Original subtitles

Hey, hey, hey. I'll race you. Come on.

Oh! You win.

Thank you, my dear.

I am a blur.

Vroom!

Laura, What's the matter?

Well, it's My 15th birthday,

And I'm a great big zero In the babe department.

I didn't get one Single birthday card From a guy.

I got 23 cards-- 6 from relatives

And 17 From steve urkel.

And this one even Has his face on it.

Wait. Before you Open it up,

Let me leave.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside These gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill Our house with happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* when days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts And opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

That's number seven.

Learn how to throw The ball.

You couldn't catch A blimp.

You need to learn How to throw The ball.

Waldo, waldo, Say, man...

I'm dating Three chicks right now,

And it's getting Kind of expensive With inflation.

Oh, I get it.

They're not Real girls.

They're inflatable.

Waldo, Just loan me $20

So I can take amy To the movies.

Use your noggin, Eddie.

Just put amy In your pocket

Till you get Into your seat.

Then blow her up.

Hi.

Hey, mother winslow.

How was Your tennis game?

Great. I whipped The fergusons In straight sets.

Who was your partner?

I didn't need one, Honey.

[doorbell chimes]

I got it.

Okay.

Hi, laura.

Daniel? Daniel wallace?

That be me.

Excuse me For one second.

Come in, won't you?

Oh, uh, here. Happy birthday.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, hi. I'm daniel.

Hi. I'm...

Leaving.

Uh, kids, why don't we go Into the kitchen

And find something to...

Eat.

Good. Okay.

Wow! Stinky-e And the toxic wasters!

Ooh, I love their music.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Can I get you Anything to drink?

A soda would be nice.

Coming right up.

Yes.

* it's my sweetie's Special day *

* doo-dah, doo-dah *

* count the presents On the way *

* all the doo-dah day I'll get on my knees *

* maybe I'll get a kiss On my laura's special day *

* all the doo-dah-- *

Hey!

Wallace!

Daniel wallace?

Yeah.

Great Caesar's ghost!

What are you Doing here?

I came to see laura.

What? You what?

I wanted to give her Her birthday gift.

What? You what?

You heard me.

Hold it. Laura winslow Is spoken for,

And the language Is urkel.

Are you kidding me?

I'll have you know

That I'm laura's Numero uno macho man.

I'm her sunshine On a rainy day,

The sugar On her corn flakes.

I'm her--shall I say--

Boy toy.

Hey, look, urkel, I like laura,

And what I like, I take.

[pops]

Whoa!

Whoa! [pop]

Take?

Yeah. Girls can't Resist me, man.

But, hey, Don't worry.

When I get bored With laura,

You can have her back.

Why, you brazen Philanderer!

You prey on tender And fragile women

And break Their hearts.

Well, not on purpose.

But, hey, I got to admit,

You know, It does happen.

Fine, wallace.

Take a shot at laura.

Actually, it's Quite brave of you,

Considering The risk involved.

Wait. What are you Talking about?

Laura's got The highly infectious

Mucus-nasalotius Inflamicus.

Oh, my god.

What is that?

Well, it starts off With a little cough.

[coughs]

Then your nasal Passages swell,

And your nose and throat Slam shut tighter Than a clam.

Whoa, man.

Then if you sneeze,

Why, your entire head Explodes

Like a cherry bomb In a cantaloupe.

Hey, wait a minute.

You could be making This whole thing up.

Could...

But if I'm not,

The last two words You'll ever say Will be ah-choo.

Ah...Ah...

Ah...Ah...

Ahh.

Uh-oh.

Sorry I took so long,

But I had to Crush the ice and...

Where's daniel?

Uh, now let's see,

Which daniel Would that be?

There's, uh, There's boone...

Rather, glover...

Wallace. Gone.

Why? Hmm.

Why did he leave? Why is he not here?

Who knows? You know how flighty Those pretty boys are.

Talk!

He might have Gotten the idea

That you had Mucus-nasalotius Inflamicus

And that his head Would blow up.

Why did you Tell him that?

Because wallace Is a cad, a bounder,

A wolf in Designer clothing.

Get out.

Get out now.

Here's a thought. Why don't I just leave?

And don't Come back--ever.

You've said that Before,

And you don't Really mean it.

This time I do.

I mean it With every fiber Of my being.

I don't ever want To see you again.

Goodbye.

[knock on door]

Come in.

Hello, honey.

Brought you a piece Of your cake.

You feeling Better now?

Wonder how steve Is feeling.

[steve] Laura! Oh, my laura!

[sobbing]

Laura!

Oh, laura!

Laura, honey... Don't you think

You were a little Tough on steve?

No!

He chased away Daniel wallace.

He's the cutest boy In my whole school.

Is this the same Daniel wallace

Who dumped maxine A couple of months ago?

Yeah.

You called him A slimy, lowdown, Womanizing pig-boy.

But that was before.

Now he's Interested in me.

Laura...

Ma, just leave me Alone, okay?

See? Now you're Pushing me out.

That's what happens When you start Cutting people off.

It becomes a habit,

And as The years go by,

You start pushing More and more people Out of your life.

And then all of a sudden, You look around.

Only to find that you're Old and alone.

Old and alone.

Old and alone.

Old and alone.

Aah!

Hello? Hello? Is anybody home?

Hey, I'll race you.

Okay.

[panting]

You win.

Ah. Oh.

Who put that there?

Mom, dad, how Did you get so old?

Easy.

We didn't die.

How old are you? How old am I?

Her mind is Slipping again.

Laura, we're 110,

And you're 90 years old today.

We went to five Different stores

To get enough candles For your cake.

Last night I was 15.

I woke up, And I'm 90.

Just be thankful You woke up.

I got wrinkles, My hair is gray,

And I'm Slightly lumpy In the rear end.

Slightly?

You could serve Dinner for eight On that butt.

I can't believe this.

You know what, Hannah?

Harriette.

Right. You look beautiful.

What say you and I go upstairs And fool around, huh?

Uh, don't you remember? We already did.

Yeah?

You were marvelous.

Ha, ha, ha. Ofcourse. Ha, ha. At what?

Judy, richie, What happened to you?

You're older, But not bigger.

We didn't eat Our vegetables.

And we stayed up Past our bedtime.

Laura, My precious poligrip.

Steve.

Ohh!

[wheezing]

Oh, I'm glad You weren't upstairs.

Steve, how are you?

Oh, fine. I'm fine.

And you?

Oh, you're As lovely as ever.

Those eyes, That hair,

And, whoa, mama, What a hiney!

I can't believe I'm saying this,

But I'm glad To see you.

At my age, I'm glad To see anything.

Whoa.

Come on, Let's sit down.

Easier said Than done,

But I'll give it A shot.

[bones cracking]

Ooh! Aah!

Aah!

Ahh! Ahh!

Steve, I'm sorry I kicked you Out of my life.

Really?

Yeah.

Maybe you and I Could...

Yes?

Go out on a date.

Oh! Oh!

Ow!

Pain is so cruel.

What do you mean?

75 long, endless, Agonizing years

I've waited To hear those words,

And now, After all that time,

Just yesterday I met some chick And got married.

What?

Yoo-hoo, lulu!

Yes, steven, darling?

Laura, lulu. Lulu, laura.

Charmed I'm sure.

Come on, let's sing Happy birthday to lillian.

Laura.

Right.

* happy birthday to you *

* happy birthday to you *

* happy birthday, dear... *

No!

* laura *

Please, no!

* happy birthday To you *

No! Please, no!

No!

No! No!

Laura, laura, Wake up.

Laura.

Aah! Aah!

I'm young again!

And my butt's back!

Where was it?

Steve, I had A terrible nightmare.

I was whimpering Under your window, And I heard,

So I climbed up.

Actually, I'm glad.

You are?

Yes.

Look, steve,

I shouldn't have Kicked you Out of my life.

Aw, look, You had a right To be upset.

I did use My superior intellect

To scare away Daniel wallace.

Maybe I should have Thanked you.

He's got That love 'em And leave 'em rep.

I was just hoping

That maybe I'd be different.

But, laura, You are different.

I was afraid That he'd realize That, too,

And then I'd lose you.

You never had me.

Let's not Split hairs.

Okay.

Steve, I overreacted, And I'd like you to forgive me.

Wow! An apology?

Oh, thank you So much.

Oh, I accept.

[blows nose loudly]

Oh, you know, laura,

This is a really Special moment, And, well...

I think That we should Celebrate it by...

Getting married.

No.

No. Engaged.

No. Going steady.

No, no, no. A date? Kiss? Handshake?

Yeah. See you Tomorrow?

I'll take it.