Original subtitles

Laura, My beautiful bonbon!

I don't have time For you to pester me.

No sweat, my pet.

I'm here to Pester your pop.

Where is he?

I haven't seen him all day.

I was hoping I could say The same thing about you.

Heh heh heh heh!

[snorts]

[coughs]

Oh, you Crack me up.

Now, listen...

I could use Some advice.

Ooh!

Never sit in A chair backwards.

No, no, no.

I've done something That might upset your dad

Just a tad.

You didn't borrow Another pair

Of his boxer shorts, Did you?

No. My parents Finally popped

For a real Movie screen.

What I need from you, Is advice on how to break Bad news to your father.

Just come right out With it.

It annoys him If you beat around the bush.

Gotcha. No bush beating.

Unless he's In a bad mood.

Then, steer clear. Make yourself scarce.

No, siree.

That's the Coward's way out.

I've made a mistake,

And I'm gonna Fess up to it Like a man.

Hi, dad.

[groans]

What's the matter?

The dentist just Gave me a root canal.

What do you want?

Oh...

Oops. Ciao.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we'll smother the blues With tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Oh, wow!

You know, harriette,

Every time we go To a clearance sale,

We get yelled at, We stand in line for hours,

We get shoved We get pushed,

And all to save $3.00 on a sweater.

Fun, isn't it?

I love it. Let's Do it again tomorrow.

Hello, Mother winslow.

Hello.

How are you doing?

Hey, What's all this?

I sat down to Add these pictures

To the family Photo album,

And I started looking At the old ones.

That was Three hours ago.

Ooh! Look at This old picture.

Who's that?

That's either Reverend shore...

Or my bookie.

They both had Shifty eyes.

Oh, look.

Little carl takes His first steps.

Yep. Straight to The refrigerator.

Oh, stop it.

You know some of These photos

Go back a long, Long way.

Yeah, I know.

You know, I realized today that A lot of our family history

Will be lost When I die.

Oh, come on now, that won't be For a long, long time.

Well, I hope you're right.

But still I'd like to Sit the kids down,

And tell them About our family.

Oh, I think That's a terrific idea.

Me, too.

I think our children Should know

Where They come from.

Ooh! Hey, look.

He is fi-I-I-I-ine.

I know. That's Why I married him.

This is carl's daddy?

What happened?

* go do that *

Get it right, Girl.

* go do that go do that Ooh, ooh *

Oh, troop steps. Oh!

That's it. Get it, girl.

* alright *

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Hey, yo, yo, yo! That's not bad For a beginner.

But check out The dance master.

Step aside, old timer. Watch the magic Happen, okay?

Go! Go! Oh!

Oh-oh! Oh-oh!

Hip action In the house.

Oh! Get it, Girl.

Oh, ho ho!

Oh!

It's my turn.

Give me some room.

Oh!

Oh, man!

Somebody get him A crowbar.

Go do that! Get it! Get it!

Get it! Get it! Go!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Hey!

Alright, My big man!

Yeah. You the man.

That's it.

Hey, kids, kids, Do you have a moment?

I want to talk About something.

I want us to go Through this photo album

And talk about Our family history.

Got to go. See you.

Got a study date. I'm gone.

Mm-hmm.

I might have to Rethink my strategy.

Oh, laura, my little Ray of sunshine.

What do you want, steve?

Your hand in marriage And 2.3 children.

Meanwhile, I'd like To talk to carl.

Is his mood better? Cheered up.

Goody gumdrops. He's having dessert.

It's risky When he's in a bad mood.

It's suicidal To interrupt him

While he's having Chocolate milk And smores.

Oh, dear. Well, see you later.

Wait, laura. You actually Took time to warn me.

So?

So you love me, Don't you?

No.

Hey, mama.

Hello, edward.

How was your study date?

Terrible. All she Wanted to do was study.

History?

Yeah. We're studying World war ii.

Boring.

Not for the people Who went through it.

Listen, edward...

I'm a little Disappointed in you.

Uh-oh. What did I do now?

Earlier tonight grandmother Was trying to talk to you

About your family history. You ran out.

Mom, the other kids Did, too.

"Mom, the other kids Did, too."

Edward, You're the oldest.

You're supposed to be Trying to set a good example.

If you had listened To your grandmother, The others would have.

Mom, the other kids feel exactly The same way I do.

If we want to learn Something about the past,

We justwatch The wonder years.

Aah! Aah!

Steve, you scared me.

Well, look Who's talking.

Go home, steve.

No can do, big guy.

You and I Need to talk.

Oh, alright. What is it?

Do you remember When you brought home The brochure

For the prison Pen pal program?

Sure. P.P.P.P.

Well, it seemed like A darn fine idea.

So I picked out a name And started writing letters.

Good for you, steve. What name did you pick?

Well, one name just leaped Right out at me--

Elmerita puckerwood.

Whoa. That name would Leap out at anybody.

Well, at first,

Our letters were Polite and friendly,

But then-- Oh, but then...

Then?

Well, elmerita's Prose became...

Flowery And rather intimate.

Uh-oh.

The big uh-oh.

I realized too late That elmerita Had fallen in love with me.

A woman in prison Fell in love with you?

That's kind of funny.

Yeah, well, I guess it is.

You know, I wrote Back several times,

Assuring her That the feeling Wasn't mutual,

But she just thought I was playing Hard-to-get.

Really? That's hilarious.

Now here's The really Funny part--

Elmerita begged me To send her A picture of myself.

That's great!

Oh, but here's The funniest Part of all--

Oh, you're gonna love this, Big guy--

I sent her A picture of you!

[snorting]

[snorting]

Well, That's the funny Part, big guy.

You shouldn't have Done that, steve.

Well, I know. And I'm really sorry.

Well, that's no biggie.

After all, the woman Is in federal prison.

No harm done.

Well...

Well, what?

She might be Getting out soon.

How soon?

[doorbell rings]

Real soon.

Come here, you great big Hunk of hershey...

And give your woman A kiss!

Uh, do I know you?

Oh, stop teasing, steve.

I'm elmerita puckerwood.

Well, wait a minute, Back up.

Oh, come here, Dreamboat.

I'm going to sail you Right into the sunset.

But my name Isn't steve!

My name is Carl winslow.

That's fine.

You can call yourself Whatever you want,

But when the lights Go out,

Your name Is going to be...

"Oh...Baby."

Quite a piece of work, Isn't she, big guy?

Well, who are you?

Uh, well, uh...

Ma'am, There's a fascinating Story about that.

Run along, sonny.

No, he's going To stay.

Steve, would you Please tell Miss puckerwood

Exactly what is Going on here?

Do it!

Oh...

Go on.

Well, you see, I Wrote those letters.

I'm steven q. Urkel.

I don't believe that For one red-hot second.

Oh, no, it's true.

You see...You see...

He wrote the letter,

But he sent you My picture.

Oh! Then you're the one I fell in love with!

I ain't seen a man In seven years.

And you look close To what I remember!

Uh...Uh...

Elmerita...

I'm sorry, but there's Nothing that's going to Happen between us.

What?

Uh, time out, Time out.

Carl and I need To have a brief Corner caucus.

We'll be right back.

Well, what is it, steve?

Carl, you need To be real careful

How you handle Elmerita.

Well, I know that.

Uh-huh, But what you Don't know is why

She was in prison.

Uh, w-w-well, why?

She shot a man Who turned her down.

Thought you should Know that.

Elmerita?

Yes?

You know, you are A stunning woman.

Well, it's about time You noticed.

Yes, yes.

I also noticed When the light

Hits your face From a certain angle,

You look exactly Like diana ross.

What kind of undiscovered Angle is that, carl?

Diana ross, huh?

Uh-huh.

Well, touch me In the morning.

Whoo!

Gosh, there's nothing I'd like better.

But unfortunately, I'm a married man.

You are? Happily married?

Oh, yes, very happy. Very, very.

Very happy.

Then why did you Turn on my oven

If you wasn't Ready to cook?

Well, it's all Been a terrible, Tragic mix-up.

Right, steve?

Oh, a terrible, Tragic mix-up.

Elmerita, I'd like to help You get a fresh start.

I know some companies Who may be hiring ex-cons.

You can get me a job?

I can try. Do you have a place to stay?

Well, no, But I was planning on Bunking up with you, baby.

Well, I know there's A halfway house Right nearby here.

Matter of fact, they're so Close, we're halfway there.

Bye, elmerita.

Hey, and don't Forget to write.

You sure you don't want To fool around?

I'm real tempted, Elmerita.

But I--I just Can't do it.

Okay, but it's your loss.

For your information,

I got a full-body tattoo Of the united states.

And I was going to give you A geography lesson

You'd never forget.

Sucker.

[bell rings]

Settle down, class.

Settle down.

The past few days we've been Studying world war ii.

Open your books To page 189.

Waldo, would you please read The chapter heading?

Waldo?

Out loud.

Oh. Cool.

"The fighter pilot."

Thank you, mr. Faldo.

Hey, I'm here from 2:00 to 3:00 every day.

We're going To learn a little

About the role Fighter pilots

Played in the second world war.

You can put away Your books,

Because we have A guest speaker.

First, a question.

How many of you have relatives Who fought in world war ii?

Does it matter Which side?

Not really.

Good, because my uncle Accidentally joined The italian army.

Eddie, how about you? Any relatives Who fought in the war?

Um, I really don't know.

In that case, I want you to pay Extra-close attention.

Class...

Please welcome Estelle winslow.

[applause]

Hey, eddie, That fighter pilot Looks like your grandma.

Hello, everyone.

Hello. Hi.

I'd like to talk to you About the tuskegee airmen.

Does anyone here know Who they were?

Eddie?

Uh, uh...

No.

The tuskegee airmen Were black pilots

Who fought during World war ii.

That's right.

In those days,

The armed services Were segregated,

So they had to form Their own unit.

Lights, please.

They became the 332nd Fighter group

Of the army air corps,

And my husband Sam winslow

Was one of them.

Ooh! Ooh!

Your grandfather was A fighter pilot?

Well, uh, yeah.

Sure, baby.

There's a lot Of him in me.

This is sam's fighter,

A single-engine p-47

He called "The brown bombshell."

Obviously he named it After me.

[wolf whistles]

Boys, that's enough.

Oh, that's okay

Let the boys Express themselves.

During the war, The pilots of the 332nd Fighter group

Flew more than 15,000 missions.

200 of those were as Heavy-bomber escorts

Deep into germany.

Not one bomber was lost To enemy fighter opposition.

They were the only group To have that record.

Eddie, your grandmother's Pretty cool.

Yeah, she sure is.

You should have Seen her.

Grandma was incredible.

The bell rang, And nobody left.

Hey, that's the sign Of a top-notch storyteller.

Oh, what can I say? I'm gifted.

But I want you to give Your mother credit, too.

It was her idea That I go to your class.

Hey, ma, why did you waste Such a cool idea on eddie?

I lost my head.