Original subtitles

Whoo, richie, That's a pretty one.

Who are you going To give it to?

Nobody. Judy gave me 5 bucks

If I help her Make her valentine's.

How many are you Giving out honey?

One to every boy in the class.

Aren't you supposed to give Just one to one special boy?

Yeah whatever boy answers, He'll be special.

Why do people send Valentine's anyway?

I think it's yucky.

Well, people Send valentine's To people they love,

And when You love somebody, Nothing's yucky.

Have no fear, Cupid's here!

Then again, Some people go too far.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* well we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Come on.

Unh.

You can wait For laura in here.

You sure you don't want me to Wait in the kitchen with you Guys?

Oh, no, no. You stay right here And enjoy your pickle.

I will. I'll be right here, Workin' my gherkin.

[snorts]

[doorbell rings]

[gasps]

Daniel wallace?

Yup. That'd be me.

What in sam hill Do you want?

I came to see laura. Is she here?

Uh, no. She's in switzerland

Training for The women's luge. Bye.

Unh, unh...

Oh!

Hey, hey, hey!

You bent my pickle!

Whoa, that outfit is Quite a fashion risk.

Listen, wallace. This costume Represents cupid,

The roman god of love,

A mythological Beneficent spirit

Who shot arrows of passion In a glorious attempt

To bring Two mortal hearts together.

Now don't you feel Like a total yutz?

Yeah, but at least I don't look like one.

Oh, that does it.

Now, I want you to make Like a banana and split.

Hey, look.

I'm not leaving Until I've seen laura.

I'm gonna ask her To be my valentine.

Oh, what do you want?

I'm going to sweep Her off her feet.

Laura's too smart for that.

She knows you're A heart-breaker, a tomcat,

A two-bit parlor snake.

She'll drop you like A pair of dirty drawers Down a laundry shoot.

Oh, really?

Stick around. Watch me in action.

Laura will be Putty in my hands.

Oh, oh, laura, my love.

Daniel?

Yup. That'd be me.

Uh, laura, you probably Didn't recognize me.

Are you supposed To be cupid?

Ah, My mith knoweth Her mythology.

With this box Of petit fours,

Also comes A heart that soars.

My love for thee Shall find a nest

With cupid's arrow In thy breast.

Oh, laura, Be my valentine

So our love May always shine.

We'll wing our way Through life's sunset.

Oh, laura, Won't you be my pet?

Uh, steve. How many Verses are in this poem?

84.

I'll save you 82 verses. Go home.

And, uh, You can go With him.

Why? What'd I do?

Nothing, and I'd like To keep it that way.

Wait a minute, laura. Laura, I was hoping We could go out tonight.

Tonight?

Yeah, maybe we could, Uh, catch a movie.

Daniel, you don't Have the greatest rep.

You've broken A few hearts.

I feel this guy makes one baby Look like father darling.

Look, laura. I admit that I've Made some mistakes,

But I've Learned from them

And I really want To go out you.

Why me?

Well, because...

You're not like Any girl I've ever known.

You're different.

You're special.

I am?

Thank you.

Oh, please!

You're buying This bullpucky?

I can't stop thinking About you, laura.

It's making me crazy.

Please say You'll go out with me.

Yes.

No! Yes!

I'll pick you at 7:00.

I'll be ready.

[growls]

[doorbell rings]

[doorbell rings]

[doorbell rings]

Oh ho ho ho!

It's the doorbell.

Oh, you must be Daniel wallace.

Yes, sir,

And you must be Laura's father.

That's right. Carl winslow.

Police sergeant Carl winslow.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

This is my sister-in-law Rachel crawford.

Oh, we've met. How are you, daniel?

Just fine, ma'am.

I hope I'm Not disturbing You fine folks.

No, no. I was just installing This dimmer switch here.

Whoa, you put that In yourself?

Well, yeah.

That's great. I mean,

I really admire A man who's good With his hands.

Well, uh... I'm not one to brag...

Ha ha ha...

But, uh, I am a handy guy.

Just last month, I, uh,

Turned our basement Into a wine cellar.

Wine cellar?

That's what you call Eight shoe-boxes

Stacked on a card table?

Hi, daniel.

[daniel] Wow, you look beautiful.

Oh, you both look great.

Don't they make A terrific couple, carl?

Mm-hmm, right. Well, You kids, go ahead. Have a good time.

Be home by 10:00.

10:00? We'll have To come straight home After the movie?

Oh, alright. 10:15.

Uh, don't worry, mr. Winslow.

I'll have her Back by 10:00.

After all, It's a school night.

And, uh, here's the Name and number Of the movie theater.

On our way home, we'll be Passing the piggly wiggly.

Can we pick you Up anything?

Well, we're Out of mallomars.

Well, never mind.

I'll tell you what.

Since you're such A responsible young man,

Let's say we make it An 11:00 curfew.

Well, thank you, sir. Good night.

Mallomars.

Oh, and, uh, again,

Nice workmanship. No, craftsmanship.

[chuckling] [chuckling]

Ahh?

Perfect.

Well, carl. I am really impressed.

I mean you installed Something that Actually works.

Well, of course.

Rachel, do you like The lights bright Like this, or--

[music plays]

Or dim like this?

[polka music plays]

Hey, how do you like My new polka video?

Go home, steve.

Well, but why? We were Having such fun.

Oh, yeah.

This night goes down In the hall of fun.

Actually, I'm lying like a rug.

I'm not really The happy-go-lucky guy I appear to be.

That's Just my polka face.

Actually, my insides Are twisted in knots

Because my beloved Is out with another man.

I'm more miserable

Than I've ever been In my whole life.

Well, good night.

[keys jingling]

[laughter]

Aah!

I had a great time, Daniel.

Me, too.

You know, laura,

I think you're The prettiest girl I've ever known.

[laura] Well, I'll see You tomorrow.

I can't wait.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, max. Hey. Hey.

Girl, I don't have time to dish.

But can you help me decide Which earrings to wear?

Where those? Why?

'cause these are mine.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

So, where are you Going?

To a movie.

A date? Who's the guy?

Oh, it's not important.

Come on, spill it.

Well, it's daniel wallace.

What? How can you Go out with him?

You know How he treated me.

Max, daniel admitted He made some mistakes,

Uh, but he's learned From them,

And he really Likes me, max.

He told me I'm special.

That's the same thing He said to me.

Just before he dumped me.

Uh, max, look, it Just didn't work out Between you two.

Laura, there's something I never told you.

The reason It didn't work out

Was because I didn't put out.

Daniel respects me, Maxine.

I thought He respected me too.

But when I told Him to slow down,

He just called me a baby.

Max, stop, You're just jealous.

I'm not. I'm your best friend.

Well, then act like it And be happy for me.

How can I be happy

When I know What's going to happen?

Daniel wallace Is a creep, laura,

And he's going To break your heart.

No, max, He broke your heart.

Daniel and I Are doing just fine.

Oh, hi, maxine.

Hello, mr. Winslow.

Maxine?

Are you okay?

Not really. Laura and I Just had a fight.

Oh.

About what?

Daniel wallace.

Mmm, you like him, too.

That creepy jerk?

Maybe you don't.

Mr. Winslow. Mmm?

Daniel sweet-talks girls Into falling for him.

And then, if he doesn't get What he wants, he dumps them.

Well, j-just-- Just what is it

That--that--that He wants?

You know.

I'll kill him!

I will kill him!

I will kill him.

Ooh!

Steve?

Greetings, Brother big guy.

I came to say goodbye.

I've joined a monastery,

The brotherhood Of perpetual Patience and prayer,

Good old p, p, & p.

Is this a vacation,

A little r & r At p, p, & p?

No, I'm going There to live.

I've taken A vow of chastity.

Oh, steve. You've always been chaste.

Yeah, but now I have an excuse.

Does this have anything To do with laura?

Ah! You can't pull the wool Over your eyes, my son.

My lovely laura Has found another man,

And the only thing that Can mend my broken heart

Are several years of prayer And making cheese.

Hey, this is nice.

I like your bedroom.

Well, I don't really Call it a...Bedroom.

It's just a room.

Sure, there happens To be a bed in it,

But that's just A coincidence.

Why are you So nervous, laura?

Daniel...

When we were Down on the ground,

The idea of coming up Here to talk seemed Like a good idea,

But now that we're Here, I think It's a huge mistake,

So let's go, okay?

Laura, laura, relax.

Just relax, okay?

Daniel, if my father Catches you in here,

He'll dribble you home,

And I don't even Want to think about

What he'll do to me.

Look. If it makes you That uncomfortable,

I'll just leave, okay?

You won't be mad?

Of course not.

I just want you To be happy.

Did you have A good time tonight?

Terrific.

Good.

What's-- What's the matter?

Nothing. I just think You should go now.

Oh, come on. Loosen up.

Daniel, no.

No? What Do you mean, no?

I thought you liked me.

I do. That's why You're still standing.

Laura, you're Acting like a baby.

What did you say?

Look. I'm a man, And I have needs.

Now are you going To act like a baby

Or a mature woman?

Maxine tried to warn me, But I wouldn't listen.

What?

Get out.

Laura--

Get out. I don't ever Want to see you again.

Alright, fine.

Okay, I'm out of here,

But look, Catch this, baby.

There are lot of girls Out there who would Love to be with me.

This is your loss.

Daniel, wait.

Yeah?

Catch this, baby.

Aah!

Laura, what's going on? I heard a noise.

I just had a fight With daniel wallace.

Wait a minute.

Was he up here In your room?

Yes, but I sent Him home...Airmail.

He shouldn't Have been up here In the first place.

I know, mom, And I'm sorry.

He said he just wanted To come up here

So we could talk.

But he really Wanted to make out.

He kept pressuring me, mom.

How did you handle it?

I made him leave

And I told him I never Wanted to see him again.

Well, you did The right thing.

Then why do I feel so bad, mom?

Come here, sweetheart.

He said I was special.

He made me trust him,

But he was just lying

So he could get What he wanted.

I know, I know,

But, you know, laura,

Someday you're going To meet the right guy.

And he'll make You feel special,

And he won't be lying.

He'll really love you,

And you'll Really love him.

And then you know What will happen?

We'll have sex?

No!

You'll get married.

Oh, well, well, sure.

That--that... That goes without saying.

Well, say it.

I like To hear those words.

I'm your mother.

We'll get married first.

Thank you.

[steve] Laura, Where's wallace?

I told daniel I never want to see him.

Yes! Yes!

Now, laura,

You're-- You're vulnerable now.

Your emotions are Exposed and hurting.

And , well, I'm not Too proud To try and get you

On the rebound.

So why don't you and I Join hands

And glide up The escalator of life?

Sorry.

But I'll tell You what I'll do.

Well, what's that?

Well, in a few seconds It'll be midnight,

So...I'll let You be my valentine

For the rest of the day.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

You heard her! You heard her!

You're my witnesses! You're my wit--

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Aah... 5...

4... Oh!

3... Ahh.

2... Eee!

1... Oo-oo-ooh!

Zero, go home.

Ahh...

Ohh...Ohh...Ohh...

Thanks for The memory, baby.