Original subtitles

Mom, that's too long. Hemlines are short this year.

Still too long.

Keep going.

Laura, are they gonna Be boys at this party?

Of course.

Perfect.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these Gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you *

* room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

Hi, guys.

Hi, rach. How was work?

It was a nightmare.

I lost Two waitresses.

Gladys quit, and I Had to fire loretta.

Loretta?

Yeah. She was Stealing food.

I hugged her Goodnight,

And a ham fell Out of her dress.

You sure look Wiped out.

Oh, girl, I am.

I don't know if I can Last until I hire new help.

That's no problem, aunt rachel I can work a few nights.

Oh, laura, thank you. You're a lifesaver.

Oh, I tell you, my feet Ache, my back is sore,

My head Is throbbing.

I could help, Too.

But it's not That bad.

I can start tomorrow. It's carl's poker night,

And I'd be thrilled To get out of the house.

No, really, harriette. It's not necessary.

Rachel, are you Trying to say

You don't want My help?

I'm not trying To say it.

I said it.

Why?

Harriette, we don't Work well together.

What do you mean?

You can be abrasive, Harriette.

Whenever there's A disagreement,

You have a tendency to Be rather blunt and harsh.

Now, rachel, I'm your new Waitress.

I don't want to hear Another thing about it.

Discussion closed.

Great.

I hired Harriette the hun.

[telephone rings]

Hello.

Poker central.

Mccormick, Where are you?

You're holding up The game.

Say what?

Hold on a sec.

Hey, guys.

Mccormick's wife Just went into labor.

He wants to know if should he Come here

Or go to The hospital first?

How far apart Are the contractions?

Ohh. Ohh.

Mccormick, Go to the hospital.

Good luck, And congratulations.

Well, we're down To four players.

Yeah, four makes A lousy game.

We gotta find somebody else.

Who we gonna get On short notice?

Hey, I'm desperate. I'll take anyone.

Hello-de-oh-de-oh!

Hey, what you Playing, big guy?

Canasta?

Animal rummy?

Crazy eights?

No, steve. It's poker.

You want to play?

No can do. I came for The beauteous laura.

Well, Laura isn't here.

She and harry went to help out At rachel's.

Oh, pity, pity, pity.

I thought she Might enjoy

Watching me buy My new accordion.

I finally Saved up enough

To buy The pearl inlaid

Morris pulaski Polka panther.

She'll be sorry She missed you.

How much you Got there?

$327.

Sit down.

I don't know How to play.

Sit down. Sit down. Sit down.

Guy's, wait a minute, He's just a kid.

Let's not Take advantage.

Relax, winslow. It's just a fun, Friendly game.

Oh, a bunch of guys Shuffling the 52's.

Talking sports and skirts, eh? I.E. Male bonding.

All that and more.

Well, if it's Just for fun,

Count me in, amigos.

How does this work?

First, buy some chips.

Okay.

Oh. Red, white, And blue.

I didn't know poker Was so patriotic.

Sergeant George randolph.

Oh, steve urkel.

Put 'er there.

Fred yamano.

Steve urkel. Put 'er there.

[speaking Japanese]

What'd he say?

What, you don't speak The emperor's language?

No. I was born In omaha.

Hey, a cornhusker.

* there is no place Like nebraska *

* dear old Nebraska u *

* where the girls Are the fairest *

* and the boys Are the squarest *

* of any old school I knew *

Everybody, now.

Ooh. A 25-cent tip.

I can take that Hawaiian vacation now.

[bell rings]

Somebody pick up This food.

What you think, I'm cooking for Practice here?

Harriette.

Mm-hmm?

Did you rearrange The storeroom?

Yep. Now everything's Is where it should be.

Harriette, It took me months

To organize it just The way I wanted it.

It was all wrong.

My way is much More practical.

Oh, really?

Then why are The mayonnaise and Pickles under "J"?

Because They're in jars.

I see.

Then why is The jar of jelly Under "S"?

Because It's strawberry.

Harriette, I--

You're the owner. You can Stand and do nothing,

But me, I've got Hash to sling.

Wait a minute. We don't serve hash.

We do now.

4. Possible straight.

Steve takes a 7.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Oh, yeah. Poker face.

8. No help.

The lieutenant Takes a 5.

Pair showing.

Dealer takes a jack.

No apparent help.

Your bet, kid.

Bet! Bet! Bet! Bet!

Betting.

1 simoleon.

Oh.

El foldo.

I make it 2.

I'm out.

Call.

Well, as sir edmund Hillary used to say,

"This is getting Pretty steep."

Oh, but what The heck.

I'm in.

Last card.

Down and dirty.

Whoa, nellie!

Ave maria!

Holy smoke!

Oh, I bet Everything I've got!

You don't Scare me, kid.

I call.

Too rich for my blood.

What have you got?

Three 10s and two 7s.

Ooh. Ooh.

What's that again, Big guy?

A crowded condo?

A full house.

Oh, yeah.

What have you got?

Oh.

I only have two pairs.

I win!

Wait.

Two pairs...Of 5s.

Holy smokes.

I win.

Yes!

Excuse me.

That wasn't Very nice of you

To let me think I won.

No...

But it was Pretty funny.

Well, as The ming vase said

After it fell off The sears tower,

"I'm broke."

So if you'll Just give me My money back,

I'll skedaddle.

You expect us to Give you your money back?

Sure. You said it was Just a friendly game,

You know, Guys having fun.

Yeah, the more Money I win,

The more fun I have.

But I need that money, For crying out loud.

Sir, steve's new To the game.

He didn't know we Were playing for keeps.

He knows now.

But under The circumstances,

We should give him His money back, lieutenant.

Butt out...

Sergeant.

Why, you bully.

It's becoming Obvious to me

That the things carl Says about you are true.

He's delirious, sir.

It's the cheese puffs Talking.

You, sir, are A cabbage head.

Well, he had it Coming, carl.

Sticks and stones May break my bones...

* but I've got All your money *

Grrr!

No, steve. No.

Stop growling, Steve.

Stop growling, Steve.

Stop growling, Steve.

Steve. Steve.

Grrr!

Steve.

Steve.

I'm going to give you Your money back.

Gee, why are you Going to do that?

Because you didn't Know the rules,

And you're a guest In my house,

And I feel responsible.

So...There you go.

Gee, thanks, Big guy.

You really Are my friend.

Okay. Don't get crazed.

Now go buy your accordion

Take my money before I realize what I'm doing.

That was nice.

No, sir.

Not until I wipe the smirk

Off this Flatfoot's face.

You're coming back For more?

Oh, you bet Your sweet billy club.

Steve, Don't do this.

Well, why not?

Because now you'll Lose my money.

Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Gents...

Belly up To the table.

It's time To play some Cutthroat poker.

Oh.

My aunt Owns the place,

My sister works here, And my mom helps out.

That's one of the resons Why I like you, eddie.

Family's Important to you.

Yes, it is, lisa.

My family's Warm and emotional.

That's where I get it from.

Harriette I cannot Believe you.

How could you talk To the cook like that?

I asked ramon A question--

Is this Blackened chicken,

Or did you Burn it again?

Who are Those people?

I've never Seen them before.

Let's go get Chinese, alright?

[dishes clattering]

Hey, big mouth.

I'm going back To the truck stop

Where ramon Is loved.

Laura, Go talk to ramon.

Give him The usual speech.

He's an artist, We love him...

Mm-hmm.

Big mistake.

If ramon's ego Was any bigger,

He wouldn't fit In the kitchen!

I heard that.

And I'm refusing To take any insults

From a lousy Biscuit shooter.

Either she goes,

Or I go.

Well, in that case,

Pick up your paycheck And hit the road, jack.

You're firing My cook?

Well, somebody's Got to do it.

Wait just a minute, Honey.

Let's get something straight. Look at that sign.

Does that sign say "Harriette's place"?

No.

It says "Rachel's place."

What are you Hinting at?

I'm hinting that you can pick up Your paycheck

And hit the road, jack.

You're firing me?

That's right. You're fired.

You got a table For 35?

Hi, fellas.

You're hired.

I'll bet 1.

Your hot streak's Over, kid.

I make it 5.

I call.

This cornhusker's No fool.

Your 5..

And bump it.

How much?

1o more, dude.

I'm out.

You don't even have A pair of showing.

Not a possible straight Or a flush.

You're bluffing kid.

You know, those flapping lips Are keeping me cold

But you're wasting my time.

Your 10...

And another 20.

Mm-mmm.

Too rich For my blood.

Well, it's just You and me, nerd.

Put up or shut up.

Alright, copper.

I'll put up.

I'll put up Everything I've got.

Everything?

Everything.

The whole Kickin' caboodle.

But, steve, What are you doing?

That's over $200.

I know.

Well, I don't have That much.

Well, as my grandma Once said

When she overcooked Her noogies,

"Tough noogies."

Wait.

This watch...

Is worth over $300.

The captain Gave it to me

For breaking up an Illegal gambling ring.

Acceptable.

But, lieutenant,

You love that watch.

You refused to sell that watch

When your mother Needed that operation.

I know...

But this is poker.

What you got?

A flush.

Diamonds are A cop's best friend.

And all I have Is two pair.

Yes! I win!

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Two pair of 10s.

Four 10s.

Alright!

Four 10s?

Four 10s. You lose.

Four 10s?

You lose.

Four 10s?

You lose.

You see,

Anyway you say it, You lose.

Bye, guys!

Good luck next week.

Come again.

Ohh.

Ooh.

Ohh.

The restaurant business could Be so hard on the hooves.

Yeah, but the tips Make up for it.

Yes. A nice smile,

And you'll go home With your pockets full.

How did you Do tonight?

38 bucks. How about You, mom?

Mom.

$4.13...

And a half a stick Of chewing gum.

Laura, would you mind Giving ramon

His usual Goodnight pep talk?

You're a genius, You're a god,

You saved Our butts again.

Oh, boy.

Rachel.

Yeah?

I owe you An apology.

Yes, you do.

This is your restaurant And you should run it

With no interference From me.

And you know what?

What?

You're really good At it.

You really think so?

Never seen anything Like it.

A few minutes ago, This place was a madhouse,

But you were calm, cool, And in control.

You dealt with A hungry mob,

A crazy cook,

And a big mouth Pushy sister

Who thinks she Knows everything.

Wait a minute.

A compliment From you?

What's the catch?

No catch.

You know, rachel...

As far back As I can remember,

I've always been The big sister

Looking out for My little sister.

But somewhere Along the line,

You started Looking out For yourself...

Yourself.

I'm proud of you, Rachel.

You know,

I'm just lucky I had a big sister

Who taught me how to Look out for myself...

Myself.

Thank you for always Being there for me.

I couldn't have A better sister.

Oh, rachel.

Four 10's.

Uh, lieutenant.

Hmm? What?

It's late.

Don't you think we Better call it a night?

Yeah. Sure.

Four 10's.

Hey, lieu.

Yeah?

You forgot Something.

What's this for?

Well, unlike you,

I play for fun.

I really get To keep this?

Well, as Lady chatterley said

To all Of her lovers,

"Sure. Why not?"

You're alright, kid.

That was nice, Steve.

Real classy.

Oh, thanks, Big guy.

But you know what Would be classier?

What?

If you give me My money back.

Oh, sure. It's right here.

Well, thanks, steve.

Hey, and listen,

I'm going to Give up gambling,

But before I do,

How about One last wager?

What have you got In mind?

Well...

We cut the deck.

If I get The high card,

I can come over here Anytime I want.

What do I get if I get the high card?

I stay away For a...Month.

Six months.

You're on.

Oh, no.

A 3.

Ahem.

Ah. Deuce. You win.

Alright.

Hey, no hard feelings, Big guy.

Nah. Fair is fair, Steve.