Original subtitles

Hello.

Goodbye.

Wait, my old speed demon-head. Where's the fire?

Excluding, of course, the blaze Burning in my heart.

Look, steve, I'm meeting maxine At the mall,

So I really don't have time To reject you. Okay?

Well, actually, I'm here To see eddo.

Shoot, I just wasted A perfectly good excuse.

Hey, eddo!

Oh.

She loves me.

She loves me.

She loves me.

Ooh, she loves me.

She loves me.

She loves me.

Ooh, I really lucked out.

Oh, hello.

Goodbye.

Wait, wait, Wait, wait.

Before you go, I have a big Favor to ask of you.

Steve, for the last time, you Can't be seen in public with me.

Now, there's irony.

Less than an hour ago, my father Told me the same thing.

Anywho, you once mentioned You got a primo deal

On an I.D. Bracelet For jolene.

Yeah. I know a guy Who gave me a real good price.

Well, could you send him my Way.

I wanna get an I.D. Bracelet for Laura.

Why?

Well, because we've reached The jewelry stage.

That's true. She's had a ring In your nose for a long time!

Har-dee-har-har.

For your information, Laura has warmed up to me.

Whatever you say, Steve. See you.

Step one--

I.D. Bracelet.

Step two--

Proposal.

Step three--

Wedding.

Step four--

Wedding night.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* we're gonna smother The blues with tenderness *

* as days go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts An opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family **

Yes. Jordan has the ball.

Yes. He shoots.

Yes! He scores.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

[doorbell rings]

Harriette! Doorbell!

Thanks for Telling me, carl.

Now make sure you tell me who it Is.

[doorbell rings] Alright, I'm coming!

Hold your horses! Will you knock it off?

What the hel...

Lo, lieutenant murtagh.

Winslow...

Mind if I come in? Not at all, sir.

Have a seat.

What are you watching? The nba playoffs, sir.

What a scorcher, the bulls are Down by 1, 4 seconds left.

Jordan has the ball. He shoots. It's--

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

I hate basketball.

Let's pretend We like it, sir.

Unbelievable! In my 40 years Of broadcasting,

I've never Seen a shot like that.

Michael jordan took His own rebound, and...

Well, you saw it.

What can I do For you, sir?

I'm here to talk About our futures.

Winslow,

Have you heard any Departmental scuttlebutt

Regarding promotions?

Well, yeah. I-I overheard a Rumor

That you're going To be promoted to captain.

Good.

I started that rumor.

I figured, sir. That's why I started the rumor

That you're going to promote Me to lieutenant.

Can that, winslow.

Nobody likes a gossip.

Carl, did you see That michael jordan shot?

No...

I missed it.

Rachel, you remember Lieutenant murtagh?

Of course.

Hello, lieutenant.

Hello.

Hello.

Well, if you two will Excuse me,

I've just earned the right To pig out on some ice cream.

Rachel Is remarkably pretty.

Oh, no.

You don't agree?

Oh, no. No, I do, sir.

It's just that, uh... Well, I...Oh, no.

[chuckling]

Ha ha ha!

What is So funny?

Oh, nothing.

What is it, carl?

I'm sorry, y'all,

But I was just thinking about Lieutenant murtagh.

That guy cracks me up.

He does?

Yes.

He just Told me that...

He likes rachel And wants to date her.

Uh-uh, no, no.

What--what's Really funny...

Is that He's serious.

[cough]

Well, rachel, let me Be honest here, okay?

Lieutenant murtagh Is my boss.

And well, there may be a Promotion in it for me soon.

So I'd really appreciate it if You'd go out with him just once.

I don't know.

Go ahead, hon. Give it a shot.

Yeah, at least you get a chance To get out of the house

And go to A nice restaurant.

Yeah. You might even Meet a cute waiter.

Okay. I'll go out With him,

But just As a favor to you.

And let me get one thing Straight here.

It is not because I'm hard-up for a date.

Oh, yeah. I know.

Yeah, I know. I realize.

[humming camptown races]

Oh! Oh!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Did I do that?

Steve. Huh?

Eddo.

Oh, no. Waldo.

Well, you wanted to know who Sold me jolene's I.D. Bracelet.

Waldo's the guy and He can give you a great deal.

Have you heard My motto?

No.

Dang, I was hoping You'd remember it.

Well, uh, I got to split.

Where we going, eddie?

No, waldo.

You're staying here. Steve wants To buy something from you.

Oh.

Cool.

Waldo.

Watch me carefully As I leave

So that you can find Your way out.

Oh...Cool.

Okay, waldo, where's The merchandise?

My what?

Your inventory.

My huh?

Your I.D. Bracelets!

Why didn't you say so? They're right here.

Those are watches.

Oh, sorry. Wrong floor.

See anything you like?

How much is that one?

40 bucks. I'll give you 30.

25.

20.

15, and that's As high as I'm going.

Sold!

Sucker.

Wait a minute. Where's richie?

Oh, my gosh. What's wrong?

Richie and I were Playing hide and seek

He hid and I got bored.

How long ago was that?

About an hour.

Well, it's about time.

Found you. You're it.

I'm going to let her sweat For a few hours.

Oh, rachel!

Oh, honey, You look gorgeous.

Rachel, you look Sensational.

I do?

I'll go change.

Why?

I don't want to look Too good for this date.

I mean the last thing I want

Is for lieutenant murtagh To start thinking...Thoughts.

Honey, look on The bright side.

You're going out with a man Who can walk, talk

And has a job.

I'd settle For two out of three.

Yeah, rach, Perk up.

I mean, How bad can it be?

[over loudspeaker] Rachel!

I know you're in there!

Come out with Your dancing shoes on!

Have a good time.

You look Beautiful, babe.

Carl.

Huh?

If I were you, I wouldn't be Here when I get back.

Well, lieutenant, thanks For a unique evening,

But that headache that I got When you picked me up

Is really pounding now.

That's too bad.

I don't get headaches.

Must be the steel plate.

Um, lieutenant...

Come on, babe.

First names here, huh? Call me lieu.

L-I-e-u.

Gosh, my head hurts!

Oh, uh...

I, uh, I think I hear somebody Trying to steal your car.

No way. We'd hear The explosion.

So did you enjoy Yourself tonight?

Can I be honest With you?

Certainly.

I didn't have A very good time.

Oh, of course you did.

No, I didn't.

Now, take dinner, For instance.

Not only did you insist On ordering it for me,

But then you cut my steak up In little tiny pieces,

And you tried to feed me.

I'm surprised You didn't burp me.

Is that An invitation, baby?

Steve, you can go now.

I'm home safe.

Perhaps I should escort You up to your room.

After all, most accidents Do occur in the home.

If you don't leave Right now,

There's going to be a really Big accident right here.

I see, well...

I cannot bid you Adieu just yet, my pet,

Not until you feast your Fabulous eyes on--uhh!

On this.

A present?

A bauble for A bodacious babe.

An I.D. Bracelet?

"To laura."

"All my glove?"

"Sleeve?"

I bought it From waldo.

It's a miracle the spelling Is as good as it is.

Well, thank you, steve, But I can't keep this.

Oh, why not, puddin' pop?

Because we're not Going steady.

But we should.

Our relationship is Progressing nicely.

Remember, just last week, You blew me a kiss.

Steve, I was Spitting out my gum.

Oh.

Come here, steve. Come here.

You know, This is my fault.

When we first met, I used To tell you every day

That there would never be Anything between us,

But lately, I've gotten lazy.

You know it's been a month since I told you to stop bugging me.

From now on, I will tell You every single day

That our relationship Will never...

Ever...Ever go anywhere.

Okay.

But in the meantime, why don't You just wear the bracelet?

Go home!

Well...

I'm tempted to leave.

You know, that dress Looks stunning.

It makes me think...

Thoughts.

Uh...

Lieutenant, you know, I've tried to be nice,

I've tried To be tactful,

But now it appears I'm going To have to be blunt.

You repulse me.

So you want to slow dance And neck a little?

Go home!

They tell me That you're leavin'.

I can't believe it's true.

'cause, girl, There's just no livin'

Without you.

* don't take your love *

* away from me *

* don't you leave my heart In misery *

* 'cause if you do *

* then I'll be blue *

* 'cause breakin' up Is hard to do *

* they say That breakin' up *

* is *

* hard to do *

* now I know *

* I know that It's true *

* don't say that This is the end *

* instead of breakin' up *

* I wish that We were makin' up again *

* I beg of you *

* don't say goodbye *

* can't we give our love Just one more try *

* come on, baby, Let's start anew *

* 'cause breakin' up Is hard to do **

You don't live here.

Well, neither do you.

Then what the hell Are we doing here?

Well, certainly Not harmony.

I need a drink.

Me, too, and I know Just the place.

Ahh! Ahh!

Another round, lieu?

Set 'em up, kid.

Here I am again,

Drowning my sorrows In root beer floats.

Yeah, well, my sorrows Don't drown,

They just...Dog-paddle Around in my heart.

You know something, kid.

Women mystify me.

Yeah. When god Created women,

He should have supplied A set of instructions.

I really tried to impress rachel Tonight, but she threw

A hissy fit just because I ordered for her.

I always thought women go For a take charge

Tell 'em what they want Kinda guy.

Yeah, well, I'm more Of a put 'em on a pedestal

You're lucky if they speak To you kinda guy.

Well, my approach Doesn't work.

And yours is pathetic.

Maybe we should just Give up women.

No, lieu.

No matter how Frustrating they are,

We need them.

Yeah, you're right, kid.

We need women To crank out more men.

Gee, lieu, I can't imagine why Rachel didn't flip for you.

Go figure.

You know, lieu-ey, I've loved laura winslow

Ever since I first Laid eyes on her.

So far, she hasn't Returned my love,

But the hope of winning her Is what keeps me going.

That hope is enough To get me out of bed

Every morning into My scooby-doo slippers.

I hear you, kid.

I've only had one date With rachel,

But that girl's really Gotten to me.

She's copped This cop's heart.

So we can't Give up, lieu.

We must pursue Our lady loves.

You're right, kid. A toast.

To the women we love.

And to the day when they can Stand the sight of us.