's all!

That's what happened, But that won't be What people believe.

They just love Juicy gossip.

You wouldn't dare.

Try me. You've got 24 hours to drop Out of the race,

Or we publish This picture.

Oh, why, you..

Why, come back here, You little hussy!

Steve!

Steve!

Steve!

What?

Will you calm down?

Calm down?

Why, that lowdown, Cheap, underhanded,

Mudslinging, bushwhacking, Slanderous snake in a skirt

Is blackmailing you!

I know.

To make everybody Think

That the woman I love Actually loves me back--

Why, how low Can you get?

Well, I got a surprise For her.

You do?

She's so certain I'm going To drop out of the race.

Well, no way. Nobody pushes me around.

I'd rather have the world Think I was in love with you

Than cave into Her blackmail from her.

Besides, there's things that Need to be done in this school.

That won't happen as long As cassie lynn nubbles Is in office.

Oh! Rock my world, baby!

If you notice any Suspicious behavior, Don't do anything.

Just call on Your walkie-talkie,

And I'll notify The police.

Got it.

Okay, we'll do A communications Check.

Come in, squad 1. Do you read me, Squad 1?

Hello, home base, This is slick chick. Over.

Hot mama here.

Come back to me.

It looks like We're all set.

"All set." Give me a break.

What is it, carl?

Nothing. Far be it from me To butt in.

After all, I'm not The watch leader.

If you have anything To say, say it.

Okay, since you asked.

I...Personally...

Would not send Two defenseless women

Out into The dead of night,

Especially when one Of them is 80 Years old.

81.

And if anybody Messes with me,

They'll be snacking On their own teeth.

Carl, I know better

Than to send Two women out alone.

You're on duty With them.

What? I'm on duty? Why didn't you Tell me?

I posted the Schedule, carl.

I didn't see it, Harriette.

How'd you Miss it?

It was in your Favorite spot.

And where's that?

The refrigerator.

Okay, let's Get this so-called

Neighborhood watch On the road.

Wait a minute. I have to notify Your team leader.

Come in, Captain funky fresh.

Time to move out.

Have no fear, Captain funky fresh is here.

My team leader Is a funky fresh?

Listen, I want you To watch out For each other.

And be back at 10:00 When the gordons Take over.

I may work a double shift.

Wendy gordon's one neighbor I really want to watch.

This promises to be A long, lousy night.

Dad, can we patrol On skateboards?

Not tonight, funky.

Vote for nubbles, Wave bye-bye to troubles.

Carol, vote for me?

Sure.

Have a locker sachet.

I'm rich.

Vote for nubbles, Wave bye-bye to troubles.

You ready, eddo?

Let's do it.

Okay.

A moment of your Time, please, nubs.

"Nubs"?

You and I have some Unfinished business.

[bell rings]

Later, Nerd-child.

I've got to Get to class.

This will only Take a second.

You still intend To publish those pictures

If laura doesn't Quit the race?

I most certainly do.

How can I talk you Out of it?

Well, let me think.

No.

Are you aware That what you're doing

Is morally repugnant?

Well, sure.

All's fair in love And politics.

Oh, I'm so glad You said that.

Bleah!

Yuck!

Ick!

Ooh...

Yuck.

Well, the earth Didn't exactly Move for me, either.

Are you out Of your geeky mind?

Oh, I don't think so.

I can see The headlines now--

"Nubbles sucks face With nerd."

You wouldn't.

Would.

You couldn't!

Could.

But it's a lie!

You kissed me. I didn't kiss you.

That may be what happened,

But it won't be What the people believe.

People just love Juicy gossip.

I'm not dropping out Of the race.

I don't want you to.

I just want A fair election.

If you don't publish Your pictures,

I won't publish Mine.

You want the students To decide for themselves?

Well, it's an idea That's just crazy Enough to work.

It's a deal.

I'm going to gargle With disinfectant.

I'll do the same.

It worked!

Way to go, steve!

See? She's not So smart after all.

I'll say. If she Was really smart,

She would've noticed I forgot to take The lens cap off.

[doorbell rings]

Hi, miss pudney. Come on in.

Thanks, judy. Is your mother home?

No.

How about your dad?

Yeah. He's upstairs Clipping his toenails.

Could you please Tell him that I'm here?

Dad! Miss pudney Wants to see you!

Thanks, dear.

Ah! Miss pudney, Come on in.

I just wanted To drop off this pie

That I baked For harriette.

How thoughtful.

It's the least I could do

After what she did For me.

Right. What did she do?

She caught some creep Breaking into my house.

She did?

He looked suspicious, She called the police,

And they caught him.

Oh. That's great.

We picked a perfect Watch leader, didn't we?

You must be so proud Of harriette.

Yes.

Well, tell harriette I'll call her later.

Okay.

[mr. Shimata] Your attention, please.

Attention!

I have The election results

For student council President.

Cassie lynn nubbles, 320 votes.

Oh!

Laura winslow, 352.

Laura winslow Is your new president!

I won!

I won!

Oh!

Pardon me, pardon me. Sorry.

Lost my mind, Lost my head.

I won, steve! I really won!

See? Nice guys Can finish first.

Why did cassie lynn Change her mind

About publishing That picture of us?

Stuck-up princesses Are so unpredictable.

Maybe cassie lynn Has a shred of Decency, after all.

I want a recount, You lucky little creep.

Maybe not. Maybe not.

Hi, honey.

Hi, carl.

Harriette, You look beautiful.

No, I don't.

I been patrolling The neighborhood.

I'm tired and sweaty.

Well, to me, you look Like a goddess.

Is this nonsense Leading to anything?

Yeah. Sit down.

Uh, harriette...

While you were out, Gloria pudney stopped by.

She brought you That homemade apple pie.

That's nice.

Sweetheart, She said that you were The perfect choice

For neighborhood watch Leader.

And you know something? She was right.

I'm proud of you, Sweetheart,

Even though I haven't Been acting like it.

You sure haven't.

Can you ever forgive me?

I know I've been acting Like a spoiled, selfish Jealous little boy.

You forgot To mention "Obnoxious."

No, I didn't. I just didn't Think it was necessary

To list all of My character traits.

Carl, I didn't ask To be neighborhood Watch leader.

I was elected.

All I wanted to do Was a good job.

Sweetheart, you're Doing a great job.

It's just that you're Good at everything,

Even the toughest job Of all.

Which is?

Putting up with me.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Let's go upstairs And really make up.

Yeah!

Oh, carl?

Yes, honey?

You can be The leader.