Original subtitles

Carl?

Are you sure you don't want to Go skating with us?

Yeah come on, dad.

Nah, no thanks. I'm too tired. Oh.

You were right, Aunt harriette.

He is a lazy Sack of potatoes.

Uh...

I, uh, I said it With love.

Come on. Let's go.

Hey, hey, hey!

I worked a double shift Last night. I'm dead tired.

Now all I want to do is I want to dent this couch.

Well, you certainly are Built for the job.

Ahh.

Mmm.

I thought I'd die. I just--

I was like staaaa...

Carl?

Carl?

Mmm. Carl!

Aah...What?

Where's the furniture?

What furniture, Harriette?

Exactly!

What are you talking...

What the--

What?

Whe--

Whe--

Wha--

Where's the furniture?

My god, We've been robbed!

Let's check The rest of the house.

I'm going To call the police.

What? What? I am the police.

Rachel, if the other guys Find out that I...

Well, that I slept through The robbery of my own home,

I'll be A laughingstock.

Hi dee ho, winslows!

Wait a minute.

My parents Tried this once.

Tried what?

You're moving, And you're not telling me.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* but we'll smother the blues With tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts And opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

You find Any prints, al?

No...

But don't worry, Sleeping beauty,

Someday Your prints will come.

Oh, cute, al. Real cute.

It'll be a long time Before you make sergeant.

Ahem.

So...Rip van winslow.

I'm almost finished With this robbery report.

Can you Give me a description Of the perpetrators?

Oh, yeah, I forgot. You were asleep.

That's it.

Get it all out. That's right.

I'm sorry to Pressure you, winslow

But I got to get this info Before you doze off again.

Okay. Alright.

Make Your little jests At my expense,

But I will have The last laugh.

And do you know why I will have The last laugh?

Because You're so well-rested?

Hear me and remember.

I will find My furniture.

I will track down The lowlife or lowlifes

Who dared do This dirty deed to me,

And they will pay,

And all of My fellow officers...

Will say, "Hey, sarge, You are one heck of a cop,"

And they will Circle around me

In a giant donut Of admiration.

Winslow...

I've misjudged you.

You're not the type To take things Lying down.

That's right.

You're the kind of guy Who lies down while Other people take things.

Here. Read The study questions.

Number one. Define inert gas.

Man, I don't have A clue.

Me neither.

But once my father had it So bad, he had to go to The hospital.

Hi, guys.

Steve, I'm so glad To see you.

Really?

Oh, you may find this Hard to believe, eddo,

But, that's The first time In my entire life

I've ever heard That phrase.

We're studying for The big chemistry Exam tomorrow.

Oh, good.

No, it isn't.

I'm way behind. I'll flunk big-time.

Oh, don't be A fuddy-duddy.

I'll be Your study buddy.

Steve, I could Study all night, And I'd still flunk.

I'm a dead man...

Unless...

Unless what?

Unless maybe You'd be willing To help me.

I just told you, eddo, Mi noggin es su noggin.

No. What I meant is Maybe you could help me

During the test.

Oh!

Cheating? Cheating?

Shh!

I prefer to call it "Sharing."

Well, I for one Am appalled.

Why are you upset, Waldo?

Cheating is wrong, eddie. You should know that.

I may get fs,

But by god, I earn them.

I never thought I'd see the day

When I actually Agree with Waldo geraldo faldo.

I want you to forget This cheating nonsense Post-pronto.

But why?

Eddo, cheating is like Wearing your grandmother's Underpants.

Sure it may cover your heinie, But if you make a habit of it,

You've got A serious problem.

But it won't become a habit, Steve. Help me just this once,

And I promise from now On I'll actually study.

No way. Sorry ain't Gonna happen.

Steve, I have Nowhere else to turn.

I need you, buddy.

Would you come through For me...

Please?

Oh!

Alright. I'll do it.

Yes!

But one time,

And only On one condition.

You have to promise To study chemistry With me night and day

Until you're caught up.

You got it. Thanks, steve.

Now, We need a plan.

Hey, here's one.

How about you Giving me the answers?

Clever, But will it work?

Now wait a minute.

The test Is multiple choice.

Mm-hmm.

So we'll need A secret code...

A way of communicating

That will appear To be normal, Everyday behavior.

Mm-hmm.

Hello, I've got it!

If the answer is "A," I'll sneeze.

Ah...

Ah...

Ah-choo!

If the answer is "B," I'll suddenly cough.

[coughs]

And if the answer is "C," I'll blow my nose.

And if the answer is "D," I'll hiccup.

[hiccup]

Great. That's perfect.

Oh, yes, it's perfect And to the teacher,

It will appear That I merely have The common cold.

Steve,

You are a genius! Ha ha!

Oh...

Then why do I feel So dirty?

[steve coughs]

[waldo] Steve, what's with you?

Oh, waldo, I've come down With this awful cold.

[bell rings]

[coughs]

Alright. Everybody In your seats.

Let's go.

Alright.

I put the tests On your desks Face down.

Now no one turn Them over until--

So nice of you To join us, Mr. Winslow.

Sorry I'm so late, sir. I was studying real hard.

Well, I'm glad to hear it. Sit Down.

Psst!

Psst!

Mister urkel.

Have you sprung Some sort of leak?

No, sir. Sorry, sir.

Alright. Turn your papers over.

We have 40 minutes Beginning...Now.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ahem.

Ah...

Ah...

Ah-choo!

[coughs]

Mr. Urkel,

Are we having a problem

Controlling Our bodily fluids?

Oh. Well, I certainly am, sir.

I woke up this morning With a cold.

And you decided To bring it in to us For show and tell.

Good one. Heh heh heh. [snorts]

Oh!

Hey, steve, good cover.

I'm not covering, eddo.

I really did wake up This morning with a cold.

No talking!

Ah... Ah-choo!

[cough cough]

"Steve, please help.

Give me the answers To the test."

[whistles]

What might this be, Mr. Urkel?

Well, this looks like The answers to the test.

"1-a, 2-c, 3-b--"

Cut that out!

Well...

Mr. Urkel...

Whom were you helping To cheat?

I'm waiting.

I want you to go straight To the principal's office

And give him One good reason

Why he shouldn't Expel you for cheating.

Ahh.

I'm home, harriette,

And the subject is closed.

So you didn't find Our furniture?

Great. Look What you've gone and done.

You've gone And opened up the subject.

Carl...

I'm tired of sitting On these lawn chairs.

My butt's starting To look like the top Of a cherry pie.

Harriette, this whole thing Is starting to get to me.

I'm starting To doubt myself.

Carl, What do you mean?

Well, I mean I can't Believe I slept Through the whole robbery.

This is not like me. I'm a light sleeper.

Sure, I got the reflexes Of a jungle cat.

That's true, carl.

You know I remember when The kids were little

And needed their Middle of the night Feeding.

You were the first one To wake up and say,

"Harriette, get up And feed the kids."

So, big bro, you gonna haul Your ugly, guilty mug

Down to the principal's office And come clean?

I hadn't Planned on it.

Well, why not?

Laura, one person Is already in trouble.

If I confess, two people Will be in trouble.

All that does Is put more people In trouble.

I wouldn't be able To live with that.

Eddie, you forced Steve to cheat.

And now when he needs You, you leave him High and dry.

Eddie, steve was A real friend to you.

And it's about time You returned the favor.

God, I love you!

You're right.

This whole thing Is my fault.

Tomorrow morning, I'll go to Principal shimata's office,

And I'll tell him The truth.

Thanks, eddo.

I knew You'd come through.

Shh.

A little shot Of this gas

And winslow Will be sleeping Like a baby.

Why are we robbing The same place twice?

I thought We got everything.

Humiliation, My dim-witted friend.

Carl winslow nailed me At the peak of my career.

You should Have seen me, ned.

I was slick and sinewy.

I could Slip through a house

Like thread Through the eye of a needle.

That must have been When homes were A lot bigger, huh?

Nick, come here.

Ow!

Carl winslow Ruined my life.

You know What 12 long years

In a federal penitentiary Can do to a man?

Turn him into a twisted, Demented sociopath Like yourself?

Hey!

I was a legend once,

And I could be A legend again.

You stick with me, Ned,

And one day They'll write a song About us.

Gee, I hope It's not rap.

I hate rap.

Dad?

Hmm?

Can we talk to you?

Sure. Sit down. Make yourselves Uncomfortable.

What's up?

Well, actually, This is eddie's story.

All you'll hear from me

Is an occasional "Mm-hmm, that's right."

That's enough, steve.

Mm-hmm, That's right.

Dad...

I did something Really stupid at school,

And I'm going To get in trouble for it.

So I thought I should let you Know about it before you get A call from the principal.

Uh-oh. This Sounds serious.

What did you do?

Well, I...

I...

[yawns]

I cheated on my test.

Mm-hmm...

[yawns]

That's right.

You cheated?

Dad.

You cheated?

Yes, sir.

Edward, I can't remember

The last time I've been so angry...

And sleepy.

I'm sleepy, too.

Mm-hmm...

That's right.

And don't try anything, Otherwise you'll get Another taste of my shovel.

Take it easy. I'm a bleeder.

[groans]

You cheated?

You're grounded.

Get over here!

Terbium, 158.92 tb.

Terbium, 158.92 tb.

Dysprosium, 162.50 dy.

Dyspro--dys... Man, this--this stinks.

Can't we take a break From this chemistry Stuff?

Negatory, eddo.

Now we have to be able To recite the periodic table Of the elements

Before mr. Shimata Will lift our suspension.

And I want To get back to school.

I simply crave Academic nourishment.

Now...Where were we?

Ah, holmium, My personal fave...

164.93 ho.

169., uh, something.

No!

Okay.

Okay. Yeah, put it Right down there.

Yeah, to the left A little bit. Yeah, right there.

Drop it. That's it.

That's it.

Okay.

Oh, gee...

That looked heavy.

Get him!

Get him, rache, Get him!