Original subtitles

In most cases The anti-fungi cream will stop

The athlet's foot From recurring.

Unless of course a secondary Yeast infection develops.

The end.

Read me another one, Uncle steve.

Oh, I too as a tiger, loved Dr thing's guide to fungus.

Good lad.

Hi, guys.

Oh, howdy do thy, judy?

So, you guy's are hanging Out together?

Yeah, we're best bud's.

Right a rooney. Well, gotta dash.

I'm speaking in a protest Meeting, save the roaches.

Why do you wanna save roaches? They're disgusting.

Judy, roaches are just Misunderstood.

In fact roaches are highly Resourceful.

They can appear anywhere.

Oh.

Got you.

* it's a rare condition *

* in this day and age *

* to read any good news On the newspaper page *

* and love and tradition Of the grand design *

* some people say Is even harder to find *

* well, then, there must be Some magic clue *

* inside these gentle walls *

* 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams *

* real love burstin' Out of every seam *

* as days go by *

* we're gonna fill our house With happiness *

* the moon may cry *

* but we'll smother the blues With tenderness *

* as day's go by *

* there's room for you Room for me *

* for gentle hearts And opportunity *

* as days go by *

* it's the bigger love Of the family *

* da-da-da-da *

* da-da, da-da * [snort snort]

* da-da-da-da *

* da-da, da-da * [snort snort]

* da-da-da-da *

* da-da, da-da * [snort snort]

* da-da-da-da *

* da-da, da-da * [snort snort]

Well, my little Daffodil,

How do you Like your gift?

Uh, steve...

Why did you Give me this...

This...

This?

Because I love you.

Love you...

Love you.

Is dad home?

No.

Is mom home?

No.

Okay, good.

I have a few More hours to live.

What's wrong, eddo?

I dented the car.

For land's Sakes alive.

A few months ago

You rammed the car through The living room.

And now this.

How in sam hill did You ever get your license?

Beats me.

How much damage Did you do?

I got an estimate.

800 bucks'.

How will I get That kind of cash?

Why not fess up?

Why don't you get real?

Fine, eddie, do what You always do--

Fall into a hole And dig it deeper.

Don't be surprised when it turns Out to be your grave.

Here. Put this on Your headstone.

Steve! Steve!

By any chance do you have Any spare cash?

Gee, eddo, if you'd only Screwed up yesterday.

This morning I spent All my money

On a high-powered Microscope.

I'm dying to see What I sneeze.

Can't you take it back?

Once it leaves the nose, It's gone for good.

No, I meant--

Never mind.

Well, eddo,

If you're desperate For cash,

You can always...

Nah.

What?

I do know a quick way You can make...

Nah.

What, steve?

Have you ever been To mom's bakery?

Yeah.

They've got Killer cookies.

That's not all They've got.

Mom's is a front for an illegal Gambling casino.

How do you know About this?

My uncle cecil used to play Roulette there.

Used to?

Did he lose All his money?

Au contraire, Mon frere.

He won too much.

Whereas most people Lose at gambling,

We urkels possess A sixth sense.

When it comes To games of chance,

We never, ever lose.

Let's get over To that casino!

You can help me win the money And fix the car!

Except for one Big problem--

It's illegal.

Verboten. A no-no.

That's true, steve.

But it's just that, If we did this together,

We'd...

Nah.

What?

Well, guys who take risks Together

Usually end up becoming real Good friends.

You know,

Hang out a lot.

Best buds?

Exactly.

But, like you said,

It's illegal.

This could be The first step

On a road to The life of crime.

Aw, what the heck.

So you'll do it, buddy?

Count me in, pal.

Great. I'll pick you up At 8:00 tonight.

I'll be ready, eddie.

Ah...

Ah...

Ah-choo!

I've got to hurry home And look at this.

[sobbing]

How was the funeral?

Boo-hoo-hoo.

Now, rachel, calm down.

I'm sorry, Harriette.

It's just so sad.

I know. I know.

Aunt clotilda Was family.

She was Our flesh and blood.

And now...

She's g-gone.

I really wish I'd met her.

Me, too. Me, too.

But, rachel, remember,

Aunt clotilda Was 94 years old.

She lived a long, Full life.

How did she die?

She was at the senior Citizens' center

And she collapsed while leading A game of "Simon says."

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

I'm sorry.

When the paramedics Got there,

They thought 67 people Had died.

Boo-hoo-hoo.

Rachel.

Excuse me, But what's this?

That's Aunt clotilda.

She asked To be cremated

And have her ashes scattered Over lake michigan.

We're renting A boat tonight.

She doesn't have Other relatives?

Only an older sister,

But she popped A kneecap

During the "Simon says" fiasco.

We better start Making the arrangements.

Mother winslow,

Maybe you could help Rachel with some tea.

Mother winslow.

What?

When you...

When you...

Bite the big one?

Right.

Would you rather be buried Or cremated?

Surprise me.

Ohh,

Boo-hoo-hoo.

Hi, I'm home.

Hey, what do we Have here,

New candy jar?

Hey, dad.

Oh, don't--

Look what You made me do.

Sorry, dad.

I got ashes all over The new candy jar.

And inside, too.

[knock on wall]

Yeah?

Uh, we're here To gamble.

What's the password?

Oh, right.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Sugar is sweet.

But... Not...

As... Sweet...

As... You.

Thanks for The bear claw, mom.

Anytime, Sweetie.

Hey, you owe Me a buck.

Steve, look at This place.

Maybe we're in Over our heads.

Yeah, maybe, But we're stuck.

How come?

I forgot the Password to get out.

Look, just pretend Like we belong here,

Kind of like what I do in my house.

You really need a cabin Cruiser for three hours?

If you're going to complain, About how expensive this is

You can stay home.

Oh. Alright.

You'll Stop complaining?

No. I'll stay home.

You got to go Down to the mortuary

And pick up aunt Mofloppy anyway.

Those places give me The heebie-jeebies.

We don't have to get Aunt clotilda.

She's Right here.

Wait a minute.

Isn't that A candy jar?

No. It's an urn.

An urn?

Yeah. Aunt clotilda Is in there.

What?

Her ashes Are in here.

Oh, no.

Oh, man.

Oh, no.

What's wrong?

It just hit me.

I suddenly realized

Just how much aunt Clobubba meant to me.

Clotilda.

Clotilda. Clobubba. The point Is, she's gone.

Really, really gone.

Uh...

I've changed My mind.

I want To go with you

And pay my respects.

You ladies go ahead.

I need a moment alone With...With this.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Lord.

Lord, forgive me

If I come up A foot short.

Sorry.

Steve, it's Been a half-hour

And we haven't Played anything.

Actually, eddie,

I'm just not quite Sure what to do.

Wait. You told me

That all urkels possess a sixth Sense for gambling.

Yes, although I never had An opportunity

To test That ability out.

It's just a matter of time Until it kicks in.

How long?

It just kicked in.

Oh.

Focusing energy.

Ah...Nothing.

Uh...

Nothing.

Whoa, mamma!

Eddie.

This is the one.

Feed this baby.

Okay.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Steve, we hit The jackpot.

Yeah.

A guy could get Used to this.

* mamma's in the parlor, Daddy's in the den *

* little baby susan Is spittin' up again *

* dog's at the vet *

* kitty's up a tree *

* me and my hamster Are playin' monopoly *

* grandpa's In the attic *

* grandma's In the den *

* gotta make Some money-- *

Shoot! Shoot!

Shooting.

7 the winner!

7. You got 7!

I knew you could Do it, steve!

Oh. Ooh. Ooh.

It's your bet, sir.

Let it ride!

Steve! Steve! Steve!

Steve! Steve! Steve!

Steve! Steve! Steve!

Steve! Steve! Steve!

Steve! Steve! Steve.

4 the winner!

Thank you.

No. Thank you.

Steve.

Relax.

Excuse me, sir.

How much Have we won?

32 grand.

Ooh. Ooh.

Thanks. Thanks.

Ah! 32 grand!

32 grand!

Now, where were we?

It's still your bet.

Let her ride!

He's kidding.

We're going home.

Eddie, relax.

For the last time,

Absolutely nothing, And I mean nothing,

Can stop us now.

Freeze!

This is a raid.

Except that.

Rachel, try to Control yourself.

I will.

I will.

It's over now, Rachel.

Aunt clotilda's At peace.

I know.

I know.

Uh, harriette.

Can I speak to you?

Alone.

What is it, carl?

Well, I've, uh...

I got a little Confession to make.

Maybe you better Sit down.

What have you done This time?

He he he he he he!

Harriette.

Darling.

Sweetheart.

Honey bunch.

Spit it out, carl.

Okay here goes.

Well, we didn't really Spread your aunt's ashes

Over lake michigan Tonight.

Carl, I was there.

I saw it.

I know. I know.

We spread some ashes,

But they weren't Your aunt clotilda's.

At least Not all of them.

Well, then, Whose ashes were they?

Aunt presto log's.

Well, we--we--we-- May have floated

Parts of Aunt clotilda.

But which part,

Well, only the good lord Can sift that out.

Where's The rest of her?

Right over there In that hefty bag.

Harriette, it was all A crazy accident.

I feel terrible.

I want to make it Up to you.

How?

Well...

I know.

I'll pop for Another boat rental,

And we'll all go Throw the bag over.

Huh? Sounds good?

[telephone rings]

I'll get that. You've had A rough day.

Not as rough As aunt clotilda.

Hello.

Edward.

Sure. I got a moment. What's up?

You're where?

Carl, what's wrong?

Edward is in jail.

What happened?

He and steve got Busted for gambling.

Edward, stop looking around For steve.

He's having this same discussion With his father.

Let me get This straight.

You dented the car.

Then instead Of admitting it,

You got yourself involved In gambling.

Does that cover it?

Yes, sir.

Sit down, edward.

Edward Arthur winslow.

Son, I am Ashamed of you.

When you Make a mistake,

You fess up to it.

Trying to cover it up only Makes things worse.

Yes, sir.

But apparently,

You seem to want

To learn these things The hard way.

Well, so be it.

You're grounded For three weeks.

And...

Stay away from my car

Until it learns Self-defense.

Okay hit the sack.

Well, that's Taken care of.

Let me Get this straight.

You dumped one of my relatives In a hefty bag.

Then instead Of admitting it,

You let us spread a log On lake michigan.

Does that About cover it?

Yes, ma'am.

Sit down, carl.

Carl...

Carl otis winslow,

I'm ashamed of you.

When you Make a mistake,

Fess up to it.

Trying to cover up only Makes things worse.

Yes, ma'am.

But apparently,

You seem to want

To learn these things The hard way.

So be it.

You're taking me to dinner To chez josephine's.

Yes, ma'am.

Okay

Let's hit the sack.

Yes, ma'am.